Reality Steve

The Bachelor 19 - Chris

The “Bachelor” Chris Episode 5 Recap Including the “Women Tell All” Taping & When Does the “Bachelorette” Begin Filming

-Group date time as everyone is headed to the Rio Grande for a little white water rafting. Look, I’ve never been white water rafting so I can’t comment on what it’s like, but those seemed like some pretty tame waters to me. Didn’t “The Challenge” finale last season have white water rafting in the final race and basically someone almost died? Yeah, not quite last night. It’s like they were paddling around a pond. Although, at some point, the tide kicked up a little bit, knocking Jade out of her raft and into the water. I’m guessing that’s not the first time Jade has been flipped upside down, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. I also don’t think it’s the first time Jade has been on her back looking up while a tidal wave of white…forget it. Jade survived and that’s all that matters, right? Because we’re all just looking out for her well being. At least I am. I don’t know about you sickos but I care dammit.

-Jade is ok once getting back in the raft, but once everyone is back on land, Jade goes to Chris seeking attention. You see, Jade does not deal well with the cold. She can get hypothermia if she’s not at room temperature and her hands and feel can lose circulation, so Chris needs to tend to her. Doesn’t really seem like a lot of the other girls are buying this and, well, they probably shouldn’t. I mean, Jade’s body might not deal well with the cold, but her nipples sure do. So wait, she’s trying to get us to believe that her body almost shuts down if it’s not room temperature? Huh? The girl grew up in Nebraska. I’m guessing it cold pretty cold in the winters there and by the looks of things, Jade is still alive as we speak. And doing quite well for herself thank you as she has her thriving organic cosmetic line that I’m sure you’re all purchasing $17.99 lip gloss from. If not, you should. It’ll go toward Jade’s fund of being able to get into Sur with her D-list friends trying to be LA socialites.

-They barely spent any time showing us the actual group date activity of white water rafting since nothing really happened, and all the drama came at the cocktail party. Whitney made it known in ITM’s that this was a very big night because she needed to get some 1-on-1 time. “Time is the most important thing in this process.” Well, that and looking like one of Chris’ sisters helps too since he’s always wanted someone who resembled his sisters. However, the big “surprise” at the cocktail party was the return of the ever-so-popular Jordan. (Crickets…crickets…crickets). Yeah, that’s what I thought. Usually when they bring someone back or have a surprise visit, it’s from someone memorable. Like anyone remembers this chick. Or cares. I mean, she lasted 2 episodes and formed no bond with Chris whatsoever. All she did was drink like a fish and twerk against the wall in the bathroom before face planting. THIS is the big return everyone is supposed to “oooohhh” and “aaaahhhh” over? Yeah, not quite. Especially when it was spoiled here two weeks ago. Bentley visiting Ashley’s hotel room in Asia this is not.

-Jordan says she drove from Colorado because she wanted to see Chris. “How’d I let that happen…you asked me about myself…I was nervous…the wine certainly helped…if there’s not a connection, there’s not a connection…I’m asking for a second chance.” Like I said, if you were somebody who got eliminated at final 6 or final 4, and show up on the overnights, sure you’d still get dumped on your ass, but at least the audience would think it’s somewhat believable that Chris was re-thinking a mistake. You were on the show 2 episodes, which in real time was about 5 days, you never had a 1-on-1, you never got a group date rose, you never kissed him, and you made a complete ass of yourself. Were they really dying for some storyline drama this episode to bring back this nobody that not a single person would think Chris would take back? Well, it worked since Jordan’s return put Ashley in a state of panic and set her off so much that she almost came out of that nightie she was wearing. Holy crap. Does she sleep in that thing? Is that what she wears when she tries to nail a triple sow cow? I didn’t even know a dress that short could be worn on national television before 10pm. Guess I was wrong.

-The amazing part of Jordan’s return? It completely overshadowed them allowing Samantha to show up in episode 5 without anyone knowing. How cute. Exactly. Who? If you google her, I swear Samantha Steffen is on the show this season. You just would never know it by the lack of camera time. No one has ever lasted this long on the show with as little camera time as she has. It’s unreal. It’s like they went out of their way to make sure they didn’t show her. Probably too normal and gave them no good audio to use, so she got sent to the cutting room floor. Anyway, Ashley is still all bent out of shape about Jordan showing up. “She’s not really my favorite person in the house.” You don’t say? And here I thought you two were gonna break bread together and sing “Kumbaya.” When Ashley speaks with Chris during her alone time, it’s more of the same. “She’s so different than me…I don’t think she’s wife material.” If Ashley gets any more eye rolls in over Jordan’s re-appearance, she’s gonna end up choking on her fake eyelashes and we can’t have that. Those things need to be saved for future episodes of BIP 2. I can only imagine in the heat and humidity of Mexico watching those things drip and melt down her face while on some cheesy water well date with some guy trying to deflower her.

-We see short clips of Becca, Megan, Jade and Kelsey all getting time with Chris, and all of it is spent on giving them their thoughts on how quickly he should throw Jordan’s ass back out to the curb. Chris is seeing this isn’t going well and pretty much knows what he needs to do. But before that, we get a little tiff between Ashley and Whitney, which basically Whitney is going to win with the public every day of the week and twice on Sunday. Why? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because Whitney has some semblance of normalcy to her while Ashley basically cries, whines, and pouts every episode about something. She thinks that because they are all in the Top 11 that they should start thinking a little more selfishly, which I don’t necessarily agree with. But when she follows it with, “…we shouldn’t be nice to Jordan,” that’s where Whitney disagrees. Look, Ashley if you had a clue how this show worked, you wouldn’t be the least bit threatened by Jordan’s return. He barely knows her, he obviously doesn’t like her, and there’s no way he’s keeping her around. Your immaturity seems to come to the forefront every episode at some point. And if you don’t change your new eyelashes quick, Whitney is going to pluck them out and staple them over your eyes to make you look even more ridiculous.

-Britt and Carly are the only two left back at the hotel when Britt’s date card arrives. When she realizes her date has to do with heights, she immediately begins crying because according to her, her body shuts down at heights. Also, Carly tells us in an ITM that Britt hasn’t showered in weeks and even tells Britt she should. She says this in a laughing matter so it makes me think it’s obviously not a big deal with the girls. They just find it amusing. And judging by comments on Instagram last night, people who apparently know Britt are saying this isn’t a “conventional shower,” whatever that means. Like, she showers but just never wets her hair? Obviously none of the girls have a problem being close to Britt, and even Chris said in his blog today that Britt smells great, so I think this is something that the show is making a bigger deal of, or, just purposely leaving out other details of what this means. With that said, I’m not really sure why they’d want something like that out there about her. Britt seems to have a sense of humor about it:


-After feeling the wrath from all the other girls, it’s clear Chris bringing Jordan onto the date didn’t go over as well as he thought, so he sends her home. “This is the right decision as a man to not let this go any further.” Translation: Those girls in there will hang me upside down from my balls if I keep you here, so, see ya’. Jordan then gets back in her car and drives home completing one of the worst drives of shame in TV history. I hope she has some good music on her ipod to keep her occupied for a 7 hr drive back home. Think she listened to Ed Sheeran on a loop? Maybe Adele? Whatever the case, that was totally not worth it. I was told she was the one who contacted producers asking back on and they said she could, but only if she found her own way to New Mexico. Translation: This is going to be a disaster for you since we know there’s no way he’ll keep you, but hey, if you wanna join us, go ahead. They certainly didn’t do anything to talk her out of it that’s for sure.

-Whitney ended up getting the group date rose even though we never saw her have any 1-on-1 time with Chris during this after party. I asked on Twitter last night if that’s the first time we’ve seen that happen before, and I was quickly reminded that not only did it happen in Juan Pablo’s season where Kelly got the group date rose when everyone had to dress up like dogs, but hell, it even happened in the second episode this season when Mackenzie got one on the bikini tractor race. Even I commented then how strange that was that he randomly gave it to Kelsey when Ashley I. had won the race and they showed him talking to her. Pretty much goes to show how much they want you to keep focus on Whitney in these episodes. I guess my question now would be who has gotten the most unsuspecting group date rose in this show’s history? Like when we look back on it now, it really makes no sense. Tough questions since there’s been a ton of group dates and it’s kinda hard to remember who’s gotten them. Right now my vote would be for Mackenzie in episode 2. People that get group date roses are usually people who stick around a while and the lead ends up giving a 1-on-1 to. Not so much the case for Mackenzie and even Kelly last season.

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  1. caffeinequeen

    February 3, 2015 at 11:50 AM

    Hmmm. A few (unrelated) comments–
    Jade – I don’t know if that’s a legitimate “condition,” but I experience that too in moderately cold conditions. She might have poor circulation or Reynaud’s syndrome. It makes your feet and hands ache when it occurs, and it’s pretty uncomfortable. I assume that in Nebraska she’d be wearing gloves and boots. She didn’t have any protection from the cold in the raft.

    That Carly/Chris date. Jesus. That defines awkward. I actually like her and her sense of humor. I wouldn’t mind seeing her as the bachelorette. I feel like Britt is looking for career advancement more than a husband. Nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t make her a great potential bachelorette when it seems so obvious.

    Kelsey. She seemed pretty detached, not sarcastic, as the person who emailed suggested. It didn’t seem like great timing to be snogging with Chris after sharing that sobering story…nd then to talk about herself and her amazing story that “she loves,” she comes across as extremely self-involved. That whole ITM was cringe-worthy. The panic attack might be legit, but I just feel like this woman needs to get some counseling.

  2. enndea

    February 3, 2015 at 12:11 PM

    I think the email about producer manipulation is a good one, but I don’t entirely buy it, and here’s why–Kelsey was on Twitter last night basically saying the exact same thing. (“Sander’s death was absolutely devastating, but my finding a way to live through it and my strength to survive is amazing.”) Perhaps she was implying the “amazing” thing about her story is her own strength–but it still is a very odd thing to say about your husbands passing. Especially when followed by “I love my story.” I think there are things you can love about what you learn from an experience like that…..but wow. It seemed cold and a little crazy to me.

  3. nora j

    February 3, 2015 at 1:28 PM

    Maybe the next Bachelorette won’t be from this season? After last night I hope it’s not Britt. Sorry but who wears all that make up to bed? Doesn’t the bright pink lipstick just end up all over her pillow. It’s so weird. She just seems way too immature to be The Bachelorette. And she’s a waitress? Her credentials don’t seem that great.

  4. fcew

    February 3, 2015 at 1:47 PM

    Just an FYI, as a person from New Mexico, I cannot tell you how many times I have been asked the most ignorant questions about New Mexico. “But you’re so white?” (Yup, blonde and blue eyed too!) “Your English is really good!” (Mmmmhmmmm. First language.) “I can’t take a Mexican ID.” (REALLY?! That one was at a mortgage company! In CALIFORNIA.) “Did you have to get a passport to come here?” (I was in Illinois!) “What’s the weather like? You have palm trees right?” (No, New Mexico doesn’t have palm trees, at least as far as I’ve seen. Maybe way down south. And New Mexico experiences all 4 seasons. There are mountains and even SNOW.) Sadly, this behavior from Megan is actually quite typical, and while I laughed as I watched her, I cringed inside. Because stuff like that has happened to me more times than I can count. Whenever people from New Mexico leave the state, it’s expected that people will ask questions or make statements like the ones I described above. Depressingly, in my experience, its people from Texas, Colorado and Arizona that know New Mexico is a state, and it’s people from the Mid West that are really the worst offenders.

    So my go to line has become “It’s a STATE. In the UNITED STATES.” I don’t care if I sound rude. If I have to whip that line out, it’s because you sound uneducated! Go back to third grade!

  5. rob22

    February 3, 2015 at 2:35 PM

    You can say that Britt is getting a bad edit and won’t be the Bachelorette. But, remember Ali? She was edited as the wicked b*tch of the west & bloggers, including RS, were commenting on what an ice queen she was. But, they gave her time on WTA to rehabilitate her image then, voila! She’s the Bachelorette…. and a pretty popular Bachelorette, at that. Andi wasn’t that far off from that & a lawyer to boot (insert lawyer joke here). If you buy what RS is selling…. that the Bachelorette will be someone from the final four & it can’t be Becca (F2 timing & believability issues) or Whitney (F1, taken) & it absolutely won’t be Jade (self promoting nude model/aka not believable as the Bachelorette)…. well, do the math. The WTA will have her rescuing puppies, feeding starving kids and showing off her gourmet cooking skills while showing off the bod that God…. and (mostly) her personal trainer…. gave her. She’ll be fine.

  6. yankees4life

    February 3, 2015 at 2:52 PM

    If Jade has Raynaud’s she was definitely not faking! I have it and my fingers get numb sometimes when it’s 70 degrees out, so falling in ice cold water would definitely do it!

  7. auntiecairo

    February 3, 2015 at 3:30 PM

    The interesting (or disturbing) part about Kelsey’s “amazing” story – is that she makes it about herself. How she’s dealt with it. Everyone deals with grief in a different way — but this woman seems in need of serious counseling — her demeanor was kinda creepy — if it was 48 Hours she’d be a suspect in her husband’s death. At the very least – going on a reality show 18 months after the death of the alleged love of your life – is suspect. Was equally interesting seeing the non-reaction from the other women when Kelsey had her attack. Starting to think this Bachelor would have been better off on …

  8. kims123

    February 3, 2015 at 4:16 PM

    As fcew mentioned earlier, it is not sadly common for people not to know New Mexico is a state. However, I am surprised that RS doesn’t realize that Santa Fe is a world class destination. It is constantly rated one of the top destination cities and the most romantic cities to visit. He has clearly never been there.

  9. arod

    February 3, 2015 at 5:23 PM

    I am very surprised by people hating on Britt. The whole time all I could think was: “there is no way her hair looks that good and people are always hugging her if she doesn’t shower”

    Kelsey… I don’t know. I really want to think editing made her look that way but it just seems her behavior is odd.

    If people want/need more bachcaps check:

  10. hattiebloom

    February 3, 2015 at 5:55 PM

    Regardless of editing, I decided last night that I don’t want Britt as Bachelorette. I don’t care if she showers once a year, she’s a total phony baloney. I don’t think I could stomach her “who……me???” personality for an entire season.

    Kelsey is a sociopath.

    The End.

  11. gemsnob

    February 3, 2015 at 7:29 PM

    This is in response to Nora from comments above. Don’t you remember Ali Fedowsky? She quit her job and moved out of her apartment to be the bachelorette. I think Britt being a “waitress” trumps “jobless” and homeless”!

  12. elizabeth82

    February 3, 2015 at 7:39 PM

    hattiebloom, I agree.

    Kinda surprised Steve thinks Britt’s “bad edit” only has to do with the stupid showering joke. I guess he really wants her to be The Bachelorette! The real problem with her is that she comes across like she might be acting and just not the most genuine.

  13. myrtlebeachbabe

    February 3, 2015 at 8:49 PM

    There are so many issues with these girls, what a train wreck. Kelsey is a sociopath, her next husband should be worried. Jade is lost, disgustingly fake and has no morals. Ashley I is superficial, immature, and insecure, and lose those lashes, it’s not a good look on you. MacKenzie(?)-21 yr old with son who believes in Aliens, way too immature for Chris, sweet, just too young. You could go on and on with the whole bunch, what a joke. So many cringe worthy moments Chris has to watch unfold. WTA will be a riot to watch. It will be interesting to see who will be the next Bach and who will be in BIP2, more train wrecks coming down the tracks. Such a guilty pleasure watching this scripted show but the manipulation of the girls for ratings is shameful, but as RS states, they signed up for it… It’s a true narcissistic group

  14. bianca

    February 3, 2015 at 9:50 PM

    There’s something off about Brit and I can’t quite figure it out, but it’s clear Steve is all about her cuz he keeps trying to find ways to justify her questionable edit (lol). I was also enamored with her when the season started, but again, as it progresses, I feel there is something not quite right about her. It remains to be seen I suppose…

    As for Kelsey’s ex – I agree with the poster above! Her reaction almost seems fodder for an episode of 48 hours, and I almost wonder if the cause of her husband’s death really might be worth investigating further!

  15. ladyjane747

    February 3, 2015 at 11:33 PM

    Britt is so fake and she ridiculously overreacts to everything. How big can she make her mouth when she’s trying to act surprised or excited? And I’ll bet she has hair extensions. LOL I don’t care if she’s the Bachelorette or not; I don’t have to like the lead (I usually don’t) to be entertained by the show; in fact, it’s almost better if I dislike the lead – more to make fun of!

  16. hattiebloom

    February 4, 2015 at 4:12 AM


    I clicked the link to your blog.

    A). It’s written in the exact same format and feel as Sharleen Joynt’s blog.

    B). Pretty tacky to come on another blogger’s site to promote your own.

  17. melbel1811

    February 4, 2015 at 10:44 AM

    My sister used to work with Kelsey….
    my sis said she’s fake/not genuine. What you saw of her on this episode is her true self!!! NOT AN EDIT. She really is this way in real life!!!!

  18. kbray06

    February 4, 2015 at 11:00 AM

    They ended the episode before the rose ceremony on Bachelor in Paradise just this past summer. Maybe it got them a ratings spike so they figured they would try it again.

  19. ksrsfan

    February 4, 2015 at 11:05 AM

    Oh my gosh, I can’t believe the weirdos they casted this season! I think they are all fakes, seriously, can Megan be THAT stupid??? Ashley (or as someone else called her, “Kardashley”) telling Carly that Chris wants a “real” woman while wearing way too much makeup and huge fake eyelashes! Are we sure she is not related to Erica Rose, for all her entitlement attitude??? ie: the Cinderella date was supposed to be mine!!

    And did anyone else notice that when Carly was talking with Chris after their date, she said “like” at LEAST 30 times? True, I re-watched it and counted!

    I wonder if Britt uses some sort of lotion or water-less bath product if she doesn’t shower and still smells good? You really cannot cover up weeks of BO with perfume.

    And the icing on the cake, well since the other Ashley got booted anyway, is Kelsey! I do not believe the producers had to encourage or fake her edit at all, she was LOVING having a “tragic but amazing” story to tell Chris to try to stay around! Then, when he cancelled the cocktail party, she surely realized that the reason he was upset was because he was planning on sending her home after just hearing her story, and he knew that would hurt her. So she had to try another ploy to get to stay…….Oh my! I am having a panic attack!!! BS!! I have seen panic attacks and the person is not laughing soon afterward! And I would be embarrassed and not want Chris to see me, not ask for him! I agree, they need to look into her husband’s death, if he was truly that amazing, and she was so devastated by his death, how could she even think of being on this show!

  20. super1

    February 4, 2015 at 12:01 PM

    In the last episode, Kelsey mentioned something about, not understanding the timing of it all regarding her spouse’s passing. Well, according to his obituary which RS posted a link to: Kelsey graduated college with her Master’s degree on May 18, 2013. Her spouse passed away within less than a week after that. (obit posted May 23 and services May 24). That had to be the hardest thing on earth for her to deal with. I am giving Kelsey a break. She probably isn’t done mourning her spouse. In hindsight, this show wasn’t a good idea for her.

  21. rosenfie

    February 4, 2015 at 12:33 PM

    Hi Steve,
    First time writing in!
    I have a couple comments on some of your thoughts about this week’s episode.

    Regarding Jade’s “circulation condition”, it sounds like she has Renaud’s Disease where your fingers, toes, etc go white and numb with the slightest chill. I have this “condition” (which isn’t at all serious), but it can be a total pain in the ass. I’ve walked around in flip flops in 80 degree weather and as soon as I go inside somewhere, my toes are white and numb. Truly uncomfortable and annoying. Or she could be full of $hit.

    Also, I don’t think Kelsey’s panic attack is real. When I saw her building up to it (it was very obvious what she was attempting to do), I turned to my husband and said “Uh oh – fake panic attack!”. And voila, there it was. I’ve had personal experience and can spot a good or bad act. There are many people out there who have a lot of anxiety, but there’s a difference between heightened anxiety and a full-blown panic attack.


  22. robsbitch

    February 4, 2015 at 1:09 PM

    Finally they moved the show out of the country for an episode this season!

    Just kidding :p

    Really though, I never realized how much I watched this show for the travel until it was gone. Charlie O’Connell had the personality to carry a show in one location (wasn’t he in Tijuana the whole season – in actual Mexico?) Farmer Chris does not have the charisma to pull this off without the locale changes . I hope this isn’t a trend…

    And for the love of grammar Steve, it’s “all of a sudden”. Please let someone proof your blog – it’s painful.

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