Reality Steve

Ex on the Beach

  • Ex on the Beach

    “Ex on the Beach” – Nell Kalter’s Episode 4 Recap

    1.4K
    Photo Credit: MTV

    Should you ever find yourself stranded on a desert island with me, you’d be in luck. I was sent to sleepaway camp when I was only six years old and back then we learned real sh*t, like how to forage through the forest for sustenance and build fires. (Years later, I’d also learn at camp how to give a killer blowj*b, but that’s really a tale for another day.) Anyway, I can collect you a leaf filled with berries that probably won’t kill you and then strip birch bark into kindling to keep us warm as we wait for either actual help or for the leader of The Others to arrive. And while we recline beside that roaring fire, I can take your mind off stressful things – you know, like forever solitude – by quoting entire movies. I am well aware that, in civilization, this quality of mine may not be deemed so adorable, but on a barren beach where there’s no Netflix? My friend, I will … Continue reading

  • Ex on the Beach

    “Ex on the Beach” – Nell Kalter’s Episode 3 Recap

    2.2K
    Photo Credit: MTV

    Remember when this show first started and eight people most of us had never heard of crawled – evolution style – out of the ocean and wandered into a house stuffed with alcohol, cameras, and the scent of desperation? Remember how Angela and Tor’i took one glance at each other, ripped their clothing off, and ended up doing it – probably doggie style – while their new roommates listened from the kitchen? Remember how Angela’s ex showed up the next day and tossed the lawn furniture into the pool – douchebag style – because he once heard that’s how morons who dream of being on reality shows express frustration? You guys? Those were the good old days.

    Episode three plunges us immediately into the chaos. Andre is gone forever, or at least until he appears on MTV’s next show. New exes are due to crash upon the shores at any moment. The “bonds” some of these people have formed are falling apart because the only thing holding it … Continue reading

  • Ex on the Beach

    “Ex on the Beach” – Nell Kalter’s Episode 2 Recap

    2.5K
    1
    Photo Credit: MTV

    I ran into an ex on the beach once. And I’d say I remember that day like it was yesterday, except yesterday was a pretty kickass day and the day I saw my ex on the beach was basically misery bathed in lemon yellow sunshine.

    The afternoon started well. Eight of my college friends and I were roasting on a blanket beside the Atlantic Ocean like we were rotisserie chickens. The scent of the ocean air mixed perfectly with the coconut from our sunscreen as we laughed about those easier days and then flipped over in unison so our tans would be uniform because sometimes when you’re twenty-six, that’s all that matters. At some point, I decided to wade to the water’s edge and it was there that I ran into my ex-boyfriend’s father. I adored this man. For four years, he had been a part of my family and I missed him after I’d broken up with my boyfriend. That boyfriend? Well, he was gorgeous and … Continue reading

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