Reality Steve

Dr. Reality Steve

“Dr. Reality Steve” Plus “The Dratchelor”

I’m legit heartbroken. Can you do a Dr reality steve on how to deal
with the fact that the only couple I ever believed would last, broke
up??

Comment: Here’s the best remedy I can think of for that. Join the rest of us in reality and stop living in fantasy land. You don’t know Andi and Josh. You’ve never talked to them, you’ve never met them, and you certainly don’t know a thing that went on in their relationship besides what you saw on a highly edited television show.

So here’s what you do: Wake up in the morning, take a shower, put on your clothes, go to work, come home, do what you do, then go to sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat every day until the end of time. Don’t waste another second worrying, being upset, being heartbroken, or being sad over a couple you don’t even know breaking up.

Hope that helps.
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Hi Steve.

Great site as always. It is an awesome comic relief during those busy work days. 1 million viewers in a day is amazing – your haters really need to eat crow although haters gonna hate.

On to my questions for the best relationship expert ;). I’m looking for an opinion here to assist me in my decision making.

Simply put, I like 2 different men and I am interested in knowing what would be appropriate / acceptable here as I haven’t been this situation before.

I met them both fairly recently so I don’t know all that much about them yet in order to decide properly on who I want. Being that they are both fairly casual, I obviously do not know in which direction either will go but I don’t want to break things off with one to then have the other not work out then it would all just be a waste. After all they are both very new. I as well do prefer to see one person at a time due to the complications that can arise such as this. And of course being fairly attractive I am not at a loss for possible dates so it wouldn’t be terrible which ever way things go yet I do as well try to avoid jumping from one to the other (something which did happen in the past) it’s just not classy, of course.

All in all, should I be informing both of them about each other? Or do I ride it out for a few weeks or so and then decide one way or the other since things are so new that I can’t know what way either will go? Or do I just decide now and let the chips fall where they may? As well, I can gather from them what they would like and see what they say and make a decision based on that?

So, what do you think would be the most appropriate behaviour?

Thanks in advance.

Comment: If they’re both fairly new, and the both came along right around the same time, then basically you’re just dating. You’re not exclusive to either one, so you can do whatever you choose. Most people in your situation choose to not tell the guy’s about the other one’s they’re seeing. You have no obligation to, so I understand it. It’s up to you whether or not to tell the other one, but in the beginning of dating, it’s kind of unspoken that until you’re exclusive with someone, you just assume there’s a possibility they are dating other people. Maybe they are, maybe they aren’t. But to automatically have it in your head that they’re not would be setting yourself up for disappointment.

I would carry it out a few weeks then make a decision of who you like better, if any. Maybe you won’t end up being interested long term in either. Or vice versa. You’re doing nothing that most other single people aren’t doing. You’re dating. Would I carry it out 3-4 months with each guy? No. I think you should know fairly soon which guy you like better. Once you do, then make your move and tell them.

And even then, it’s not like you’d even have to tell the guy that you didn’t choose you like someone else better. You can end it in a myriad of ways. Honestly is usually the best policy, but if it’s only been 2-3 weeks or whatever, it’s not like you’d really need to have this long heart-to-heart talk, you know? Good luck.

And if you’re having trouble truly deciding which one you like better, then just keep banging both of them until you feel like you’ve had enough. It’s your world.
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Hi Steve,

Over a year ago, I started dating a guy I met through one of my sorority sisters. Everything was great for a while, and I was really happy with him. About 6 months into the relationship, he started acting very strange and distant. Long story short, I eventually found out that he was hooked on prescription pain pills. He ended up in rehab and we broke up. The break up was really hard for me because I felt like both of us still cared for each other but his addiction was getting in the way. After he got out of rehab, he contacted me and I was really hoping to start things up again. That didn’t happen. We didn’t talk for several months and I was finally starting to move on when he texted me out of nowhere. I wanted so badly to just ignore it but I had to see what he wanted. It turns out he just wanted to text for a few days and that was it because he started ignoring me again.

Fast forward to now, and I’m still in that same vicious cycle. We don’t talk for months, I seem to be over him, he texts, I answer, we talk for a few days, then it’s over again. That’s where I’m at right now. About 2 weeks ago I met another guy. He’s very sweet and nice, and I enjoy spending time with him. There just isn’t much of a physical attraction there for me. Yesterday, I was hanging out with new guy, and old guy texted me. I started to ignore it, but when I read it, it said “hey, I know we haven’t talked in a while, but can we possible get together next weekend? I would really like to see you.” In the back of my mind I know this is just another case of my old feelings for him resurfacing… But this time seems different. He is actually wanting to hang out. We have texted back and forth some, but overall I’ve tried to be as distant as possible because of the new guy. So what should I do? Should I hang out with him and see what he wants? Should I try to keep getting over him and stay with the new guy even the physical chemistry isn’t there? Or should I just try to forget both? HELP.

Comment: Well, if you’ve been with the new guy for two weeks and there doesn’t seem to be any physical chemistry, that could be saying something. Unless you’re just lying to yourself and saying there isn’t physical chemistry because you don’t want there to be any being you might still be hooked on your ex. That you’ll have to answer for yourself.

Has your ex completely kicked this prescription pain pill habit? Did he complete his stint in rehab? Even if he has, you know at any point someone can relapse. Are you willing to deal with that? Especially for a guy you only dated 6 months? I’d be very leery about wanting to rekindle something with an ex-addict. Just know exactly what you’re getting into and just because it seems like he wants you back now doesn’t necessarily mean that’s going to last. Even his texting behavior seems a little off.

Personally, I wouldn’t give the ex a chance due to his stint in rehab. That may be harsh, and I’m not saying addicts don’t deserve a second chance, but I guarantee it’s something that’ll pop up again in your relationship at some point, and that’s something I’d be unwilling to deal with. Take that into consideration before making any decisions and possibly getting rid of this guy you’re with now.
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Hey Steve,

I know this is probably a little late, but it just happened last night. My friend in her late twenties is still a virgin and wants to wait until she’s married to have sex. She met someone online and they were seeing each other maybe twice a week for a few weeks. Anyway, last night they were at her apartment watching a movie when they started to make-out, etc. She stopped him when she could sense he was trying to go “all the way” and blurted out that shes waiting. He got up and left and then texted her that night that he had to end things because he wants a physical relationship before marriage. She really just wants to find the ‘one’ and settle down. When is the right time for someone to tell a guy that they want to wait? Too soon and it’s kind of weird, too late and it’s like you were hiding it. This guy was clearly a douche but she’s run into similar situations before and I am all out of advice. Would love a guys opinion here.
Thanks!

Comment: Is your friend Becca? Or Ashley I.?

Oooohhhh, the ol’ lets-watch-a-movie-masked-as-a-way-to-get-her-on-your-couch-to-make-out trick. Works all the time. So when she told you this story she really said “he tried to go all the way with me?” How 1980’s of her? Who the hell says that anymore? She needs to update her sexual vocabulary before she loses her virginity. Have her invest some time into urbandictionary.com.

You’re right about this guy though. Clearly a dbag of epic proportions to walk out immediately after getting rejected for sex. I mean, it’s one thing to find out the girl you’re dating is a virgin and realizing that’s not what you want. Despite what Mackenzie thinks, I think most guys would like a girl with at least some experience. But to find out in the middle of a heavy make out session then just immediately walk out? Well, that’s just stupid. Obviously this guy isn’t for her and she shouldn’t lose an ounce of sleep over him.

Is your friend holding out for religious reasons, or she just hasn’t found the right guy to give it up to yet? If it’s a religious thing, then she should probably only date guys within the church, because I think they’d be more accepting of it, or at least it wouldn’t be as much of a shock once they found out. If she’s just holding out because she’s scared or hasn’t met the right guy yet, then that’ll just come up in conversation fairly early I would think. Sure, there are guys out there that wouldn’t mind it, but in her late 20’s being a virgin, first I applaud her since that’s pretty hard to do nowadays. But secondly, she should know that there will be guys like the one she was just with. And those guys are probably the majority, not the minority. Not to the point where they’d walk out the second they found out, but just that they would rather not be with a virgin.
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Send all links and emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you tonight.

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2 Comments

2 Comments

  1. rob22

    January 15, 2015 at 10:56 AM

    Good advice RS. You really do a pretty good job of giving advice. I guess, to some extent, when you’re not emotionally involved, it’s just common sense most of the time. But for the person involved, it’s an emotional issue & rational decisions are just impossible to make. Take note letter writers. The answers to your questions are easy. The reason you’re asking is because you are emotionally invested in making bad decisions. If you don’t want to listen to advice, don’t ask. Just continue to live your drama filled life and shut up. Everyone else knows you’re screwing up big time.

    Not counting the lunatic who’s upset about Josh & Andi, here are my thoughts:

    Dating two people at a time: I agree that there is not today, and never has been, an obligation to tell another person about “others” until you have the “exclusive talk”. But I know it can be difficult to date multiple people. It takes up a lot of physical and emotional energy. It can be exhausting. It sounds like this person is already using up a lot of emotional energy, so I’d add the suggestion to speed up the process of making a decision. It might also help to see where the guys are at. Are they interested in exclusivity or are they just hanging out? That’s one way to narrow the field. You don’t want to make a decision only to find out that the chosen guy has no interest in exclusivity. A lot of guys just hang out these days with no interest in anything more. Try to figure out if either guy (or both) is one of those.

    Drug addict vs. no physical chemistry. Good point about the girl maybe blocking chemistry with the guy she’s been dating. But, I’ll say this. I’ve never had physical chemistry increase with time. Usually it’s at it’s highest early on & may decrease with familiarity (which is OK… nobody should say that you don’t have to work on these things). So, if you don’t have physical chemistry after two weeks, dump it! It’s not going to happen. Ever. Now the drug addict. Dump!! Who needs that? Obviously this girl is a drama queen if she’s even entertaining it. You just know she’s going right back to that well as many times as it happens. The drug addict will just string her along. If he was truly interested, he would have fired things up right after rehab…. or at least explained why he might need a little more time before re-engaging. It would be legit if he said something like “hey, I’d like to see you again, but post rehab, I really need to get my act together, get a job, finish college, etc”. But he didn’t do that. Odds are he’s using again since his behavior seems pretty erratic. Stupid female tricks. Females often put up with the stuff. Stop it! Move on. You don’t need either of these scenarios. It’s just a waste of your life. Every minute spent with either of these guys is a complete waste & adds nothing to your life.

    I’m not sure if I can improve on the virgin advice. Definitely she should seek guys in places where you’d find guys who would appreciate her virginity. They absolutely do exist. Some guys still do sleep around and then look for a “girl I can marry” with limited to zero sexual history. Church is a good place, or a dating site that tilts that direction. I mean you won’t find guys who will appreciate a virgin on Tinder or Match.com. Increase the odds by looking in likely places. You don’t fish in a trash can filled with water. You fish in a nice clean lake in the mountains. No, you won’t always catch fish in the lake, but you have a heckuva a lot better chance than fishing in a trash can.

  2. cjscjs711

    January 18, 2015 at 12:17 AM

    “The Drachelor” was hilarious! Thanks so !much for turning us on to it.

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