Reality Steve

Bachelor in Paradise 3 Spoilers

The “Bachelorette” Episode 6 Recap Incl (SPOILER) Who Got Engaged on “Bachelor in Paradise?”

Photo Credit: ABC

-We’re not two minutes into the episode and already JoJo is making her 3rd grade English teacher cringe. “Traveling was one of the most funnest things for me last season.” Really? Funnest? A grown (well, 25 year old) woman still thinks that funnest is a word? By no means am I the Grammar Police since I’ll make the occasional spelling error here and there. But there’s no way I’d ever say funnest. It’s “most fun,” JoJo. In case anyone hasn’t corrected you by now. We then get a Chris Harrison appearance in the episode before the last 5 minutes of the show. Wow. This is like a record or something. He sits on the park bench with JoJo and asks how she’s doing. You know, real deep conversation here. JoJo talks about falling in love, and not getting hurt, and even throws out the possibility that maybe she’ll fall in love with two people like Ben did last season. Only the 840th reference to Ben this season so far, so she’s really doing a great job of holding back. This conversation was pointless and I guess was a time kill before the guys arrived and Chris told them what the dealio was for this week’s dates.

-Chris then goes and greets the boys and the talk with them looked eerily similar to this from back on April 9th, no?

He tells them there will be a 1-on-1 date, a group date, and for the first time ever, a second 2-on-1 date. Wow. Earth shattering news. Ground breaking. A truly stop-the-presses moment that everyone’s known about for over a month. But hey, I get that you gotta earn your paycheck Chris, so make it seem more important than it is. Especially when the date practically put all of America to sleep. I know. I asked all of them. So the first date card arrives and it reads: “Besame. Besame muchacho.” Now, I don’t quite remember all of the three years of Spanish that I took in high school, but I definitely remember that one. Translation: Good God Wells. You’re light years behind all these other guys, you have no chance of lasting past this date, but for Christ sakes kiss me already. Or something like that. So basically this date turns into the Emasculation of Wells Adams, basically making fun of the guy for not knowing when to kiss JoJo. I hope he buried his head in the sand when watching this.

-JoJo arrives to talk to the guys, and it’s more time to make fun of Wells. The whole thing was around their kissing build up as Wells told the guys he hadn’t kissed her yet. None of them knew that. That was basically like feeding blood to the sharks. Speaking of that, did anyone see “The Shallows” yet? I was busy seeing the “Independence Day” sequel on Saturday, but maybe I’ll catch “The Shallows” next weekend. I mean, I could care less about plot development. Blake Lively is in my top 5. Blake Lively is in this movie. Blake Lively is in a bikini surrounded by a shark in the middle of nowhere. I’m in. I’m sure Rotten Tomatoes probably gave this thing a 1. That’s not important right now. What is important is this movie will probably win an Oscar in my mind. And in my dreams. And that’s what counts the most.

-They walk around Buenos Aires checking out a bunch of street vendors, all while Wells is as nervous as a fifth grader at his first school dance. Then again, I’m not even sure Wells is of legal age to kiss a girl, so maybe that’s what is worrying him. It’s ok Wells. You’re only in your mid 20’s and still sweating out getting to first base with a girl. That is perfectly normal. I don’t think anyone is laughing at you at home. Or back in the hotel. JoJo takes him to the Fuerza Bruta show, which is some hybrid of gymnastics, swimming, crazy lights, and bad acting. They go and see the rehearsal show where some dude on a treadmill gets shot and fake blood is on his shirt. The same white shirt with fake blood we saw in the season preview after episode 1 and everyone freaked out asking me who was bleeding. Basically, no one will ever learn to NOT take everything in the season previews so seriously. They pull the same tricks every season, and every season people fall for it.

-Wells and JoJo then get to replicate that bizarre sequence we just saw, and JoJo is constantly wondering when Wells is gonna make a move. Let me help you out here JoJo. He’ll make a move later on in June during “Bachelor in Paradise” filming and it won’t be with you. I think. You see, Wells needs some liquid courage if he’s gonna actually attempt to get out of the batter’s box with a living, breathing female. So just give him another 4 or 5 weeks and maybe he’ll be ready. Oh, you don’t have that much time? Crap. Dammit Wells, kiss her already! We’re bored senseless. He must’ve heard me because he finally kissed her as they were swimming in the whatever it was. And as you would expect, it was about as underwhelming as you could possibly imagine. When Alex the dwarf is beating you in the make out department, and she can barely tolerate that guy, you know you’re behind the 8 ball. And oh yeah, if you haven’t gotten a date until the 6th episode, that kinda screws you too.

-At dinner, JoJo asks Wells about his last relationship. He tells here they were together on and off for 4 years and he just felt like they were best friends that lived together. Immediately JoJo goes into a speech about being afraid since that’s happened to her before where the romance and love just fizzled aaaaaaaannnd you’re done Wells. Grab this Argentinian t-shirt on your way out the door. Basically, JoJo sees Wells as like her 13 year old brother and not some cheating, womanizing stud of a man she’ll fall in love with for the short time to capitalize on their fame. So with that, Wells doesn’t get a rose and he’s sent packing. Exactly zero people are surprised by this. It’s probably better for him since I really think that Wells is more comfortable heading home and going back to being the Mayor of Friend Zone. They all missed him there. He’s like the PG version of Nick Viall. Nick gets dumped after having sex with the “Bachelorette.” Wells gets told to kick rocks after he kisses them. See ya on Paradise buddy.

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20 Comments

20 Comments

  1. crushonspivey

    June 28, 2016 at 8:58 AM

    I liked JoJo a lot last season, but I am just not feeling her this season. The show is, again, hurting its brand when the entire premise is just not believable. I just do not see her finding much of anything with any of these guys. Just not seeing it.

    I also decided that the contract the lead signs has some bonus clauses built into it. Bonus for every person they kiss each week. Only reason JoJo would act excited for kissing guys like James or Alex, or others already gone etc. Seriously, she is mentally cashing checks each time those dudes makes a move. And then I also think she gets a bigger bonus each time a guy tells her he loves her, or is falling in love with her. I mean, why not incentivize the lead to get guys to emotionally put it out there for America to consume. That is what this show wants more than reality. Just give us something to watch and laugh about.

    Oh, and Robby, you hair style looks like the top of a soft serve swirl ice cream cone. Or that you put your head in the toilet and flushed. Either way. Total swirly hair. Of course, this season has all kinds of bad hair. I think it has to be a record.

    Would have been way better had JoJo sent both James and Alex home together. Both have no shot and never have. Waiting another week just delayed the inevitable for both.

  2. j1scarlett

    June 28, 2016 at 9:59 AM

    Grant seems to get engaged all the time, so that means absolutely nothing. Hope he didnt meet any girls on the plane ride home. Evan and Carly both live in Nashville so thats helpful, there might be a chance for them I guess.

  3. valadega

    June 28, 2016 at 10:36 AM

    Evan and Carly are the only ones who have a ghost of a chance!

  4. jsab7

    June 28, 2016 at 10:39 AM

    Steve, I’m sure Blake is in a bikini in The Shallows but do yourself a favor and check out her body double, Sarah Friend.

  5. cjscjs711

    June 28, 2016 at 10:44 AM

    Touche, J1scarlett….

    I’m very surprised the franchise indulged James Taylor’s very obvious plug for self-promotion right from the start and then more than once. They are setting themselves up for more coming on the show purely for self-promotion. The guy bugs the heck out of me.

    In looking at his scene with JoJo, how dumb the incident was, he must have been very easy for producers to manipulate (if they even had to try very hard) into getting him to go through with that silly ‘accusation.’

    The leads on both shows typically play a pretty bland role. Most of the high drama moments involves the participants. Even Kaitlyn – aside from sex with Nick – lost a lot of her spunk and sounded very cliched and rehearsed compared to on Chris’s season.

    Evan is not at all my type so I say this not personally, but he did seem as though he naively was on the show ‘for the right reasons’ and I hope it all works out for cruise-singer Carly.

  6. monkeydo

    June 28, 2016 at 10:48 AM

    Agreed with Crushonspivey that both James and Alex should have been sent packing last night. It would have made for a better show. FAILED!
    During JoJo’s date with Wells, I was thinking the same that Wells seems more like her brother than her date.

  7. dpk1

    June 28, 2016 at 11:06 AM

    Eww, Carly. Really? Evan? Eww. (Sorry if that’s mean). :-/

  8. cd12

    June 28, 2016 at 11:13 AM

    I don’t care if people think Des-type ettes are boring, I find them far more enjoyable than these “spunky” wenches. I’m over Jojo and her screen presence reveals a lack of genuine emotion other than bitchiness and desperation where Jordan Rodgers is concerned.

  9. pfarrellwelsh

    June 28, 2016 at 5:11 PM

    Criticizing JoJo’s grammar? Really? Saying that she said “funnest” made her 3rd grade teacher cringe and then using “gonna,” “gotta,” wanna,”kinda” and “Lets” (instead of Let’s) in the same blog? Kettle meet pot! Newsflash: gonna, gotta, wanna and kinda are not words either! And you, at least, have the benefit of spell-check! I like reading your blog, Steve; but even more annoying than the multiple pop-up ads and the constant freezing of the site, your grammar is horrible! There are a lot of things you could have criticized (or should I say “coulda”?)!

  10. mariet

    June 28, 2016 at 5:44 PM

    Thank you, pfarrellwelsh! I wasn’t going to bother commenting on this: “Really? Funnest? A grown (well, 25 year old) woman still thinks that funnest is a word? By no means am I the Grammar Police since I’ll make the occasional spelling error here and there. But there’s no way I’d ever say funnest.” Occasional? Are you serious? Many times Steve’s sentences don’t even make sense! I have suggested that he have a neighbor, friend, anybody, proofread his columns prior to posting. But no, this 40 year old “writer” refuses. Hopefully, now his niece or nephew will do this for him, I mean, us. (I just come here for the spoilers. I can’t stand the rest of his pompous crap.)

  11. jessicat

    June 28, 2016 at 7:51 PM

    Agreed, mariet.

  12. sylas1

    June 28, 2016 at 11:11 PM

    All you really do is use this site to promote a lot of crap. Sorry, and you are not a good writer.

  13. lucyw4

    June 29, 2016 at 12:03 AM

    I can’t wait for another hideously hilarious break-up song from Carly.

  14. adrie

    June 29, 2016 at 6:25 AM

    I laughed out loud over Carly too – I can’t staaaaannnddd her!! Three engagements over the short period of time filming occurs is absolutely ridiculous. I think they just jumped the shark…

  15. samkwa

    June 29, 2016 at 8:35 AM

    lol Steve has haters. Actual, legit haters who can’t stand him yet can’t quit him.

  16. ImBusyB

    June 29, 2016 at 8:40 AM

    Yet you still come to the site…

  17. supersparklyday

    June 29, 2016 at 6:35 PM

    I luv that 3 couples are gonna get engaged – hilarious!!

    The only ones I’ll really be rooting for though, are Carly & Evan. She seems nice and so does he, both with alot of love to give, so why not with the other and they both live in the same city? I give them a fair-to-middling shot. The others don’t have a chance and probably only want the IG followers that J&T have and the million+ dollars they have earned on social media in the last year.

  18. srush

    June 29, 2016 at 6:41 PM

    Amanda has already posted a snapchat of Josh twirling her older daughter around haha

  19. texasgurl

    June 30, 2016 at 6:33 AM

    Re ‘Right Here Waiting’…I sd to my husband when Whiney sd that -Who does he think he is Richard Marx? It would certainly help his case…at least Richard Marx is talented Clearly that song made an impact on us:)

  20. srock705

    July 21, 2016 at 11:26 AM

    James Taylor’s song was sooooo cheesy! Lame!

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