Reality Steve

The Bachelor 19 - Chris

SNL’s “Bachelor” Parody & Tonight’s Episode

So this weekend I basically realized I’m getting to that age. If you followed along on Twitter, you know what I’m talking about. If you missed it, I’ll explain. I went to bed Friday night knowing I had a gift card to Home Depot I wanted to use the next day. I woke up Saturday morning, knew I was set to go to Home Depot then realized I didn’t have a clue what I knew I wanted to get from the night before. Couldn’t for the life of me remember. So I decided to go to the store anyway and just roam the aisles aimlessly hoping to remember what the hell I needed. I did. I remembered I wanted to buy a scale. And you know what? Home Depot doesn’t sell scales! Huh? That store has every home product/appliance known to mankind and they don’t sell scales? Well what a waste that ended up being. I really didn’t need anything else from there since it’s not a store I really ever need to frequent. I’m like the least handiest man on the planet. So I bought some air fresheners for my house knowing I’ll need those at some point. Yep. That was my Saturday. And then yesterday, I went to Costco having to return something and I had a slice of their pizza because it’s awesome. So next time any of you see me walking the streets aimlessly without a thought in my head, please, someone return me to my rightful place of living. Thank you.

I’m sure you’ve seen it by now, but “Saturday Night Live” and host Blake Shelton did a very funny “Bachelor” parody over the weekend. In case you missed it, here it is:

It’s not like Blake’s impression of Chris was spot on, but that wasn’t the point of the sketch. Just making fun of the women for the repeated phrases they use, and never seeing the bigger picture during their intimate moments with him is what makes the sketch so hilarious. Good stuff.

I’m an avid watcher of “The Soup” on E!. Been watching it for years. They always have great TV clips and commentary for shows I don’t watch. This past Friday’s episode when they were recapping the “Bachelor,” they hit on Chris & Whitney’s wedding crashing date and, well, let me know if what they said rings a bell…

So what they said was, “It’s like pool parties…there’s something about pool parties that’s always wet.” Man, could “The Soup” use me as a writer? Because in last Tuesday’s column I said this about the exact same clip:

Whitney: “Something about weddings that’s so romantic.” You don’t say? Hmmm, I wonder why you would think such a thing? I don’t know. Maybe the joining of two people forever in holy matrimony, including a celebration of family and friends watching them begin their journey together for the rest of their lives. Could that be what makes weddings so romantic? Whitney is quite observant. Other observations from Whitney Bischoff:

1) There’s something about water that’s so wet
2) There’s something about the sun that is so bright
3) There’s something about the color blue that’s so blue

Anytime you need me to fill in “Soup,” you know where to find me. You’re welcome.

So tomorrow morning, I will be making an appearance on “Good Morning Texas” between 9am-10am CST to talk about the “Bachelor.” They’ve had me on a few times before but it’s been a couple years. Last I heard though, they wanted it to be sort of a “panel discussion” and Sean Lowe is supposed to be there. Not sure if that’s confirmed yet or not, and I know that Sean’s book is being released publicly tomorrow, so maybe he has other commitments. Also he and Catherine went to Santa Barbara this weekend for their one year anniversary, so he’s probably not gonna be back in time. I guess I won’t know until I show up, but regardless, if you live in the north Texas area, tune in to watch. They might have a clip up on the site after the fact. If they do, I’ll post it in tomorrow’s column.

As for tonight’s episode…

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  1. shouldbeworking

    January 26, 2015 at 11:55 AM

    WAHHHHH Another 6 weeks ?!?! This season has probably been my least favorite of all, but I can’t stop watching this train wreck.

  2. rob22

    January 26, 2015 at 2:48 PM

    RS thought Home Depot sold scales? What? Home Depot is a big box Hardware store that also sells appliances. You know, nails, tools, wood, paint, plumbing supplies along with washers, driers and fridges. It’s far from a home store. Try Bed, Bath & Beyond for scales (guessing. I’ve been in a BBB exactly once). It’s pretty bad when a guy doesn’t know what Home Depot has in their store. That’s a man-card violation right there.

  3. brovah

    January 26, 2015 at 9:31 PM

    I’ve watched many seasons with my gf and I think that Chris seems to me to be alot less ‘lonely farmer’ than they make him out to be. He seems pretty quick to make moves on all the women without being too reserved. How did that happen considering the lack of women in his home town? He must have lived in a city or the like when attending college. There is just something else a little fake about him that I can’t put my finger on ( ofcourse most of people who go on this show are naturally)

    He’s a bit like JP with the girls, but more like Sean on the PR front.

    I think they made a terrible choice in picking him, hes boring and this is just another dud season like Andi’s season was.

    They need to branch out and pick some fresh meat. Perhaps they need to scout people from dating websites and approach them. They might be less likely to get 28/30 wanna be famous people if they do that and there might be more quality. They can toss in their half dozen fillers, but maybe have more than half of quality guys/girls.

  4. cjscjs711

    January 26, 2015 at 9:57 PM

    Thanks for the SNL link. Hilarious! And I’m sure I’m not the only one who didn’t see it.

    I just re-watched Juelia’s poolside story. Not sure what the family would have had to say about it….

  5. paulblanchard

    January 26, 2015 at 11:48 PM

    Britt is the only one worth anything…. and she only remained for him to fool the public… He is such a jerk… IMHO

  6. cfabulous

    January 27, 2015 at 5:58 AM

    What’s going on? Ashley I didn’t get the rose. Kaitlyn didn’t go in the tent, that we saw. There was no implication of sex in the tent. Ashley S didn’t go home on her own. You’re slipping up the season Steve.

  7. punka

    January 27, 2015 at 10:02 AM

    Sounds like some misinformation is being sent out by some of Steve’s sources now. Interesting He may have got the finale right, but this is what causes some doubt.

  8. writepaige

    January 27, 2015 at 10:21 AM

    I’m sure Steve will correct himself, but Kaitlyn got the group date rose, not Ashley I, who proceeded to embarrass herself playing Cinderella for the rest of the episode. Can we say “high-maintenance?” Oy.

    And if Ashley S. went off on Chris, we never saw that edit. She was eliminated at the rose ceremony with the other two.

  9. cjscjs711

    January 27, 2015 at 10:47 AM

    It sounded to me more like Britt went off on Chris than Ashley S.

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