This is aimed at someone who wrote into your column last week, not at you. But I thought I could shed some light on something they asked. The writer said they didn’t understand why Katie chose to use the phrase, “I didn’t give consent,” instead of a more specific term. On reddit (ugh), some people dared to say she made it up because she didn’t use the “right” terminology.
I think people who have not been victimized have a very specific idea of what sexual assault is. They think it’s rape. But it isn’t that simple.
I have never been raped. But I have been sexually assaulted, and the man who attacked me would be in jail, if my teenage self had a better understanding of assault. I told myself “nothing could be done, because he didn’t rape me.” I told myself he “loved me,” so I was crazy for feeling that way. I am so grateful for the “Me, too,” movement. I absolutely relate to Katie’s story, especially the part about trying to keep a relationship with the perpetrator. It took me 10 years to be able to stop trembling everytime he crosses my mind and to (mostly) stop having nightmares. I’m doing good now. But I still struggle to speak on the brutality and the trauma these “not technically rape” events caused.
And sometimes, as a victim, it is easier to use “prettier” language like Katie did, because even trying to vocalize the brutality you experienced can cause breakdowns. She chose words that she could say at the time. And she said it to a room full of men who (most likely) don’t understand it, even though they care. Bravo to her. Bravo to sex positivity. And boo to anyone who questions it just because she didn’t use technical terms. We are all just doing the best we can.
Thanks for everything you do, Steve. I hope I didn’t bring your column down too much!
Comment: Thanks for explaining that. Yeah that email last week shouldn’t have been so bothered, or questioned, Katie re-telling a story about being sexually assaulted.
I know that the show is moving toward a more permanent host. I was wondering if the rotating celebrities are some kind of audition to see how the audience reacts to each?
I feel like Tayshia is really gunning for the gig. Do you think she realistically has a shot?
Thanks for your hard work on this!
Comment: I haven’t heard anything on who’s in the running for next host. All I’ve heard is they’re looking to get one person to do it permanently.
HI Steve, I felt the Tamaya resort needed to be defended after last weeks podcast. My husband and three kids vacationed there about four years ago. We loved it. It’s a beautiful resort. There is a lot that’s been shown – there are 2 large pool areas, walking/biking trails, restaurants, and a horse stable. There is also a spa and golf course that I don’t think have been featured. You could book hot air balloon rides that launched nearby. Most importantly it’s located on Native American land owned by the Santa Ana Pueblo. There is a small but very informative museum on property that explains the history of Pueblos in New Mexico. They had daily activities and some tied to the Pueblo, For instance my kids learned to make traditional pueblo bread. I’m disappointed the show hasn’t featured the native american connection . Do I expect a history lesson, no! Could they have made bread on a date or spent some time in the museum or featured some of the many native americans that work there, yes! The show has had so many stupid dates with fake shamnas through the years. I think they missed an opportunity to show native americans in a positive light.
Comment: Yeah, I’m sure it’s great to visit and there’s stuff to do. But the show isn’t doing the greatest of jobs showing that. The dates have had nothing to do with the Grand Tamaya or anything on its property really. Not sure why.
I don’t know where to send questions for the questions for you and I don’t have twitter so I thought I would send it here.
I saw that Connor is on BIP but not much of what happens to him there. Do you know?
Thanks for all you do.
Comment: He gives out one rose at the first rose ceremony and then is eliminated after that.
I was just listening to your podcast with Kate Casey (definitely a little late!) and you mentioned that Olivia probably wouldn’t be asked because aside from Emily Maynard every Bachelorette has been fresh off the previous season. You forgot about the Clayshia season, neither of them were from the previous season, and Clare was clearly way back.
That being said, I also don’t see it being Olivia for other reasons. We haven’t even had the next Bachelor’s season, I’m sure they’ll have some good candidates, or some of the women looked over from Matt’s season worst case scenario, if they’re still single.
Thanks for all the entertainment!
Comment: In case you missed it, Olivia just announced this week she’s ending her podcast at the end of August. Great 4 year run for her. Life got too busy, she’s working, she’s schooling, etc. Glad she’s doing what makes her happy.
Hi Steve! Couple of questions:
1. What happened with your weekly Instagram lives with Ashley? I miss those! We ended those back in April. Ashley doesn’t watch the show anymore.
2. You mentioned you heard “bad things” about every contestant when the show released the cast. I’m curious what you heard about Michael A? He just seems too perfect and nice to never have done any wrong!!
Comment: There’s no need to get into any of the stuff I’ve heard about any guys this season. If I wanted to, I would’ve already.
I know you have an interest in sports. I was wondering for sports talk shows how much is it people arguing over stuff and how much is it people assigned who will take which position in the argument even if they don’t believe it to keep it interesting?
Comment: Depends what city you’re listening in, but there isn’t anything that bugs me more or comes off as fake in sports talk radio than co-hosts who are always debating something. Debate TV in general drives me up a wall because I know most of these people don’t believe what they’re arguing. They’re just arguing for the sake of having a debate. Ugh. Can’t stand it.
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