-Once their date is over, we get a shot back at the mansion of the guys waiting on the date card for the group date. It’s 12 guys, one of them is Mount Chad, and he’s about to explode. He wants nothing to do with being on a group date with 11 other guys and makes it known to everyone there. Jordan calls him out for it saying everyone else is appreciative, but Chad is having none of it. “You’re a 27 year old failed football player. You’ve done nothing but throw around a leather football your whole life.” So any of you that want to blame editing, or buy Chad’s social media life that he’s just having fun and was just there to entertain, here is example #1 of why he’s a complete moron and he’s only doing that to try and save face now. In that moment, Chad was quite disturbed and angry. You could tell by his actions and tone of voice. The guy has serious anger issues without a doubt, and this is not just for show.
-Say what you will about Jordan, and trust me, there’s plenty. A womanizer, cheater, liar, on this show to improve his brand and get a job in media, on and on and on I can go. However, Chad calling him a failed football player is so petty and below the belt, it just shows you what kind of bully Chad is. Yes, Jordan didn’t have a career that panned out. We know this. However, Chad is acting like both he AND Jordan were on the same career paths towards the NFL, Jordan failed, and Chad succeeded. Yeah, so he didn’t make it as a QB the NFL. You know what? Neither did 99.9% of the people in America. There’s only 32 starting QB’s in the NFL to begin every season. Chad’s comparing apples and oranges here. Telling Jordan he’s a failed NFL player isn’t an insult, it’s an attempt to make yourself better in a situation where you’re not. The guy is a complete ass and this conversation capsulated what Chad is in a nutshell. A guy with a lot of insecurities, a guy who totally bought into producers line of questioning when they kept throwing up softballs for him, and now after the fact, he’s trying to win over people on social media by acting like, “Hey, it was all in good fun. I’m a great guy, I just wanted to push some guys buttons on the show.” Actually, quite the opposite. You’re an a**hole, every guy in the house knows it, and while your social media may have picked up, any person with half a brain can see right through it. It’s not entertaining anymore. It’s a joke.
-As for the group date, as was reported two months ago when this date happened, there was just no way they were gonna show a lot of what these guys said on stage. It was much too graphic. Basically, all they focused on was the Evan and Chad standoff, which went on throughout the whole date. A date, mind you, that the show spent an hour on showing. An HOUR! This group date started at 7:29 CST on my DVR and ended at 8:30 CST. Holy crap. I’ve never seen them spend that much time on one date before in show history. So in case you don’t want to go back and look at the episode-by-episode spoilers, I’ve cut and pasted what most of the guys’ stories were that they told. Here you go…
JoJo went first and basically cursed up a storm the whole story while cracking up and laughing throughout. She told a story about how she grew up in a conservative household, but her and her boyfriend at the time who was also from a Christian based family and very conservative, just felt they wanted to move forward with the relationship. JoJo said she had gone to Walmart and bought condoms, lube, and anal beads (she said she didn’t buy them but they were in her Walmart bag when she opened it), and she and her then boyfriend went to a cul-de-sac and parked. They started to undress and cops showed up and took them both to their parents. Her boyfriends parents hated her and they ended up breaking up, never having had sex. She lost her virginity two years later at 19. Ok, not a bad story. Not sure why she felt the need to tell us what she bought at Walmart outside of the condoms, but hey, good on ya’ JoJo. And sssssuuuuuuuuuuuure you didn’t buy the anal beads. They just happened to end up in your bag. However, that was just the appetizer for what was to come. Like I said, you’ve been warned. Here’s who told what stories:
–Jordan told a story about being in college and putting on a speedo and going into a dorm down the hall that had a girl he thought was cute. He ended up walking in and there being 8-9 girls. He hung out in his speedo. He said one girl asked him if he was cold and he said he looked down and realizes his penis looked small so he went into the bathroom to “shake it” to make it fill out the speedo more. He ended up sitting with some girls, one girl was rubbing the inside of his thigh and he got a hard on that he couldn’t get rid of. He tried to get rid of it and nothing worked, so he gave in and went into her bathroom and jerked off and left his remains on the bathroom rug.
–Christian told a story about apparently he loves bubble baths. He was basically talking about how when the guys go to bed at night after a rose ceremony, they all jerk off, and the bachelor mansion plumber has to pump out gallons of sperm. This guy said he took a bubble bath in what he thought was “soap,” and ended up being sperm.
–Alex talked about having sex with a girl and sticking a men’s vibrating razor up her ass while having sex, pulling it out and her sh****ng everywhere. That’s all I was given. I don’t think I need to hear anymore on that one.
–Vinny talked about his mom leaving for Zumba class, and they had a two story house and he loved the stairs cause you could hear someone going up and down. He had a neighbor he liked and she would give him the best hand jobs in the backyard under the trampoline. He texted her when his mom left, she came over met him in the backyard, they ended up going upstairs, he said his door was open and he was facing the stairs, heard his moms car beep, tried to finish before she got inside, and he said he was still having sex when his mom walked in on him. Sounds like the tamest story of them all. Getting walked in on while having sex? Psssshhh. The other guy was sticking vibrating…forget it.
–Nick B. talked about going down on a girl was his first time. His parents were gone for the day. He said his friends and told him about going down on a girl “it would smell like fish” or to “do the alphabet with your tongue.” This was his bit up on stage. He kept demonstrating how he made the alphabet with his tongue. He said he was going at it and his neighbor caught him when he came over looking for the dad, and the next day he got the talk from his parents about the birds and the bees.
–Daniel had a story about his fetishes, and one is cutting girls hair off during sex. So I guess he did that once. Bizarre.
–Wells story had to do with a threesome – but like the worst threesome ever. He was actually getting a colonoscopy, so while a doctor was putting a finger in his ass, the nurse was pushing down on his stomach. Yep. Horrible threesome.
-Not sure about Ali, Grant, and James F’s stories. Probably for the better.
-The drama happened with the last two guys. Evan went up second to last, and because he has sons and didn’t want them to possibly hear it someday, he just started ripping Chad talking about people on testosterone, their veiny, they have mood swings, etc. Once he was done, Chad was last to go and as they cross each other, Chad pushes him and rips Evan’s shirt. Chad refused to tell a story because, yet again, he thinks the whole thing is stupid. So he tries to get a kiss from JoJo and she rejects him. And to make matters worse, at the after party, Evan gets the group date rose and Chad is pissed. Shocker.
-So the focus was on the Evan/Chad confrontation at the end. Evan didn’t end up telling a sex story, just went into a fake story about the dangerous use of steroids, essentially clowning Chad. I’m sure producers gave him that idea because they knew it’d lead to a confrontation, which it did. Chad pushed Evan when it was his turn to speak right after, a couple guys had to break it up, then Chad went up and made an ass of himself by acting like a complete loser, asking JoJo to come up on stage, trying to kiss her, as she turned her head in what seemed like disgust. I think this pretty much had everyone at home giving her a standing ovation. I sure did.
-What’s bizarre is that after the show was over and the guys go backstage, we see Chad immediately get in Evan’s face with his patented move. Exactly how many times this season has he gone and stuck a finger in a guy’s face/neck area? 12? 15? Whatever the case, he wasn’t happy Evan called him out, even though the rest of the episode he’s like, “Pssshhhh, I didn’t care he said those things.” The guy is a walking enigma and thank God he’s gone after tonight. Granted, we’ll have to put up with his garbage on BIP, but that’s a few months down the road. I’m sure he’ll go on dates on BIP, but seriously, no girl from this franchise in her right mind will date him post-BIP. And if they do, they’re just as idiotic as him. Funny how in the season preview trailer, and commercials leading up to this episode, we see Chad punch the door in anger causing his knuckles to bleed, yet in the episode, it’s never shown. They just show the guys asking “Hey Chad, your hand is bleeding.” Your guess is as good as mine as to why they didn’t show it. Seems like it’d make it more dramatic.
-So at the after party, JoJo started out talking with Jordan for some alone time. Jordan said he had a serious girlfriend in the past and that he “made mistakes…put things ahead of that relationship…my insecurities…who I wanted to be…where I was…etc” Don’t worry JoJo, all of us threw up in our mouths for you listening to that fake sob story. Conveniently he left out the part of that relationship where he cheated on her. Funny that doesn’t get mentioned. And speaking of that, I’m really disappointed that his ex Brittany Farrar has been silent on her shade game towards Jordan since the premiere. C’mon Brittany, now is your time to shine. The guy basically lied about your relationship, again, on national television. Time for another IG post mentioning how he hooked up with some extra on the set of “Pitch Perfect 2.” And if the emails I’ve gotten since the show began are any proof, I think I’ve been able to piece together who it was that he cheated on Brittany with. But we’ll save that for later.
-So now the big bad bully Chad is going on the defensive. Vinny (obviously influenced by producers) asked Chad how he thought the day went and why he pushed Evan. Chad’s response: “Evan plowed through and tried to push me over.” Lets for the sake of argument say that WAS true, as laughable as it is. But if it was, why in the world would that even come close to bothering him considering he outweighs Evan by probably 125 lbs of sheer muscle. Really? You were that bothered that a skinny little runt who could probably sock you in the face and not make a scratch may have bumped you when the two of you crossed paths? The guy is seriously losing it. Talk about making yourself the victim, geez. Utterly ridiculous that Chad, who’s done nothing but puff his chest out all season about what a bad ass he is, is now suddenly bothered by the guy who’s 100 lbs soaking wet may have bumped him.
-If that wasn’t enough, Evan now asks Chad directly, “Why are you here?” Which you knew would just turn into a sh**storm. Chad basically brushed him off, then railed on him in an ITM saying, “He f***ed up already. He had 3 kids. He had his chance at love.” That is so mind blowingly stupid and completely void of any intelligence, it’s amazing that came out of a human’s mouth. So because Evan’s been divorced and has three kids, he’s not allowed to meet anyone anymore? I hope you all are seeing how Chad isn’t entertaining anymore, he’s just annoying. The guy even said to JoJo in his time with her, “Evan tried to push me. And I’m the bully.” Yeah, basically admitting he’s the bully and pretending to be threatened by a guy who probably couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a boat.
-Then it was Evan’s turn with JoJo by interrupting Chad, and he tells her Chad has 2 different personalities. Two? I was thinking more like 7, but whatever you say. Evan essentially gives JoJo an ultimatum that he’s not gonna stay if Chad stays. JoJo needs some time to think about it, and when she finally makes her decision, she gives Evan the rose. Granted, she never said that meant she was choosing Evan over Chad, it just meant producers needed to squeeze one more episode out of Chad so they could get him on the 2-on-1 tonight where he’ll be going home. Once she gave Evan the rose, Chad again with his I’m-better-than-everyone behavior blurted out, “Is this real? Is this a real scenario?” To which JoJo told him that was disrespectful and she didn’t appreciate what he said. I mean, she was soooooo upset by it, she still keeps him through this rose ceremony at the beginning of the episode. So yeah, pretty much a joke. Let us all say a prayer right now for whatever girl he latches on to in Paradise.