Reality Steve

Bachelor in Paradise 3

“Bachelor in Paradise” Episode 1 Recap Incl Kaitlyn’s Missing Blog, TMZ Way Behind, & Michelle Money Opens Up About Adoption

Photo Credit: ABC

-So because the BIP storylines jump around the whole show, I don’t do a normal “timeline” recap of the episode. It’d get way too confusing. So I’ll just pick out couples and moments during the show and tell their story that happened over the course of the two hours before moving on to something else. As for tomorrow’s recap, considering it’s an only an hour episode tonight (followed by a 1 hr “After Paradise”) that recap will be much shorter. Like a page. Then your normal “Reader Emails” column will follow that. So get all your emails in for tomorrow, along with any “Dr. Reality Steve” emails you have for Thursday.

-One thing to immediately point out about last night’s episode was the opening credit song. All of last season, and even last week, they would play the original “Almost Paradise” song, performed by Mike Reno and Ann Wilson that was on the “Footloose” soundtrack. You know, this gem:

I’m not sure why all the sudden ABC lost the rights to that song, but as of last night they sure did. Because the version we heard was definitely not the original song, and whoever recorded their version did a horrible job. Can we start a petition to bring back Mike & Ann? I say yes. Bring back Mike & Ann! Your new updated version sucks.

Grant and Lace

Well these two are quite the interesting pair, no? Lace started off the episode with Chad not around anymore and that relationship exploding quicker than Grant probably did in bed with her. Lace is feeling all bummed out now that the Chad Bear has been booted from Mexico, so, she doesn’t really know what to do with herself. A lonely Lace means she saddles up to the bar and asks Jorge to pour her some drinks. Which we know is always a winning combination when alcohol is mixed into her bloodstream (See: Ben’s season). Vinny comes over to talk to her and figure out what’s wrong. She’s worried she’s probably going home with Chad being gone, but Vinny brings up Grant. Lace says Grant doesn’t even act like he likes her, and she doesn’t want to approach him first. Don’t worry Lace. Grant has probably already picked out your dining room silverware and wallpaper patterns. He’s kinda crazy like that.

So Grant comes over to the bar, they flirt, they walk on the beach, and minutes later, they’re having sex back in the room. I wonder if it was before or after this humping that Grant explained to her the Roman numeral tattoo on his arm that was dedicated to his ex-girlfriend. So you can see how this couple is so easily in love and engaged right now. I’m sure it’s not pure lust at this point at all. Looks like they had very deep, meaningful conversations with each other about how they feel about the economy, Syria, the upcoming election, and if they feel the educational system is breaking down. Or maybe it was just about how many times they could do it in one night not realizing there was a camera focused directly on the bed. Morons.

Leah Enters the Show, And She Looks…Ummmm…Different

For those that don’t even remember who Leah was, she was on Ben’s season and was the girl who went and ratted to Ben during her alone time with him that Lauren didn’t seem like she was there for the right reasons. Then when confronted about it, completely denied it, even though everyone knew it was her who said that to Ben. So yeah, her. But that was a year ago. Since then, Leah has completely done a 180 with her image and became this naughty little minx (ok, I stole that from Simon Cowell) on social media. She went and got a new pair of lips, and I think a whole new face, she posts a lot of sexier, risqué pictures on her IG, and basically always lets us know when she’s hanging out with Bachelor people. Like Robby last week. So yeah, she’s one of THOSE people. Well, she arrived on the island single and ready to mingle, but only had one person in mind…Chad. Problem is, Chad is horrible drunk, was booted off the island already and now she has to find someone else. Bring in Nick.

These two go on a date to the “Festival de Margaritas.” Now, I only took 3 years of Spanish in high school, but if my memory serves me correctly that translates to “Festival of Margaritas.” Damn I’m good. Guess what these two did at the Festival of Margaritas? Correct. They drank margaritas. Then they walked on the beach and made out. Here’s one thing you need to remember about BIP compared to the “Bachelor/ette.” These dates suck. They aren’t even really dates. It’s just a way for two people to get away from the resort together. A lot of these dates are nothing, as evidenced by Nick and Leah’s. The show spent maybe 3 minutes total showing us what they did. The only interesting part of the date was when they were walking along the beach and Leah uttered the line, “My dress is so wet right now.” One other thing you can count on from BIP is the over-the-top sexual innuendo’s throughout the whole episode. It’s basically non-stop. And they’re so blatant, it’s not like to have to really go searching for them. They’ll just throw it right in your face. So pay attention and I guarantee you won’t miss them.

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  1. purplerayne

    August 9, 2016 at 12:30 PM

    Josh is a Trump supporter…that is all we need to know about him. LOL

    Anyway, Nick might not be an angel and yes he’s guilty of some douchey behaviour (on/off show) but he at least is self aware enough to own it. The fact that a lot of guys from both seasons are friends with him and all the BIP ladies seem to like him, speaks volumes. Plus he’s close friends with Patron Saint of Common Sense Sharleen Joynt. That makes me like him a lot more than I thought I would.

  2. kimmyfromdablock

    August 9, 2016 at 8:42 PM

    Kaitlin Bristowe’s blog was worthy of being deleted? I don’t get it – the whole thing read pretty benign to me.

    As far as Nick, I will agree with you just a smidge PurpleRayne. He does appear to have some self-awareness but not enough to remove himself from his self-sagotaging fame seeking behavior. He’s very boyish, has a gay vibe and talks in a slushy voice. I read him as really insecure and desperate. He just needs to be done with this franchise. He also posts a lot of selfies on social media (I followed him briefly and this according to my 20-something daughter) that is a bit weird to me.

    I also have to agree with Andi Dorfman on anything she has said about Josh Murray. I thought the guy was a tool when she chose him — aka “former athlete” as he constantly liked to call himself, but c’mon….Amanda Stanton seems like a sweet girl, so what is she doing with this douche??? He is so gross, I don’t know what she’s thinking. He could not be coming off any more smarmy than he is. I also love his choppers and his circular smile. He is just yuck all around.

  3. tbta4

    August 10, 2016 at 4:42 AM

    Josh reminds me of one of those smarmy, slimey Southern preachers who turn out to steal millions from their church and it’s members. He is GROSS!!!

  4. yoyotono

    August 10, 2016 at 11:45 PM

    I’m not sure why Kaitlyn deleted her blog post, I’ve always liked her & it wasnt scathing.

    I believe what Andi wrote about Josh. Nick confirmed what was written about him was true. Also, Josh had a temper about the lie detector test on Andi’s season. He was filming, aka, camera persona.

    Amanda needs to find a single dad vs someone off Bachelor franchise. She seems sweet & an easy Josh target.

  5. yoyotono

    August 10, 2016 at 11:56 PM

    Luke seems like a great pick for the next Bachelor, but Jared would make a great Bachelor too.

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