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Photo Credit: MTV

I ran into an ex on the beach once. And I’d say I remember that day like it was yesterday, except yesterday was a pretty kickass day and the day I saw my ex on the beach was basically misery bathed in lemon yellow sunshine.

The afternoon started well. Eight of my college friends and I were roasting on a blanket beside the Atlantic Ocean like we were rotisserie chickens. The scent of the ocean air mixed perfectly with the coconut from our sunscreen as we laughed about those easier days and then flipped over in unison so our tans would be uniform because sometimes when you’re twenty-six, that’s all that matters. At some point, I decided to wade to the water’s edge and it was there that I ran into my ex-boyfriend’s father. I adored this man. For four years, he had been a part of my family and I missed him after I’d broken up with my boyfriend. That boyfriend? Well, he was gorgeous and … Continue reading →

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Welcome to MTV’s Ex On the Beach, a social experiment the founders of television could never have expected to transpire, not even on the days they drank straight scotch until they saw only static. This program brings reality stars and “social media stars” – and if you’re not already sighing heavily, we can never be friends – into a gorgeous villa in Hawaii so they can be manipulated while cameras film every second of their inebriated time. Join me from the comfort of your sofa (where, hopefully, there’s nary an ex in sight) as we witness fitness models, a DJ, and former contestants from shows like Big Brother, The Bachelor, and Are You the One as they head to what they pretended to believe would be paradise until the producers revealed the real plot: that their exes would eventually wash upon the shores like debris and subsequently scatter the senses of every single person present.

I suppose I’m entering into these proceedings in a rather cynical manner, but … Continue reading →