-We start off with probably the most uneventful start in the history of this show, and what’s with Tiara the chicken enthusiast arriving. Not that there’s anything wrong with her, because she’s certainly attractive and seems rather funny actually, but, I mean, it’s the chicken enthusiast from night one. No left over drama from the last episode? No picking up a conversation where it left off from a week ago? No Ashley crying uncontrollably about a guy who’s told her for six months that he didn’t want her telling her again he didn’t want her? Man, just not the most exciting way to start off this show. And lets be real, at this point, there was really no drama left at all whatsoever. Future BIP contestants: If you’re the last one asked to come in, just show up, say your greetings, wave to everybody, and turn right back around and head to the airport. You have zero chance at this point. This is where the show needs to change. I’ll give my thoughts on that later on this column.
-So to try and drum up some sort of “suspense,” they have Nick go over and talk to Tiara, but never show us any of the conversation. Does he want to go on a date with her? Is he questioning his connection with Jen now? Is he asking her to come on his season of the “Bachelor?” A myriad of possibilities at this point. Well no, not really, but they tried to make it seem that way. Even though we see none of his conversation with Tiara, he comes back with her and tells Jen “We have a date card.” Did you steal it? Did you bribe Tiara? Is there a reason we couldn’t see Nick mindf**k Tiara into giving him date card? Or was this just all planned ahead of time and there was no coercing whatsoever and that’s why we didn’t see any of the convo. Considering now we’ve had 3 seasons of “Bachelor in Paradise,” and in all three seasons, at least one person that came on late ended up giving their date card away to an already solid couple, this move should’ve surprised no one – regardless of it being in the spoilers.
-So Nick and Jen head out on their date and, man, what a couple. You can totally see these two falling in love with each other, making plans for a future, getting engaged tonight, planning a wedding soon and staying married together forever and ever. Oh wait, he’s the next “Bachelor” and none of that happens. My bad. Were you like me last night just watching every scene with Nick and Jen asking, “Ummmm, what’s the point of this now?” You should’ve been. Here’s what you can say for Nick heading into his “Bachelor” season. He’s easily the most polished, well prepared, and give-them-what-they-want “Bachelor” they’ll ever have. And that’s just by pure numbers. We’ve never had someone who’s already been a prominent character on three different shows then become the lead. Now, whether or not that’s a good thing or a bad thing is open for interpretation. Some will say Nick knows exactly what he’s getting into and won’t be surprised by anything that comes his way. Others, like me, will say he knows exactly what to say and do in every situation, and I have no idea if he’s being sincere or not. But it certainly will be interesting that’s for sure.
-Nick and Jen end up going to a carnival and you know me, I LOVE carnivals. They’re so clean and sanitary. And with those college educated, well groomed service people manning the rides and games, it’s always on the up and up and I always feel safe there. How come these two never went on the Zipper so they could puke all over each other? You know, that ultra safe ride where the dirty person takes your ticket, locks you in a cage for 5 minutes, then sends you flipping and turning upside down 100 times. Fun times. No, instead we get to see them shoot baskets as Nick tries to win her a stuffed animal, although we know the only animal he’s interested in stuffing that night is her…forget it. We also know now why Nick ran track in college and didn’t try out for the basketball team. Steph Curry he is not. They then head over to the fortune teller, who you know is always very accurate and very detailed with all their “predictions.” People actually spend money on this crap? Really? So by flipping cards in a deck, that’s supposed to tell you what the future holds? I want everyone whose ever spent any money on a fortune teller to take a deep breath, think about that for 10 minutes or so, then go slam your head against a brick wall for a few minutes. You’ll feel much better about yourself, I promise.
-But since this is TV and Nick and Jen really need some random gypsy queen down in Mexico (who obviously wasn’t coached at all by producers beforehand) to tell them what to expect in the coming days. Hey wait a minute, if fortune tellers are so good, how come this one didn’t say to Jen, “Look missie, he’s got about as much interest in continuing this relationship post show as I do of actually finding a real job. In two months, he’s going to be named the ‘Bachelor’ anyway, so get out while you can.” Now THAT’S what a real fortune teller should’ve told her. Expect she was
told to say predicting that Nick’s not very vocal and it will concern Jen. And that his doubts about everything could hold them back. So yeah, fit right in with the script. Nick was really in tune with the fortune teller. “Is it the walls I have up, or was it just not meant to be.” Well according to Lauren Himle, Jen’s good friend, it was neither and that you basically used her. So there’s that.
-Nick tells Jen he’s here for her, and just keep moving forward, which is about as vague as you can get on a show like this. Obviously, that’s a realistic answer that EVERY couple should be saying to each other since they’ve known one another for a hot minute, but it definitely played better into the Nick/Jen storyline than it did with others. Nick says he’s not afraid to be vulnerable, and once again I find myself questioning the guy’s sincerity since he knew there was no way he was ever going to propose to Jen, or anyone for that matter, on this show. That wasn’t his goal. He was there to redeem himself, get paid, get more camera time, and hopefully it could turn into something else, which it did. Unfortunately Jen was a pawn in his game. I’m sure he liked her, I’m sure they got close while they were there, but the second he left that island, I think Nick knew what their relationship was. Sounds like he wasn’t quite as vocal about it towards her, and that’s where the confusion lies. Hopefully Jen will clarify things tonight on “After Paradise” on exactly where she stands with everything.