Tasos and Christy
Tasos was the second guy to enter the show last night, and it was right after Christy heard the wonderful news that Jesse was running his mouth to everyone about things he did to her. More on that in a bit. Anyway, did you hear when Tasos was walking up the beach someone say, “Is that Chris Harrison?” Ummmm, no. It’s not. And you’re an idiot for thinking that, but good guess. Tasos immediately pulls Michelle aside when he gets to the beach and people think that means he’s going to ask her on a date. Which would then set off the Incredible Hulk in a fit of rage. Graham even thinks that if Tasos asks Michelle on a date, “Cody will eat Tasos…he will eat his right leg like a chicken bone.” I just figured Cody would swallow him whole rather than just gnaw on the guy. Tasos looks to be about 130 lbs soaking wet. I think Cody eats that much in whey protein on any given morning. Hell, Tasos is an appetizer for Cody. Maybe a Tasos and Graham platter would make for a healthy dinner, but Tasos by himself is not nearly enough to satisfy Cody’s appetite and daily caloric intake.
Tasos and Christy’s date was to the Sian Ka’an Biosphere Reserve. Translated: They went in tubes and floated down a lazy river. Quit giving fancy names to bodies of water that looked dirtier than Mexican hotel toilet. Christy began talking about all the dbags she’s dated in the past, again, and Tasos was secretly hoping that one of these days, he could play the role of one of Christy’s dbags. He gets a let up on the rest of them by feeding her grapes as they have a mini picnic. I hope he didn’t steal those grapes from Cody because Hulk might smash. Christy is definitely feeling more wow’ed by Tasos the longer she spends with him and realizes what an assclown Jesse is. Christy: “I definitely rushed kissing Jesse too soon.” It’s kinda hard to feel sorry for Christy at this point considering Jesse’s reputation was clearly intact before he ever stepped foot on this show, Christy was warned about it, knew Jesse’s past, then continued to hook up with him non stop whether she was drunk or sober. It wasn’t until someone had to tell her what Jesse was saying did she all the sudden start hating the guy. If Michelle never told her Jesse ran his mouth, I’m sure Christy would’ve kept the guy around. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that Christy doesn’t have the highest self-esteem in the world if she’s constantly talking about all the dbags she ends up with.
Jesse and Christy
Michelle let it be known to Christy that Jesse was running around talking to the other guys about the sexual things he was doing at the resort. The show never went into detail about what Jesse said about each girl, but the camera kept panning on Jackie and Christy since Lucy was gone. Michelle did tell Christy that she thought Lucy was “feeling him up in the van.” Ahhhh, Lucy. The Queen of Handys. This pretty much sets Christy off and she realizes her laundry list of douchebags she’s ever been with has now grown by 1. “He’s a misogynist, a manipulator…(expletive)…Jesse is such a dbag. I hate him.” Tell us how you really feel Christy. Did she NOT think a guy like that would go running to the other guys to tell them what he did? Oh well. This is when Christy started feeling sorry for herself and wanted to leave saying “there’s no one here for me. I’ll leave that in God’s hands.” I’m not sure God played all that important of role in this to be honest. God put Jesse in your life to embarrass you on national television? Probably not. Frankly, I don’t think God cares about “Bachelor in Paradise.” He’s more of a “Mistresses” guy. Plus, he’s got bigger fish to fry. You know, answering which pro athlete is praying to him in any particular minute.
Jesse wasn’t thrilled that Christy went out with Tasos since, well, that gave him less time to fondle her. He also won over plenty of the viewers last night by continuing to call him “Taco.” Awesome. A misogynist and a racist! Congrats on that Daily Double Jesse. I’m sure your parents are proud. So basically even though they never went into detail, it’s to be believed that Jesse played kiss and tell with the guys and explained everything he did with every girl out there, essentially making him the worst human ever. In fact, most of you don’t know this, but Jesse attended the Chris Bukowski School of Douchebaggery…and flunked out. I hear he’s going to re-apply and see if he can pass with flying colors. Hope he does well since he’s completely oblivious to how he’s coming across to a wide ranging audience. If you’re making Chris Bukowski look like Santa Claus, you know your reputation is soiled. Holy crap, Jesse.
At the cocktail party, Jesse decides to tell Christy he’s leaving. That wasn’t good enough, as Lacy and Michelle both corner Christy and have a girl power pow wow. They tell her she needs to confront Jesse and not let him get away with treating women the way he does, so Christy goes after him in the car. She calls him a coward, says he was never there to find a relationship, and she thinks he basically sucks. Which he does. This was done I guess just to add more drama to Jesse’s exit. Throwing Lacy and Michelle on him probably had zero effect on the guy. In one ear, out the other. Like he cares how he’s portrayed on this show. I think they tried to make it more dramatic than it was, but Christy is too nice to go off on the guy. She looked completely uncomfortable confronting him and you know she just did it because she was probably forced to. At least Jesse left with his dignity. He said he’ll be getting invited to parties and festivals once this is over, and will have 16 emails waiting for him when he gets home from people on the show. What he didn’t mention is that of those 16, maybe 4 will be from guys, and the other 12 will be spam emails from Valtrex asking if he could use another supply.
The rose ceremony was about as uneventful as you thought it would be. There really wasn’t much drama. With Jesse gone, there was basically one rose up for grabs, and that was Jackie’s. She was either gonna give it to Zack or Brooks. Considering she broke her own first date rule of no kissing with Zack, wasn’t too hard to figure out who she’d choose.
Lacy gave her rose to Marcus
AshLee gave her rose to Graham
Sarah gave her rose to Robert
Michelle gave her rose to Cody. Or “Cody Code” as she calls him.
Christy gave her rose to Tasos
Jackie gave her rose to Zack over Brooks.
Next week’s finale has all 6 remaining couples being forced to decide whether or not to break up or stay together. Former couples from the show (Des & Chris, Sean & Catherine, Jason & Molly) return to talk to the remaining couples and give them advice on how to make it work in the real world. I don’t think they talk to all 6 though. I highly doubt they talk to Christy and Tasos since those two have known each other about 13 minutes. And I believe Graham breaks up with AshLee before they get to talk to the couples. Lacy and Marcus and Michelle and Cody definitely talk to them. Sarah and Robert and Jackie and Zack are the ones I’m not sure of. However as mentioned on page 1, the spoilers remain the same. The two couples that made it out of this thing – Marcus and Lacy engaged and Michelle and Cody still dating – are the only ones still together. Every other couple broke up and are still broken up.
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