Reality Steve

Bachelorette JoJo Spoilers

The “Bachelorette” Episode 1 Breakdown

Photo Credit: ABC

The limo entrances were next. Here’s the order all 26 guys come out of the limo in: Jordan, Derek, Grant, James F., Robby, Alex, Will, Chad, Daniel, Ali, James T., Jon, Nick B., Chase, Jake, Sal, Coley, Brandon, James S., Nick S., Vinny, Peter, Evan, Wells, Christian, and Luke.

Here were what some of the guys did:

-Jordan was out first. He tells JoJo his parents met and they got engaged a few months later and have been married for 36 years. She tells him he looks amazing twice, then says a third time “you look so good.” Then when he walks away she turns around and says, “Hotttttt!” Don’t be too obvious now JoJo.

-Grant tells her “I’m not gonna do what Ben did to you last season. I’m not gonna fall in love with two girls.”

-Robby brings a bottle of wine, but no glasses. Says they’re going to drink it “Fletcher style” like JoJo’s mom who chugged from the bottle last season on the hometown date.

-Will had cue cards that he dropped (on purpose) out of the limo. Then they were mixed up when he started reading them and said, “I am the most beautiful woman in the world.”

-James Taylor comes in playing his guitar singing a song he made up for JoJo. I don’t remember a word of it.

-Jon comes out wearing a kilt. Says he’s ½ Chinese and ½ Scottish, but the ½ Scottish part is below the waist. JoJo says what does that mean? Uh huh. I’m sure she had no idea what he was referring to.

(After they show Jon in his kilt, they cut back to the mansion and we see Daniel in an ITM saying “you couldn’t pay me to wear that. Not like I’d even take off my shirt.” Which is clearly foreshadowing since he strips down to his underwear by the end of the night).

-Nick B. comes in a Santa suit because he’s “St. Nick.” Then annoyingly all night walks around saying “Jo Jo Jo” instead of “Ho Ho Ho.” He also gave her a present, yet, she never opens it all night so we never see what it was.

-Chase had on fake glasses and mustache. His bit? He says to her, “I mustache you a question…but I’ll shave it for later.” I swear this show needs better writers.

-Sal brought a pair of blue stress balls. Tells JoJo that if at any point during the night she gets stressed, she could squeeze his balls.

-Brandon is like a fish out of water. Says he didn’t watch last season and he knows nothing about JoJo. Great, then why are you here?

-Vinny wants to make a toast – with actual toast.

-Peter brought a heart pillow and wants to be her Man Crush Monday.

-Wells brings in 90’s R&B band to sing “I Swear.” JoJo lip syncs to it and pretends to know the words.

-Luke came in on a horse that they stuck a unicorn head on. Because JoJo wore one last season and they needed you to remember Luke.

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13 Comments

13 Comments

  1. cjscjs711

    May 16, 2016 at 10:54 AM

    Considering that they can edit these any way they want, surprised they would be so transparent as to make Jordan look like her choice, from the very beginning.

    Too bad they couldn’t get Nick Viall to show up. THAT would have been funny!

  2. sassybaby30

    May 16, 2016 at 11:36 AM

    I really hope she does not pick jordan

  3. rob22

    May 16, 2016 at 12:12 PM

    cjscjs: yeah, that was weird, except they did it with Ben & Lauren just last season. Though, it’s true that she didn’t get the first impression rose on top of it all. Still, the show let it be known that Lauren was the front runner from very early on.

    It seems like that might make it too obvious for viewers & less watchable. But, for those on this site, it really changes nothing. We already know what’s going to happen. For those who are completely clueless about who’s going to win, and avoid spoilers, there will be plenty of reasons put out there to make you think Jordan has competition.

    The main thing for me is the train wreck. Smilin Pete’s train wreck was leading two girls on to believe they were the one. And then dropping the hammer on JoJo. Bam!! The question is, what’s the train wreck look like this season? RS: gave a clue that the season’s really messed up. Whatever he meant by that is the hook for this season.

  4. angelfish

    May 16, 2016 at 12:49 PM

    I’m sure Jordan and JoJo will have some sort of “devastating argument” that will “threaten their happiness” and make JoJo “doubt his intentions”. Or that will happen with Robby. Or with Luke. Or all 3 of them. Or Chase will snag her right out from under the others. No matter who it looks like she prefers right out of the gate, we will have dramapalooza as usual.

  5. samkwa

    May 16, 2016 at 1:10 PM

    “his butt, his butt” what on earth lol Imagine if a Bachelor acted this way toward a female body part. I haven’t been watching that long so I don’t know, but I’m sure he’d be lit on fire.

  6. rob22

    May 16, 2016 at 1:59 PM

    @angelfish, I’m sure things will setup much like they have in the past. Look at Ben and Kaitlyn’s seasons where it became all about the F2 squaring off. Alf/Nick Cialis – Lauren/JoJo. In both cases, the lead was shown as “torn” between the F2. That wasn’t really true, but that’s the way they framed it. I expect that, if it ain’t broke, they won’t fix it. It will be Jordan and ? Paint by numbers, fill in the blanks.

  7. rob22

    May 16, 2016 at 2:00 PM

    Oh, and I think the only question is whether they play the Jojoisaslut card. Or, whether they play it straight like in Ben’s season. My guess is the former.

  8. angelfish

    May 16, 2016 at 3:28 PM

    Wow! The stalker board has this entire column copied onto their board and they are actually criticizing and bitching at Steve for not having MORE information! ROFL! And they accuse him of stealing their information! Amazing. I mean, that board actually must be made up of men, because I’ve never seen women with such huge hypocritical BALLS!

    Talk about thievery. And they are so proud of it! That is really pathetic. I don’t read there often, but now I feel like I need a shower.

  9. samkwa

    May 16, 2016 at 7:49 PM

    I don’t know why they hate Steve so much and go against his every opinion. Steve hates Nick. They love Nick. Steve isn’t being friendly enough toward Jordan, so now Jordan is everything.

    Jordan already annoys me. What is attractive about his face, honestly? He looks way more like ALF than Shawn did. All these bloggers falling over themselves acting like he’s soo hot while I’m sitting here wondering if they were paid to say it. Literally, wtf. He and his PR team can go kick rocks.

  10. rob22

    May 17, 2016 at 7:47 AM

    @samkwa: can never get enough Alf references. Funny. I wouldn’t worry about the stalkerazzi’s reaction to RS. In the media world Love & Hate = readers & dollars. Indifference is the only killer. If they don’t care, they don’t click, they don’t read and they don’t comment. Hate also = extreme interest. It’s sometimes even better than Love for a media person. Even though I know RS sneaks peeks at the comments, he’s never altered his approach to placate the haters.

  11. rob22

    May 17, 2016 at 8:02 AM

    One funny thing about media hate. There was a sports blogger on Yahoo named Chris Chase. He wrote inanely stupid articles and developed a LARGE following of haters. You wanted to read Chase’s blogs just to read the hilarious comments section from the haters. The main themes were, after ripping whatever he wrote, that Chase should be fired, killed, burned at the stake, sexually assaulted etc. The comments were way beyond any of the mean tweets you see on TV. The hate was STRONG. The thinking was that, at best, he would barely hang on to his job. But, instead, he got hired by USA Today at a substantial pay increase. Seems all the haters read all his stuff and commented VERY frequently. Ultimately USA Today didn’t care at all that he wrote like a 3rd grader. They cared about the interest level in what he wrote, even if that interest was almost all extremely negative. FYI: seems he is at Fox Sports these days. Oddly he apparently didn’t have a comment section at USA Today, which probably killed all the fun.

  12. cjscjs711

    May 17, 2016 at 8:48 AM

    I just went over to ‘that other site’. It’s too much work for me to read through all their “sleuthing” to figure out what’s happening. Kind of interesting to see their thought processes but I really don’t have the time. One of the rules of the board is they must cite their sources and posts without sources will be deleted.

  13. rob22

    May 18, 2016 at 6:12 AM

    I think I’ll stick with irresponsible speculation over investigative reporting. It’s really not important enough to worry about citing “sources” for my comment posts. That’s WAY too serious for me. Not to mention that most of my posts would be deleted under that kind of scrutiny.

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