Dr. Reality Steve
Just looking for an opinion…
This past weekend I was out at the bar with a girlfriend watching football and we started talking to the men next to us. The one really good looking one is married, and was being flirtatious, but mentioned his wife a bunch of times, so I assumed he was setting boundaries. He also mentioned wanting to set me up with a single friend of his.
Well we ended up taking a few shots and we exchanged phone numbers because we were transitioning bars. Him and his buddy came to the bar that we ended up at and we danced and ended up kissing a few times.
The next day, he spent the entire day texting me, telling me how much he likes me and asked me to come over (wife is out of town), which I did not do. He has been texting me since, and it did end up getting a tad bit raunchy.
Also on Friday night, a good friend of mine, who is on vacation, slept with a man who was there for his own bachelor party.
Obviously people cheat, but another one of our girlfriends is making a HUGE deal about us and these taken men. They were both one night things (minus the extra curricular texting), and we feel like we are not the responsible party. Of course it’s not the BEST decision making, but I don’t feel as if we should be shamed for it. If anything, the men should be guilty, not us.
I find that lots of times the “other woman” is blamed more than the man doing the actual cheating.
Like I said, just looking on your thoughts about being the third party to a cheater. Clearly these men are just men who cheat.
Have a great time in Vegas!
Comment: Both of you were in the wrong. And I think the men get plenty of blame for this. You aren’t the only one. I’m sure your friend that’s giving you grief is probably just bummed she didn’t get in on the action. But how’d she know? You told her? Or she was there? She has a right to tell you guys not to do anything, because lets face it, you could’ve stopped the advances. Yes, the men were out to cheat, but you still had to agree to it. So I guess she thinks that was wrong of you. Everyone is their own moral police. You say it was only a one time thing, but assuming this guy’s wife goes out of town and he contacts you again, who is to say you won’t take him up on his offer again? Maybe you will, maybe you won’t. But the fact you’ve done it once already will basically eliminate your friend from believing you will never do it again. She has nothing to base that on.
Hola Steve! Greetings from Argentina!
I can’t believe I’m seeking advise at the other side of the continent! But being an introvert myself, it’s hard to do it otherwise, so thought this would be a good way for me. Sorry in advance for my English, I’ll try my best to express myself.
So, I’ve been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years now, and things have been up and down for me. It started out great, then almost a year and a half in, felt he wasn’t that into me as he used to, just by the way he was around me, the lack of interest on his side when I suggested doing stuff to go out of the routine, and it was around this time when I started to have some doubts. Reading your column today put things in perspective for me, since I did tell him a year ago about how I was feeling, and was planning on ending it right there. However, he begged for me not to, and I failed miserably. I just couldn’t do it and I believe it was a matter of timing. Didn’t feel right.
He has been trying hard to get back to the “old ways”, but I just couldn’t move past it and I feel terrible, because he really hasn’t done anything wrong since!! So I’ve found myself waiting for a particular situation to happen, so he can get an explanation as to WHY I’m doing so. And I’m still waiting! The point is, that might just not happen any time soon, I know I need to end it. I just don’t feel happy and can’t hide it, but how to do it is the problem. I suck at expressing myself, and can’t stand hurting people. I’d greatly appreciate your advice on the best way (even though there isn’t a good one), to do so.
Thanks for reading!
Comment: As mentioned yesterday, breakups suck. There’s no easy way to do them, especially when one party doesn’t want to. When both want out and someone finally brings it up, that’s when breakups are amicable. Usually both just breath a sigh of relief and are like, “I never thought you’d say anything” as both were waiting for the other do it because of the fear of the response. But it’s simple: If you’re not happy, and you don’t think things have/will change/d, then end it. You’re only prolonging the inevitable. Might as well get it out of the way sooner rather than later. The longer you stay in, the harder it’ll be.
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