-Ben began by welcoming us all to Jamaica, even though he had just gotten there himself. And studied up on their Wikipedia page to tell us how wonderful and amazing Jamaica is. “I think Jamaica could be a really great place to fall in love.” You know, I might be going out on a limb here, but if the overnights were in Syria, I’m sure Ben would’ve found a way to say, “I think Syria could be a really great place to fall in love.” Then we get short little montages of all three girls left – the two he loves and the one he doesn’t. He describes each of them and Caila is too happy, Lauren is too good to be true, and Jojo is too smoking hot in her bikini. Or any outfit where she’s letting the girls out, which is pretty much every outfit she wears. She’s not going for the subtle factor, that’s for sure. Hubba bubba. Then we see each girl quickly in voiceovers talking about Ben, all while in forced shots by the producers. Caila is on the boardwalk out to the water, while Lauren and JoJo are in their rooms in their new silky robes. Hey, nothing like stealing some robes from the hotel. Better than that stupid sewing kit they give you.
-Ben and Caila’s date is up first and they’re going to paddles down a river on a raft by a dude that has no idea what he just signed up for. Caila can’t seem to shake out of her funk thinking that there are still two other women involved in this journey, and it makes for an incredibly long, boring river raft ride. A bunch of forced conversation, a lot of silence, and Ben realizing that this chick was just at her senior prom like a couple weeks ago. Caila is fixated on the other two women and not enjoying this river raft nearly as much as Ben isn’t. I think a root canal would’ve been a better time for these two since it probably would’ve had more talking involved in it. Ben kept telling her to let loose, have fun, enjoy everything, and Caila said she would, then would go back to being in her own head, not talking, and dreaming about play house with all her Barbie dolls at home. It was about as uncomfortable an unromantic of a date as you could’ve had at that point. And knowing for the last month they’ve been promoting the hell out of Ben telling two women that he loved them, we kinda saw where this was going.
-On the night portion of their date, Ben feels he needs to address Caila’s, ummmm, boringness earlier in the day. “Today I felt like something else was there.” Caila: “Why yes Ben, I was weird today…I was off…it’s hard knowing two other people are in this.” You don’t say? We had no idea Caila. Thank you for reminding us. “Every other relationship that I’ve been in, I had doubts in my mind…something was wrong…but this just feels right…part of me wanted to tell you something for a long time…and that’s that I’m in love with you.” Yessss!!!!!! She said it!!! Rejoice everyone!!! Rejoice!!!! Caila is in love with Ben!!!! One problem. Ben ain’t having none of that. He more or less took it as, “Coo coo. Thanks for the props. How about a little fist bump.” Of course, in Caila’s mind, she knows the show and she knows that the lead really isn’t allowed to open up and repeat those words back. But little did she know what Benny had in store for later in the episode having diarrhea of the mouth with Lauren and JoJo. So does Caila watch last night’s episode and just shake her head? Or does she still have that giant, stupid, sh** eating grin on her face?
-I know what Caila’s dad was probably doing during that moment hearing his daughter profess her love for a guy she barely knew on national television – hurling a sledgehammer through his TV set. Or taking away all her toys when she gets home. One of the two. It’s time for that all important moment in the overnight date episode. “Ben and Caila. Welcome to the island of Jamaica. Hope you’re enjoying your stay. Should you choose to forgo your individual rooms, please use this key to stay as a couple in the fantasy suite. And Ben, if you decide to do this, you will finally have Filipino in you, which will make Caila’s dad so proud.” Of course she ended up saying yes, but before they frolic around in bed for hours, they head to the water where they make out while fireworks go off for them. These pictures were spoiled that night if you remember back in early November, but then the person who took them ended up taking them down because they sold out to a tabloid, even though they’d already posted them. Yeah, made no sense to me either. But that’s what happened.
-The other thing I found funny about this overnight was the fact that even before the first episode aired, during one of their promos they ran in December (Christmas Eve to be exact), they showed the shot of Ben kissing Caila on the bed with the fireworks going off in the background, which I tweeted about the second I saw it.
(SPOILER – in case u haven't read them yet). Already giving away an overnight date in promo: Ben & Caila in Jamaica pic.twitter.com/4L30V3kK1X
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) December 24, 2015
So hey, you may not even need me anymore considering this show basically spoils itself if you look hard enough. Also, they’ve only done this the past two seasons, but have you noticed we’re getting the post-coitus morning after scene with the lead and the person they just knocked boots with? Allegedly. Yeah, because every first time sex you have with someone is followed by you serving them breakfast in bed the next morning. How about something more realistic? You know, maybe Ben trying to scurry out without waking Caila up, then once she finally gets up and sees that he ditched her, she runs to the bathroom crying, takes her pill she forgot to take the night before, then sobs uncontrollably into a pillow. Yeah, that’s more like it. This “let me feed you some grapes you princess of a woman thing” isn’t quite what happens in the dating world, unfortunately. No wonder these people get so brainwashed on the show.