-We started off with the ending of last week’s episode where Clare had excused herself from the rose ceremony because, well, we don’t really know for sure. But you can pretty much bank on the reason they showed us on TV probably wasn’t the real reason. Basically everyone else has coupled up and Clare really hasn’t connected with anyone, but I can’t imagine that’s why she walked off. Sure that’s what they told us but I’m guessing it was something more than that. Whatever the case, the suspense was killing me. Will she leave the show? Will she come back? Will she start mating with some animal? The possibilities were endless. Well, not really. Of course she came back and the rose ceremony continued…
Ashley I. to Jared
Clare to JJ (with no real explanation as to why)
Juelia to Joe (with Joe telling us, yet again, that Samantha is his dream girl).
-So with Joe talking about Samantha all last episode in his ITM’s, and Juelia oblivious to what he’s saying behind her back, you’ll never guess in a gazillion years which girl enters the show next. Exactly. Emily Maynard. Ummm, kidding. It was Samantha looking about as good as anyone can remember since, well, no one remembers her from Chris’ season even though she somehow lasted five episodes. Samantha says she’s not looking for a bad boy because that seems to be her type in the past and it’s never worked out. Oh Sammy. You’re probably watching this back and cringing now. Well, of course we know you are because all your tweets are hashtagged with #hindsight2020. We’ll get to more of the Samantha angle regarding her actions on this show on page 4 when we talk about last night’s episode. Sunday’s mostly focused around Joe and his lying. Jared specifically asked Joe if he was talking to Samantha before the show. He said he didn’t. Tanner knows that’s a lie because Tanner says Joe told him he was. Sooooooo, are you gonna share this with the rest of the group Tanner or just talk about it in ITM’s? C’mon. Spill the beans. By the way, not that we didn’t know Joe is a bold faced liar, but I went back and watched the part on Sunday’s episode where Jared asked Joe “Did you talk to Samantha before the show?” It’s at the 19 min mark of Sunday’s episode. Joe even makes Jared repeat the question, Jared says “did you talk to Sam before the show,” and Joe says “no.” So his claim that, “oh, I thought you said did I meet her” from last night’s episode is complete BS.
-Joe and Samantha end up doing a “Hot Bodies” photo shoot for “People” magazine. Which is ironic since only one of them qualifies under that label, and I’ll give you a hint, it’s not Joe. Was this really a photoshoot or a way for Joe to start pitching a tent as Samantha nuzzled up again his privees? I’d say the latter. Probably the best part of the shoot was during all these hot, steamy make out scenes, they’re flashing back to the night before at the cocktail party where Juelia is confronting Joe telling him that Jonathan and JJ both thought he wasn’t there for the right reasons, then made out with her and followed it up with the, “What about my intentions now” comment. I’m surprised on how many people are missing the boat on the Joe/Samantha thing. Nobody cares that these two spoke before the show. Hell, most of these people did. It’s the fact that they came on the show and lied about it. And we all know the reason Joe lied about it. Because it would hurt his chances of getting the rose from Juelia. Then once Samantha arrived, while thinking he could just wash himself of her, it made him look even worse.
-They come back from their date and tell everyone what they did while Juelia is within ear shot and that makes her feel like a million bucks. Joe’s biggest problem in all of this seems to be he can’t grasp what he did and it’s clear as day. I’m not sure why he doesn’t understand what he did wrong other than being still very far left on the evolution chart. Talk to Samantha before the show all you want. Text her all you want. Sext her all you want. Send her as many dongs shots as you’d like. But when you’re asked within minutes of Samantha showing up, “did you talk to her before the show,” and you’ve already told Tanner you have, but you respond to others with “no,” your credibility is shot. And then when more and more people start to realize it, and you continue to get defensive and say no, you’re just building an even worse case against yourself. You know I’m not a huge fan of “After Paradise” since it’s a bunch of nonsense and ass kissing, however, with Joe on next week, we might actually get something interesting. Because instead of Twitter wars and he said/she said, we can get to the nuts and bolts and someone can just flat out ask him how he doesn’t think he played Juelia, among 50 other questions.
-Oh yeah, they threw in a bogus scene of Clare calling a raccoon who was sitting on a beach chair playing with a phone. Another insult to the audience’s intelligence because, trust me, there are people out there who actually believe that stuff. I actually popped on Clare’s periscope last night for about 10 minutes where she was talking mostly hair and make up stuff, and just in the 10 minutes I was on, I saw two people ask why she wasn’t in Mexico. You think I kid about this stuff, but I’m telling you, there are some shall we say not-so-smart people that watch this show. And they’re everywhere. Why aren’t you in Mexico? Really? It was at that point that I gave up on her Periscope. I can only handle so much foundation and concealer talk. Then to couple it with MENSA members asking her why she wasn’t in Mexico when the show ended filming 2 months ago, I basically had to go stick my finger down my throat.
-A date card arrives and it’s for Carly, who’s giddy as a school girl. And horny too. But her partner doesn’t know if he’s willing yet. Kirk: “I know Carly wants to sleep with me. I don’t know if I’m ready yet.” So these two have dinner on the beach and talk about where they’re at. Essentially Carly has fallen under the Paradise spell (not to be confused with the Samantha #undertheJoespell hashtag from last night) and is convinced she’s already in love with a guy she’d known for about 10 days at that point, and Kirk is like, “Yeah, whatevs.” Seemed to be a running theme this episode. They even make mention of the fact that Carly and Kirk’s date is on the day her brother Zak got married in Ireland, which she conveniently missed to be on a silly reality dating show. Wow. What a sister. Placing a call to your brother (who you are very close to) on his wedding day. Don’t go out of your way or anything. Apparently somehow this gave Kirk a change of heart and now he totally wants to get in her pants, so they go to the hotel and rent a room and Carly gets the sex she was after, even though they’d already done it back at the beach. I guess now it was more special since it was somewhat more private, but lets not pretend that was the first time they got to do it.