-When JoJo returns from her date with JoJo in all of her glory gushing about it was the greatest love story date ever and how happy she is, you knew that’s when the sh** would hit the fan. During her ITM, a producer shows her the magazine and JoJo must’ve been all looped up on some Jordan dust since when she opens the magazine and sees a picture of herself, she says, “Who’s that?” Ummm, that’s you. And quit playing dumb. And if you’re gonna start crying and sniffling, it’d be nice if a few tears came out to make it somewhat believable. But apparently that was asking too much. This whole scene with the magazine from how it got there, to JoJo reacting to it, to her confronting the guys about it was so forced and contrived it was hard to watch. She’s crying by herself saying “I hate him.” Great, then why did you continue to stay with him when he was cheating on you. AND go back and “befriend” him after you were done filming Ben’s season? I mean, she flat out admitted that she was “there for him when he was hurting.” So you mean to tell me the two of them with their past, and who share a dog, DID IN FACT see each other after she was done filming Ben’s season, yet NOTHING happened? Ever? Not once? No ex sex? Again, I may be dumb, but I wasn’t born yesterday. The other major thing working against JoJo is PLENTY of girls from this show run back to their exes when the show is over. Some have even married them. So to pretend like this is so unheard of to do that is killing her case.
-JoJo goes in, talks to the guys, says she doesn’t want to give them any reason to be worried, she’s here for the right reasons” and in about .0005 seconds, every guy is like, “Oh JoJo that’s ok. We believe you. Of course we do. This guy is a jerk. Team JoJo!” I haven’t seen that much ass kissing on this show since, well, JoJo just kissed Jordan’s ass the day before on their 1-on-1 date. So the whole situation that they played up like crazy promoting for two weeks was diffused in a matter of seconds by all 11 guys who didn’t ask her one question about it. Not, “So he made EVERYTHING up?” Not, “Can you tell us the extent of your relationship with him?” Not, “So why do you think he’d write something like this? Seems pretty specific.” Nope. Nothing. Never questioned her at all which pretty much showed the little amount of sack every one of these guys lacked. But I get it. The second ANY of those guys even believes for a heartbeat that JoJo wasn’t there for the right reasons, they’re gone. Ask Ian from Kaitlyn’s season. Ask Kalon from Emily’s season. You get the picture.
-As the group date begins, we first see a shot of Jordan and Robby getting cucumber mani/pedis in the hotel and I just get this strange feeling that that isn’t the first one Robby’s ever gotten. Nor will it be the last. The date ended up being sandboarding down dunes in Uruguay, and because they essentially got rained on, the actual date portion of this date had nothing in it. Like, nothing. Guys sliding down sand on a board and tumbling over. The only storyline they set up was Derek being a little weenie and turning into the “it’s hard for me to watch JoJo date other guys” guy. We get that guy every season, and it’s usually the guy who got the first 1-on-1 date, and sure even, Derek fit the bill this season. Like, he couldn’t think of anything more original to come up with other than it’s hard watching JoJo date other guys. Great. Then don’t go on the show. That’s what happens. I guess with Chad gone, they had to find at least some controversy in the house, so, Derek gladly accepts the role and will be the whipping boy…until next week when he goes home.
-The night portion of this date is essentially every guy coming up to her with lips smooched firmly on her ass telling her how much they don’t care about the In Touch tabloid story, when in reality, I’m sure it bothers every single one of them. Or, maybe they really don’t care because they’re all looking to get famous too. First up is Luke. Take it away. “I believe you and believe in your intentions…warms my heart…don’t need any outside verification.” Hey Skywalker, couple things here: 1) We’re five episodes in, and it really would be nice if we could get one smile out of you this season. Just one. That’s all we ask. Seriously. 2) If that wasn’t the biggest line of horse manure, I don’t know what was. Your lips are cracking from all that ass kissing you were doing there. It’s ok. She already likes you, dude. No need to lay it on so thick. And you can get rid of serious face at any point now.
-James: “I don’t think you told that guy those things.” Really? Based on what? Because she told you she didn’t? Ahhhh, ok. Makes sense.
Wells: “Lets look to the future, not the past…don’t talk about anyone named Chad anymore.” What about Chad Kelly, Ole Miss QB? He decided to come back to school for his senior year, your alma mater by the way, he’s decent and the Rebs might be good again this year. Can we talk about him? Lets not exclude all Chad’s from our conversations here. We don’t want to discriminate.
The only guy who didn’t bring up Chad, or the gossip magazine, was our new resident weenie, Derek. You see, with villain Chad gone, they need to have some drama or else it wouldn’t be entertaining TV. Derek says he’s definitely jealous of some of the guys, since he had the first 1-on-1, he doesn’t want them to fall behind. Alex chimes in in an ITM: “Everyone here thinks Derek is a good guy, but I don’t like the guy.” There’s a good chance that Alex really doesn’t like Derek. There’s also a good chance that the producers knew Evan and Alex were two guys they could run to for a good soundbite every time they wanted the guys to start sounding off on someone. I honestly don’t think Alex really dislikes Derek. He was just told to create some sort of tension by going after him in his ITM’s and confronting him later. I mean, compared to what Chad did this season, Derek’s stuff is petty. JoJo ends up giving the rose to Derek because of “reassurance” and that sets Alex off, in turn making him refer to Derek as an “insecure little bitch.” I guess that’d make Alex a “whiny dwarfy bitch.”