Reality Steve

Reader Emails

“Reader Emails” (Part 1) & A Little Clarification on the “Bachelorette”

Dear RS,

In general terms, how do you find out the addresses of the couples you send wedding gifts to? I don’t care where any of them live, I’m not a stalker, and I don’t want to send them anything, but I still wondered how you are able to send gifts right to them. I buy them a gift off their registry where their address is hidden, and the gift gets sent to them.

Have you gotten any thank-you notes or do they have to ignore you? All of them have sent me a thank you note. Although 3 days ago, Maddie ate Ashley & JP’s thank you note. It’s basically been ripped in half. Maybe I’ll show it to you tomorrow night on the video chat.

Survivor question: I’m sure it varies, but how far is the hike to Tribal Council? We always see the tribe leaving their camp in daylight and arriving in the dark, but obviously the show can tape the tribe pretending to head to Tribal Council well before they actually go. I’m guessing that Tribal Council is right next to the camps.

Comment: It’s usually a while. And I think they actually get transported their by car. They only show you them walking in the beginning and end.

Dear Steve:

Was curious who you would have picked as final 3 this season if you were the Batchelor. From a male perspective I would have gone with Britt, Jade, Kaitlyn with Britt winning myself.

Comment: Britt, Jade, and Nikki.

So I’ll watch all 3 hours of the finale. But I completely agree that the first 90 minutes is fluff. It’s really awful. And it irks me more than the other episodes watching the lead make-out and act all lovey-dovey with the F2 girl and then days later he proposes to someone else. It’s weird and hard to watch. But I’m the moron because I’m tuning in every Monday at 7:00 so rant over.

Kaitlyn’s biggest downfall = Canadian accent. Not into it, wasn’t into it when Jillian was lead. It’s not as bad as some but a whole season is going to bother me. So if she is cast my favorite part of her season will be the Canadian jokes. Please brush up and totally over do it, for me. Okay now I want Kaitlyn to be the next Bachelorette.

Chris on DWTS. Correct me if I’m wrong but why would ABC throw their all-American farmer on a show that is meant for D-listers trying to get paid & improve their image? It makes the whole season feel like a lie. A guy that has money and wanted to find a wife, get’s engaged like the show wanted. Then turns around and spends all of his time with another woman for fame & money. There’s a reason why hook-ups are so common on the show, watch their practices. Borderline uncomfortable. I get that this show is meant to fool the viewers but can they at least try to be less obvious about it? Here’s a thought give the gig to one of the final 4 girls who isn’t cast as Bachelorette, is single and free to hook-up with Dereck & Mark. Hey, Kim K did Playboy. DWTS meet Jade Roper. I’m still not sure why Chris is doing this. He says all he wants to be is a farmer and go back to farming life and certainly doesn’t need the money. We’ll see.

As for Kailtyn & Britt filming together and competing. I also agree that it would make an interesting change to this season’s format. But I can’t believe that both girls would agree to do this. You just got dumped on national TV and you could possibly be humiliated and kicked off what would have been your own show after one night. Oh, and the feeling that multiple men just showed you they’d rather date another girl more than they would you. Is there a more humiliating form of embarrassment & shame? That’s like a nightmare! It’s like going home on night one as a regular contestant but add a multiplier. Not to mention that you have to plan out the next 2 months (or however long the season is) and could possibly be done after the first night of filming. Again similar to a night one contestant but worse because it’s guaranteed to be one night or two months. I’d rather see them incorporate both girls the whole season but doubt that could work and don’t have any ideas as to how it would. I actually would feel bad watching and would have to keep forcing myself to remember that they did CHOOSE to do this. I just can’t believe the things people are willing to do to be on TV, oh I mean find love… maybe Kaitlyn and Britt will both fall for the same guy on night one, both kiss him after finding love at first sight, one of the other guys will tell the girls what happened. Then Kaitlyn and Britt get into the biggest catfight this show has ever seen. Bloodshed, hair pulled. Hah, I could go all night but I’ll stop here.

Thanks for writing, I love your site!

Comment: Yeah, people are really clamoring for them to keep both of them all season. How would that work at hometowns? 8 hometown dates? 6 overnight dates all in the same location? As mentioned on page 1, Chris Harrison confirmed that the plan is to have the guys vote on the first night which “Bachelorette” they want. Obviously things could change by the time they start filming tonight, but that’s apparently what both women were told as well, so if they do change, it’d be a surprise to them.

Hey Steve,

Love your blog and I agree, this is not a show for love, it is a show for television drama, ratings and money.

Having said that, I am sure the producers are always trying to find ways to make the show more interesting and dramatic. We have seen endings where the lead picks the favorite, where someone appears from nowhere near the end to be the one selected, where the lead (Jason) picks one then changes his mind later, and even a season where the Bachelor (Brad) picked nobody. Jaws hit the floor around America when that happened.

I am waiting for the season where the lead gets to the final 2, decides who they want, sends one home and professes their undying love (that they feel after a few weeks) to the other, and gets dumped and left with nobody. That is an ending we haven’t seen before and would get people talking around the water cooler the next day. Do you think the producers would ever do that?

I am not convinced they really care about the cast members feelings, it’s all about ratings so I wouldn’t be too surprised….

Comment: No. Because they want to make their lead look good, because essentially the lead was their choice. They’re the ones they have to promote to America. But in the end, if both people choose not to be with the lead, that makes them walk around with egg on their face and they wouldn’t do that.


Thank you for all your spoilers this season. I haven’t watched the finale yet, but I have no doubt Chris will pick Whitney just as you said many months ago.

As I watched all the crazy bachelorettes this season, I started thinking about how a woman can prepare to be on the show.

I ended up with this list, I hope you don’t mind me sharing with you. Do you agree with my suggestions – and is there anything you can add to the list?

Thank you again for all you do. I look forward to your spoilers for next season!

Here’s my list – Things Women Should do before appearing on the Bachelor:

1) Improve your speaking skills. Learn to speak without saying “like” every other word. If necessary, shoot a video of yourself and assess yourself honestly. Ask others for opinion or advice.

2) Learn to speak without ending every sentence with a question. Does your voice get higher at the end of every sentence If so, you’re probably guilty of this irritating speech trend. It’s referred to as “upward inflection”, HRT (high-rise terminal), or “uptalk”. It makes you sound unsure of yourself, indecisive and not very credible.

3) Learn a few current events, just so you won’t sound dumb. At the very least, know the names of the President, Vice President, Speaker of the House and Secretary of State. You may never get asked this question, but for heavens sake, if you do – at least you’ll know the answer!

4) Take a good look at the way you dress and update your wardrobe. Make an appointment with a personal shopper or stylist. They recommend clothes which make you look good, taking into account your personal likes and dislikes, your body shape, your coloring and your budget. Many stores, like Nordstroms, offer this service for free with no obligation to buy anything. At the very least – buy the dress you wear the first night and make a good first impression.

5) Makeup! Learn to apply your own makeup and learn to apply it well. Take lessons, get a makeover, pay someone to give you a fair and honest assessment. And practice. Learn how different lights affect your face. Personally, I would stay away from the extremes – extremely long eyelashes and extremely bright red lipstick are two I can think of right off the bat.

6) Visit the dentist just before you go on the show. Get your teeth cleaned and brightened. Make sure you don’t have bad breath – the kiss of death!!

7) Be aware of your posture. Keep your back straight, don’t hunch over. Practice walking gracefully.

8) Watch past seasons of the show and pay attention to the ones who get negative attention. What are they doing that you should never do? How are they behaving? What can you learn from these people? How can you avoid becoming the laughingstock of your season?

9) Make a list of things you should NEVER do on the show. For example, limit your alcohol. Whatever you do, don’t get drunk!

10) Never, ever be the person who tattles. Make it a point to always stay focused when you have alone time with the Bachelor. Keep the focus on yourself! Why change the focus to other girls? You just look petty and immature.

Well, that’s all I can think of for now. Can you add anything to this?

Comment: Thank you Heloise.

(1) how do they determine the order in which the final two ladies meet the Bachelor’s family? Do they always choose the favorite to go first? There’s no set order. Changes every season.

(2) it looked like both girls gave Chris hand-made gifts on their final date (he left both hotel rooms with things. How come they didn’t show what those were? In previous seasons they would make a big production of the gifts (if any) that the remaining bachelors/bachelorettes made for the lead. Also, do the producers mandate or encourage that the final two contestants make a gift for the lead?

Comment: Yeah, they usually show what the gifts were, but this year they didn’t. I thought I read Becca made him cookies. Forgot what Whitney’s gift was. I’m sure some picture collage since that’s what they all seem to do.

Hi RS,

Long time Dallas reader, first time writing. Can we talk about how awkward Becca’s exit was? The limo engine started after Chris put her in the car. Did they make the limo driver sit out in the cold 20 degree weather by himself while he was waiting?! I’m sure he was fine.

All my family is from small town Iowa, and I could never live there and I think Becca knew she couldn’t either. She didn’t even cry or seem upset that she didn’t get the rose! All I could think was “Bye, Felicia”.

Congrats on being right and keep the witty comments coming,

Comment: Yeah, that’s the first time in forever I think that the final 2 girl didn’t cry. Not only did she not cry, she practically congratulated Chris on not picking her and was happy for him. Never see that.

Hi Steve

Does it seem like Chris “settled” for Whitney?

Random…but seeing Chris’ family tonight made me wonder how a lead gets their family on board with participating in this nonsense? Chris’ sisters were so serious it was comical. Do you have any insight on that in general?

Comment: They know they kinda have to be. I’m sure most think it’s ridiculously silly but go along with it.

Congrats on another season well (and correctly) spoiled!

A few things..

1. Is it me or was it strange that becca barely showed any emotion after being dumped? Haven’t seen that before.

2. it makes me laugh when Chris H is trying to make things dramatic with his questions and everyone brushes him off. He’s mastered it.

3. I love how Chris says “Is he happy with his decision, etc…” and then the first thing Chris S does is say he is happy, engaged, and looking forward to the future – no surprise there (thank you for that)

4. I thought it was really smart that Whitney chose not to watch the season aside from her dates with Chris.

5. I’m surprised they didn’t announce him being on DWTS, unless I missed the announcement? Or they’ll “surprise” us next Monday on DWTS premier. It was announced on GMA yesterday.

6. Do these people get paid to be on BIP? Yes. Some paid a flat fee, some paid per episode.

7. I didnt watch Byron’s season. How does the 2 bachelorette thing work? On night one the guys give out the rose and the girl with the most stays? Read yesterday’s column, page 4, last paragraph.

8. Kaitlyn looked less than thrilled to be a co-bachelorette. She definitely was pissed.

9. Britt I thought looked nice wearing much more natural make-up – gave her a very different look. I’m sure she listened to America on social media telling her to tone it down with the multi colors of lipstick.

10. I loved when Chris H said sometimes he actually is telling the truth that something is shocking lol

Can’t wait to start reading the spoilers for the next season!!

Comment: I know one location so far that they will be travelling this season. I’ll give that to you next week.

Hi Steve,

I know you get hundreds of e-mails, but while watching the show tonight wondered about something.

On the hometown dates, Chris asked Whitney’s sister for her blessing to marry her. Her sister said she couldn’t give it right now, but ask her again if Whitney is his choice. Do you know if Chris talked to her sister?

Thank you and love trading your spoilers.

Comment: Not sure if that happened.

Hi Steve,

Long time reader, first time caller. Great job guessing the double Bachelorette “twist” earlier today!

You mentioned that filming for the Bachelorette starts this week. By the time the ATFR aired, were the men already sequestered in LA, with no access to the outside world? Some arrived Monday, some arrived yesterday. I think the ones who arrived Monday were probably allowed to watch the ATFR and now know what the deal is, since those arriving Tuesday obviously saw it.

I’m wondering if social media will complicate the men’s decisions and affect the outcome of the Bachelorette choice (other than spoiling the result right away). Kaitlyn seems to be the overwhelming popular vote from the audience… so if the cast knows that they are choosing in advance, they might think twice about voting for Britt. Especially if their moms, sisters, and friends are all chiming in with their votes for Kaitlyn. What do you think? It very well could, although I think the producers are ultimately going to be behind it and pushing guys in certain directions.

Another thing for everyone to keep in mind — they will have casted the season with men who are already either into Britt, or into Kaitlyn. So the Bachelorette will be exactly who the producers want it to be… it’s pretty much set in stone before the first guy steps out of the limo. These two women are just so different, I can’t imagine many men will actually be “swing votes”.

Personally, I do think the guys will choose Britt, and I’m bummed — Kaitlyn’s season would be much funnier. With Britt, we’re in for a lot of tears, phony wide-eyed staring, and awkwardly long hugs… oh boy.

Thanks for all your snark and hard work on the spoilers! I don’t have anyone to talk to about my fascination with this stupid show, so I do enjoy your recaps.

Comment: Just remember when they did this on Byron’s season, the girl who finished second was someone who didn’t vote for him at the beginning of the show.

Hi Steve!

Very exciting that you were proven right again, but I’m even more impressed that you accurately foresaw the decision to have two Bachelorettes. I think either will make for a great show. Kaitlyn is witty and charming, and Britt is kind, beautiful, and passionate. I do hope that Britt is chosen though. I would like to see her redeem herself. Did you notice the difference in the amount of applause last night when Chris asked who was Team Kaitlyn or Team Britt? How embarrassing. I like Britt – she never talked poorly about anyone else on the show, and despite people taking Carly’s mistaken points and running with them, I think it’s clear that she never lied to Chris about Arlington. People know that first impressions can change, right? I don’t know, I guess I just don’t understand the hatred she’s receiving. Indeed, she is emotional, but how does that warrant hatred and accusations of falsity? I don’t think she’s come across as fake at all and people throw that word around with nothing else to back it up except for the Arlington thing.

Reading Britt’s bio on the Bachelor site, it is easy to see that she is not only kind and charitable, but intelligent in a way that the show never displayed. If Britt is chosen by the men, backlash will include many people insisting that men are pigs and they only chose her because she was beautiful. People are already saying this, and I think it’s not only mistaken, but crass. Kaitlyn is an excellent candidate too, but I would love to see Britt. She will be passionate and serious about finding the right guy and I don’t see her entertaining anyone who isn’t serious also. In my opinion, this could make for a pretty intense and dramatic season. Do you think this is why the producers may have gone in this direction? Many people want Kaitlyn but Britt might make for a better show. Sorry for the rambling! Anyway, great job with this season and I’m looking forward to the next one.

Comment: Yes, I think the hatred for Britt is unwarranted, but a lot of that is just stemming from people seeing her job as a Hollywood waitress and the fact she has an acting background. Immediately that’s going to make people think you are just wanting to be on TV. Add in the fact she’s very theatrical in everything she does, it only adds to the hatred.

Congrats on another perfectly spoiled season! Without your column, I would not watch this stupid show.Unless I like the lead, it is sort of a hate watch for me….The Bachelorette had low ratings last season.The horrific idea of trying to make Britt happen but more importantly creating buzz and drama is purely for ratings. I feel like Fleiss and friends know that they need to get creative with this Bachelorette season to help boost ratings. Do these morons not realize that Britt is not liked by alot of people watching this show? That is not my opinion,it is a fact.Kaitlyn has almost 400,000 instagram followers, Britt has half of that.Every other form of social media response is overwhelmingly in favor if Kaitlyn. Bullsh*t Chris Harrison, no it is not split down the middle, ABC is doing this for ratings. While I highly doubt Britt will be chosen after night one…if she is I will not be watching this season. It is so beyond obvious that this woman is seeking fame and she refuses to go away. Since she seems like a loose cannon lacking any depth, ABC sees ratings. How do you think this will play out?

Comment: Of course they’re doing it for ratings. That’s nothing new. Yes, TeamKaitlyn is way ahead of TeamBritt on social media right now, not to mention former cast members. It’s not even close. People will watch either way, but I think they’d be better served to have Kaitlyn win that vote on the first night.

I think this has happened before, but not recently, so asking for your Bach stats. How often, or when was last time, they showed the winner getting the rose BEFORE they show the loser going home? I know it’s happened, but can’t remember which season.

I wish I had your job. Still think there must be one weird thing I can do that will make me internet famous…

Hope Maddie is doing well, thanks for the frosty pups reference.

Comment: Maddie eating things lately has put her in the dog house so to speak. Last night she ate my “24” mouse pad.

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  1. coffeeinchicago

    March 11, 2015 at 11:57 AM

    I definitely don’t think the Bachettes were told immediately before the AFTR about the dueling leads, but I do think Kaitlyn was led to believe she would be the only Bachelorette until less than a week before the AFTR. This would explain why K didn’t seem very jilted at the WTA, had a makeover, and was posting 5000 headshots on Instagram while Brit laid relatively low. Then, a few days before the AFTR… they both film intro vids, Britt tweets a happy face and starts blowing up Instagram while Kaitlyn goes radio silent. Then, of course, the AFTR where Britt seems excited and Kaityn is clearly not thrilled.

    Makes sense in my head.

  2. bachfan30

    March 11, 2015 at 1:07 PM

    ^^ I agree with you completely, coffeeinchicago.
    It sucks big time for our girl, Kaitlyn. I just hope the majority of the guys have watched the season and are familiar with both girls. Undoubtedly, they’d pick Kaitlyn. I just don’t know how much of Britt I can stand.

  3. toaster

    March 11, 2015 at 1:23 PM

    I can’t wait for Steve’s spoiler about which bachelorette will be chosen. I much prefer Brit as a person. But considering all the weirdness of the show I won’t be sorry if Kaitlyn is chosen and they get her jumping through hoops instead. It’ll be interesting to watch either way, even if it’ll make for a different show depending on which one goes through. I don’t believe the men will have the final say. I think the producers will know in advance who they want and will just make it look like it’s the guys’ choice.

  4. toaster

    March 11, 2015 at 2:14 PM

    The best part of having both women in the running for the role of Bachelorette has already been accomplished. Wherever she is, you can be sure Carly is green with envy and no doubt majorly annoyed that Britt is where she is despite Carly’s best efforts at maligning her throughout the show. That alone makes this twist all the more awesome! Here’s to several more sleepless nights for Carly while we all wait to hear more. 😉

  5. angelfish

    March 11, 2015 at 5:15 PM

    Totally agree, toaster! Somewhere Carly is crying to her little Chris Harrison hand puppet that she was so misunderstood and misjudged!

  6. jpoz

    March 11, 2015 at 6:07 PM

    Yeah I agree too Carly was a nasty piece of work. Is it any wonder she can’t keep a man?? She needs to look at her own flaws before having a go at people like Britt. I still say Britt is a sweet girl as evidenced by her Instragram pics helping sick children etc. She deserves a second chance and I’m hoping alot of peoples opinions will change if she becomes the Bachelorette.

    Everyone knows women can be extremely jealous of beautiful girls, it starts at high school so don’t try and dismiss it as not a major reason why Britt has been treated so poorly. Of course Britt could have handled herself better when Kaitlyn got the rose but really I fail to see much else she did wrong. If comforting other girls, not saying bad things about them and generally being a nice person to everyone makes her fake in some peoples eyes then I’ll gladly take that over people that are rude, arrogant and mean such as Carly.

    I can’t wait to see how this all plays out and hopefully Britt gets a chance to show everyone she really is a genuinely nice girl. #TeamBritt

  7. justforfun

    March 11, 2015 at 6:24 PM

    If Britt is chosen, I will not watch. This will be the first season I haven’t watched in several years, but that is how much I can’t stand her & her fake drama.
    Who are these posters that claim that anyone that doesn’t like Britt is jealous of her beauty?? Are you a man, or a 12 year old girl?? Most adult females like to be friends with beautiful women. Beauty draws people in. Unless what is under that beauty is a fake, narcissistic personality.
    Maybe Britt was just misunderstood by all of her theatrics, fake tears, and drama. I don’t know, and I don’t care. I just know that I don’t want to watch more of that.

  8. cjscjs711

    March 11, 2015 at 6:28 PM

    @toaster you proly hit the nail on the head…. I don’t dislike Carly but her relentless crusade against Britt was beyond the pale. Even Carly wasn’t able to come up with one concrete instance where Britt had hurt Carly and deserved having Carly basically try to destroy her.

    Not sure whose idea it was at ABC to play so fast and loose with Britt’s storyline – from the not showering nonsense that grossed out America to the Big and Rich Concert rudeness (by Chris) to juxtaposing the second-hand comment about not wanting children beside Britt telling Chris she wanted about a “hundred.” You really hurt your own girl. She’s volunteered with children and put her own money into sponsoring children. So now after these sensationalized edits, ABC is giving her a chance to rescue herself……?

  9. punk

    March 12, 2015 at 8:35 AM

    I hope they go 2 episodes at least with both girls. Have them decide together who the final 16 should be (13 each), then go on at least 1 group date wiith their groups.

    Then let them vote.

    It does not get serious until it is down to 5 anyway, so prior to that, I hope they get creative.

  10. stevely

    March 12, 2015 at 9:54 AM

    I agree that Kaitlyn looked a little miffed and seemed to suggest it even more the way she said something about “not what I was expecting”.

    But I don’t see – given the online negativity I see towards Britt that they have Britt as the lead. So whoever the guys vote for, Kaitlyn is the one the producers will announce as the winner. And they will definitely not show any scenes of the guys talking about who they voted for so that we can’t get the impression it was rigged.

    I felt when I saw Britt that her beauty was too much. Women can handle a pretty woman, but Britt is beautiful which makes it tough. I think she has to be very careful the way she carries herself to avoid a negative reaction from women. And it’s already too late to win over viewers.

  11. stevely

    March 12, 2015 at 9:58 AM

    I would love to see the whole season with both, but two would also be good. But I guess they would have to pay Harrison a lot more millions for all the extra work he would be doing. “Gentlemen, Britt, this is Britt’s final rose”. “Gentlemen, Kaitlyn, this is Kaitlyn’s final rose”. “Today there will be a two on one date with Kaitlyn, a group date with Britt, a one on one with Britt, and a two on one with Britt after which one of you will be going home”.

  12. vessel

    March 12, 2015 at 11:35 AM

    @Justforfun, Agree with everything you said. It’s highly doubtful I’ll watch if they keep Britt, and the comments about women being just jealous of her really need to stop. It’s insulting and demeaning to women in general to chalk up an opinion of someone as nothing more than the result of a petty emotion. My opinion of the way Britt behaves most definitely does NOT stem from a place of jealousy. In fact, in general if someone is beautiful they usually get the benefit of the doubt more than someone who is not.

  13. loquacious39

    March 12, 2015 at 7:27 PM

    @jpoz I agree. I don’t understand the hostility towards Britt. I thought men wanted to compete for a beautiful woman. Remember how the guys all liked Emily. Women are vicious. I’m sorry, but I think Kaitlin is homely compared to Britt, she’s a “mouseburger” type, boring personality. Britt has life in her and infinitely more interesting, men would be falling all over themselves. It could be hilarious. We could have another “Bentley” type that will lament he thought he was vying for Britt. Personally, I wish they didn’t do Bachelorette shows, they’re never as compelling as The Bachelor.

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