Reality Steve

Bachelor in Paradise 2

“Bachelor in Paradise 2” Episode 3 Recap & An Update on the Relationships

-We started off with the ending of last week’s episode where Clare had excused herself from the rose ceremony because, well, we don’t really know for sure. But you can pretty much bank on the reason they showed us on TV probably wasn’t the real reason. Basically everyone else has coupled up and Clare really hasn’t connected with anyone, but I can’t imagine that’s why she walked off. Sure that’s what they told us but I’m guessing it was something more than that. Whatever the case, the suspense was killing me. Will she leave the show? Will she come back? Will she start mating with some animal? The possibilities were endless. Well, not really. Of course she came back and the rose ceremony continued…

Ashley I. to Jared
Clare to JJ (with no real explanation as to why)
Juelia to Joe (with Joe telling us, yet again, that Samantha is his dream girl).

-So with Joe talking about Samantha all last episode in his ITM’s, and Juelia oblivious to what he’s saying behind her back, you’ll never guess in a gazillion years which girl enters the show next. Exactly. Emily Maynard. Ummm, kidding. It was Samantha looking about as good as anyone can remember since, well, no one remembers her from Chris’ season even though she somehow lasted five episodes. Samantha says she’s not looking for a bad boy because that seems to be her type in the past and it’s never worked out. Oh Sammy. You’re probably watching this back and cringing now. Well, of course we know you are because all your tweets are hashtagged with #hindsight2020. We’ll get to more of the Samantha angle regarding her actions on this show on page 4 when we talk about last night’s episode. Sunday’s mostly focused around Joe and his lying. Jared specifically asked Joe if he was talking to Samantha before the show. He said he didn’t. Tanner knows that’s a lie because Tanner says Joe told him he was. Sooooooo, are you gonna share this with the rest of the group Tanner or just talk about it in ITM’s? C’mon. Spill the beans. By the way, not that we didn’t know Joe is a bold faced liar, but I went back and watched the part on Sunday’s episode where Jared asked Joe “Did you talk to Samantha before the show?” It’s at the 19 min mark of Sunday’s episode. Joe even makes Jared repeat the question, Jared says “did you talk to Sam before the show,” and Joe says “no.” So his claim that, “oh, I thought you said did I meet her” from last night’s episode is complete BS.

-Joe and Samantha end up doing a “Hot Bodies” photo shoot for “People” magazine. Which is ironic since only one of them qualifies under that label, and I’ll give you a hint, it’s not Joe. Was this really a photoshoot or a way for Joe to start pitching a tent as Samantha nuzzled up again his privees? I’d say the latter. Probably the best part of the shoot was during all these hot, steamy make out scenes, they’re flashing back to the night before at the cocktail party where Juelia is confronting Joe telling him that Jonathan and JJ both thought he wasn’t there for the right reasons, then made out with her and followed it up with the, “What about my intentions now” comment. I’m surprised on how many people are missing the boat on the Joe/Samantha thing. Nobody cares that these two spoke before the show. Hell, most of these people did. It’s the fact that they came on the show and lied about it. And we all know the reason Joe lied about it. Because it would hurt his chances of getting the rose from Juelia. Then once Samantha arrived, while thinking he could just wash himself of her, it made him look even worse.

-They come back from their date and tell everyone what they did while Juelia is within ear shot and that makes her feel like a million bucks. Joe’s biggest problem in all of this seems to be he can’t grasp what he did and it’s clear as day. I’m not sure why he doesn’t understand what he did wrong other than being still very far left on the evolution chart. Talk to Samantha before the show all you want. Text her all you want. Sext her all you want. Send her as many dongs shots as you’d like. But when you’re asked within minutes of Samantha showing up, “did you talk to her before the show,” and you’ve already told Tanner you have, but you respond to others with “no,” your credibility is shot. And then when more and more people start to realize it, and you continue to get defensive and say no, you’re just building an even worse case against yourself. You know I’m not a huge fan of “After Paradise” since it’s a bunch of nonsense and ass kissing, however, with Joe on next week, we might actually get something interesting. Because instead of Twitter wars and he said/she said, we can get to the nuts and bolts and someone can just flat out ask him how he doesn’t think he played Juelia, among 50 other questions.

-Oh yeah, they threw in a bogus scene of Clare calling a raccoon who was sitting on a beach chair playing with a phone. Another insult to the audience’s intelligence because, trust me, there are people out there who actually believe that stuff. I actually popped on Clare’s periscope last night for about 10 minutes where she was talking mostly hair and make up stuff, and just in the 10 minutes I was on, I saw two people ask why she wasn’t in Mexico. You think I kid about this stuff, but I’m telling you, there are some shall we say not-so-smart people that watch this show. And they’re everywhere. Why aren’t you in Mexico? Really? It was at that point that I gave up on her Periscope. I can only handle so much foundation and concealer talk. Then to couple it with MENSA members asking her why she wasn’t in Mexico when the show ended filming 2 months ago, I basically had to go stick my finger down my throat.

-A date card arrives and it’s for Carly, who’s giddy as a school girl. And horny too. But her partner doesn’t know if he’s willing yet. Kirk: “I know Carly wants to sleep with me. I don’t know if I’m ready yet.” So these two have dinner on the beach and talk about where they’re at. Essentially Carly has fallen under the Paradise spell (not to be confused with the Samantha #undertheJoespell hashtag from last night) and is convinced she’s already in love with a guy she’d known for about 10 days at that point, and Kirk is like, “Yeah, whatevs.” Seemed to be a running theme this episode. They even make mention of the fact that Carly and Kirk’s date is on the day her brother Zak got married in Ireland, which she conveniently missed to be on a silly reality dating show. Wow. What a sister. Placing a call to your brother (who you are very close to) on his wedding day. Don’t go out of your way or anything. Apparently somehow this gave Kirk a change of heart and now he totally wants to get in her pants, so they go to the hotel and rent a room and Carly gets the sex she was after, even though they’d already done it back at the beach. I guess now it was more special since it was somewhat more private, but lets not pretend that was the first time they got to do it.

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  1. punk

    August 18, 2015 at 10:48 AM

    The only amusing thing about this show is seeing the reactions of people on social media who actually think it is all real. PUH-LEASE.

    This show is as scripted and/or controlled as any other reality TV show. The Producers tell the contestants what to do or say, who to confront and how to do it. Who to talk to and when, often what to talk about. The drama is 90% contrived, with the rest being legit by the dolts who get caught in their circumstance (hi Ashley I!).

    Joe played a role. And he had fun with it. Made for better ratings that he did. And he got the hot girl for a while as a result. And I think that the producers actually know this and worked it. Apparently, not enough people watched UnReal.

    The After show is still pretty awful. Jenny from Elan’s block sucks. She is a bag of flaming turds.

  2. rob22

    August 18, 2015 at 11:02 AM

    ….and one time, at band camp,…. It’s probably the terrible show, but that’s all I could think of while reading this recap. I could only manage 1 1/2 pages before giving up. The show is a dumpster fire, and not in a good gotta watch the train wreck way. So the recap is a snoozer. I recommend boiling yourself to death before I would recommend reading all 4 pages of this flaming pile.

  3. cjscjs711

    August 18, 2015 at 1:02 PM

    @rob22 I often agree with a lot that you say but strangely on this blog, I think it was one of his better! (Me being one of his regular critics, even!)

    You have to realize not everyone watches these shows with their undivided attention. I’ve usually got it playing in the background while I’m on another computer doing retouching. Or even in the kitchen. Or doing laundry. So a play-by-play actually fills in some gaps, and I like it when Steve brings up references to Twitter tweets, etc. because I honestly don’t have time to follow all these people on Twitter and the tabloids. At all. So hearing what they’re tweeting – especially after blowing away the chaff – I really appreciate.

    And I very often agree with Steve’s analyses, which I think he’s consistently better at than making fun – although he does come through with some real gems now and then.

    I disagree with Steve on the raccoon being insulting to audience intelligence. MAYBE there’s a VERY small percentage who believed she literally believed she was talking to a raccoon, just like there’s an equal possibility that a small percentage of people believe when they see Reggie Brown impersonating Barack Obama are fooled into thinking they’re actually seeing President Obama. You know – but you can’t cater to the lowest common denominator…..

  4. angelfish

    August 18, 2015 at 1:19 PM

    I watch the same way you do. One ear listening, one eye watching and a myriad of other things I need to do getting taken care of.

    And while I’m a big Steve fan and a defender, I tend to skim when he gets long-winded or into an area that doesn’t interest me. It’s all still fun for me, since I just don’t take anything related to this franchise too seriously.

  5. locondcoco

    August 18, 2015 at 1:33 PM

    I think Clare posted on Instagram last week, and in the caption, she said something like- “contrary to popular belief, BIP is not shot in real time”…haha. I cant believe people can be that stupid. but i guess i’m the one that’s stupid if i can’t believe it!

  6. caffeinequeen

    August 18, 2015 at 3:47 PM

    I’m with @cjscjs711 and @angelfish. I am usually doing several other things while halfway paying attention to this show. Sometimes the recaps are all I have time for… I mean two nights of this a week!?

    I don’t feel like my intelligence is being insulted by the BIP producers who keep at the same tired jokes. I’m just way past the point of thinking that watching Clare (supposedly) communicate with critters and watching Megan try to walk, talk, and think simultaneously is funny.

  7. flightgirl

    August 18, 2015 at 7:51 PM

    I don’t think Samantha is all that pretty. She looks much older than however old she is. This show forces people to “couple up” in order to stay in the “game” so the people on it should be aware of that obvious aspect. It would suck to be the person in a “relationship” who doesn’t want to be with the other person yet feels somehow “obligated” or pressured after just one date or because they were given a rose.

    Juila herself dumped Jonathan. As mentioned on that after show, she was warned by numerous people about Joe too. What comes around, goes around for all of them.

  8. hurricaneemily

    August 18, 2015 at 7:57 PM

    Great recap as always. I’m surprised that any of these relationships last, frankly. Samantha and Joe are a match forged in the fires of hell. Thanks for inspiring me to write about this franchise. Check out my week 3 recap:

  9. kimmyfromdablock

    August 19, 2015 at 7:16 AM

    My only comment is on Jenny Mollen’s hair and dress on the After show…….HORRENDOUS!!!!!!

  10. rob22

    August 19, 2015 at 8:52 AM

    I too only half listen & multi task. But as of today, because I end up falling asleep when I watch the show, I have only made it through the Sunday episode via DVR. I’m debating whether to even pull up Mondays & the after show sounds like a total abortion. I haven’t watched any of those yet. Thanks for the warnings BTW. RS & all of you have done a service to us by telling us how bad it is. I guess I shouldn’t blame RS for the rotten show that leaves me uninterested in the recap. He’s got a job to do & he can’t do anything about the POS quality of the show.

    BTW: Clare talking to the raccoon was REALLY, REALLY stupid. Whether the producers just thought it was funny or whether they thought people would believe it actually happened, it was an embarrassment. All I could think of was they were really desperate for material since they milked the whole Joe thing for such a tediously long time. And while Joe might be a tool (he is), he was just following the rules that they setup on the show. You have to pair up or you leave. So, what did they think was going to happen? The producers set it up to happen, it happened, then the producers setup some drama (who were those people btw?) to call out Joe on it. Contestants do the exact same thing on The Bachelor. They pretend to like the lead whether they like them or not. Otherwise the goodies dry up & they put you on a red-eye home. The incentives are clearly setup for people to do whatever they have to do to stay. So, predictably, that’s what they do.

  11. Cndgirl

    August 19, 2015 at 9:03 AM

    I love love love bip. It is my fav show in this franchise. Even though there still is producer driven drama and manipulation, I don’t think it’s nearly as much, as Joe showed all on his own, with minimal voice over and soliloquies. I actually find this show much more ‘real’ (or unreal) and you see behind the masks of these people more than you do in the Bach and ette shows. Especially the guys. Many a guy has been crush worthy on ette, but then they come on Bach pad or bip and we get to see who they really are. Remember Kovacs? He was a fav on Jillian’s season, and completely different on Bach pad. Sure, that had a money prize, but somehow I’m still finding the shows quite similar. I think it’s also because of a more even complement of men and women – not just everyone going after one person which can get kind of boring. I laugh and laugh all the way through Mon and Tues. 

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