Reality Steve

The Bachelorette 12 - JoJo

The “Bachelorette” Episode 5 Recap Incl That Tricky Teaser, the Vegas Party, BIP Cast & Spoilers, & Chad’s Antics

Photo Credit: Twitter

-We begin with the guys celebrating Chad is gone by having a Protein Powder funeral. Is it just me, or does it seem like Chad & Alex’s 2-on-1 date was about 3 months ago? So much has happened post show to where it’s almost like all these dates and all these scenes are so less dramatic than what’s happening in real life. Like, great. Chad is gone, the guys are happy, and they’re throwing him a funeral. Since the last episode we saw, Chad got booted from Paradise for being a belligerent drunk and started hooking up with Robby’s ex by getting her to come to Tulsa to visit him. The guys celebrating over Chad’s departure seems so last year to me at this point. But maybe that’s just me. He’s done so many things worse in real time since two weeks ago, I feel their celebration could’ve been even bigger. Like with a Chad piñata and beating the holy hell out of it.

-So then we get the finality of Chad coming back from whistling in the woods to confront the guys one last time. Sure, they made him seem like Jack Nicholson in the “Shining” during the commercial sticking his head against the glass, but per usual with this show, their teasers are more bark than bite. Chad comes in, says why JoJo sent him home, and Jordan offer his hand in peace which Chad then tries to cut the circulation off to his brain by squeezing it forever and ever. Jordan speaks for all the guys just wanting an apology and Chad says, “I’m gonna say what I wanna say when I wanna say it.” So that ends that. No apology and the guys send him on their way, but not before Evan asks if he has his wallet on him to buy him a new shirt. At this point if I’m Chad, that’s still pretty laughable. Evan, in all seriousness, shut up. No one cares about your $9.99 Old Navy Tee anymore.

-At the cocktail party, there seems to be a lot of tension that’s been relieved now that Chad is gone. And what better way to do that for Chase than to take JoJo outside for a little Knockerball, which they played on the football group date. Then again, I would think Chase was probably much more interested in JoJo knocking his balls. I guess this silly game will have to do. They even shared the same ball which looks incredibly uncomfortable. Of course, these two also had to breathe on each other sitting face-to-face on their first 1-on-1 date, so maybe this doesn’t seem out of the ordinary. I’ve seen that on TV and I guess it kinda looks fun. I’m also guessing that thing could cause some serious, serious injury if you bang someone the wrong way. That sounded dirty. You know what I meant. Not to mention these two MENSA’S were knocking each other around in their evening outfits and on the cement. Didn’t anyone teach you kids safety? Lets get a grip on things here people. You’re out of control. Someone’s gonna get hurt. Probably Evan. Even though he isn’t there, I’m sure he somehow indirectly got injured from Chase and JoJo playing Knockerball.

-Robby is up next to take JoJo for a walk. He’s got something reeeeeeeaaaally special planned. He takes her to the wishing well to make a wish. His wish he says is something that could be happening in 40+ days and might involve a ring. Hmmmmmm, what is he talking about? Oh duh. He’s talking about when Chad proposes to Hope, right? You think Robby will attend their wedding or no? Maybe be Chad’s ring bearer? Best man? The possibilities are endless. They flip their coins into the fountain and make out. All I could think of was Neil Page singing “Three Coins in the Fountain” by Frank Sinatra in “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles” when I watched this scene. Not because Robby looks like Steve Martin or JoJo looks like John Candy, but because, well, they threw coins in a fountain. Don’t mind me. I’m getting so inherently bored with this show now, I need to find new ways to entertain myself. I guess following Chad’s Instagram would be a start.

-Hey everyone, there’s a guy named James F. on JoJo’s season! Woo hoo! And they’re showing him get some screen time for what seems like the first time ever at this cocktail party. Any veteran watcher of this show knows this to mean that he’s going home. He tried a last ditch effort to read her a poem he saw, or stole, or whatever and she basically didn’t care. What did the poem say? Something about “heart like a treasure, dreams not far away, and beauty that is she.” Uh huh. Ok, whatever pal. Can you move out of this shot momentarily so we can focus on the guys that actually matter? Thanks bud. Appreciate it. And in comes Alex to piss all over James F’s hopes and dreams and poems. Man that Alex is a little weasel, ain’t he? Can’t a brother get a poem out before Peter Dinklage moves in? Geez.

-Jordan even though he has a group date rose, needs to get some alone time with JoJo because his tongue is getting bored. So he pulls her right around the corner from where the guys are sitting and pins her up against the wall to shove his tongue in her mouth. Something that Chad and Hope looked like they did all weekend as well. In case you haven’t noticed, JoJo is attracted bad boys. And bad boys were once SEC football players who had a very average college career. And bad boys that had like 1,794 girls he was talking to before he left for the show, but now feels like he’s ready to settle down for one. Yeah, that’s why they’re tongue punching each other around the corner from all other 10 guys being as disrespectful as possible. They know cameras are on them and they did it anyway. Fun times for these two love birds I tell ya’.

-Rose ceremony time. Luke, Jordan, and Alex already safe with roses. JoJo: “Incredible week…amazing highs…dark lows…sticking by me…rose ceremony gets harder and harder…and so does Jordan when he has me pinned up against a wall.”

Derek: Weenie butt is about to become everyone’s whipping boy in the house.
Robby: “Three coins in the fountain…Each one seeking happiness…”
Chase: Third rose ceremony in a row where guys who are in her final four were given consecutive roses during the rose ceremony. Lets see if she does it at the next one too (Hint: She does).
Wells: He should give all eulogies at all funerals.
Grant: Squidward is standing on borrowed time.
Vinny: As is DJ Vinny V or whatever his name is.
James T.: Gomer Pyle lives to see another day. Surprise, surprise, surprise.

“JoJo, gentleman, this is the final rose tonight. When you’re ready. We are leaving Pennsylvania after this, right? Like, we’re getting out of the country and finally doing some real traveling? Good. I’ve got some golf to catch up on.”

Evan: Maybe the natives of Uruguay can pitch in and buy him a new shirt. Anything so he’ll stop whining about him.

You know who’s surprised he’s going home? Daniel. Because “if it’s based solely on looks, I’d still be here.” Oh I bet you would buddy. But JoJo’s taking into account personalities and, I don’t know, US citizenship, so I guess that means you’re sh** out of luck. But enjoy your time on Paradise.

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18 Comments

18 Comments

  1. rob22

    June 21, 2016 at 10:22 AM

    I’m sure the show will rally the troops to try to put together some semblance of a love story. But, I’m really not feeling it with Rajahs and JoJo. That little attempt to nail Rajahs for cheating was an epic fail. He was obviously lying. So, do I believe that two good looking people have the warmies for one another & want to knock boots in the fantasy suite? Absolutely.

    I just don’t see anything more there. Not that there’s really usually anything there, but the show is also usually good about making it look like a possibility. Like I said, I’m sure the show will pull together a marginally believable love story ending. But, I think it’s more transparent than usual this time. I just have not seen the “Jordan and JoJo show” that RS has been talking about. To me, their interactions seem forced, especially on his end. It’s like he’s reading off a script, which he may well be doing. That “I’m falling in love with you” line couldn’t have been more scripted and couldn’t have been less believable. I don’t think JoJo really bought it either. I don’t see any real sign that there is any great chemistry between the two. Maybe it’s just me. I saw it with Lauren and Ben. Not here with these two.

  2. jlal

    June 21, 2016 at 10:53 AM

    Steve why do you think just because she said they spent time together and were friends, that translates into no sex? Of course they most likely had ex-sex. That does not mean they were back together or she wanted to get back together. Maybe the ex Chad thought they were back, because of the ex-sex – his bad. I have been there before myself when an ex thought we were back, just because we had sex. She went to him for comfort after Ben. Unless there is proof she lied to him, I don’t see an issue.

  3. jlal

    June 21, 2016 at 11:03 AM

    Also, I don’t care what she said to ex Chad or didn’t say. He talking to a tabloid trashing her trumps anything she may or may not have said to him. I’m on JoJo’s side on this issue.

  4. rob22

    June 21, 2016 at 11:38 AM

    @jlal: I think the narrative that RS is laying out is that both of them dumped “relationships” that the other person thought was going somewhere & then were cut loose (and lied to in some cases) so that they could go on the show. Then at least Rajahs was possibly trolling a dating site since he got home.

    Overall, the point is that it’s more obvious than normal that these two went on the show for their own brand enhancement & weren’t taking the process seriously AT ALL. That’s not a big surprise to readers of this site, but to the crazies that are buying the “love story” angle that the show is selling, it’s pretty big stuff. I’m with you, though. Who cares what they were or were not doing. It’s just an entertainment show. But a lot of people don’t look at it that way. They’re rooting for a love story & when that gets derailed, they get cranky. When stuff like this comes out, JoJo and Rajahs get major heat on social media for interrupting their fantasies.

    As for “ex-sex”, I’ll go into Dr. rob22 mode. When you have ex-sex, there is a pretty good chance that one of the couple will take it more seriously than the other. That sets false expectations and just makes the whole situation worse. If you really want to be rid of a relationship, ex-sex is not the way to go about it. It’s not just a courtesy romp for old times sake. You just invite the other person to become a cling-on that can’t be easily removed. Did that once in my college years. I didn’t think it would hurt. It ended up kicking up major drama including my ex and all of her friends all against me & actively trying to hurt me. My friends just laughed at me for my stupidity. “Hey, it was just one time!” meant nothing to anyone. Lesson learned…. the HARD way.

  5. cd12

    June 21, 2016 at 11:47 AM

    Big deal if a bitter ex goes to a tabloid. Privacy seems overrated in today’s world of social media and keeping quiet doesn’t make one a saint. That was desperate & immature of Jojo, which is how she comes across on the show for picking Jordan.

  6. shouldbeworking

    June 21, 2016 at 12:13 PM

    I can’t believe she fell for that phony baloney with Jordan. I’m no body language expert, but you could totally tell he was lying. If she didn’t pick up on that then the reason she dates the wrong type of men is obvious. Bring on Bachelor in Paradise! I’m so done with this already. And that little weasel Alex needs to shut up. He has little big man syndrome for sure.

  7. benlund4

    June 21, 2016 at 12:29 PM

    Anyone notice the blue blazer Robby is wearing on June 2nd on Instagram? Look familiar? Also could these photos with his family have been taken at the final rose ceremony and not at the country club as indicated… I think he blew it with the blazer

  8. crushonspivey

    June 21, 2016 at 12:52 PM

    Chad and Hope were not trolling us or each other. They were totally trolling Robby. And it was an epic takedown at that. Robby just got punked so hard. So so hard. They both did it to crap on him publically, and it was nothing more than that. Beautifully played. Chad keeps winning this game even though he’s off the show. And neither of thier character took a hit. Only Robby’s ego.

    I’d actually love it if Chad has one of these each week with an ex of a guy on the show. Especially the ones that played their exes before coming on. Maybe we can see Chad with Brittany Farrar next. Would be hilarious.

  9. rob22

    June 21, 2016 at 1:19 PM

    @crushonspivey: You hit it. Chad is shooting for Omarosa level notoriety. All time villain level. It might work. He’s certainly offensive enough & obviously is willing to do whatever to get attention. It just depends on whether people watch his act enough to keep getting him invites for gigs. Being the guy that people love to hate certainly isn’t my cup of tea & I’ve already lost interest in both of them (her, long ago). But others love this kind of act.

  10. purplerayne

    June 21, 2016 at 4:05 PM

    A few ramblings:

    @Crushonspivey- EX-actly (sorry, couldnt’ help it) 🙂 Chad and Hope decided to have some fun at Robby’s expense. I dont blame her. I doubt either her or Chad were even intimate, that kiss looks hella staged. And yes, I hope he eventually teams up with Brittany for a big F you to Jordan. That would be brilliant.

    Jojo said “who is this” when she saw the cover of InTouch magazine, THEN producers said open it up. She didnt pretend not to know it was her.

    Exes can hang out with each other for comfort without sex. I myself have done it, so have other friends. Every couple has a different grieving process when it comes to cementing their relationship’s end. (Not saying JoJo didnt have sex. Only pointing out its unrealistic).

    Wait, why were the guys picking on Derek? What a lame way to manufacture drama. Leave the guy alone.

    The way Jordan reacted to JoJo’s cheating question was VERY telling, he got defensive instead of concerned or pensive or surprised. To me, it was shades of Andi and Josh all over again. That guy would always be smiley and go lucky, but when confronted with a question he didnt like, he would turn sour. He got dark very quickly. Remember the lie detector date? Yeah.

  11. thisshow

    June 21, 2016 at 4:44 PM

    They are Andi and Josh 2.0. Even their voices are quite similar.

  12. supersparklyday

    June 21, 2016 at 5:36 PM

    This season is totally the JoJo & Jordan show. Giving him the 1st date in Uruguay made is SO obvious. Their body language shows how into each other they are/were. If you watch closely, Jojo leans into him when they are sitting and talking, whereas she doesn’t with any of the others. Even if I’d never come here and read the spoiler, it’d still be super’obvious who she picks. It’s so obvious,in fact, that I’m already a little bored. In fact, this was the worst travel dates I have ever seen. The best thing they showed about Uruguay was the hotel! Boring otherwise. They better start having some interesting things to do soon!

    I am now on the Chase, Wells or Alex for next Bachelor, not Robb or Luke,please no.

  13. cjscjs711

    June 21, 2016 at 7:33 PM

    What is it with the “equally at fault” question? What have either of them done wrong? They’re both single and unattached. Completely agree w/crushonspivey. Pwning Robby. And I, too, think it would be hilarious if he dated Jordan’s ex, Grant’s exes, however many else there are who dumped their girlfriends to be on the show.

    The expression, “we happened to meet” is shorthand. It means, “I’m skipping the details because you don’t need to know, I don’t need to tell you” either because it’s boring, too personal, or not important. We don’t need to know how they got together. He had very nice things to say about her.

    Really interesting the way they wrote the tabloid into the storyline as never before. I think they learned from a few years ago that having a lot of actors and models on who were patently there to further their brand turned off a lot of viewers. Then it seemed they were having a lot of ‘ordinary people’ jobs on and it got a little boring and ‘too nice.’ My take is they are seeing the pendulum swinging back the other way now and my prediction is you’ll see – it’s hard to tell though. Why would you have thought a farmer in Iowa who owned a million-dollar agricultural business would dream to chuck it for Hollywood.

    Steve, you say you work hard on your blogs but you really need to have someone proofread them before posting. I’m constantly having to re-read sentences to get the sense. “Their exes.” Or did you mean, “They’re exes?” Or “Derek balled” or “Derek bawled”? On the West Coast “balling” means something very different from “bawling.”

    Speaking of Coasts, why “Rajah”? That’s an East Coast pronunciation of “Rodgers” and Jordan is from the West Coast. Aaron Rajahs? That is definitely NOT a Midwestern or native Wisconsin pronunciation of “Rodgers,” either.

  14. cjscjs711

    June 21, 2016 at 7:42 PM

    What is it with the “equally at fault” question? What have either of them done wrong? They’re both single and unattached. Completely agree w/crushonspivey. Pwning Robby. And I, too, think it would be hilarious if he dated Jordan’s ex, Grant’s exes, however many else there are who dumped their girlfriends to be on the show.

    The expression, “we happened to meet” is shorthand. It means, “I’m skipping the details because you don’t need to know, I don’t need to tell you” either because it’s boring, too personal, or not important. We don’t need to know how they got together. He had very nice things to say about her.

    Really interesting the way they wrote the tabloid into the storyline as never before. I think they learned from a few years ago that having a lot of actors and models on who were patently there to further their brand turned off a lot of viewers. Then it seemed they were having a lot of ‘ordinary people’ jobs on and it got a little boring and ‘too nice.’ My take is they are seeing the pendulum swinging back the other way now and my prediction is you’ll see – it’s hard to tell though. Why would you have thought a farmer in Iowa who owned a million-dollar agricultural business would dream to chuck it for Hollywood.

    Steve, you say you work hard on your blogs but you really need to have someone proofread them before posting. I’m constantly having to re-read sentences to get the sense. “Their exes.” Or did you mean, “They’re exes?” Or “Derek balled” or “Derek bawled”? On the West Coast “balling” means something very different from “bawling.”

    Speaking of Coasts, why “Rajah”? That’s an East Coast pronunciation of “Rodgers” and Jordan is from the West Coast. Aaron Rajahs? That is definitely NOT a Midwestern or native Wisconsin pronunciation of “Rodgers,” either.

    Steve, also don’t see where you think Chad blamed it on editing. I thought he owned his behavior pretty well. Kimmel: “So you acted like a jerk and so now everyone thinks you’re a despicable jerk!” Chad: shrugged and said, “Yeah, I guess I’m pretty good at it.” Or, “At the end of the day, it is a show. And we try to be ourselves and we try to be who we are, but at the same time, whoever you are is amplified up about a million times.” A lot like so many other people have said. I don’t see the lying. I don’t know the guy Chad either, so I’m not defending him; I just don’t see the lying.

  15. jlal

    June 22, 2016 at 6:10 AM

    cd12 – It is a big deal when someone with whom you had a long term serious relationship sells you out to the tabloids. Ex Chad was not just someone Jojo hooked up with. Keeping quiet and not selling out someone you professed to be in love with for years, may not make you a saint, but it certainly shows you have some measure of integrity. Also, what was desperate and immature of Jojo?

  16. rob22

    June 22, 2016 at 6:59 AM

    cjscjs: The whole “Rajahs” thing is just referring to Aaron Rogers State Farm commercial and the Cheesehead who keeps screaming “Rajahs!” repeatedly & is a regular on several of the commercials. Aaron and Jordan Rogers grew up in Northern California & so have no MW accent. I was just going for the Cheesehead’s pronunciation on the commercial, which probably has nothing to do with any regional accent. He’s just some loud, crazy looking actor on the commercial to lend comedic effect. I kinda figured not everyone would get it, but I went for it anyway. The commercials are almost ubiquitous, but not quite.

  17. monkeydo

    June 22, 2016 at 4:45 PM

    I like Steve’s spoilers but his website sucks ass! Too many pop ups and it freezes my computer.

  18. amr214

    June 23, 2016 at 1:49 PM

    @cd12: Hi Chad Rook-tool! (dumb name/close enough.)  This is obviously you or some kiss*ss friend. I know that you’re ALL about this site & thirsty as hell. Besides, who else would have any motive/desire to (try to) JUSTIFY selling out a longtime ex like that?  Especially an ex that *you* cheated on… and who actually tolerated/forgave you for it?!

    Shameful,dude.

    (The fact that Joelle is 13 years your junior–and was barely 21 when you started dating/”playing” her–only *adds* to the douche factor here.)

    Were you really that hard up for $$, Chad?  Or was your blinding jealousy over her growing fame all that it took?

    It was a weak, mean-spirited, classless, D*CK move that revealed EXACTLY who you are, Chad. Please stop embarrassing yourself (and your friends/family/co-workers) by trying to justify it.

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