Reality Steve

Floribama Shore

  • Floribama Shore

    “Floribama Shore” – Nell Kalter’s Episode 6 Recap

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    Photo Credit: MTV

    Full disclosure: I do not follow the reality show people I write about on social media. (Well, there is one. I’m Twitter buds with Ariana from Vanderpump Rules, but that’s because 1) She followed me first and 2) I’m pretty sure she’s f*cking normal.) But the rest of them? Nope. It’s nothing personal, but I figure my job is to write exclusively about the lives they so willingly portray on these shows and I see no need to cloud my recaps with outside stuff. And it is because of this intentional blissful ignorance of mine that I had no idea how correct my first impressions have been of Logan, Kortni’s terrifying boyfriend. Last week I mentioned the way the guy causes my insides to freeze. Then I searched online for a picture of him to accompany the post on my site and it turned out that Googling “Logan Floribama Shore” led me to all sorts of scary articles you can check out yourself if you’re interested in what … Continue reading

  • Floribama Shore

    “Floribama Shore” – Nell Kalter’s Episode 5 Recap

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    Photo Credit: MTV

    The season finale of Billions ended with Bobby Axelrod standing at a very unexpected doorway and then — even more unexpectedly — being invited inside by a person who was (REALLY unexpectedly) quite pleased to see him. That ending was a shocker. Know what’s never a shocker? When an episode of Floribama Shore ends in a brawl outside of a bar or with two unappealing human beings f*cking in a shower that they’ll probably then piss in during a moment of postcoital bonding.

    The beginnings of these episodes are never all that shocking either. We’re usually treated to a montage of shots of limp false eyelashes stuck to a dresser and a series of glasses containing a mixture of backwash and broken dreams. At least this episode gives us the treat of watching Jeremiah flex first thing in the morning – so yeah…there’s that. Once he’s able to get Gus and Kirk out of bed so he doesn’t have to flex alone, he ushers them out the door … Continue reading

  • Floribama Shore

    “Floribama Shore” – Nell Kalter’s Episode 4 Recap

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    Photo Credit: MTV

    So it appears the most pressing issues are as follows:

    Nilsa wants Gus, but he’s yet to fully give in to her advances. He’s also in the midst of a full-blown spiritual crisis that could cause his hair to finally go limp.

    Candace is choosing to date a walking hyphenated felon. She also cannot forgive Gus for refusing to swear to a police officer (who has a gun) that Kirk did nothing wrong — even after everyone, including Kirk, admitted he did something wrong.

    Kortni refuses to stay sober for longer than fifteen minutes straight and enjoys pissing in corners.

    Aimee is mostly keeping it together, but a recent story on Page Six makes it clear her stability is temporary.

    Jeremiah can’t believe he shares a bathroom with such imbeciles and he needs a stylist immediately.

    Codi likes to kiss strangers after puking in urinals.

    Kirk punched a guy at a bar and is currently in handcuffs in the back of a police car.

    Now, I’d love to … Continue reading

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