Reality Steve

Ex on the Beach

  • Ex on the Beach

    “Ex on the Beach” – Nell Kalter’s Episode 5 Recap

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    Photo Credit: MTV

    I recently read a story about a woman who was arrested after sending 65,000 text messages to a man with whom she’d gone on a single date. Wrapped in a noose-like psychosis, she would send around 500 texts a day to this guy. A few of the texts were probably sweet, you know, in a deranged sort of way, but others included lines about how she wanted to bathe in his blood. When she was finally tossed in jail for stalking, she happily gave interviews where she spoke of her deep love for a person she’d spent one evening with and then she widened her scope of conversation to blather about the Illuminati. Some reporters deigned to inquire about why she broke into that guy’s house and then proceeded to take a bubble bath, but those were questions she didn’t really care to answer.

    As for my reactions to this horrifying urban-legend-come-true, they were as follows:

    1. I once sent four texts to someone without receiving a … Continue reading

  • Ex on the Beach

    “Ex on the Beach” – Nell Kalter’s Episode 4 Recap

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    Photo Credit: MTV

    Should you ever find yourself stranded on a desert island with me, you’d be in luck. I was sent to sleepaway camp when I was only six years old and back then we learned real sh*t, like how to forage through the forest for sustenance and build fires. (Years later, I’d also learn at camp how to give a killer blowj*b, but that’s really a tale for another day.) Anyway, I can collect you a leaf filled with berries that probably won’t kill you and then strip birch bark into kindling to keep us warm as we wait for either actual help or for the leader of The Others to arrive. And while we recline beside that roaring fire, I can take your mind off stressful things – you know, like forever solitude – by quoting entire movies. I am well aware that, in civilization, this quality of mine may not be deemed so adorable, but on a barren beach where there’s no Netflix? My friend, I will … Continue reading

  • Ex on the Beach

    “Ex on the Beach” – Nell Kalter’s Episode 3 Recap

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    Photo Credit: MTV

    Remember when this show first started and eight people most of us had never heard of crawled – evolution style – out of the ocean and wandered into a house stuffed with alcohol, cameras, and the scent of desperation? Remember how Angela and Tor’i took one glance at each other, ripped their clothing off, and ended up doing it – probably doggie style – while their new roommates listened from the kitchen? Remember how Angela’s ex showed up the next day and tossed the lawn furniture into the pool – douchebag style – because he once heard that’s how morons who dream of being on reality shows express frustration? You guys? Those were the good old days.

    Episode three plunges us immediately into the chaos. Andre is gone forever, or at least until he appears on MTV’s next show. New exes are due to crash upon the shores at any moment. The “bonds” some of these people have formed are falling apart because the only thing holding it … Continue reading

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