Reality Steve

The Bachelorette 12 - JoJo

The “Bachelorette” JoJo Episode 1 Recap – Incl the Jordan Backlash, Ashley & JP (UPDATED), & “Bachelor in Paradise” Casting News

Photo Credit: ABC

-We start with a recap of Jojo on Ben’s season. We see her unicorn limo entrance, their 1-on-1 in Vegas kissing under the fireworks show, him telling her he loves her and that he promises she won’t be blindsided, the final rose ceremony where he dumps her, her being taken away in the limo, etc. All very standard stuff to set up JoJo’s “love story” for this season. And by love story I mean “six month engagement.” Gotta have the shot of her walking the beaches of Santa Monica having all the sadz and dreaming of the day that she’ll meet her Prince Charming. I love the one of her sitting on the rocks because, yeah, that’s what most of us do four months after a breakup and already signed on to be the next lead of the show. The only thing that should be going through her mind at this point is, “Hey, did ABC’s check clear yet?”

-Ali, Des, and Kaitlyn come to the mansion to talk to her before she meets the guys. This seems to be the standard now as every season we get past leads coming in and giving “advice,” even though it’s the same stuff every season. “Just be yourself,” “open up,” “enjoy the process,” “stick your tongue down everyone’s throat.” You know, the basics. JoJo says she’s really nervous and asks do you kiss on night one? Well of course you do sweetie. You want to make sure you alienate all the rest of the guys who find out you made out with only one of the 26. Says the hardest thing for her is saying goodbye. I read in a recent interview that JoJo said she’s never broken up with anyone. Wasn’t she technically breaking up with Chad when they had their staged conversation during her hometown date last season and she was basically telling him to leave her alone? I guess she doesn’t count that.

-She asks the other women what their biggest regret was. Kaitlyn says she didn’t live in the moment enough. I guess cuz she was all horned up from the get go with Nick and Shawn, she didn’t time time to enjoy it. Ali said she didn’t give the other guys enough of a chance. She thought Roberto was so hot from night one, she was so focused on him. Her advice was “If you like them, ignore them for a week.” Ahhhh the ol’ “hard to get” game. Yeah, guys really love that. Makes everything so fun. Yet if the tables were turned, the guy is now a jerk or not paying attention to you enough. Be careful what you wish for ladies. JoJo then ends this session with the theme that they will beat you over the head with for the next 11 weeks: “I hope that I find somebody, but scared I may not.” Uh huh. Doesn’t EVERY lead say that EVERY season? Just once I wanna hear a lead in the first episode saying, “This will be cake. I’m totally gonna find someone to be with at the end of this. Done deal. I’m not worried at all.” When keeping in mind the theme of JoJo saying she’s scared she won’t find anyone this season, just remember that 14 of the previous 15 seasons ended with an engagement in the final episode. Yawn.

-We then get 8 guys with intro videos – Grant, Jordan, Alex, James, Evan, Ali, Christian, and Luke. Lets take a look at them shall we?

Grant is a firefighter from San Francisco. He saves lives, rescues cats from trees, probably has posted for some firefighter charity calendar shirtless at some point, and is an all-around wonderful citizen of this planet. Well, until we get to the story about what did to his ex.

Jordan tells us he’s the younger brother of Aaron Rodgers. He was once in love, but was so focused on his football career, it ruined his relationship. Now he’s ready to find love. That’s comical actually. Someone go ask his ex Brittany Farrar what Jordan’s definition of “I was so focused on my football career” was. The guy never took a snap in the NFL in his life. Keep it in perspective.

Alex lives in Oceanside, CA, didn’t know where his life was going, so he enlisted in the Marines. That’s funny, I thought you had to be over 5’2” to be a Marine? I kid, I kid. I think.

James S. video was this season’s cheesy one. He’s a Bachelor “superfan” that watches the show with friends on Monday nights, fills in his brackets, and now he can’t believe he’ll be one of the people he’s watching. Well, not for too long James. I hope you don’t have yourself getting past the 2nd episode, cuz that’d be really embarrassing. What am I talking about? It’s already embarrassing you have watch parties.

Evan is 33 and a director of men’s erectile dysfunction clinics in Nashville. The jokes are too easy with him this season. Is he “up” for the challenge? Will this process be too “hard” for him? How long will he last? He’s a walking Cialis commercial.

Ali lives in Santa Monica and likes surfing and skateboarding. Oh, and playing the piano as well. He’s like that Chiamerkovnoffsky guy. Sorry. Not up to date on my famous pianists.

Christian is a better man than me. He’s at the gym at 4:30 am. I’m still in REM sleep at that point, and I’m 2 hours ahead of him. #Riseandnotgrind. What sucks the most for Christian is his grandfather was incredibly racist, yet, he came on a show that might be equally as racist. Good luck to Christian. I say just let him have fun on Paradise. Less racism when they’re down in Mexico. I think.

Luke is 100% country boy. Stunned we got no like at his country music background. Then again, considering 97 of the guys this season play guitar, maybe they just felt he’d blend in if they did that.

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  1. atjshelby

    May 24, 2016 at 11:40 AM

    Once a cheater, always a cheater!

  2. rob22

    May 24, 2016 at 12:06 PM

    We shouldn’t be surprised that a lot of the guys are extra douchey. You pretty much have to be a douche to be interested in going on the show. The ego needs to be pretty big & the need for attention has to be bigger. That’s a pretty good start towards being a douche

  3. DaRush

    May 24, 2016 at 12:10 PM

    I find it especially rich that everyone is saying “poor JoJo” when she is basically the female version of Jordan Rodgers. Didn’t she do the exact same thing with her ex boyfriend who she told Ben she was “completely done with” during her time on the show? She got sent home by Ben and went right back to the guy only to dump him when she found out she could be the next bachelorette. The two are PERFECT for each other.

  4. tbta4

    May 24, 2016 at 12:10 PM

    This has the potential to be the trashiest season yet. I am detecting that JoJo has a bit of a potty mouth and an off color sense of humor which should fit perfectly with this douchey group of guys. Should be epic. I also think she is pretty funny. It seems the editing is catching some of her more unguarded moments. Jillian could also have probably filled a highlight reel with off color and drunken observations, but the show was much more “buttoned up” back then.

    As an aside, I don’t think Jordan is the least bit attractive and his hair reminds me of a worse version of Jef Holm’s hair. What all these gals from his past saw in him , other than his famous brother, eludes me. His skinny legs in the skinny jeans was just a bad bad look too.

  5. angelfish

    May 24, 2016 at 12:32 PM

    Not everybody is saying “poor JoJo”. I think she’ll get exactly the guy she wants and she’ll have plenty of time to find out exactly what he’s all about.

    “Poor” JoJo was raised in an affluent family, had her sorority-girl education paid for an her own company handed to her. She’ll reap what she sows. I think she’s basically a decent person, but she’s not some disadvantaged woman who pulled herself up from the mean streets and carved out a life on her own. I think she wants a hot guy handed to her on a silver platter and I think that’s exactly what happens. It’s what the show is really about, so it’s win/win for everybody.

  6. DaRush

    May 24, 2016 at 12:48 PM

    Really? Did you read the article that Steve wrote? How about the two comments before mine?

  7. angelfish

    May 24, 2016 at 1:54 PM

    ^^ Neither comment above yours indicated any sympathy for JoJo or even mentioned her. Maybe do a re-read.

    And I didn’t detect any “poor JoJo” from Steve’s recap either. He really doesn’t care what these folks do to each other, nor should he. It’s not his job. He just reports on what he’s told and what he hears, then lets us know. He may give an occasional opinion, but that’s never what this site has been about.

  8. DaRush

    May 24, 2016 at 2:31 PM

    “Once a cheater, always a cheater!” Insinuates a “poor JoJo” attitude. She is taking Jordan Rodgers down and completely ignoring JoJo’s transgressions of the same type.

    Don’t forget, after it came out during Ben’s season that JoJo was with someone prior to the show, people were still standing up for JoJo and ignoring what she had done. Like the gist of my original comment said, If what Steve is reporting about the two of them is true they are PERFECT for each other because they are basically the same exact person with the same exact relationship morals.

  9. thedoctor

    May 24, 2016 at 7:27 PM

    Watching this scheiB right now. Wow, very under-whelming. Looks like my FF button is going to get a workout. Does seem like less gay guys than usual, but the doucheness is off the chart.

    I usually hate bachelorette, looks like that will not change this season. Bring on BIP!

  10. kimmyfromdablock

    May 24, 2016 at 8:55 PM

    The first thing I texted to my fellow watching best friend from childhood was — “lots of douche-y guys.”

    I thought Jordan was especially douche-tastic with his hair and his skinny jeans.

    My pick would’ve been James Taylor. Not conventionally good looking, but seemed to have an actual personality.

    Call me old, but that fade haircut with a hershey’s kiss shaped mop on top that is so popular with 20 somethings these days is the equivalent to a dude (non-cowboy type) wearing pointy toe’d cowboy boots. Nothing says “hello I’m a douchebag” like that look.

  11. samkwa

    May 24, 2016 at 9:53 PM

    I don’t doubt Jojo was playing along for the exposure. Choosing the highest profile guy plays perfectly into that. I’d say most of her drooling over Jordan was done for the cameras. She was going to pick him from night one, or whenever they had their alleged conversations beforehand. But I saw a constant bitchy & fake air about her last season, too.

    Good on the exes for sharing their side of the story. Why do someone a favor by keeping silent when they’ve decided to be public?

  12. realitysteveaddict

    May 24, 2016 at 10:20 PM

    Thanks for the numerous spoiling years. I thoroughly enjoyed your “predictions” (coz they really aren’t). I look forward for more spoilers from you. Anyway, I won’t be watching this season. Sorry #teamcaila over here. I’ll be back for BIP… so keep ’em coming!

    Good to know that ABC hasn’t lost their touch on casting douchetastic guys.

  13. tbta4

    May 25, 2016 at 8:26 AM

    Douchetastic is my new favorite word. Sums up the night perfectly.

  14. supersparklyday

    May 26, 2016 at 10:53 AM

    I am the one who called her “poor JoJo”, due to the dirty dog she picked. I could care less about her family being affluent or her being college-educated. Who cares? Get.over it.

    She picked the wrong guy, that’s it, that’s all. To be fair tho, abc didn’t give her much to choose from.

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