Reality Steve

The Bachelor 22 - Arie

Your Semi-Annual “Bachelor Bio Breakdown”

Photo Credit: ABC

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Caroline Lunny

Her picture says, “The biggest upset here is I’m a former Miss Massachusetts Teen USA, I moved to Florida for my then NHL boyfriend, and somehow I didn’t make top 4, even though every former contestant who contacted Reality Steve after seeing him releasing contestants during the season said I was a lock for the final 4” (That they did).

She has a plant and has named it Phil. Does she talk to it and read it stories too? Last week there was a story of a woman who got engaged to her chandelier. I’m afraid Caroline might be headed down this road if she’s not careful.

Another one that would like to be Wonder Woman. That’s only 2 so far. Hey, still got about 20 girls to go. We’ll get there.
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Chelsea Roy

Her picture says, “I am Olivia Caridi’s long lost sister.”

She doesn’t like it when her date displays over-the-top PDA. Aaaaaannd she signed up to be on a show with Arie Luyendyk, the guy known as the kissing bandit. How’d that work out for you? Lets face it, Chelsea despite getting the first impression rose, had zero chance to win this thing. She has a 3 year old son. Arie ain’t moving to Maine and Chelsea wasn’t packing up her son and scootin’ on out to Scottsdale either. I’ll have a little more on Chelsea and her baby daddy situation as we get closer to filming. Kinda made my head spin when I heard it.
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Jacqueline Trumbull

Her picture says, “I’m one of the more naturally pretty girls on this season.”

When you read she wants to get a PhD in Chemical Psychology, you knew this girl’s answers weren’t going to be like the rest. Take for example the fact that if she won the lottery, she’d buy a penthouse in Soho, build a wild animal conservation in India, and own a pet cheetah. I’m no wildlife expert, but can you just have a cheetah walking around your place? My guess is no.
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Jenna Cooper

Her picture says, “I’ve been described as a ‘bubbly’ blonde probably 1000 times in my life.”

That profile can be described in one word: “basic.” Likes “Friends,” says she’s passionate, funny, and loyal, and she’d want to be a pineapple because they’re sweet on the inside. Yep. About as basic as you can get.

She does get points for listing “Sixteen Candles” in her top 3 movies of all time though. Considering she wasn’t even born yet when it was released, I’m impressed. “No more yanky my wanky. The Donger need food!”
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Jenny Delaney

Her picture says, “No, Jenna Cooper. I’M the basic bitch this season.”

For someone who’s as hip and cool as I am, how did I not know that Bugs Bunny had a girlfriend and her name was Lola? When did this happen? We never saw him with chicks and being a ladies man. Lola Bunny? I need more information on this. Was she there cheering him on during his race with the tortoise? Or when he played all 9 positions in the baseball game? I think not.

Her guiltiest pleasure is lying in bed all day, watching reality TV, and eating pizza. Sounds like wife material to me.
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Jessica Carroll

Her picture says, “If this isn’t a head shot smile straight off my demo reel, I don’t know what is.”

She loves it when her date kisses her, because “kissing is my favorite food.” Ummm, that’s gross. And I’m kinda clueless as to what you’re talking about. But go on.

Her mom is her best friend, role model, dance partner, and part-time roommate. Translation: She occasionally lives with her mom and they have dance parties together. Got it.

One last thing: Jessica likes Crossfit. I’m disappointed Jessica only lasts the first night because I’m sure it would’ve been fascinating for her to tell us how much she loves Crossfit since that’s a requirement if you take the class. Maybe Krystal will fill that role for her.
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Kendall Long

Her picture says, “I’m a sexy, sultry blonde with TV aspirations, but also am totally bizarre with my love for taxidermy and these answers I gave on the questionnaire.”

She once drove a car off a ramp and through a caboose of a moving train. Was she in “Fast and the Furious” and I missed it? I call B.S. on this.

A date once gave her an alligator hand holding an iron heart in a jar due to her love for taxidermy. Was Arie made aware of her goofiness during the season? I guess so. Starting to see why she didn’t get a 1-on-1.

Her fictional character is James Kirk from “Star Trek” because she’d love to explore crazy worlds. Somehow I think her one and only stop should be on Planet Kendall. Population: 1.
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Krystal Nielson

Her picture says, “Come at me bro. I’ll whip your ass if I have to.”

Very short and to the point answers. But here’s one we can all hate. When asked how good of a cook she is, she responded with “TheBomb.com.” The year 2005 called, it wants its phrase back.
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Lauren Burnham

Her picture says, “I’ll thoroughly enjoy being compared to THE Lauren B for the next 4 months.”

She listens to T-Swift, so a billion points for her. You know, Lauren Schleyer’s dad is a big wig at AT&T. Maybe he’ll hook you guys up with tickets in their suite when Taylor ends the US portion of her tour next year on Oct. 6th at AT&T Stadium. I’ll see you there.

We have another Disney princess on our hands. She wants to be Elsa. Elsa basically took a backseat to Anna all movie and Anna is the one that ends up in love in the end with Kristoff. Foreshadowing.

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1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. emmavhansson

    December 11, 2017 at 1:28 PM

    found this Facebook where a woman post all the pictures from the opening cermony, Since I’m a swede I can tell by the picture who are representing sweden but I’m sure you might not care so much about the other nations. But since sweden only has had 3 seasons of bachelor it is not many to chose from really! https://www.facebook.com/amy.bentleymaier/posts/10215070329491042?pnref=story

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