-Ahhhh, Chris & Whitney’s date. You know, the one that wasn’t staged at all. Emphasized three times by Chris Harrison, Chris Soules, and executive producer Robert Mills which was shot to hell the second the bride Instgrammed her friend to tell her exactly how it went down. Nice try, guys. Maybe next time. Even if the bride never comes out and posts anything, just remember what I tell you over and over and over again about this show: nothing is spontaneous. Nothing. Everything that happens, a producer is well aware of before it does. They might not know the exact outcome, but they sure as hell know what every situation will be since they’re the ones that put them in that position. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Before we get to that portion of the date, Chris and Whitney do some wine tasting at Saddle Rock in Malibu. Well, I thought it was wine tasting until Chris started telling us he had a strand of Whitney’s hair in his mouth. What did it taste like? Rainbows and daffodils? Or something the Keebler elves would make?
-You know what else I found funny about this date? In a voiceover, Whitney says “I’ve been waiting 2 weeks to finally get some time with him.” Couple things about that: last week at the cocktail party you did get alone time with him. But even if she’s just talking about a 1-on-1, I know she’s just spewing what producers are telling her, but do you realize the women moved into the mansion on Sat. Sept. 27th and this date with Chris and Whitney was the following Sat. Oct. 4th? But of course, the contestants have to speak in terms of episodes, and not real time. Just thought I’d point that out to you in case you didn’t catch that. Pay attention because I’m sure it’ll happen in future episodes as well. Episode 4 is next week and technically when the first date happens, they’re about 9 days into filming. So when you hear contestants talking about “weeks” on the show, they’re actually referring to “episodes” but they can’t say that. The show plays off the naiveté of most of its viewers who think every episode represents one week in real time. It doesn’t. Represents about 4 days.
-Chris is liking Whitney because, as he says, she can “roll the cob” which for us non-farmers, means she can go with the flow. Roll with the punches. Shoot the sh**. Whitney says she’s an expert at that. She befriends people at the airport then adds them on Facebook, which isn’t creepy in the least bit. You might want to unfriend all those strangers from the airport now Whitney since you’re a little more popular now than when you first added them. I’m sure they’re Facebook stalking you as we speak. Trying to dig through everything wanting to find out everything about you – your whereabouts, any scandalous pictures, or even say dudes from your past that you might’ve gotten with. Just be careful, Whitney. I’m here to help. And when you’re having your safe house visits with Chris, you might wanna keep a lower profile too. Just sayin’.
-Because Whitney is so spontaneous and she loves befriending strangers at the airport, the two of them see a wedding off in the distance that Whitney suggests they go crash. Luke Wilson and Vince Vaughn these two are not, but damn if they didn’t try their best to fool everyone into thinking they were. You know why they have to do this? “YOLO.” Uh oh. All the BIP contestants aren’t gonna be happy you’re biting off their sh** now. Granted, “YOLO” has been around much longer than “YOPO” has, but still. The original BIP cast wanted to make sure everyone knew that “You Only Paradise Once” so often, it became engrained in our English language by the end of last summer. And no, you don’t have to crash this wedding because “YOLO.” You have to “crash” it because that’s exactly what producers planned for this date. Stop trying to pretend you have any control whatsoever of what you do on the date. It’s nauseating.
-Whitney: “Something about weddings that’s so romantic.” You don’t say? Hmmm, I wonder why you would think such a thing? I don’t know. Maybe the joining of two people forever in holy matrimony, including a celebration of family and friends watching them begin their journey together for the rest of their lives. Could that be what makes weddings so romantic? Whitney is quite observant. Other observations from Whitney Bischoff:
1) There’s something about water that’s so wet
2) There’s something about the sun that is so bright
3) There’s something about the color blue that’s so blue
Whitney and Chris even had a conversation with the mother of the bride. Or was it the maid of honor? Hell if I know. All I know is they all knew what was taking place and none of this was a complete surprise to anyone. And of course, they made sure they showed us an ITM of Chris saying, “I could absolutely imagine Whitney being my wife.” Don’t think that comment wasn’t specifically shown to us on purpose. Then again, it’s what the lead is told to say during the course of the season about a few people. It’s just the first time we heard him say it about anyone so far.
-So Chris can get on the dance floor at a rather intimate wedding and no one will ask, no one will have a clue, and no one will even bother to question their story of how they know anyone. Hell, whatever Whitney and Chris were telling them didn’t even make any sense, yet strangers at a wedding were supposed to buy this? Of course not everyone at the wedding is going to recognize Chris. Hell, most of them probably didn’t. But when the bride outs the show like that, that’s a little bit embarrassing and basically makes everything they did a moot point. Especially in the last 24 hours having both Chris’ and EP Robert Mills feverishly take to social media and blogs to say this was NOT STAGED. Uh huh. Tell that to the bride Shannon Deao before she goes running her mouth on Instagram telling everyone how it was set up. Like I said, good effort, but failed execution. Shannon ruined it. Blame her.