Reality Steve

The Bachelor 19 - Chris

The “Bachelor” Chris Episode 1 Recap Including Next Week’s Dates

-So now that everyone is in the mansion, Chris starts getting more alone time with “The Others” and some of the girls from the first batch. The one that stood out the most was Kaitlyn because she had taken off her dress and put leggings on so she could teach Chris how to breakdance. Chris sees Kaitlyn as the wild child this season. Called her a “firecracker,” but definitely into her.

-Carly told Chris that she looked up weird laws online in Iowa and she found out that you can’t be an ice cream truck owner in Iowa. I have no idea if that’s true or not, but that’s what she told him. And we remember Carly from her brother Zak’s hometown date with Des when he showed her the family snow cone business. I want her to bust out that mini karaoke machine later on this season so I can hear the girls belting “I Will Survive.” Isn’t that the universal “girl power” song that every drunken flock of women will sing on Karaoke Night? Or is it just the theme song to 90% of sorority houses in the United States? One of the two.

-They cut to a conversation between Britt and Amber asking “Who do you think is the crazy one?” From there, they immediately cut to Ashley S. who is giving an ITM outside the mansion talking about how “everyone is an onion…and there’s layers…and you peel back the layers…” blah blah blah. Then we see Ashley interrupting Chris and Brittany’s conversation to talk to him. Ashley tells him she wrote on a bucket list she wants to run through a sunflower field. And ride a horse. All things she could do with Chris. Oh yeah, in case you haven’t noticed, Ashley S. is bat sh** crazy. Then we see a shot of her back talking in her ITM outside and going on and on about onions and how she’s obsessed with him. She looks to her right, and swears she sees an onion growing in the plants. So much so, that she tells the camera to pan over there as she walks over and picks the onion off the tree, only to realize it’s a pomegranate. She’s a couple sandwiches short of a picnic, no doubt.

-All while Chris is mingling with girls, Tara is getting shmammered. She lets us know that her three best friends are “Jameson, Johnny Walker, and Jack Daniels.” Thanks for that Tara, we could kinda figure that out by now considering you’ve been mainlining alcohol since you stepped foot in the mansion.

-Jade tells Chris the story of when she first moved to LA, the second day she was there, she went to 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica. Coming from a small town in Nebraska, she never had to deal with traffic like that before, so after driving around for an hour looking for parking, she turned around and drove home and cried because she couldn’t find a spot. I guess that was her way to try and melt Chris’ heart and tell her she has the roots of a small town girl so they could relate. I’m sure it did. Until, you know, he saw her hoo-ha spread eagle on the internet then realized he probably made the right decision.

-Chris gives Britt the first impression rose in the least shocking reveal of the episode. And they kiss. Quite a few times. Only girl he kissed that night. Britt tells him: “This is gonna be trouble. I actually really like you.” Uh huh. Just setting the stage for Britt’s exit and clear path to being the “Bachelorette.” If there was one major storyline to pull from the first episode it’s that Britt Nilsson absolutely nailed her audition to be the next “Bachelorette.” Attractive, likable, gave a lot of hugs, and basically just checked off every box in what they’re looking for. Sure we’re a couple months away from it being announced and certainly things can change, but after one episode, it damn well looks like it’s gonna be her at this point.

-Rose ceremony time. Is this the first time a rose ceremony has started, and Chris Harrison isn’t standing there giving a mini speech before introducing the lead? I think it is. We see both Chris’ behind the curtains so to speak, talking about what he’s gonna do before he goes out, then Chris Soules walks out by himself. Not a major deal, but different. And by the way, this whole Chris and Chris thing is gonna bother me to no end this season. Yes, I know you’ll all know who I’m talking about most of the time when I say “Chris,” but still, it’s f***ing annoying. Never cast another lead with the name of Chris ever again please. Thank you.

-Farmer Chris, the floor is yours. “Want to thank all of you…truly amazing women…gut wrenching…nothing feels good about letting anyone go home…well, except for the chicks that wanted to talk to me tonight but producers wouldn’t let them because they knew they were just night one fillers.”

Britt already has a rose. Chris gives the next 13 roses to Kaitlyn, Jade, Samantha, Ashley I., Tandra, Nikki, Kelsey, Megan, Alissa, Amber, Juelia, Becca and Trina. He takes a break because Tara’s hot messedness is beginning to play out. She can barely stand up, she is stomping her feet, her eyes are rolling back in her head, and she’s sweating whiskey. Not a good combo. Farmer Chris goes and talks to Host Chris (there, I’ll just do that) and says he was gonna give her a rose, but she’s stinking drunk now and doesn’t know what to do. Obviously she was kept on for entertainment purposes, lets not kid ourselves. Farmer Chris continues with the roses. Next batch goes to: Mackenzie, Tracy, Tara, Jordan, Jillian, Whitney, and Carly, with the final rose going to Ashley S. Onion girl. In reality, of course it made no sense. But in TV sense, of course there was no way Ashley S. was getting sent home. She’s TV gold. And if you don’t think “Bachelor in Paradise” is in her future, you don’t pay attention to this show.

In my column yesterday, I was only solid on 19 of the 22 that made it through last night. Those 19 ended up being right. My 3 guesses were Jordan, Brittany, and Amanda. Ended up being Jordan, Alissa, and Jillian. Damn. I had those girls last week. Oh well. 20 out of 22 ain’t bad. I should’ve thought that 3 girls they gave intro videos to wouldn’t get eliminated. Stupid me.

Not much about any of the girls leaving that was overly dramatic, except Kimberly says she wants to go back inside and talk to him. This is where they cut it off and leave us with a “cliffhanger” for next week. You know already from back on page 1 that he ends up keeping Kimberly. 5 girls get eliminated next week. My guesses as of now will be: Tandra, Alissa, Jordan, Jillian, and Tara. Of course, if I get any new information this week, I’ll be sure to share it on Thursday or tweet it out. See you then.

Send all links and emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you Thursday.

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21 Comments

21 Comments

  1. heliofan

    January 6, 2015 at 1:36 PM

    As an alumnus of THE Ohio State University, I won’t be watching next week. Will DVR and watch on Tuesday. Go Bucks!

  2. rob22

    January 6, 2015 at 2:15 PM

    I couldn’t make it past the first little bit. I did see Josh being led around by the collar. And I woke up briefly to see Brooks out himself with an “I Love Chris” sign. Good job Brooks. Be loud, be proud. But seriously, this show is a great solution for insomnia. I slept better last night than I have in a month. I’ve seen the drunk ho routine before. I didn’t need to see it again. Nothing else of much interest. I did wake up and catch Whitney for a sec. Her voice was a little odd, but it didn’t bother me that much. It may be one of those things that starts to get to you after a while. I had a girlfriend once that giggled incessantly. At first it was cute. Then is was tolerable. Then it was I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! Maybe that’s the way it will be with Whitney.

  3. jezziebezzie

    January 6, 2015 at 2:34 PM

    ABC has to be happy with last nights ratings over last year considering the ad spends side by side…
    I don’t recall seeing more than a couple of ads for Farmer Te…er, Chris. Compare that to how much they put into that ridiculous “Juan-uary” Campaign they did, which…to my sadistic delight…blew up in their faces & gave them ZERO payoff in return.

  4. kmril

    January 6, 2015 at 4:03 PM

    I watched this show with my daughters who are in college last night. We like to read your final four first and then watch. I like Chris more than I thought I would. I just don’t see many of these girls being the “farming” type. Whitney’s voice is so annoying. I can’t believe she wins based on her voice. Kim Kardashion look a like acts just like Kim. They need to change the format or something though. 3 hours was way too long! Maybe have first impression rose chosen by tweets or add a rose chosen by viewers. It’s just so boring and the edits are pretty obvious. That one girl can’t help it if she has big eyes. That was so mean! My youngest daughter only lasted 11/2 hours and couldn’t take it anymore. The promos about something happening during the rose ceremony were bogus as usual. I usually start watching when the number of women dwindles down to 10 or so. Just watched last night because my girls were home. Impressions: Chris isn’t as bad as I thought. The women are pretty but obviously desire fame not farming. Thankful I can read your site – makes watching a little better.

  5. lcs85

    January 6, 2015 at 4:49 PM

    @Kmril Only the studio audience part of last night was live. Filming finished months ago, so it would be impossible to have people at home watching choose who should get the first impression rose or an extra rose. Unless they have a time machine to use for next year, now that would be a gimmick to get people to watch. Not like they need ways to get people to watch though…

    The girl with big eyes could kind of help it. She was basically opening up her eyes as wide as possible and staring at Chris. It was creepy. I’m guessing someone once told her that her eyes are her best feature, so she tries to make them as noticeable as possible.

  6. ladyjane747

    January 6, 2015 at 7:15 PM

    I don’t really think the whole Juanuary thing or even choosing JP DID blow up in their faces. His was one of the highest rated Bachelors ever – just look at RS’s numbers in this column. They don’t care that everyone hated him and he didn’t propose – more controversy, more people talking about it, more people watching = more money.

  7. bazooka

    January 6, 2015 at 9:08 PM

    Anyone else notice it was light outside by the time they did the exit shots after the rose ceremony? That’s brutal!

  8. deedee99

    January 7, 2015 at 1:45 AM

    Britt didn’t say she dated someone for 3 years and they did not have sex…she said that her last relationship was 3 years ago, and they did not have sex.
    I’m paraphrasing…

    She could’ve been with the guy only weeks or months, who knows?

  9. arco5986

    January 7, 2015 at 6:31 AM

    Just curious, is Whitney’s nose job speculation or fact? The pictures of pre-nose job were posted 30 weeks ago on Instagram it says, and 29 weeks ago for post-nose job. This wouldn’t really make sense since it takes longer than a week to heal (i.e. take off bandage & not have bruises and swelling) from a nose job. I’m guessing it’s just the angles.

  10. erolyn

    January 7, 2015 at 7:36 AM

    I honestly didn’t believe “crazy eyes” were a thing until I saw Ashley S.’s face. She has the CRAZIEST EYES I have ever seen.

  11. ccc312

    January 7, 2015 at 10:01 AM

    @arco5986 The date someone posts a photo on Instragram is not directly correlated to the date that particular photo was taken. She’s clearly had a nose job. I don’t think it’s a big deal, though. It definitely gives her a more refined, elegant appearance. (She likely had a hyponasal quality to her her voice prior to rhinoplasty, but it likely made it worse, considering how much the nasal cavity was narrowed.)

  12. sunday

    January 7, 2015 at 10:13 AM

    I had to laugh at the whole ‘red carpet’ theme last night! Could they get any more over the top? The crowd standing on the red carpet consisted of past bachelor and bachelorette contestants who were supposed to be interested in who Chris Harrison was talking to during interviews…however, instead they ignored him and only looked his way when propmted by Chris after he said “Give it up for Nicki” (or whoever). Then they turned around and clapped quickly, then went right back to talking to each other. That was a cluster-you-know-what! The one horrible thing that stayed stuck in my mind though was after the premier, Chris H. asked Michelle Money what she thought of Britt (the waitress) and all Michelle had to say was that she heard Britt never took a shower (or something to that affect) OMG! That girl’s claws are long! What a rude remark. I think M. Money is messed up in the head, personally.

  13. rob22

    January 7, 2015 at 10:33 AM

    The whole Faux Red Carpet thing is just a ripoff of a typical Corporate America gadget. They invite their clients to events, have a red carpet, and employees act as paparazzi and fans. Nobody at the event, of course, is famous, a paparazzi or a fan. It’s just all contrived to look that way. Everyone is coached ahead of time on how to act. It’s pretty stupid really, but clients seem to enjoy the attention…. just like the ex-Bachelor contestants love the attention. That’s the only reason they’re there, of course. When you get an opportunity to extend your 15 minutes, you take it. I mean Brooks? He’s known for getting to the F2 and bailing out in an epic cry-fest (leading to an epic RS fail), being suspected of being gay in the gayest Bachelor ever, and for liking to nail older women (Mommy issues?). That’s not exactly fame to be proud of. But there he was. Butt-kowski was there too…. gag…. signing autographs. I mean really? How does this guy keep getting invites? Who is he blowing that keeps getting him these gigs?

  14. kelly5

    January 7, 2015 at 12:27 PM

    Wow, when I read in the recap that Chris H slapped Farmer Chris across the face, I thought Reality Steve made it up! I thought this season is so boring, now RS is throwing random stuff in there to make it more interesting. So I was actually surprised and had to rewind and watch the awkwardness twice when it happened on the show. What the heck was that? I would’ve edited it out.

  15. karynr

    January 7, 2015 at 2:22 PM

    Don’t have time to write my thoughts yet….just watched it last night.

    But I totally agree with you Rob. Why are we still being subjected to Puke-owski. I had just eaten dinner and it made me kind of nauseous to see his sleazy face again.

    That red carpet event was so funny.

    More later.

  16. juicylipz29

    January 7, 2015 at 4:06 PM

    The red carpet was a waste of time..No one cares about these past contestants they all hungry for fame…And i agreed with you steve nikki did got a boob job.

  17. tamara

    January 7, 2015 at 8:51 PM

    Whom else was on the red carpet? I couldn’t remember some of them. I think I saw Dylan.

  18. bachelorfan4ever

    January 8, 2015 at 7:27 AM

    I wasn’t surprised that Brittany Fetkin didn’t get a rose, maybe Chris was thinking, she might have a boyfriend back home lol, following in the footsteps of bachelorette contestant wrestler Justin “Rated R” Rego. Whenever anyone in the entertainment industry comes on the show it casts a shadow of doubt that they are really there for love.

  19. sweething

    January 8, 2015 at 12:45 PM

    You know I love your blog tremendously! You are rarely wrong! 😉
    However, Brit said the “last time she was in a relationship was 3 years ago and they didn’t have intimacy” That’s a little different than “3 years in a relationship without intimacy” Although it is possible! You know my 3 beautiful daughters and Tenley and their stories 🙂

  20. cjscjs711

    January 8, 2015 at 2:15 PM

    That Chris had the ‘luck’ to be engaged once before really says nothing about current prospects in a small town. Not to mention that your pool of serious partners gets smaller with age, even for men over 30. The guy obviously wants a big family so for that his best bet is a woman under 30. Just the way fertility works. So he’d really have to go driving around searching other cities to try to find a connection.

    Andi/Josh remark about not really planning the wedding sounded like trouble and he acted like he could hardly wait till it was over (I was hoping, the Red Carpet, but guess it was more…) and Andi was stroking his back as though for one of the last times.

    I’d been so over-prepared for Whitney’s voice that when I finally heard it, it didn’t sound as bad as I’d imagined. She’s one who should really look into voice therapy. It would help her and the people around her more than I think she realizes.

    The eyes – as a photographer I see that type of wide-eye in amateurs often. If cameramen really cared, they’d have told her to relax her eyes – that’s what we usually do. Instead they moved in with a wide angle to exaggerate them for television.

  21. pattycakes

    January 8, 2015 at 2:59 PM

    Nikki had the boob job before going on the bachelor. Can’t believe you didn’t notice. Just FYI. 🙂

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