Reality Steve

The Bachelorette 12 - JoJo

The “Bachelorette” Episode 5 Recap Incl That Tricky Teaser, the Vegas Party, BIP Cast & Spoilers, & Chad’s Antics

Photo Credit: Twitter

-The beginning of JoJo and Robby’s date shows her playing with a dog on the beach and she informs us that “I love dogs.” Ain’t that the truth, JoJo. Ain’t that the truth. You left out the part about loving liars, cheaters, and players too. And dudes named Chad. Well, you used to. You know what JoJo and Robby’s date becomes? The Metaphor Date! Can’t remember which of them said it, but this line was uttered right at the beginning: “This is puppy love that can turn in to something real,” as she’s playing with the puppy on the beach. It was probably JoJo who said that and I just threw up a little. So there’s a puppy, which translates to puppy love, which then in turn…ahhhhhhh, I get it now. It all makes sense. How cute these two are. The swimmer and the naughty little minx. I stole that from Simon Cowell. I think he called Kellie Pickler that her season and I’ll never forget it. Only because with a line like that, he was blatantly hitting on her on national television. Subtle, Simon. And of course Kellie played up her dumb blonde Southern girl persona pretending she was clueless to what he was doing. Fun times all around for everyone.

-These two went shopping locally in Uruguay and bought a bunch of little trinkets or something. Basically one of those, “We really don’t have anything planned for your date, so just walk around, the good stuff is coming later” dates. They found a Kangol cap for Robby to try on and JoJo tells him “You look like Ryan Gosling in the ‘Notebook.’” I’m sure that made every woman in America swoon. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that women forget that’s a movie. You know, like not real life. Like, never happening to you ever? Basically, Rom-Com’s have ruined women’s expectations of men because they watch sh** like that and think it should happen to them. And if their guy doesn’t do, say, and act like Ryan Gosling does, then she hasn’t found the right one. Keep lookin’ sister. It ain’t like that. Like Chris Rock says, “Nobody gets a soulmate. All you gonna get in life if you lucky is a mate. Somebody you f**k, go to movies with. You f**k, go to another movie. You f**k, go to the comedy show. You f**k, you go to your grandmama’s house. You f**k, you go to your mama’s house. You f**k, go see another movie. And somewhere in between f***in and movies, he goes ‘Wanna get somethin’ to eat?’” So there you go, JoJo. Have fun at the movies.

-They then go walking on the rocks where, uh oh. Oh no. It can’t be. But…yep. It is. Robby the Metaphor King! “I know I love JoJo and saying it first isn’t a problem. But hearing it back is nice…I’m ready to take this leap of faith and jump into a relationship with the woman of my dreams.” You know you love, JoJo? Really? Based on 10-15 minutes at group dates and cocktail parties, and the first portion of your first 1-on-1? You sure of this, Robby? Because I wouldn’t want you to be exaggerating or anything. I know the show would never have a contestant hyperbolize their relationship on this show, so, I’m just making sure this is exactly how you feel and you aren’t playing it up for the cameras. Oh, it isn’t? Ah hell. Well, it was fun while it lasted. At least you gave them, and JoJo, what they wanted to hear so that should do to carry you all the way to the final 2. Perfect little puppet you are this season. I’m surprised marionette strings aren’t coming out of your back on this date.

-Back at the hotel, you’ll never guess what’s happening right about now. Chase and Alex are confronting Derek about getting the group date rose the night before. Alex said they found it kinda suspicious that JoJo would say she was giving the rose to someone who needed resassurance, rather than just give it to someone because she liked them. Translation: Derek, you’re a little insecure bitch for getting that rose over me. Well, technically you’re both insecure. Derek is insecure that he’s on a dating show with 25 other guys but doesn’t like it if any of the other 25 guys show interest in JoJo even though that’s the point of the show. And Alex doesn’t like the fact he has to ask for four phonebooks when eating at a restaurant. These two should just duke it out for title of “Most Insecure Contestant Ever.” Derek must fight on his knees though. It’s only fair.

-It’s time for the night portion of Robby and JoJo’s date and this is where he brings out the big guns. Full artillery here as he’s gonna lay it on about as thick as you can. Now, even though Jordan almost said the exact same thing to her earlier this episodes, it’s Robby’s we’re focused on now and they make a bigger deal of. He tells her a story of how his best friend died in April of last year in a car accident and he was going to propose to his girlfriend. That changed Robby and he moved out of the city and “got out of a 3 ½ year relationship.” Of course, he didn’t go over any of the timeline there, but as reported here for months, he was definitely still with Hope when he was in contact about going on the show. So to say the two weren’t mutually exclusive would be false. But then he drops the bomb on JoJo. “I’ve fallen in love with you JoJo. I have.” Awwwwwwwww. An hour ago, Jordan’s line to her was “I’m falling in love with you.” So which one is more serious, “I’ve fallen” or “I’m falling?” Whatever the case, each was a line that producers forced out of them for TV sake. I’m sorry, but zero people ever who are being honest with themselves aren’t saying that on their first date with a girl. Zero. This date ends with a firework show, which you all saw a little of when I posted pictures from that night of them walking Punta Del Este together. Robby got a rose and probably turned it into a brooch or something.

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18 Comments

18 Comments

  1. rob22

    June 21, 2016 at 10:22 AM

    I’m sure the show will rally the troops to try to put together some semblance of a love story. But, I’m really not feeling it with Rajahs and JoJo. That little attempt to nail Rajahs for cheating was an epic fail. He was obviously lying. So, do I believe that two good looking people have the warmies for one another & want to knock boots in the fantasy suite? Absolutely.

    I just don’t see anything more there. Not that there’s really usually anything there, but the show is also usually good about making it look like a possibility. Like I said, I’m sure the show will pull together a marginally believable love story ending. But, I think it’s more transparent than usual this time. I just have not seen the “Jordan and JoJo show” that RS has been talking about. To me, their interactions seem forced, especially on his end. It’s like he’s reading off a script, which he may well be doing. That “I’m falling in love with you” line couldn’t have been more scripted and couldn’t have been less believable. I don’t think JoJo really bought it either. I don’t see any real sign that there is any great chemistry between the two. Maybe it’s just me. I saw it with Lauren and Ben. Not here with these two.

  2. jlal

    June 21, 2016 at 10:53 AM

    Steve why do you think just because she said they spent time together and were friends, that translates into no sex? Of course they most likely had ex-sex. That does not mean they were back together or she wanted to get back together. Maybe the ex Chad thought they were back, because of the ex-sex – his bad. I have been there before myself when an ex thought we were back, just because we had sex. She went to him for comfort after Ben. Unless there is proof she lied to him, I don’t see an issue.

  3. jlal

    June 21, 2016 at 11:03 AM

    Also, I don’t care what she said to ex Chad or didn’t say. He talking to a tabloid trashing her trumps anything she may or may not have said to him. I’m on JoJo’s side on this issue.

  4. rob22

    June 21, 2016 at 11:38 AM

    @jlal: I think the narrative that RS is laying out is that both of them dumped “relationships” that the other person thought was going somewhere & then were cut loose (and lied to in some cases) so that they could go on the show. Then at least Rajahs was possibly trolling a dating site since he got home.

    Overall, the point is that it’s more obvious than normal that these two went on the show for their own brand enhancement & weren’t taking the process seriously AT ALL. That’s not a big surprise to readers of this site, but to the crazies that are buying the “love story” angle that the show is selling, it’s pretty big stuff. I’m with you, though. Who cares what they were or were not doing. It’s just an entertainment show. But a lot of people don’t look at it that way. They’re rooting for a love story & when that gets derailed, they get cranky. When stuff like this comes out, JoJo and Rajahs get major heat on social media for interrupting their fantasies.

    As for “ex-sex”, I’ll go into Dr. rob22 mode. When you have ex-sex, there is a pretty good chance that one of the couple will take it more seriously than the other. That sets false expectations and just makes the whole situation worse. If you really want to be rid of a relationship, ex-sex is not the way to go about it. It’s not just a courtesy romp for old times sake. You just invite the other person to become a cling-on that can’t be easily removed. Did that once in my college years. I didn’t think it would hurt. It ended up kicking up major drama including my ex and all of her friends all against me & actively trying to hurt me. My friends just laughed at me for my stupidity. “Hey, it was just one time!” meant nothing to anyone. Lesson learned…. the HARD way.

  5. cd12

    June 21, 2016 at 11:47 AM

    Big deal if a bitter ex goes to a tabloid. Privacy seems overrated in today’s world of social media and keeping quiet doesn’t make one a saint. That was desperate & immature of Jojo, which is how she comes across on the show for picking Jordan.

  6. shouldbeworking

    June 21, 2016 at 12:13 PM

    I can’t believe she fell for that phony baloney with Jordan. I’m no body language expert, but you could totally tell he was lying. If she didn’t pick up on that then the reason she dates the wrong type of men is obvious. Bring on Bachelor in Paradise! I’m so done with this already. And that little weasel Alex needs to shut up. He has little big man syndrome for sure.

  7. benlund4

    June 21, 2016 at 12:29 PM

    Anyone notice the blue blazer Robby is wearing on June 2nd on Instagram? Look familiar? Also could these photos with his family have been taken at the final rose ceremony and not at the country club as indicated… I think he blew it with the blazer

  8. crushonspivey

    June 21, 2016 at 12:52 PM

    Chad and Hope were not trolling us or each other. They were totally trolling Robby. And it was an epic takedown at that. Robby just got punked so hard. So so hard. They both did it to crap on him publically, and it was nothing more than that. Beautifully played. Chad keeps winning this game even though he’s off the show. And neither of thier character took a hit. Only Robby’s ego.

    I’d actually love it if Chad has one of these each week with an ex of a guy on the show. Especially the ones that played their exes before coming on. Maybe we can see Chad with Brittany Farrar next. Would be hilarious.

  9. rob22

    June 21, 2016 at 1:19 PM

    @crushonspivey: You hit it. Chad is shooting for Omarosa level notoriety. All time villain level. It might work. He’s certainly offensive enough & obviously is willing to do whatever to get attention. It just depends on whether people watch his act enough to keep getting him invites for gigs. Being the guy that people love to hate certainly isn’t my cup of tea & I’ve already lost interest in both of them (her, long ago). But others love this kind of act.

  10. purplerayne

    June 21, 2016 at 4:05 PM

    A few ramblings:

    @Crushonspivey- EX-actly (sorry, couldnt’ help it) 🙂 Chad and Hope decided to have some fun at Robby’s expense. I dont blame her. I doubt either her or Chad were even intimate, that kiss looks hella staged. And yes, I hope he eventually teams up with Brittany for a big F you to Jordan. That would be brilliant.

    Jojo said “who is this” when she saw the cover of InTouch magazine, THEN producers said open it up. She didnt pretend not to know it was her.

    Exes can hang out with each other for comfort without sex. I myself have done it, so have other friends. Every couple has a different grieving process when it comes to cementing their relationship’s end. (Not saying JoJo didnt have sex. Only pointing out its unrealistic).

    Wait, why were the guys picking on Derek? What a lame way to manufacture drama. Leave the guy alone.

    The way Jordan reacted to JoJo’s cheating question was VERY telling, he got defensive instead of concerned or pensive or surprised. To me, it was shades of Andi and Josh all over again. That guy would always be smiley and go lucky, but when confronted with a question he didnt like, he would turn sour. He got dark very quickly. Remember the lie detector date? Yeah.

  11. thisshow

    June 21, 2016 at 4:44 PM

    They are Andi and Josh 2.0. Even their voices are quite similar.

  12. supersparklyday

    June 21, 2016 at 5:36 PM

    This season is totally the JoJo & Jordan show. Giving him the 1st date in Uruguay made is SO obvious. Their body language shows how into each other they are/were. If you watch closely, Jojo leans into him when they are sitting and talking, whereas she doesn’t with any of the others. Even if I’d never come here and read the spoiler, it’d still be super’obvious who she picks. It’s so obvious,in fact, that I’m already a little bored. In fact, this was the worst travel dates I have ever seen. The best thing they showed about Uruguay was the hotel! Boring otherwise. They better start having some interesting things to do soon!

    I am now on the Chase, Wells or Alex for next Bachelor, not Robb or Luke,please no.

  13. cjscjs711

    June 21, 2016 at 7:33 PM

    What is it with the “equally at fault” question? What have either of them done wrong? They’re both single and unattached. Completely agree w/crushonspivey. Pwning Robby. And I, too, think it would be hilarious if he dated Jordan’s ex, Grant’s exes, however many else there are who dumped their girlfriends to be on the show.

    The expression, “we happened to meet” is shorthand. It means, “I’m skipping the details because you don’t need to know, I don’t need to tell you” either because it’s boring, too personal, or not important. We don’t need to know how they got together. He had very nice things to say about her.

    Really interesting the way they wrote the tabloid into the storyline as never before. I think they learned from a few years ago that having a lot of actors and models on who were patently there to further their brand turned off a lot of viewers. Then it seemed they were having a lot of ‘ordinary people’ jobs on and it got a little boring and ‘too nice.’ My take is they are seeing the pendulum swinging back the other way now and my prediction is you’ll see – it’s hard to tell though. Why would you have thought a farmer in Iowa who owned a million-dollar agricultural business would dream to chuck it for Hollywood.

    Steve, you say you work hard on your blogs but you really need to have someone proofread them before posting. I’m constantly having to re-read sentences to get the sense. “Their exes.” Or did you mean, “They’re exes?” Or “Derek balled” or “Derek bawled”? On the West Coast “balling” means something very different from “bawling.”

    Speaking of Coasts, why “Rajah”? That’s an East Coast pronunciation of “Rodgers” and Jordan is from the West Coast. Aaron Rajahs? That is definitely NOT a Midwestern or native Wisconsin pronunciation of “Rodgers,” either.

  14. cjscjs711

    June 21, 2016 at 7:42 PM

    What is it with the “equally at fault” question? What have either of them done wrong? They’re both single and unattached. Completely agree w/crushonspivey. Pwning Robby. And I, too, think it would be hilarious if he dated Jordan’s ex, Grant’s exes, however many else there are who dumped their girlfriends to be on the show.

    The expression, “we happened to meet” is shorthand. It means, “I’m skipping the details because you don’t need to know, I don’t need to tell you” either because it’s boring, too personal, or not important. We don’t need to know how they got together. He had very nice things to say about her.

    Really interesting the way they wrote the tabloid into the storyline as never before. I think they learned from a few years ago that having a lot of actors and models on who were patently there to further their brand turned off a lot of viewers. Then it seemed they were having a lot of ‘ordinary people’ jobs on and it got a little boring and ‘too nice.’ My take is they are seeing the pendulum swinging back the other way now and my prediction is you’ll see – it’s hard to tell though. Why would you have thought a farmer in Iowa who owned a million-dollar agricultural business would dream to chuck it for Hollywood.

    Steve, you say you work hard on your blogs but you really need to have someone proofread them before posting. I’m constantly having to re-read sentences to get the sense. “Their exes.” Or did you mean, “They’re exes?” Or “Derek balled” or “Derek bawled”? On the West Coast “balling” means something very different from “bawling.”

    Speaking of Coasts, why “Rajah”? That’s an East Coast pronunciation of “Rodgers” and Jordan is from the West Coast. Aaron Rajahs? That is definitely NOT a Midwestern or native Wisconsin pronunciation of “Rodgers,” either.

    Steve, also don’t see where you think Chad blamed it on editing. I thought he owned his behavior pretty well. Kimmel: “So you acted like a jerk and so now everyone thinks you’re a despicable jerk!” Chad: shrugged and said, “Yeah, I guess I’m pretty good at it.” Or, “At the end of the day, it is a show. And we try to be ourselves and we try to be who we are, but at the same time, whoever you are is amplified up about a million times.” A lot like so many other people have said. I don’t see the lying. I don’t know the guy Chad either, so I’m not defending him; I just don’t see the lying.

  15. jlal

    June 22, 2016 at 6:10 AM

    cd12 – It is a big deal when someone with whom you had a long term serious relationship sells you out to the tabloids. Ex Chad was not just someone Jojo hooked up with. Keeping quiet and not selling out someone you professed to be in love with for years, may not make you a saint, but it certainly shows you have some measure of integrity. Also, what was desperate and immature of Jojo?

  16. rob22

    June 22, 2016 at 6:59 AM

    cjscjs: The whole “Rajahs” thing is just referring to Aaron Rogers State Farm commercial and the Cheesehead who keeps screaming “Rajahs!” repeatedly & is a regular on several of the commercials. Aaron and Jordan Rogers grew up in Northern California & so have no MW accent. I was just going for the Cheesehead’s pronunciation on the commercial, which probably has nothing to do with any regional accent. He’s just some loud, crazy looking actor on the commercial to lend comedic effect. I kinda figured not everyone would get it, but I went for it anyway. The commercials are almost ubiquitous, but not quite.

  17. monkeydo

    June 22, 2016 at 4:45 PM

    I like Steve’s spoilers but his website sucks ass! Too many pop ups and it freezes my computer.

  18. amr214

    June 23, 2016 at 1:49 PM

    @cd12: Hi Chad Rook-tool! (dumb name/close enough.)  This is obviously you or some kiss*ss friend. I know that you’re ALL about this site & thirsty as hell. Besides, who else would have any motive/desire to (try to) JUSTIFY selling out a longtime ex like that?  Especially an ex that *you* cheated on… and who actually tolerated/forgave you for it?!

    Shameful,dude.

    (The fact that Joelle is 13 years your junior–and was barely 21 when you started dating/”playing” her–only *adds* to the douche factor here.)

    Were you really that hard up for $$, Chad?  Or was your blinding jealousy over her growing fame all that it took?

    It was a weak, mean-spirited, classless, D*CK move that revealed EXACTLY who you are, Chad. Please stop embarrassing yourself (and your friends/family/co-workers) by trying to justify it.

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