There have been some pretty wild and crazy group dates in the past on this show. The male stripping date on Andi’s season comes to mind. But based on what you’re about to hear, I don’t think we’ve had anything that will compare to what happened on yesterday’s group date. So much so that there’s no way most of this stuff is even gonna make it on network television. So it’s going to be heavily edited, and/or they’ll just bleep stuff out. But from what I was told, when every other word spoken yesterday was d**k, v****a, f**k, and sh**, someone’s gonna have to have their hand on the censor button every 4 seconds. And yes, that includes JoJo. Every other word out of her mouth was sh** and f**k apparently. As I told you, yesterday’s group date was set up kind of like a “Vagina Monologues” theme, where people got up on stage and told a sex story. And then some. I have no idea why these guys, and even JoJo, offered some of the things they did in their stories, but they did. And since I can’t imagine any of these things are gonna come close to making air, that’s why you come here: to find out what really happened.
Which is funny, because I loved the headline US Weekly ran in their story yesterday. All they did was take this tweet from Mike Fleiss…
Some of the conversations today have been TVMA… #Bachelorette
— Mike Fleiss (@fleissmeister) March 24, 2016
…then throw the phrase “Get the Details!” after it. Yet, they had zero details of the date. None. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s headline chasing. When I post something, I don’t titillate it with some snappy headline to get you to read, then not follow up with it. If I say “Expletive Filled Group Date,” you’re going to hear what some of the guys said. Amazing. “Get the Details!” yet they have no details. Great “journalism.” So I’m going to warn you right now, the stuff you are about to read is some of the stories that were told on yesterday’s group date. If you have virgin ears, stop reading now. You’ve been warned. I wouldn’t tell stories like this in private to the person I trusted most in this world, let alone on a group date in front of an audience which will eventually be shown on live TV. But they did. So here we go.
The show was “hosted” by Jenna Brister and they were brought in to listen to her and others speakers tell a sex story. Then they were told they were each going to be telling stories. They were brought outside while the host and other speakers told stories including how they can have an orgasm without using anything. That was the warm up.
JoJo went first and basically cursed up a storm the whole story while cracking up and laughing throughout. She told a story about how she grew up in a conservative household, but her and her boyfriend at the time who was also from a Christian based family and very conservative, just felt they wanted to move forward with the relationship. JoJo said she had gone to Walmart and bought condoms, lube, and anal beads (she said she didn’t buy them but they were in her Walmart bag when she opened it), and she and her then boyfriend went to a cul-de-sac and parked. They started to undress and cops showed up and took them both to their parents. Her boyfriends parents hated her and they ended up breaking up, never having had sex. She lost her virginity two years later at 19. Ok, not a bad story. Not sure why she felt the need to tell us what she bought at Walmart outside of the condoms, but hey, good on ya’ JoJo. And sssssuuuuuuuuuuuure you didn’t buy the anal beads. They just happened to end up in your bag. However, that was just the appetizer for what was to come. Like I said, you’ve been warned…
-One guy told a story about being in college and putting on a speedo and going into a dorm down the hall that had a girl he thought was cute. He ended up walking in and there being 8-9 girls. He hung out in his speedo. He said one girl asked him if he was cold and he said he looked down and realizes his penis looked small so he went into the bathroom to “shake it” to make it fill out the speedo more. He ended up sitting with some girls, one girl was rubbing the inside of his thigh and he got a hard on that he couldn’t get rid of. He tried to get rid of it and nothing worked, so he gave in and went into her bathroom and jerked off and left his remains on the bathroom rug. Wonderful.
-Another guy told a story about apparently he loves bubble baths. He was basically talking about how when the guys go to bed at night after a rose ceremony, they all jerk off, and the bachelor mansion plumber has to pump out gallons of sperm. This guy said he took a bubble bath in what he thought was “soap,” and ended up being sperm. Uhhhh, ok.
-Here’s a short one: One guy talked about having sex with a girl and sticking a men’s vibrating razor up her ass while having sex, pulling it out and her sh****ng everywhere. That’s all I was given. I don’t think I need to hear anymore on that one.
-Another guy talked about his mom leaving for Zumba class, and they had a two story house and he loved the stairs cause you could hear someone going up and down. He had a neighbor he liked and she would give him the best hand jobs in the backyard under the trampoline. He texted her when his mom left, she came over met him in the backyard, they ended up going upstairs, he said his door was open and he was facing the stairs, heard his moms car beep, tried to finish before she got inside, and he said he was still having sex when his mom walked in on him. Sounds like the tamest story of them all. Getting walked in on while having sex? Psssshhh. The other guy was sticking vibrating…forget it.
-Another guy talked about going down on a girl was his first time. His parents were gone for the day. He said his friends and told him about going down on a girl “it would smell like fish” or to “do the alphabet with your tongue.” He said he was going at it and his neighbor caught him when he came over looking for the dad, and the next day he got the talk from his parents about the birds and the bees.
So yeah, those were just some of the stories to expect. There was one guy who went last who was offended by the whole thing and how he has morals. He called Jojo down to the stage, he told her he’s not talking about the past and what happened between them is between them. He went in for a kiss and Jojo turned her face. He then threw the mic down. Oh boy. That didn’t go over well. I’m not sure if this is the same guy that “almost came to blows” according to Fleiss’ tweet at the previous rose ceremony, but he shoved one of the other guys who was making fun of him when he got back to his seat.
There’s more to the stories, but just wanted to give you a little something on what really happened, since I can’t imagine a lot of these stories will come close to making air. The names of the guys on this date, and who told what story will be revealed at a later time. I think I need to go wash thoroughly after that. I mean, WTF?
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