-As for last night’s episode, in one hour they basically have to wrap up 4 relationships – two of which the couple had one date together. Tenley and Joshua were then the second longest behind Tanner and Jade. The rush they go through is one of the numerous problems with the format of the show. All of them get one final date that we maybe see a minute of each, then we all see them go to the Fantasy Suite and the doors close. So lets break down these couples at this point:
Justin and Cassandra: I can’t get over the fact that this guy refuses to button the top 17 buttons on any dress shirt he owns. For that reason alone, Cassandra has every right to dump him and go running to Jonathan. But lets be honest, none of us care about this couple anyway, even if they had stayed together.
Nick and Samantha: Although as we found out through Amber on “After Paradise” when she called in, these two are still together I guess things are going great. I’m guessing most of you think it’s only a matter of time before Samantha moves on to her next prey. I guess the most interesting thing was finding out on their last date that they’d been talking for 3 months prior to the show. Not sure that’s the greatest look for Samantha, but at this point, what does she care? She set out to accomplish exactly what she needed to do and succeeded.
Joshua and Tenley: Going into their final date, Tenley started planting the seeds by saying that the idea of her and Joshua in Paradise made sense, but after the fact, she didn’t know. That’s basically all she kept saying about how things were different outside the show. So you knew where this was headed.
Tanner and Jade: Chris Harrison says all the time this show is about finding love, but that doesn’t make good TV. So while these two fell for each other in Mexico, we barely saw any of it. The whole “after what happened to Carly, I’m beginning to question myself with Tanner” was strictly done for TV purposes to give the unspoiled a bit of a cliffhanger. And it failed miserably.
-Once the overnight dates were over, Chris Harrison makes a declaration that at the final rose ceremony, “If you give a rose today it means you are committed to a life together outside of Paradise,” which is probably the most ridiculous line he’s ever uttered and that’s saying something. Obviously, that means about as much as an engagement on the “Bachelor” or “Bachelorette” at this point. I mean seriously? Of all the flaws this show has, that’s the biggest one. Says who? Is there some legal binding agreement that if you present the final rose at a BIP ceremony you are committing to a life with this person outside of Paradise? Uhhhh, whatever. So ridiculous and is easily the biggest problem that this show has. At least with “Bachelor Pad,” there was an end game. $250,000. Everyone was fighting for it. This show? Maybe or maybe not date in the real world, when most of these people are hooking up outside the show anyway? It’s so preposterous that it’s become laughable.
-So once we got down to it, you already knew what was happening from the spoilers two months ago. Then three weeks ago today, I updated you on the fact that Tanner and Jade were still engaged (including now two instances where Jade spoiled she was in Kansas City on social media), Tenley and Joshua don’t even talk and she was never interested in him, Justin and Cassandra had broken up almost immediately and she was dating Jonathan, and that Carly and Kirk never got back together. So nothing about the final 30 minutes of the show last night was news to anyone.
-Which brings us to the final episode of “After Paradise,” but certainly not the last one ever. It’s definitely coming back next summer, if not added to the “Bachelor” or “Bachelorette” programs, even though I expressed my confusion last week on what day of the week and what time it could air. I guess we’ll find out come January. This show loves Tenley lets face it. But her dumping Josh because essentially he lives in Idaho and have different lifestyles isn’t really all that much different than Kirk breaking up with Carly because he didn’t see a future with her. But since Tenley is edited as America’s sweetheart, people see it differently. Tenley knew Josh was from Idaho the second she started dating him. That didn’t all the sudden spring up on her. So if you’re saying, “Well maybe she started to realize it closer to the end,” you could say the same for Kirk. Maybe as they got closer to the end of the show, he realized his feelings weren’t as strong for Carly as hers were for him. Hell, maybe Kirk and Tenley both went on the show with zero intentions of ever meeting anyone and they just stayed til the end because they wanted to and they both played all of us. Very possible. I’m pretty sure that was Tenley’s goal in all this. Kirk I’m not so sure. I believe Kirk liked Carly and fell for her. Don’t think he played her at all and this was some grand scheme. However the way he went about it was his biggest mistake. But Tenley? She knew what she was doing. She was never going to be with Joshua post show, and played it out as long as she could to stay on the show.
-Now I know your next question is, “Is she going to be on Ben’s season?” I really hope I don’t have to answer this for the next 4 four months. My answer is exactly what it was last week and exactly what it’ll be until this show starts filming and we find out if she showed up or not: We don’t know. My opinion is that I don’t think she’d do it, even though she wants Ben, has spent time with Ben, and they currently talk all the time. Tenley is very calculating about her appearance on these shows and is very, very image conscious. Appearing for a 4th time she’ll know how that comes across. So unless they find a way where she actually is asked to come on, or Ben requests her to appear (which I doubt they’d do), then I don’t see her coming on his season, either from the beginning, or showing up like Nick did. I just don’t see it happening and would be pretty surprised if it did. My guess is Tenley is gonna let it all play out and is banking on the fact that even if Ben does propose at the end of this thing to some other girl, it’ll never last and eventually they’ll end up together down the road. We all can kinda see how Tenley thinks by watching her. If it’s in God’s plan, they’ll be together and she’ll just stick by that.
-As for Kirk and Carly’s confrontation last night, it didn’t really clear a lot up in terms of what happened and when. Both of them no doubt made mistakes in their courtship in Mexico. I think Carly fell way too quickly, and Kirk could’ve been a bit more open about things, even though it’s pretty tough in that environment. Carly is definitely playing the victim card now with her “Blindsided” song she released on Twitter Sunday night. Really? Look, you’re not Taylor Swift. You didn’t have a public breakup with Jake Gyllenhaal, John Mayer, or a Jonas Brother, or Harry Styles. You had a 3 week relationship with Kirk DeWindt. It’s not that big a deal as you’re making it out to be. And not once, but TWICE, bringing up the fact that you didn’t want to have his kids “tomorrow,” only proves that Carly is fixated on what the public thinks of her and was lashing out at social media. But for her to get on a soap box and essentially tell all guys in America to “stop it,” was ridiculous. Really? So guys are the only people in the world who’ve done the breaking up? Guys aren’t allowed to have a change of heart in a relationship? It was over-the-top, but for Carly, par for the course this season. She’s obviously someone who hasn’t been in a lot of relationships (self admittedly), and the ones she has been in weren’t good. Honey, you had a 3 week courtship on a show that’s based on just drinking and hooking up. Quit acting like you were left at the alter. Geez.
-Kirk’s biggest issue last night was he had 8 weeks to come up with something to say and after watching him last night, I don’t feel there was any sense of closure. He apologized for what he did, but he wasn’t real specific about what he was apologizing for. We get it. You didn’t want to hurt her. I don’t think anyone intentionally wants to hurt anyone else. But was he sorry he did it on camera? Was he sorry he said yes to Zak’s wedding reception then dumped her the next day? Was he sorry he jumped into something so quickly after ending a relationship one month before the show? Whatever it is, he wasn’t clear about it. At least to me he wasn’t. Maybe some others understood but I didn’t. I think there’s definitely more to this story and more things that were said that we don’t know about. Hell, executive producer Robert Mills even tweeted after the fact that Kirk and Carly were in the hallways talking afterwards and he said he did call her back when she tried to reach out to him within the last week. So there’s more that we don’t know and probably won’t ever know. I just can’t get away from the fact this was a 3 week relationship and Carly acted like he slept with another woman before their wedding night. You HATE him? Really? It was all a bit much. The good thing is, it’s all over. All of it. No more silliness of this show til next summer. Thank God.
So that’s it. Back tomorrow with “Reader Emails,” “Dr. Reality Steve” and your live video chat tomorrow night because I’m out of town Thursday, then next week the return of “Daily Links” begins on Tuesday. “Bachelor” filming starts the end of this month on the 24th, so I’ll be spoiling what I can for you when I can. Obviously we know stuff will be spoiled publicly on Twitter and Instagram, but I’m already hearing things about locations that I hope to get solidified before they actually get to those places. Hope you enjoyed your summer with this silly show and I kept you informed throughout. Thanks for reading and keep it here for all your spoilers on “Bachelor” Ben’s season as it happens. See you tomorrow.
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