Back at the house, there are two schools of thought on who to vote into the Truth Booth. On the one hand, there are those who figure that it should be John and Julia so a consensus can finally be reached on whether or not he has the right to be this obsessed with her. On the other hand, some savvy players like Tori want to confirm that couples who seem very strong are in fact matches so they can start concentrating on lining up the rest of the group.
Back on the date, everyone has been released from that water ball of horror, but Francesca might want to dive back in because Asaf is annoyed with her that she doesn’t fully trust him. Seems that in Asaf’s case, trust can apparently be measured by whether or not she’s willing to hook-up with him. On another picnic blanket, John is still rhapsodizing over the fact that he and Julia are from the same state and his effusiveness is scaring the living sh*t out of her, so while he constructs poetry in his head, she searches the premises for the best place to have a helicopter throw down a rope ladder so she can get herself the hell out of there.
It’s finally revealed that John and Julia were the couple voted into the Truth Booth, and perhaps no two people have ever entered that room with such disparate goals. She allows him to hold her hand while the lasers pass over their bodies and the result is that they are NOT a match – and that sound you hear in the distance is John crushing everything in his path so the outside world can understand exactly how his broken soul feels. The guy is flat-out devastated and I’m just a teensy bit concerned that nothing about his coping mechanisms seem to be part of a school of thought that one could ever describe as healthy.
“You’re the trophy that I’ve always wanted!” John bellows to Julia in perhaps the least romantic declaration of all-time – and he will not so much as even listen as the others tell him that what he feels for this stranger is lust and not real love. Instead he walks out of the room and punches a wall while red flags fall to half-mast everywhere so we can honor John’s rapidly declining sanity and mental health.
Also: even Asaf’s “shhhhh’s” go on for way too long. Any way he can just communicate through interpretive dance from this point forward?
The second Match Up Ceremony is upon us, but this time it’s the guys who get to pick. Cam chooses Julia – and that means that Cam should sleep in whatever room in the house has a door that locks. Tyler picks Victoria. Stephen selects Tori. Cameron is so excited to choose Mikala because he craves her even more than he craves chocolate. (Just to clarify, does he mean all chocolate? Like, does he crave her more than a Twix bar? Because that would be a seriously impressive level of craving.) Morgan decides to pick Alyssa, which he does out of strategy and it sends Sensitive Sam into a mild hysteria because Alyssa was going to be his pick! Sam doesn’t seem the type to punch walls out of frustration, so does anyone maybe have a journal he can write in real quick? Sam actually ends up dealing with his annoyance quite sweetly by running over to Alyssa to hand her a flower. Now that the girl Sam thinks is his real match has been stolen, he chooses Francesca for the evening. Prosper is up next and I sort of wanted him to choose John just so we could see John’s reaction, but he picks Emma. Asaf selects Camille and Gio happily picks Kaylen and the two reveal that they are crazily into one another and they’re already talking about marriage. Finally, thorough the process of elimination, John ends up with Nicole and he is still miserable that he’s being asked to follow this process to locate a love he’s positive he’s already found. He seems to conveniently be ignoring that the object of his scary affection isn’t feeling the same emotions at this point, but let’s wait for his hand to heal before we try to break that news to him.
“Nicole,” asks the host, “what if John’s your match?”
“That would sort of suck,” replies Nicole.
I hear you, sweetheart.
The groups ends up getting three correct matches again and Ryan encourages them to continue opening their hearts so one day they will end up with beams of light flooding the darkened sky.
Before you go, be sure to check out the bonus clips for next week’s episode! Looks like Asaf will tongue Tori all because fate (or horrific karma – you decide) made him randomly point in her direction. Not enough to tide you over? Then watch as Stephen tries to symbolically pee all over Julia (who kind of looks exactly like Blair Waldorf without the headband) in an effort to mark his turf. Don’t worry, everybody – I’m sure John will react to Stephen’s actions with nothing but good wishes and a blossoming inner serenity and I’ll see you next week when we will collectively discover that, in the context of this show, “blossoming inner serenity” means “bloodshed.”
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Nell Kalter teaches Film and Media at a school in New York. She is the author of the books THAT YEAR and STUDENT, both available on amazon.com in paperback and for your Kindle. Also be sure to check out her website at nellkalter.com. Her twitter is @nell_kalter.