Reality Steve

Bachelor in Paradise 3 Spoilers

The “Bachelorette” Episode 6 Recap Incl (SPOILER) Who Got Engaged on “Bachelor in Paradise?”

Photo Credit: ABC

-Time for the group date and it is littered with skinny jeans. Like, I literally can’t even. Did they give the guys a heads up they’d be running around kicking a soccer ball, or did they tell them, “No, you guys will be doing the most girly thing possible today” and they all decided to go with the Jef Holm look? I guess the latter. So Robby, Jordan, Alex, James, & Luke all decide to play in an impromptu soccer game wearing jeans that looked like they were spray painted on. And it went about as well as you could imagine. I’m shocked that they’re in Argentina and nobody could’ve rounded up Messi to participate in this and maybe choke away a penalty kick? He must not be a fan of the show. Whatever the case, it came down to penalty kicks where each guy got to take one shot on goal. Whoever made it got a kiss. I don’t even think they showed us everyone, but they made sure to show James since he made his and got a peck on the lips that probably made Wells jealous. This has James all giddy. “I’m on a very quick train that’s headed to JoJo-ville.” I had no idea JoJo-ville was located in Katy, TX where your ass is headed any minute now.

-At the after party (yes, we’re already there now since nothing relevant happened while playing soccer), Luke gets to pull JoJo aside first and gets to do the whole I’m-so-serious-about-you-JoJo thing to where he never smiles, never tells a joke, and never shows any side of him that is remotely funny. He just tells JoJo like 100 different ways how much he’s into her and how much he wants to know about her and how natural and organic their relationship feels. JoJo is smitten by this. “I’m running out of words to describe the level of passion that’s Luke and me together…we have the physical connection down…take a breath…it’s crazy…like cray zee.” Yes we can tell. It’s like your tongues are having sex with each other as we watch cameras zoom in on them. Did his tongue at least buy your tongue dinner and drinks beforehand? Geez. That was quite easy. You should probably tell your tongue to get more standards.

-Back at the hotel, it’s time for Derek and Chase to have a little rolling eye fight with each other. The date card arrives saying “It Takes Two…” and Derek is super confident in his game. Chase isn’t having any of it and says he’s taking it seriously and doesn’t know why Derek is smiling. Apparently Chase is carved from the Luke Pell mold where it’s much easier for him to not smile and not look like he’s having fun and being Mr. Serious all the time. Not like Derek is a barrel of monkeys either, but Chase must’ve had a stick up his ass this day since he’s being kind of a weenie. He’s upset that JoJo is putting him on this date. Also, probably because he knows I think one person in the history of this show has ever been on a 2-on-1 date and ended up winning and now his chances are f***ed. Maybe two people. But basically, as former “Bachelorette” Ali Fedotowsky said in one of her blogs, that you’d never put a guy you were serious about on a 2-on-1. Sooooo yeah, nice knowin’ both of ya’.

-At the after party, it’s James’ turn to grab the baton from Alex and run with it. You know, the guy who uses his time with JoJo to talk about other guys. His victim: Jordan. James feels that JoJo “deserves to know everything about everyone.” Even though the only person he included in his mini rant was Jordan. I guess Jordan is “everyone” this season. He basically says that he’s not Jordan. She asks him what that means and he says that “Jordan Rodgers means celebrity.” Actually that’s not true. I looked it up. Jordan Rodgers means “Raya account user.” He goes on to tell a bizarre story about how he gets the feeling of entitlement from Jordan because of a poker game they played earlier where Jordan explained the rules of the game. This must’ve been one hell of a last ditch effort by producers to stir up drama in an otherwise boring episode. That’s the best they could come up with? I can think of quite a few reasons why Jordan feels entitled and none of them revolve around anything he says during a poker game. Fail.

-JoJo then brings Jordan outside to scold him? I guess? She has a really interesting way of calling Jordan out. We’ve seen it before last week during their 1-on-1 date where she told the bogus story of running into his ex. Like she’s not really mad at all, she just knows it’s a TV show and has to go along with what producers tell her to ask him about, even though she wants to jump his bones the whole time. So she tells him that James brought to her attention there was an “altercation” that was “unbecoming” on his part, where he acted very entitled and snobby. Jordan: “I don’t even know what entitled means.” Well that certainly explains a lot. The whole time she’s “scolding” Jordan for how he acted, she’s like inches away from his face, they’re holding hands, and essentially she is telling him she doesn’t care and would rather make out. It’s like they’re already having ex sex over a silly fight and they aren’t even exes yet.

-Jordan comes back in the room and he is not a happy camper. He’s mean mugging James and it’s so hard to take him seriously when he’s trying to be hard all while furiously stirring a glass of wine in his hands. People ask him why he’s bothered and he asks James, “How’d your conversation go?” James then says he was gonna tell Jordan later what he said, but now that he brought it up, he might as well tell him now. Yeah, good idea. This seemed like the most ridiculous argument this season. All over a stupid poker game that none of the viewing audience ever saw. Again, stirring up drama where there probably even wasn’t any. Jordan does tell JoJo that he wants to be engaged at the end of this thing and wants it work, to which she did a double take to. Probably because that’s exactly what she wanted to hear coming out of his mouth. Although James is still telling the camera that “she doesn’t deserve to be with someone who just wants this for fame.” Touche James. Good one. However, I got an email last night that directed me to this link where someone claiming to be your aunt said that’s exactly why you went on the show. Care to explain?

“He wasn’t even that in to JoJo. Like her well enough but the chemistry wasn’t there.” Funny, watching that episode last night, James made sure to tell us at least 1,000 different times that he was the best guy there for her. Ahhhh, what these people won’t do for a little publicity.

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  1. crushonspivey

    June 28, 2016 at 8:58 AM

    I liked JoJo a lot last season, but I am just not feeling her this season. The show is, again, hurting its brand when the entire premise is just not believable. I just do not see her finding much of anything with any of these guys. Just not seeing it.

    I also decided that the contract the lead signs has some bonus clauses built into it. Bonus for every person they kiss each week. Only reason JoJo would act excited for kissing guys like James or Alex, or others already gone etc. Seriously, she is mentally cashing checks each time those dudes makes a move. And then I also think she gets a bigger bonus each time a guy tells her he loves her, or is falling in love with her. I mean, why not incentivize the lead to get guys to emotionally put it out there for America to consume. That is what this show wants more than reality. Just give us something to watch and laugh about.

    Oh, and Robby, you hair style looks like the top of a soft serve swirl ice cream cone. Or that you put your head in the toilet and flushed. Either way. Total swirly hair. Of course, this season has all kinds of bad hair. I think it has to be a record.

    Would have been way better had JoJo sent both James and Alex home together. Both have no shot and never have. Waiting another week just delayed the inevitable for both.

  2. j1scarlett

    June 28, 2016 at 9:59 AM

    Grant seems to get engaged all the time, so that means absolutely nothing. Hope he didnt meet any girls on the plane ride home. Evan and Carly both live in Nashville so thats helpful, there might be a chance for them I guess.

  3. valadega

    June 28, 2016 at 10:36 AM

    Evan and Carly are the only ones who have a ghost of a chance!

  4. jsab7

    June 28, 2016 at 10:39 AM

    Steve, I’m sure Blake is in a bikini in The Shallows but do yourself a favor and check out her body double, Sarah Friend.

  5. cjscjs711

    June 28, 2016 at 10:44 AM

    Touche, J1scarlett….

    I’m very surprised the franchise indulged James Taylor’s very obvious plug for self-promotion right from the start and then more than once. They are setting themselves up for more coming on the show purely for self-promotion. The guy bugs the heck out of me.

    In looking at his scene with JoJo, how dumb the incident was, he must have been very easy for producers to manipulate (if they even had to try very hard) into getting him to go through with that silly ‘accusation.’

    The leads on both shows typically play a pretty bland role. Most of the high drama moments involves the participants. Even Kaitlyn – aside from sex with Nick – lost a lot of her spunk and sounded very cliched and rehearsed compared to on Chris’s season.

    Evan is not at all my type so I say this not personally, but he did seem as though he naively was on the show ‘for the right reasons’ and I hope it all works out for cruise-singer Carly.

  6. monkeydo

    June 28, 2016 at 10:48 AM

    Agreed with Crushonspivey that both James and Alex should have been sent packing last night. It would have made for a better show. FAILED!
    During JoJo’s date with Wells, I was thinking the same that Wells seems more like her brother than her date.

  7. dpk1

    June 28, 2016 at 11:06 AM

    Eww, Carly. Really? Evan? Eww. (Sorry if that’s mean). :-/

  8. cd12

    June 28, 2016 at 11:13 AM

    I don’t care if people think Des-type ettes are boring, I find them far more enjoyable than these “spunky” wenches. I’m over Jojo and her screen presence reveals a lack of genuine emotion other than bitchiness and desperation where Jordan Rodgers is concerned.

  9. pfarrellwelsh

    June 28, 2016 at 5:11 PM

    Criticizing JoJo’s grammar? Really? Saying that she said “funnest” made her 3rd grade teacher cringe and then using “gonna,” “gotta,” wanna,”kinda” and “Lets” (instead of Let’s) in the same blog? Kettle meet pot! Newsflash: gonna, gotta, wanna and kinda are not words either! And you, at least, have the benefit of spell-check! I like reading your blog, Steve; but even more annoying than the multiple pop-up ads and the constant freezing of the site, your grammar is horrible! There are a lot of things you could have criticized (or should I say “coulda”?)!

  10. mariet

    June 28, 2016 at 5:44 PM

    Thank you, pfarrellwelsh! I wasn’t going to bother commenting on this: “Really? Funnest? A grown (well, 25 year old) woman still thinks that funnest is a word? By no means am I the Grammar Police since I’ll make the occasional spelling error here and there. But there’s no way I’d ever say funnest.” Occasional? Are you serious? Many times Steve’s sentences don’t even make sense! I have suggested that he have a neighbor, friend, anybody, proofread his columns prior to posting. But no, this 40 year old “writer” refuses. Hopefully, now his niece or nephew will do this for him, I mean, us. (I just come here for the spoilers. I can’t stand the rest of his pompous crap.)

  11. jessicat

    June 28, 2016 at 7:51 PM

    Agreed, mariet.

  12. sylas1

    June 28, 2016 at 11:11 PM

    All you really do is use this site to promote a lot of crap. Sorry, and you are not a good writer.

  13. lucyw4

    June 29, 2016 at 12:03 AM

    I can’t wait for another hideously hilarious break-up song from Carly.

  14. adrie

    June 29, 2016 at 6:25 AM

    I laughed out loud over Carly too – I can’t staaaaannnddd her!! Three engagements over the short period of time filming occurs is absolutely ridiculous. I think they just jumped the shark…

  15. samkwa

    June 29, 2016 at 8:35 AM

    lol Steve has haters. Actual, legit haters who can’t stand him yet can’t quit him.

  16. ImBusyB

    June 29, 2016 at 8:40 AM

    Yet you still come to the site…

  17. supersparklyday

    June 29, 2016 at 6:35 PM

    I luv that 3 couples are gonna get engaged – hilarious!!

    The only ones I’ll really be rooting for though, are Carly & Evan. She seems nice and so does he, both with alot of love to give, so why not with the other and they both live in the same city? I give them a fair-to-middling shot. The others don’t have a chance and probably only want the IG followers that J&T have and the million+ dollars they have earned on social media in the last year.

  18. srush

    June 29, 2016 at 6:41 PM

    Amanda has already posted a snapchat of Josh twirling her older daughter around haha

  19. texasgurl

    June 30, 2016 at 6:33 AM

    Re ‘Right Here Waiting’…I sd to my husband when Whiney sd that -Who does he think he is Richard Marx? It would certainly help his case…at least Richard Marx is talented Clearly that song made an impact on us:)

  20. srock705

    July 21, 2016 at 11:26 AM

    James Taylor’s song was sooooo cheesy! Lame!

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