Bachelor in Paradise Spoilers

Welcome to “Bachelor in Paradise,” or as I’m hearing it referred to as, “Bachelor in a place where roaches, scorpions, and insects ran rampant, the food was terrible, hot water wasn’t always readily available, and the place they stayed was kind of a dump.” So yeah, I guess if they want to call that “Paradise,” be my guest. Maybe that’s why #YOPO (You Only Paradise Once) has been adopted by these contestants, because they wouldn’t wish this experience on their own worst enemy. Whatever the case, this was a major sh** show from start to finish with no real concept of what the hell was happening or what the point of all this was. All these people could’ve dated and hooked up outside of the show. Hell, most of them already had. Or at least knew each other. To hear Chris Harrison describe it is pretty laughable. I mean, I get that’s his job and what he’s paid to do. But to call this the best show they’ve ever produced is just him being a mouthpiece for the franchise. Certainly not what I’ve been told. It hasn’t aired yet, and I can guarantee you it isn’t the best thing they’ve ever produced. But it will be a trainwreck you can’t keep your eyes off of.

Before we get to the episode-by-episode breakdown, let’s give you the basics. Kind of like a “Bachelor in Paradise For Dummies” if you will:

-Filming started on Wednesday, June 4th and went for three weeks in Tulum, Mexico.

-The show begins airing on Aug. 4th (a week after Andi’s finale), and will run for 7 weeks every Monday night. As of right now, there is no plans for a “reunion” or “taped finale” show where they bring everyone back to complete the ending of the show. Everything that’s already filmed is the whole show. Things can change, and I’ll let you know if it does.

-Not counting the three former couples who appear at the end (Des & Chris, Jason & Molly, Sean & Catherine), there are 25 different former contestants that appear at some point on this show.

-Breaking it down further, 19 of those 25 were on the show within the last two years, meaning they were from Sean’s, Des’, Juan Pablo’s, or Andi’s season. The six who weren’t are:

Graham Bunn (Deanna, Bachelor Pad 2)
Jesse Kovacs (Jillian, Bachelor Pad 1)
Kalon McMahon (Emily, Bachelor Pad 3)
Michelle Kujawa (Jake, Bachelor Pad 1)
Chris Bukowski (Emily, Bachelor Pad 3, and I guess technically Andi’s season too)
Michelle Money (Brad, Bachelor Pad 2)

-The show initially started with 7 women and 6 men. They were:

Men:
Robert Graham (Des’ season)
Ben Scott (Des)
Graham Bunn (DeAnna, Bachelor Pad 2)
Marquel Martin (Andi)
Marcus Grodd (Andi)
Dylan Petitt (Andi)

Women:
Michelle Kujawa (Jake, Bachelor Pad 1)
Clare Crawley (Juan Pablo)
Sarah Herron (Sean)
AshLee Frazier (Sean)
Elise Mosca (Juan Pablo)
Lacy Faddoul (Juan Pablo)
Daniella McBride (Sean)

Michelle Money (Brad, Bachelor Pad 2) came into the house within the first couple days before they even had a first rose ceremony, so I’d include her in the initial cast to make it 8 women and 6 men. Trust me, it’ll be much easier to remember the “8 & 6” formula because it’ll get kind of confusing otherwise. At the end of every rose ceremony, there are 6 women and 6 men remaining. Then 2 people will enter the show (of the same sex), bringing it to a staggered “8 & 6.” Each episode rotates which sex has two more people there than the other (except one episode where 3 people enter).

-Every episode, there’s at least one man or one woman who leaves before a rose ceremony for whatever circumstances arose. You’ll see those as you read on as I’ll explain why each one left. But it sure is awfully convenient that going into every rose ceremony, there’s always one more of the sex that’s receiving the roses that week than the sex giving out the roses, making the last person giving out a rose that week having the pressure to decide between two people (in one instance three).

-Every new person that “arrives” in Mexico, brings a date card with them and gets a chance to ask anyone in the house to go on a date.

-Outside of the first episode, there are at least FOUR dates every episode – two from the new incoming people and two “house” dates, meaning people who were already there are given a card to ask someone to go on a date.

-The same person can go on multiple dates in the same episode if chosen. Happens I believe in every episode actually. You’ll notice that the “incoming” people don’t want to step on too many toes and relationships that have already been formed, so usually they each end up going out with the same person.

-Date cards are not like the date cards on the “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” where every time a date is announced, everyone is gathered around waiting for them to arrive and a big announcement is made. Sometimes it happens, but not all the time. They just randomly show up.

-The people that arrive on the show with date cards come staggered. Each episode, they show up on different days (always the same sex meaning two men or two women show up), and they don’t show up at the same time every time. For example, it’s not like at the end of the rose ceremony Chris Harrison says, “…and here are our next two people to enter the show” and they come walking up. They just randomly show up whenever, and most of the time, the cast isn’t all together when a new person arrives.

-At the first rose ceremony, the men are the ones giving roses to the women. The second rose ceremony, the women give roses to the men. It alternates this way through the first six episodes. Also, when one sex enters the house, that means they are the ones asking the dates, and the other sex will be the ones handing out the roses at that week’s rose ceremony. So like in episode 2, two men enter the show, so that means that week the men will ask the women on dates, and the women give out the roses at the rose ceremony. The next week, women enter, and men are the ones giving out roses. This alternates for the first six episodes. Get it. Got it. Good. You’ll be quizzed on this later. 100 question Scantron test and you can’t use your notes.

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4 Comments

4 Comments

  1. grits

    August 5, 2014 at 10:45 AM

    Well Steve you called this one what it is a HUGE train-wreck.
    Just thankful that the fyi network has Married at First Sight on. IMO a much better alternative that actually engages the brain cells instead of destroying them like YOPO.
    So long Bachelor/ette, it was nice while it lasted, and it’s not you…it’s me.

  2. meg5

    August 12, 2014 at 3:23 PM

    Steve, did you see the show “Paradise Hotel” that was on in 2003? It was the same premise as BIP. Every week, they have to pair up or leave. The couples had to share a room for the week. Every week someone was eliminated and a new person arrived (alternating guy/girl). It was filming live, so people watching from home had a chance to join the cast. The couples did not need to be in love, just willing to team up to avoid elimination. The winning couple won 500,000, and had the choice to share it 4 ways with the runner up couple. I believe they all shared it. It was a great show but was only one season. I believe BIP was trying to rip off Paradise Hotel, and probably some of Temptation Island too like you said.

  3. mush

    August 27, 2014 at 11:06 AM

    I wish Michelle moneys best friend Laura were on the island to encourage Michelle to accept codys affection. finally, a good guy in into her. enjoy the attention michelle. you deserve it! btw, i thank steve for turning me onto michelles youtube channel. her friend laura is hilarious and such a great friend.

  4. zippetydooda

    September 3, 2014 at 7:24 AM

    This show is such an amusing train wreck. Even moreso than the normal seasons, it cultivates the crazy in some of the contestants. I agree with meg, this is just like Paradise Hotel from years ago. I also agree with Steve, Temptation Island was great and I wish they would bring that trash back again. I think there were a couple of seasons filmed for Australian TV after it ended here but I was so bummed they only did the two for US TV.

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