The live video chat returns tonight at 9:00pm EST/6:00pm PST. Last week we had some audio issues in the second half of the chat. I’ve been assured by Spreecast that those issues have been fixed and they will not happen again. So much so that they even credited my account for the technical issues. Thanks Spreecast! Weeeeeeee! Anyway, I’ll be taking your questions on anything and everything regarding the “Bachelor” or whatever the hell else you’d like to talk about. Maybe you want to talk about Ashley I.’s eyebrows, or Whitney’s voice, or Tony on “Real World: Skeletons” living with his roommate that he just slept with, and his two ex’s from back home that he still wants to hook up with. Fascinating storyline going on over there. That guy has no shame. He’s all worried when the first ex showed up, then starts to feel more comfortable and sleeps with her. Then his second ex shows up, starts freaking out again, then by the end of the episode he’s making out with her. Tony is either the greatest Playboy known to mankind, or the biggest idiot walking the planet. I’m still trying to decide. Anyway, I’m sure most of your comments/questions tonight will be on the “Bachelor” since they usually are, but hey, I’m game for talking about any shows you may be interested. You know, as long as I watch them too.
Since the “Dratchelor” was such a big hit last week, here’s episode #3. For those that missed it last week, former SNL cast member Rachel Dratch (she of “Debbie Downer” fame) has decided to do a video recap of the show every week. She admittedly has never watched the show until this season so it’s definitely a different take from someone naive to the process and how things work. But still very funny. Enjoy…
By the way, some good “Dr. Reality Steve” questions this week. Very impressed. Keep em’ coming. You know you want to since my advice is basically spot on. Here you go…
Dr. Reality Steve,
What are your thoughts regarding sex on the first date? Total nail in the coffin for an actual relationship? If it’s really good, maybe he’s coming back for more? Or just, f**k it…don’t overthink it, two consenting adults, and if it goes there and everyone’s having a good time, no big deal?
Comment: I don’t think there’s a universal answer to this question. For some people, yes, they look at it as a good time, but nothing with long term potential. Some are still together with someone they slept with on their first date. It’s more up to the people involved in how it’s done.
I’d say it’s a lot more common now than it was say back in the 1980’s. For sure. If this is happening and you’re in your teens, I’d say the success rate of a long term relationship from it are probably 0%. But grown adults, knowing exactly what type of situation that they’re in, sure it could work out. Sex on the first date doesn’t guarantee success or failure of any potential relationship.
To Dr. Reality Steve,
Love your column, I have a question for you. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for just over a year and a half. We’ve been having serious problems lately and I have been seriously considering ending our relationship but was interested to hear your opinion.
We are long distance and have been for almost our entire relationship. We live about 3.5 hrs apart by bus and lead busy individual lives so only see each other for a weekend about every month and talk a couple times a week. Christmas 2013 he went overseas with his family to visit relatives and we only spoke twice and then this Christmas he also went travelling. Due to the nature of his trip and his poor organizational skills he didn’t communicate with me for three weeks. This was extremely difficult and I was on the verge of ending our relationship. However as soon as he came back he came to see me and has visited me a second time since then. Generally speaking he has problems with communication and making time for our relationship. He’s been honest that though he will try and improve this is apart of who he is and I can’t change him.
He’s put the entire responsibility of the potential break up on me, I have to make the decision. He is totally in love with me and would never break up with me, so it’s all on me which I am finding is a lot of pressure.
He is a really great, charming, funny, loving and caring person and we are a great fit in a lot of ways but I’m not sure its worth it because of the distance, communication and time problems plus his bad organizational skills. By the way, it’s over a year before we’d be able to live in the same place.
Should I end it? Or should I stick it out? I do love him, but I don’t feel like that’s enough.
Comment: He has a problem making time for your relationship? Why? How? And what boyfriend goes away for 3 weeks and doesn’t communicate with you? I don’t care if he was in Timbuktu, there seems to be an issue with that. I don’t think you can chalk that up to “bad organizational skills.” That’s just flat out rude.
I’m not gonna tell you what to do because it’s not my relationship, but I can see that you guys are going to have problems moving forward. You have to ask yourself can you stick it out another year doing the long distance thing, and are his baffling organizational skills going to eventually be too much to handle? I think once you know the answers to both of those, you’ll have your answer.
So a guy is married to a great gal and has a toddler. He’s been cheating for years. Says he’s the perfect husband and there’s so much trust in the marriage.
Obviously he’s a selfish douche but does he (and other men like him) actually believe he’s the perfect husband? Wouldn’t he feel guilty? Doesn’t he realize he’s just using the other chick for sex to fill some void?
What are your thoughts?
Comment: A married man is cheating? No way! I’m sure he’s convinced himself he’s the perfect husband, sure. Does it mean he is? Of course not. If you’ve been cheating on your wife for years, you’re a scum bag and you know it. He’s apparently trying to justify what he’s doing, even though there’s no real good reason why he is. Karma will eventually come back to bite him in the ass, be sure of it.
You didn’t go into much detail about who you are in this scenario. My guess is you’re either the wife or the one who he’s been having an affair with. I mean, I guess you could be an outsider and this is happening to a friend of yours, but I’ll bet you’re not. You’re one of the two involved. If you are the one he’s having an affair with, I’d end it and tell the wife. Wait, you can’t be the wife because then you would know and you would’ve left him by now. Wow, I’m solving this mystery while answering the question. So you’re the one he’s having an affair with. Just kill the affair and tell the wife. If he hasn’t left her by now, he’s not going to.
Hi Dr. Steve,
I could use some help navigating the world of modern dating. Specifically, I’m a bit confused as to the connotations when a guy you’ve just met asks you to coffee.
Should you automatically say no if you’re not romantically interested? Or make it awkward by saying you’d like to meet as friends?
When I meet another female I’m happy to meet up and grab coffee, but when it’s a single male, there’s always the question of whether it constitutes a date. I don’t want to string a guy along, but I also like to keep connections and make new friends.
Also, I think drinks (as opposed to coffee) are automatically a date. Right?
Thanks for the advice!
Comment: Well this is a tough one since I’ve never asked a woman to coffee in my life. Coffee? How did you meet this guy and in what way did he ask you? Is it some guy off a dating site who said “Hey, lets meet for coffee some time?” If that’s the case, I guess he’s just trying to make your first “date” a little more low key. Somewhat understandable, but if you’re interested in someone, I don’t know about asking them to coffee. Seems very 1970’s-ish.
It sounds like you aren’t into this guy and don’t want to go. And it seems like you think he’s into you. I don’t think you need to tell him yes, but then follow it up with “but it’s only as friends.” Don’t do that. That’s lame. Just either say yes, or say no and take it from there. I would say it only becomes a “date” if he asks again, and or, he continues on for more than coffee if you agree to this. No harm in just meeting up with him. If you’re not interested afterwards, then let him know.