Reality Steve

Dr. Reality Steve

“Dr. Reality Steve,” Episode Schedule for Rest of Season, & A Former Contestant Speaks Out On Producer Treatment

I’m telling you, the most interesting thing about this season of the “Bachelorette” is everything that’s happening post show. And it continued yesterday. But before I get to that, just want to mention that the 22nd Annual Jim Rome Smackoff is tomorrow, and I will be participating for, I believe, the 20th time. I think there were 2 years where I didn’t call in. It’s certainly way different than it was when I won it back in 1998 as an employee of the show, but still fun nonetheless. Most of these guys take themselves way too seriously, so it’s easy to poke fun at them, which I plan on doing. I think I have as good of a shot as anyone of winning the thing, although it won’t be easy. My biggest thing on Smackoff day, since I only call once a year, is to basically just spew out all my current thoughts on sports/media/other callers. I try to eviscerate as many people as I can. If that nets me the grand prize of $5,000, so be it. I won’t be disappointed or start screaming “conspiracy” if I don’t get it. Voting is completely subjective, hence the reason there’s no reason to whine and bitch like most of these guys do. So if you get the Jim Rome Show in your area, or, you want to listen online at, it airs tomorrow from 12-3pm EST. I’m ready to go.

So yesterday you may have seen this tweet that Jade sent out:

I followed up shortly thereafter saying I would go out on a limb and guess that the contestant she’s referring to has a name that rhymes with Lobby Mayes. Ok, I lied. That wasn’t a guess on my part. It’s Robby. Been hearing stuff like that for weeks on him. The guy is nothing short of a used car salesman at this point doing everything he can to get people to talk about him and generate interest so he can possibly become the next “Bachelor.” I get that’s what the show has turned into, and all of them do it, but Robby’s is becoming so overt, it’s just embarrassing. Going to former contestants with way more followers and essentially begging them to hashtag you? Just silly. Try as Robby may, I can guarantee you he’s not going to be the next “Bachelor,” no matter how many #TEAMROJO t-shirts he and his family try to sell.

Forgot to bring this up yesterday after Tuesday’s column where I said I had no idea if next week was a new episode or not on July 4th. The show’s previews made it seem like it was a new episode, but everything online was saying otherwise. Well, Chris Harrison came to the rescue and did something useful for the first time in a while and tweeted this out:

So here’s the episode schedule for the rest of the season as I understand it:

Monday, July 4th – (repeat)
Monday, July 11th – Episode 7 (Mendoza, Argentina)
Monday, July 18th – Episode 8 (Hometowns)
Monday, July 25th – Overnights (Thailand)
Tuesday, July 26th – Men Tell All
Monday, Aug. 1st – Finale & After the Final Rose
Tuesday, Aug. 2nd – “Bachelor in Paradise 3” Premiere

And this was a really interesting article that came out today in regards to a former contestant from the show. You probably don’t remember her, I sure didn’t, but what she has to say is important. For those following UnREAL, you know the creator of that show, Sarah Gertrude Shapiro, was a former “Bachelor” producers who worked on 9 seasons of the show. That’s where her idea of UnREAL originated from. She mentioned in a recent NY Times interview how she remembered treating a former contestant so poorly, just to get a good camera reaction. That contestant, Jessica Holcomb, remembered the incident and talked about it. This is nothing that you haven’t heard from me countless times before about how sh***y these producers are, but it also shows the levels these people will stoop to all in the name of producing a television show.

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  1. j1scarlett

    June 30, 2016 at 9:49 AM

    If a guy is watching porn it is completely normal, assuming he isnt watching it nonstop, or ignoring you to go watch porn, or choosing to watch porn over having actual sex with you. It is completely ridiculous for a woman to consider watching porn cheating, betrayal, or assume its because they are lacking something. Men are very visual, and masturbating feels good. Thats basically all it is.

  2. vessel

    June 30, 2016 at 10:10 AM

    Seriously! From time to time I watch porn and I’m a woman. If my husband told me he thought I was betraying the marriage I’d tell him to get over himself. (and possibly re-think my choice of a life partner).

  3. diora

    June 30, 2016 at 12:15 PM

    That boss sounds like a nightmare. I’d never make it a full day with that type of treatment. You deserve an award for lasting until August. You’ll love teaching, kids rock and don’t know what aol is.

  4. cjscjs711

    June 30, 2016 at 2:08 PM

    On meeting men, can be pretty sure won’t meet husband in bar. So good riddance to that. Is no magic way to meet right person. You have many things makes your pool small. Might not marry. If that sounds like end of world to u, maybe better ‘settle’ a little. IMO single is no problem.

    The birthday sex guy is finding hot new sex somewhere else. Comfortable home life with you. You know he goes for these kinds of relationships bc is how yours began. Will not get better, o my worse for u.

  5. cjscjs711

    June 30, 2016 at 2:11 PM

    *only* not o my. On cellphone auto correct…….

  6. crushonspivey

    June 30, 2016 at 4:07 PM

    Steve, you really need to start sending us producer bios. Who they are, how long been with the show, what contestants they have worked with. Would be hilarious to out them and for people to go at them on twitter, etc and see how they like it. I know Elan is the best known and is active on Twitter. Don’t think he really cares though and is a sociopath. As is Fleiss. Still be nice to know who the real a-holes behind the scenes are. And they are a-holes.

  7. justa_viewer

    June 30, 2016 at 4:12 PM

    “…should I approach my boss… Or should I just grin and bear it until I leave …? …should I mention it in my exit interview so that she might be aware of the way she treats the person after me? Or should I not burn the bridge in case I need her for a recommendation?”

    Don’t tell her, don’t put your thoughts in an email, and don’t do it in an exit interview. SHE DOESN’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK. Trust me. And if that place has an HR person, THEY DON’T CARE EITHER (unless your boss has done something that might cause you to bring a lawsuit against the company, like discriminate against you–then HR will care). Let it go. They don’t want your feedback on what they can do to improve things.

    Also, do not count on this person for a recommendation later, either. (But the company, if called by a future potential employer, does have to state that you worked there from 20xx to 20xx, so there’s that.) BTW,I’ve known a couple of bosses like this. In their minds, it’s never them; it’s you. The only way to resolve the situation when you get a boss like that is to get your resume out ASAP so you can get another position and leave the toxic individual behind.

  8. rob22

    June 30, 2016 at 4:42 PM

    Landlocked loner. You know how people say, “it’s not you, it’s me”? They lie. It’s you. Your gaps in relationships, and the inability to carry a person you met even to a first date indicates that you’re doing something wrong. Very wrong. You received one bit of feedback about not using makeup and another about looking like an ex. You need to seek more honest and un sweetened feedback. Ask some people who you met and wouldn’t date you and others you dated for honest feedback. If you ask for it, don’t try to debate it. Just listen and say thanks. The hard part might be getting them to actually be honest, but that’s what you need or you can’t fix the problems.

    You could ask for it to be unsigned and sent to you from a newly created email account or something like that. And ask for it as a person who knows they are doing something wrong and honestly wants to know what it is so you can fix it. Tell them that it would be a special gift to get honest feedback however they felt comfortable delivering it.

    Then…. And people struggle with this part…. You have to actually make changes. You will want to justify what you do and dismiss their critiques. That won’t help you.

    Let’s say the makeup thing turns out to be something that comes up a lot. Yeah, I saw how you quickly set that aside. It might be very superficial. But if it’s causing you to not get dates, you have to take it seriously. And that is a problem you could very easily fix. But whatever the issues, you need to get real clear on what they are. You probably won’t like the answers. But the truth will allow you to make changes and get past whatever is causing you to be without a guy. You can’t fix “it” until you know what “it” is. Good luck.

  9. rob22

    June 30, 2016 at 4:55 PM

    To add to the above, there is a radio program in my area that does a bit where girls ask for feedback on what they’re doing wrong. The show puts the exes on the phone and they provide feedback while the girl listens but is muted so she can’t speak. One girl received feedback that consistently that her job took up a lot of time and gradually the guys felt less important and felt that she was too often unavailable to do fun,spontaneous things. When the exes hung up and she was allowed to speak, she explained that she had a busy, important job that required a lot of hours. She felt the guys were being unfair to expect that she’d drop her responsibilities for some spontaneous weekend getaway. Well, the problem was that, and this is often true…. Hard charging people are often attracted to more laid back,spontaneous people. Those people are going to want to do some fun things and want to hear “yes” to some of their ideas and plans.

    But,she didn’t hear it. The right answer would have been “OK, I get it. I need to find a way to say yes, more often, in my next relationship”. My guess, though, is that she didn’t hear it and thought guys should just “understand” how important and tough her job was. Guess what? They didn’t and won’t ever understand hearing “no”almost every time. So, seek your feedback and own it. Then do something about. It, or nothing will magically change.

  10. cjscjs711

    June 30, 2016 at 8:26 PM

    Remember @Rob22, when Steve was debunking the “War of the Roses” and similar call-ins – saying they’re all bogus. They’re actors, it’s set up. None of it is genuine, no matter how real it sounds.

    To Landlocked, I would recommend sticking to the real world solutions. Your friends not going to tell you deep truths unknown to you.

    Just looking at what you said in your letter, this stands out to me. Frequent use of the word, “trying,” and a picture of searching in many ways for where to find this man/husband person. Those are things that are frequently read by the opposite sex as “desperate.” The cliched word. To me, when I sense that in a man, it is not only a turnoff, it is a red flag, and I do not want to get any closer in relationship.

    Is it makeup, no makeup? I think the key is more what is appropriate. Do you go to work, go on a date, looking like you just got out of bed? Looking like you’re about to weed the garden or dine at an expensive restaurant? If you are not appropriate, that is going to be seen as a kind of disrespect whether at work or on a date.

    You are 38, if i am remembering right. And like the other woman, you have a lot of excellent accomplishments or gifts going for you. That narrows your field of men. Your age narrows it much further. If they want children by you there would be little time to lose. People in the middle, the most average in many ways, do not understand the problems of people at the extremes; whether that extreme be looks, brains, possessions, big family, no family, age, education, job, etc. Your pool is small and the dates will be fewer and farther between as time goes on.

    I would just say stop worrying about it by taking care of yourself, interesting yourself in others around you, current events and culture; enjoy life. If you’re going to obsess about dates, how many, when, how long, what – then learn more about cats – because- it’s self-defeating. You’ll just become a lonely cat lady.

    I write this as I have a cat sleeping on my lap. 🙂

  11. rob22

    July 1, 2016 at 11:29 AM

    @cjscjs: Agree that the show might have been fake. And it was only meant as an example. I also do agree there was some desperation in there & avoiding looking desperate (and being desperate) will help. If the desperation comes out, it definitely will hurt her chances.

    That said, just because getting honest feedback is hard, doesn’t mean she shouldn’t try to get it. Feedback is a gift. Sometimes an unwelcome and harsh gift. But a gift nonetheless. Honestly without the feedback, she’ll keep trying the same things or maybe just give up. Neither will get her what she wants. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and make it as easy and anonymous as possible for people to give that honest feedback. Living in our own bubble of understanding causes us to stop growing. We really do have to seek to understand how others see us. Unfortunately, it’s often quite different than we see ourselves.

  12. xnuzboss

    July 2, 2016 at 9:52 AM

    Excellent letters today.

    To the gal whose husband watches porn, it’s not at all about sex. It’s about control. Somewhere in his life, he’s struggling with deep feelings of a loss of control. The fact that you’re the one complaining leads me to believe the issue might be about you. The more you harp about it, the worse it’s going to get. Get counseling, not “because” he watches porn, but because he’s feeling shame about something he feels he should be able to control.

    To “Not in pound town,” It could be something very simple, like low testosterone, but it’s likely much deeper. I’ve always felt that making love is a 24/7 deal and that sex is just a small part of that. There are SO many things a woman can do to, um, stimulate a guy that I’m always surprised by this particular issue. Do you ever dress seductively? Ever go to a restaurant in a dress, excuse yourself to use the bathroom, and return and put your panties in his hand? Ever bought one of those remote vibrators, inserted it on a date with him, and given him the remote? He may be dealing with rejection issues. Have you ever said “no” to him or pushed him away? Try turning up the slut that’s there once in awhile. If that doesn’t work, he’s gay.

  13. jesspbarnett

    July 2, 2016 at 10:04 AM

    I’m sorry but I think that a girl not wearing makeup to a date is like a guy not taking a shower for a date. Even if you want to go for the natural look, you still need a little bit! There are TONS of youtube videos that can help you if you don’t know how. Or go to Sephora for a free consultation when buying some product. You can do a minimalist look while still looking like yourself. Just a little concealer here and there, a light lipstick and some mascara and it will make a big difference. My husband always says I look pretty without make up (which I only go without when at home) but as soon as we have a special occasion and I go all out he’s like “oh wow you look really nice” (and he’s the sweetest, most humble and low maintenance guy ever) Trust me, it makes a difference!

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