Reality Steve

Bachelor in Paradise 2

The Final “Reader Emails” and “Dr. Reality Steve” of the Calendar Year (Sniff, Sniff…)

I followed your advice and watched Can’t Hardly Wait. I could not stop smiling. It is so so so great! Thanks for the recommendation! Got anymore?

Comment: Hmmmmm, you mean like really bad, but really awesome 80’s/90’s high school movies? Try “Not Another Teen Movie.” Classic. Chris Evans is in it and it’s basically a spoof of all high school comedies and dramas. They even spoof “Can’t Hardly Wait” in it.

Hey Reality Steve

Instead of saying who I think someone looks like I am going to say who I think someone sounds like.

Jenny Mollen – Helen Hunt
Ben Higgins – Jason Mesnick

Comment: Hmmmm, Helen Hunt’s voice really doesn’t stick out to me so tough to compare. And yeah, I can see Ben sounding like Jason.

1. What are your thoughts on Carly vs. Kirk? From my perspective, Kirk did not really do all that much wrong. The second he brought up his doubts, Carly just ran from him. He felt awful and was just trying to have a conversation (was he definitely even breaking up with her or just slowing it down?). And was it really so wrong to say a 2 1/2 week relationship was moving too fast? And then she was so harsh on the after show. She seems so childish. He came off really sincere. Also, Kirk had nothing to do with her decision to miss her own brother’s wedding. She can’t put that crap on him!

What do you think of the two of them? I know you honestly don’t really care, but I am curious to hear your thoughts. This email came before I posted yesterday’s column. So I guess now you have your answer what I think of them.

2. I think Janner seems pretty comfortable. They might actually get married. And they are definitely more like-able than Marcus and Lacy, right? I think so.

3. What did you say about them bringing this show back more than once a year? I don’t remember saying anything like that. Maybe you were referring to “After Paradise” which Chris Harrison hinted could be brought back for “Bachelor” and/or “Bachelorette.”

4. Odds of Nick and Samantha lasting? Probably not great.

5. Who are you rooting for on Survivor? Plenty. Jeremy, Spencer, Savage, Ciera, Vytas, and Joe.

Thanks!! Have a great off season!

Was Jorge an actor cast for the show, or a legitimate, albeit carefully selected, local-ish bartender? He really was, on occasion, a more compelling character than some of the contestants.

Comment: From what I’ve gathered and what they’ve said, he was the bartender at that resort.


We’re all big on top ten lists, so what better way to finish out this year’s sweaty, drunken, emotionally damaged throwdown of a show?

Here are my top ten highlights from the final week of Bachelor in Paradise:

1. Ashley I. saying “tonight is a huge night for my relationship with Jared”. Gotta wonder what ol’ Jorge was putting in her drinks—you don’t have a relationship with Jared! Jared, c’mon dude, is it really this much of a struggle to tell this girl to grab a dozen boxes of Kleenex and get to steppin’?

2. Kirk and Carly, wtf. OK, so what really happened here? I think Carly genuinely fell for the guy, and I think Kirk really liked her, and was thrilled and flattered by Carly’s happiness. I think it made Kirk feel good to see how happy Carly was with him, and he wanted to feel the same way, tried to, but ultimately didn’t. That isn’t his fault. Then again, it’s not Carly’s fault either.

3. Kirk and Carly, the breakup. The basic problem here is that both of them actually seem like decent people, and I find them both believable. But Kirk, dude…you need to go to the Tenley school of breakups. I know it isn’t exactly the most manly pose, but Tenley went into full ugly cry mode, threw in a dose of “it’s not you, it’s me”, and within a few minutes she had Josh helping her feel better, when she was the one ending things in the first place. That was genius level stuff, Kirk, and frankly your “I just ain’t feelin’ it” thing was too honest and direct, and predictably created a meltdown from Carly.

4. Kirk and Carly on the after paradise show. What on earth was that? I agree that the conversation probably needed to happen, but what in Sam Hill are we doing watching this on television? And when Chris Harrison broke into their emotionally charged conversation with “ok hang on, I know Bachelor Nation wants to get in on this”…wow. It might be his signature douchebag moment. If there’s ever a top ten list for that, he definitely hit a home run with this one. For the record, Kirk finally found the right tone, though it might have been too late. He was right not to defend himself—maybe that was the single best thing he could have done for Carly at that point.

5. Which brings me back to…Tenley. I’m not exactly sure why Tenley was back on the show—just some TV time, maybe she wanted to feel attractive after getting curb-stomped by Kiptyn, who knows? But the innocence is gone, that’s for sure. That was not the girl who Gia Allemand famously once said “s—ts rainbows”. You needed to feel good—attractive, wanted, adored, whatever. Josh did that for you, and then you extricated yourself with a cold efficiency that was impressive. Heck, you were in Mexico, maybe you could have outsourced it. Samantha saw the breakup and now she refuses to delete it from her DVR—a valuable few minutes of footage for maneaters everywhere. And Ashley I. is upset that you are rising so quickly on the ugly cry leaderboard.

6. Justin and Cassandra. Where did this go wrong? Well here I have some firsthand knowledge, because I was a single dad when I was Justin’s age, and often the women I’d talk to were single moms. This is straightforward and simple. Single parents, those who are involved in their kids’ lives and take parenting seriously, always “get” each other. That connection is quick, and real, and when it’s wrapped in as gorgeous a package as Cassandra, I get why Justin got so swept up in her. But dude. She’s a single mom. She doesn’t want to knock boots within a day or two of meeting you just because you both have kids. She’s shopping for a man, and a daddy, and a family. The guy who wants to bang her is a dime a dozen for Cassandra—do you think you’re the first guy to notice how smoking hot she is? What, you think it sounds different coming from you because you have a kid? Nah. You weren’t serious about her, so she wasn’t serious about you. Of course, if Cassandra really does need a guy who will take things slow with her and respect her needs as a single mom, she sure picked one hell of a venue.

7. Jonathan and Cassandra. (?) Cassandra does know that she’s allowed to date outside the franchise, right?

8. Jade and Tanner. No comment. We hardly saw them all season. Jade seemed a little less wild-child and Tanner seemed to have a little more game than I previously thought. But hell, no way to really have much of an opinion. Good luck.

9. Samantha and Nick. Practically excruciating to watch yet another guy’s testicles being shaken and tossed around like dice. And the kissing. Wow. Samantha kissed Nick like he was a friend’s new baby who had a runny nose—“ok, I’ll do it, but get me out of here as quickly as possible”. As for the surprising news that Samantha and Nick have “met each other’s families”…whatever. Remember, Samantha had taken vacations with Juelia too. Nick and Joe will soon be in a smoke-filled bar somewhere, drinking beers and telling a bunch of guys about how hot Samantha was. And those guys will already have talked to her too. I think I’m going to create a “Samantha” app for the iPhone that will send men a series of increasingly flirty texts and hot pics. There, my financial future is solved.

10. Most generous edit of the season award—Dan Cox. Yes our good friend Dan, who also fell into the Samantha vortex this season, and who famously trashed the hell out of Joe so he could go after Sam for himself. Whatever happened to all that ridiculous talk from Dan about how much he and Sam have in common? Because you know, Dan is an intelligent, respectable guy, not just a horndog. By the time we got from that episode to this final week, Sam and Dan weren’t even communicating—and we didn’t get to see how Dan managed to strip away his dignity in the process. Talk about being spared. And why spare Dan that embarrassment? Did you see how incredibly crappy he was to Amber and Ashley S. in his little goodbye speech? (reminded Amber that she came on the show for Dan, reminded Ashley S. that he kicked her to the curb) Let me paraphrase—“I know you both wanted this (gestures to his shaven chest), and I’m sorry I just wasn’t into either of you, but that was really due to your shortcomings not mine, so I’ll be taking my perfect self back from whence I came. When next you see me, I’ll be seated atop a mountain, where sunlight shall shine down upon me through clouds while an artist paints my portrait. I’ll be meditating on what I should look for in a woman, since Sam chose not to top me off.”

OK that’s ten, but I did have to make one more point—Sean and Catherine need to stop. Just stop. Please don’t be on TV anymore.

As always Steve, thanks for the spoilers and the commentary.

Over and out.

Comment: And there it is. The best weekly emailer we have chiming in with his last thoughts on the season. Good stuff.

Hi Steve,

On Sunday’s episode of Bachelor in Paradise, they blurred out Jackyn’s butt, but then in another scene they showed her butt unblurred, and then later they blurred it again! Any idea why the inconsistency with butt censoring?

I’m going to miss the BIP theme song now that the season is over!

Comment: According to a text conversation between Jaclyn and Elan the producer, if your cheek is showing, they have to blur it out. I guess in some scenes her cheeks were showing moreso than in others.

Hi Steve!

Congratulations on another season well-spoiled. I’ve been reading your
blog for quite some time now and I’m a big fan! I love learning more
about this show and your commentary always makes me chuckle during
long days at work. It’s my first time sending in a question and this
one has been bothering me.

You mentioned that Bachelor in Paradise is filmed over about three
weeks. Why do they try to make it seem like it is a longer amount of
time? At each rose ceremony, Chris Harrison says “last week” even
though it was clearly only a few days before. I also noticed a lot of
contestants slipping on this and saying how it has only been a few
days and correcting themselves and saying weeks. What’s the deal?

Comment: Because a majority of their audience doesn’t understand or even care it was filmed for 20 days in June. They tune it Sunday and Monday, then don’t think about the show the rest of the week til it’s on again, so the show has the contestants speak in terms of the episodes being weeks, not the actual weeks being weeks.

Hi RS! Love your site!! I had a few quick thoughts from the season I wanted to share.

First off, I’m so confused as to why Kirk was attacked for breaking up with Carly by everyone INCLUDING Tenley who did the exact same thing to Joshua… Even on After Paradise they continued attacking him. He just wasn’t that into her… it happens. She needs to deal. And last night on Twitter, Carly asked for people to stop hating on Kirk and she’s forgiven him so everyone else should too. So hopefully that’s the end of that.

Also, someone had asked recently which former contestant Carly looks like. I think she looks exactly like Holly D. with blonde hair. I can see that. Lets just hope she’s not a liar and phony like Holly.

My thoughts regarding who I trust most in the Joe, Juelia, Samantha triangle. I think Joe came clean with everything. Everything that came out of Samantha’s mouth seemed to be rehearsed and she only fessed up to things that she couldn’t deny anymore. I still think she is only telling partial truths. I also don’t trust Juelia. She enjoys playing the victim but bends the truth to fit her motives. Joe never pursued her (she asked him out), he didn’t really lead her on (that date was painful to watch) and he didn’t know all about her before the date (didn’t even know if her kid was a boy or a girl). She either lives in a warped reality where she only sees what she wants to or she was just lying. Not a big fan of her act either.

My final comment… I know producers read your site so please, please go back to the old format with a rose ceremony at the end of the episode. I can’t remember where each week leaves off and I spend the first half of the episode trying to figure out who is left, what is going on, etc. It makes me much less vested in the episode.

Comment: I think they heard enough complaints on social media this past season to not do that again. At least for a whole season. Maybe the occasional “To Be Continued…” but not essentially every episode.


Longtime reader of the site. Have a few questions:

1) i may have misheard it, but last night carly got a call on after paradise from a guy named nick in chicago—obviously it wasn’t nick viall, but was this an intentional thing they did to make us think maybe it was? A few people have mentioned that today. It never crossed my mind it could’ve been Nick, but maybe it was. I don’t know.

2) are you surprised by how much Jade and Tanner won that poll last night about who will get married first? And furthermore, do you think they’ll actually make it down the aisle? I completely agree with your analysis that couples on paradise have a better shot since they spend all day everyday with each other as opposed to on bachelor/ette. No, because we had just seen an engagement 30 min earlier. And not to mention I just don’t think many people believe in Shawn and Kaitlyn. As for Tanner and Jade, I definitely think they have a better shot than Shawn and Kaitlyn. But will they? Too hard to tell. It’s still veeeeeeeerrrry early.

3) do you think the producers encouraged Kirk to wait until the 11th hour to dump Carly? If I had to guess, I’d say yes.

4) is it just me or is Jade’s ring the ugliest Neil Lane ring ever on this show? I’m sure you don’t care about this but as a girl, i would not be too happy to walk around with that thing on my finger…

Thanks! Looking forward to reading your answers!

Comment: Trust me, I asked two girls today what they thought of it and both weren’t fans, so, you’re not alone in your thinking.

Hi Steve,

Love your website and especially the recaps. You are honest and never make apologies for simply being yourself and that is refreshing in a world where almost everyone wears a mask or puts on a facade.

I’ll admit I was definitely team Tenley during her time on the bachelor. However, during her time on BIP this season my rose colored glasses started to come off. I can’t put my finger on it, but I am just all around suspicious of her intentions now. You have said two different things about Tenley a few times. One, that she is very image conscious and two, that she was never genuinely interested in Joshua. My question for you is do you feel that way solely based on a feeling and what you saw of her on tv, or do you have insider information confirming those two claims?

Thanks and have fun on your latest gambling adventure.

Comment: I’d say over the years that I’ve developed some pretty good sources that have been accurate about a lot of things. You can draw your own conclusions from there.

Hey Steve! I read your columns every week and have done so for a long
time. It cracks me up when emailers tell you they’ve read you for a
long time – since Jason Mesnick’s season. LOL I’ve been reading
since Bachelorette 2 Meredith Phillips / Ian McKee – way before the you
“invented” spoilers! Now, THAT’S a long time!! Keep up the good work!!

Comment: Wow. That is a long time. I honestly couldn’t name more than 2 guys from Meredith’s season if you asked me to, let alone anything I wrote back then.


Hey Steve,

wouldn’t a live Bachelor or Bachelorette After Show at the end of each episode make “The Women/Men Tell All” completely unnecessary? All the drama and controversies would have already been discussed.

Comment: Yes and no. It would all depend on who they brought on the after show in the beginning episodes. And also, it’s one thing to talk to them 1 on 1 and another to talk to them with the rest of the group there. You could easily still do both.

Hi Steve,

I’ve been reading your columns and spoilers for a long time but this is the first time I email you basically because I read your rant about the “mixed last names” thing.
Well, while PenaVega really is a full mixed last name, Santacruz is not, in spanish is a last name of its own. Also I would like to point out, just for “general culture”, that in latinamerica, or even Spain for that matter, we don’t have the option of mixing last names, taking your spouse last name or hyphen them, we always keep our own last names and that’s why also everyone has two last names, one from the father and one from the mother.

Anyway, just wanted to add information and/or knowledge about our culture.

Greetings from Chile!

Comment: Well I guess that answers that then.

Dear Steve,

Hi! I’m a first time emailer, and have been enjoying your columns over the past few seasons since I’ve been watching. I think Bachelor/ette and BIP are a fun distraction and I enjoy hearing all of your inside scoops!

Here are a couple of things I’ve been wanting to ask you about:

One of the biography websites about the contestants for Chris’s season talked about how Samantha worked for her family’s company– her uncle is the founder of 5 Hour Energy, and one of the sites indicated that she was the heiress for some of this company. She is truly beautiful, but do you think that any of the guys who were fighting over her were more shallow and that this could also play into the attraction? That I have no idea about. You’d have to ask them their intentions.

I noticed that Josh Murray was tweeting quite a bit throughout the bachelorette season…it did seem like a campaign for Bachelor. But as soon as Ben was announced as Bachelor, he posted a picture with his new girlfriend. Did that seem weird to you at all? No. He tweeted because he would’ve taken the “Bachelor” gig if they offered it to him. They didn’t, so he doesn’t care anymore.

Last question– whatever happened to Andi’s youtube show Andi’s Apple? The youtube comments were pretty negative– it seems to have been deleted and it seems almost impossible to find anything about it online. Was it just nixed because the response was so bad?

Thanks a bunch!

Comment: As far as I know it hasn’t launched yet.

So I don’t know if you have mentioned it before, but after watching After Paradise, I truly believe that the reason why Kirk suddenly changed his mind was because he was approached by the producers after the rose ceremony to propose and he wasn’t ready for THAT step. It makes sense: who wants a Tanner and Jade proposal over Kirk and Carly? And once they realized a proposal wasn’t happening from Kirk, it makes no sense to keep them there and have NO proposal, because the audience wouldn’t have believed a Tanner and Jade proposal over a Kirk and Carly proposal, had they still been there. So… just break them up, right? Tell Kirk that, since he clearly doesn’t want to be engaged, why not just break up, because otherwise what’s the point..? Tanner knows the game. He knows how it works, he doesn’t HAVE to get married right away, just take the ring, take the fame, the engagement is just a side show.

Obviously we will never know if this is what really happened, but the cynic in me from watching UNReal totally believes this is how it went down. What do you think?

Comment: I guess the only people who truly know the answer to that are Kirk and the producers, but I could absolutely see that being the case.

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  1. cjscjs711

    September 9, 2015 at 10:46 AM

    On who was the Nick from Chicago caller – look on Carly’s Twitter page. Nick Pennebaker from Chicago. They banter back and forth. If it were Nick Viall, I’m sure both he and the Franchise would have gotten a whole lot more mileage out of the call by identifying him.

  2. jessicat

    September 9, 2015 at 11:44 AM

    I completely agree with what most people have said here about Carly. It didn’t seem like Kirk was all that into her. She was so arrogant about being one of the “power couples” and loved it when other people broke up. Kirk was in a lose-lose situation, and any time he chose to break up with her was going to be the wrong time.

  3. rob22

    September 9, 2015 at 12:50 PM

    As far as the “cheater” email, I realize a lot of people cheat. Millions of people signed up for Ashley Madison…. to their detriment with the release of everyone’s name. Even in nice neighborhoods, there’s lot of married people on the prowl.

    I realize that people also often/usually try to justify their actions & rationalize that what they’re doing is in some way OK.

    But…. seriously…. you choose to cheat with a married guy & justify it by saying, “Hey I’m single, he’s married, so he’s cheating, not me” . Really? Look, if he’s a cheater, then he’s going to cheat. That’s on him. But if you participate, you’re part of it. Let some other stupid woman be the one who participates in the breakup of a family. And yes, that’s what you’re doing. No rationalizations allowed.

    And, even from a totally selfish perspective, don’t you want something better than being some guy’s mistress on the side? Or, something better than some one night fling with a guy stepping out on his wife that cares nothing about you except how you look naked and how willing you are to spread your legs?

    Have a little self respect. Stuff happens. People go out to bars and make mistakes. But learn from them and move on. Don’t rationalize them and continue to make them worse…. and make them become part of who you are. Hopefully you’re better than that.

  4. kinbville

    September 10, 2015 at 9:16 AM

    Amen and well said to Rob22 above.

  5. valadega

    September 10, 2015 at 9:46 AM

    So if a guy tells you that you are wonderful and wants to meet your family, you are to translate that to mean he really isn’t into you? Why oh why do women blame other women when men treat their “sister/friends” badly?

  6. shouldbeworking

    September 10, 2015 at 11:01 AM

    On another topic, what does everyone think of Trump? Does he seriously have a shot at becoming President? Even though American politics are not followed by the majority of us Canadians, it is still interesting to hear what people have to say about him. He’s like a bull in a china shop to me.

  7. vessel

    September 10, 2015 at 12:35 PM

    To the person seeking other countries iterations of the Bachelor PLEASE don’t waste time on the low budget garbage that was the Bachelor Canada. Yikes, talk about the red headed step child of the American Bachelor. Tremendously embarrassing, and I sincerely hope that after the second season that aired last Fall they realized they just cannot compete.

  8. kimmyfromdablock

    September 10, 2015 at 6:25 PM

    Carly has completely lost me now. At one time, I found her to be someone who was mildly entertaining and relatable. The Kirk breakup saga really turned me off. Just unfollowed her and Jade on Twitter. In my book, their 15 minutes has expired.

  9. cpak258

    September 11, 2015 at 6:01 AM

    To the girl talking about cheating… a few years ago, I was in a similar situation. The guy I hooked up with wasn’t married, but in a serious relationship. At the same time, my friend hooked up with a married guy. We only old each other but used the same justification “he’s married/taken, not us, he’s the cheater..” Plus, being single, we just liked the attention whether the guy was married or single (we were 24/25 at the time). Fast forward 6 years and we are both in a serious relationship/married (with different guys obviously) and looking back at it, we both say those flings were our biggest regret. No, we weren’t the cheaters, but we might as well have been. We knew full on that those guys were married/in a relationship and that makes us just as bad, in my opinion. You may not see it now (we didn’t see it then), but when you are in a relationship/married some day, you will realize how much you hate the type of girl you used to be.

    People cheat, it happens. We’ve all (of at least most people i know), have gotten drunk at a bar a did something stupid. But at the end of the day, we all deserve someone who wants to actually be with us, and not to be a side piece when their wife is out of town. So my advise is to delete his number, tell you friend to do the same… trust me… he wont leave his wife and its not worth wasting your time.

  10. rob22

    September 11, 2015 at 6:45 AM

    cpak258: well said. I too commented on the “mistakes in bars” scenario. There are definitely a few incidents I’d like to have back that were fueled by cheap drinks at Happy Hour.

    But the next morning you’re supposed to say OMG!!! What the hell did I do?!! And move on with an embarrassing stain on your reputation… which your friends forgive because they’ve done the same or worse at other times. I can’t understand taking a bar incident & wanting to continue with it. It makes no sense.

    To carry through your final paragraph. You are right that most guys are pretty calculating. They try to give the mistress just enough to keep them in the game without actually leaving their spouse (or ever really seriously considering it). A horrible game to be sure. But, let’s say he does leave his wife & marries the mistress. What does the mistress now have? A guy who’s been lying to his prior wife & cheating on her. How do you think you’re now going to be treated?

    Oh, you think you’ll be treated better because it was all about the former wife being a crazy shrew? Think again. Now you’re the crazy shrew to a guy who’s likely to cheat on you. Everything he said to you, he’s now saying to someone else he met in a bar. You’ll find exceptions. But every guy I know who’s a cheater is cheating because that’s who they are. They’re not cheating because of the wife. Of course the wife has flaws. (Find one person out there that doesn’t have a few things about them that are pretty annoying). They might travel for business (maybe not) and like to go out for a few drinks. If something is available in the female department, then they take it. If the girl is naive enough to give him regular access, then he takes her as a mistress (some do stick to one nights, fairly anonymous, never see them again type encounters).

    Guys who don’t cheat operate entirely differently. They don’t put themselves in cheating situations. They don’t go out to bars regularly. Maybe a once in a while for a guys night out, but nothing very regular. If they travel, they are far more likely to just hang in the room & watch TV. Maybe a work dinner here and there, or a beer, on occasion, with a colleague in the hotel bar, but they’re not hitting the bars every night. Watch what they do. They’ll tell you who they are. Guys cheat because they are cheaters, not because of their circumstances. Guys who don’t cheat, are just not cheaters. They don’t blur lines & stumble into affairs. They avoid putting themselves into bad situations. They don’t thrive on “excitement” and drama. They avoid it. That’s just not who they are. It’s honestly not that hard to tell which they are if you’re not rationalizing away to justify what’s happening.

  11. rob22

    September 11, 2015 at 6:54 AM

    “So if a guy tells you that you are wonderful and wants to meet your family, you are to translate that to mean he really isn’t into you?” (from above)

    In real life, you’re right. In a 3-week reality show hook-up adventure with people who have incentive to pair up with a girl to stay on the show, keep their mugs on TV and keep the party rolling as long as possible…. you just can’t have the blinders on and pretend that you have a real relationship.

    In the real world, if someone started talking about having children and meeting one anothers family after less than three weeks, the correct reaction is to look at them like they’re a little crazy and take a couple of steps back. That’s just way too soon for those types of conversations. On BIP, the reaction should be extreme skepticism. But, people are in a bubble, so they believe all kinds of crazy things, I guess.

  12. valadega

    September 11, 2015 at 12:54 PM

    If the guy just wants to stay on the show, is it her fault? I heard it really was another woman he

  13. valadega

    September 11, 2015 at 12:55 PM


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