_________________________________
Her picture says, “I lasted two very unmemorable episodes this season, but for some reason, they thought to cast me on Winter Games.”
She thoroughly dislikes grocery shopping and her favorite TV show is “This is Us.” Two things I can clearly get behind. So maybe there are some redeeming qualities to her. Yay Lauren.
Aaaaaaaannnnnnd she yearns to have purple hair one day. I take back what I said.
_________________________________
Her picture says, “I’m the third Lauren of the four and you will barely see anything from me this season, so that’ll help.”
Another one who’s guilty pleasure is pigging out on pizza. Hey, nothing wrong with that. But she admits to never leaving the bed, putting on a body towel, and hoovering a whole pie. Easy there, Lauren. Breathe.
One of the 5 things she could’ve live without is a porch swing. And mascara. She might need to re-prioritize some things in her life. Call me crazy, but I think you can go without sitting on a porch swing the rest of your life. Hell, most of them break after a while anyway.
_________________________________
Her picture says, “Of the four Lauren’s, I last the second longest, and that’s only 3 episodes. So everyone bitching about four Lauren’s this season, pipe down. There’s only one that’s relevant.”
She wants to be anyone in Taylor Swift’s squad for a day. Hmmmm, now we know I like Taylor, but someone who just wants to be in her squad. I can’t give her a million points for that. Just about 500k.
Her highest athletic achievement is participation trophies, which basically makes her a horrible athlete. You don’t even have to compete to get one of those. Just be on the team and never do anything and they pass out participation trophies now like Oprah used to give out gifts.
_________________________________
Her picture says, “I ran back to my ex-husband literally minutes after I got off the show.”
She hates it when her date doesn’t feed her? Like, with a fork and everything? He literally has to feed you? Or you’re basically asking for your date to always take you to dinner? Seems like a very grounded woman with a good head on her shoulders and isn’t the least bit stuck on herself.
I’d disagree the most outrageous thing she’s done is go on the “Bachelor.” I’d go with getting divorced from your husband of less than a year, shortly thereafter go on this show to try and build your photography business, and THEN go back to seeing your ex-husband right afterwards. That’s outrageous. And ridiculous. And any other adjective you want to describe it.
_________________________________
Her picture says, “If you a want a taller, sexier Eva Longoria, I’m your woman.”
People always make incorrect assumptions about her so she likes staying mysterious. Like what? Assume that because you have a ton of half naked modeling pictures out there that you must be just another airhead model with no substance? Shame on them.
She wants silver hair, and I’ve decided that is literally one of the stupidest, if not THE stupidest question any of these questionnaires have ever asked.
_________________________________
Her picture says, “My extensions are on point in this picture.”
She thinks “Scandal” is real life I think. Didn’t someone on Nick’s season kinda say the same thing in her bio? Like, I get that woman love Olivia Pope’s characters but, ummmm, uhhhhh, they do know that show isn’t real, right? Someone filled them in at this point? No? (Sigh).
The most outrageous thing she’s done is, yet again, apply for this show because she’ll be judged by millions. Well, only for 2 hours on Jan. 1st Nysha, so, really it won’t be all that bad. Stuck around longer and sure, trolls would likely fill up your IG comments with horrible things since they have no lives. Probably a good thing your TV career will be over before the 2nd day of 2018.
_________________________________
Her picture says, “In 95% of my Instagram pictures, I don’t have straight hair. The show made me do this.”
“50 Shades of Grey” is her favorite book of all time. You know, the second one was on HBO this past weekend. I watched 20 minutes of it. I know, I know, I’m a guy and maybe I’m not supposed to get this whole thing, but I’m sorry, I just don’t get it. And I’ve heard the books read like a sex novel for 8th graders.
_________________________________
Her picture says, “I’m much too classy for this show.”
Her favorite holiday is New Year’s Eve. Well guess what? Taylor Swift’s favorite is New Year’s Day. So there. Ok, so maybe it’s not her favorite, but she sure seems to like it on her new album.
Her favorite TV show, “Game of Thrones,” confuses her. I can’t help you out there. I know people swear by it, but I haven’t seen 2 minutes of it nor do I ever plan to. Just doesn’t interest me in the least bit. I’d much rather watch drunken hookups and athletic competition on MTV. Sue me.
_________________________________
Her picture says, “I can’t wait til Reality Steve calls me ‘Raven 2.0’ all season.” (Neither can I).
She’s from Weiner, Arkansas and the jokes will just write themselves all season long. Oh fun times with Tia, I tell ya’.
The best trip she’s been on is a trip to Cancun to a swingers resort? Ummm, something you might wanna fill us in on here? That’s not your normal vacation in case you didn’t know.
_________________________________
Her picture says, “Say what you want, but this gold sparkly shirt kicks ass. I’m going to the disco tonight. Who’s coming with me?”
She is really not into venturing out to sea. Like, petrified of it. She thinks she’s going to be eaten. Which is a fair concern I guess, but not all that likely. What’s the % of Americans who die from “being eaten in the sea” every year? .000000000000000001%?
When asked if she was a good cook, she let us know she makes great reservations. Now that’s what I’m talking about. Someone after my heart. I’m the king at making reservations. Online, on my phone, you name it, there’s something about booking a reservation in 10 seconds on my phone I get a thrill out of. No idea why.
_________________________________
Send all links and emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page, or listen to all my podcasts at Apple Podcasts. Talk to you tomorrow.
