-Alex steals JoJo first after their toast, basically to show her, “Look, me marine. Me may be shorter than one of the Lollipop Guild from Wizard of Ox, but me very strong. Get on back. Me do pushups.” Very impressive Alex. And not much of a short man’s complex at all. Considering he gets as far as he did, JoJo must’ve really taken a likening to him and all of his shortness. Like he was a cute little garden gnome she could stuff in her pocket and carry around for 7 episodes. How adorable.
-At this point, JoJo is saying on ITM’s how nervous the guys seem and she doesn’t have any instant connection with anyone. Well, guess who we see her talking to next? Jordan. She says she feels that “natural ease.” He gives her his jacket. He makes her feel “confident and sexy and helping my nerves go away.” Jordan tells her he’s in “media and sports broadcasting.” I’m really trying to hard to figure out exactly what “media” Jordan is in. I hope people realize Jordan doesn’t really have a job. That’s what this show is for. To try and get him one. Strive to be #1 Jordan. Since your brother certainly isn’t helping you get anywhere in life, might as well go this route.
-We see her short time with a couple other guys, then we see her with Will who has Origami with him. Last time I remember using Origami was in 5th grade, so you can imagine how well this must’ve gone over with JoJo. A fake kiss that she basically wanted to no part of, all while she was pining for Jordan to rip her clothes off. And whaddya’ know, in walks Jordan to save the day. As Jordan walks away, JoJo says, “His butt…his butt…I gotta start doing squats.” I don’t wanna say that JoJo and Jordan pulled a Kaitlyn and Nick on night one…I’m just saying that if there were ever two people in this show’s history that wanted to bed down on the first night, it’s these two. Holy crap.
-Muscle Milk had a lot of ITM’s spaced throughout the night where he’s basically just sh** talking a lot of the other guys and pumping himself up. Then when he sits down with JoJo, he acts completely different and tries to be all sensitive and vulnerable. JoJo says afterwards “Chad is surprisingly vulnerable. I saw a soft side to him. He’s very mysterious. I can’t pinpoint it.” A quick flip to Whey Protein’s ITM after his talk and we hear him saying, “I’m content. If I wanted her, I could have her. I’m a manlier version of Ben.” Aaaaaannd scene. We all know where this is headed this season with Isagenix as I told you a month ago he’s this season’s villain. Is it possible that maybe I missed a spoiler and Protein Shake actually kills one of the other men this season?
-Daniel talks to JoJo and is completely hammered. Says “I heard you were from Texas. I’ve never been there before because I’m from Canada.” Eh, hoser? What does that have to do with anything? Then just rambles on about something he saw on YouTube and JoJo is clueless. We then see him talking to the other guys in the kitchen about what he’s had to drink. 1 fireball, 2 tequila’s, 2 vodka’s, then he poked Evan’s belly button, which elicited a “WTF are you doing” from the other guys. I’m not sure what Labatt’s was thinking with his night one antics, but he probably should’ve toned it down a bit. I guess more surprisingly is somehow this Mountie made it through four episdoes. Damn Daniel, really with the manties and jumping in the pool? Whatever producer convinced you to jump in the pool is a freakin’ genius. Good job, hoser.
-First impression rose time, and of course, she pulls Jordan aside and gives it to him. We cut inside to Jon who reminds everyone that Olivia got the first impression rose last season. Don’t worry Jon. You won’t be around long enough to even matter. And lets just say that Jordan receiving the first impression rose is completely opposite of what happened when Olivia received it last season. Olivia started out hot last season then crashed and burned unlike almost anything we’ve ever seen. Jordan started at the top and stayed there. Big difference. So while the wishful thinking of Jon had merit, this thing was pretty much over before it started. Unfortunately none of these guys had a chance versus Jordan. The media/sports broadcasting guy with a litany of women lining up right now to crucify him in the media. Just change your name to Rordan Jodgers, go in to witness protection, and resurface on Aug. 1st for the finale and ATFR. Will probably suit you best at this point.
-The Jake Pavelka stuff was just nonsense. Like, did he have something in his contract from years ago that said he needed to continue making appearances, even 5 years after his “Bachelor” stint. You know what I was praying to God would happen? When Jake and JoJo were having their little pow wow, JoJo would say something while Jake was talking and he’d give her the ol’ “PLEASE STOP INTERRUPTING ME!!!!!!” with the hand gestures and all. You know, like this (fast forward to the 5:07 mark)
I will never get tired of that clip. The balls that it took for a grown man to treat her like that in front of a nationally televised audience is mind boggling. Good job, Jake. Glad you’re taking advice from this dingleberry, JoJo. I’m sure it helped.
-At the rose ceremony, Jordan already safe with the first impression rose. The other 19 guys she kept were: Luke, Wells, James Taylor, Grant, Derek, Christian, Chad, Chase, Alex, Robby, Brandon, James Fuertas, Ali, Nick B., Will, James Spadafore, Vinny, Evan, and Daniel. The 6 guys who were eliminated are: Jake (the black Jake), Jon Hamilton, Sal DeJulio, Peter Medina, Coley Knust, and Nick Sharp.
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