One thing that the podcasts have done has spoiled me. And I’ll explain what I mean by that. You go back and listen to all these podcasts, you’ll see that most are over an hour, some 90 minutes, and some are longer than 2 hours. Being so used to going on for however long I want, I usually get almost everything in that I want to ask. This week’s podcast guest, Jenny McCarthy, presented a little more of a challenge. I know it happens all the time on radio, but like, how does someone do a 10-15 minute interview anymore? Gotta be hard. The fact she even agreed to come on I was so appreciative of, but when I knew I only had about a half hour (and I even pushed past that), well, it’s tough. I could’ve talked to Jenny for 2 hours the way things were going since there were a lot of follow ups I wanted to ask based on her answers, but then basically we would’ve been on one topic the whole time. She was great in the time I had with her though and I hope you enjoy the interview. As always, if you want to respond to the interview, please include Jenny’s Twitter handle (@JennyMcCarthy) in your reply so she can see it as well. Kinda nerve racking at first talking to a woman that was pinned up on your wall during most of your college years. Thanks again to Jenny for coming on. Hopefully we can do it again later on down the line.
You can listen to today’s podcast on a number of platforms, but you can also tune in by clicking the player below:
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts, RSS, Stitcher, Spotify
Music written by Jimmer Podrasky
(B’Jingo Songs/Machia Music/Bug Music BMI)
(SPOILERS) Jenny joins me to talk about what she sees herself as in today’s industry, her upbringing and how Playboy came about (2:54), her big break in TV & what happened afterwards (9:54), the one show she wished would’ve lasted longer (13:57), was she a New Kids on the Block fan (19:40), her “Donnie Loves Jenny” show and how it hasn’t ruined their relationship (21:19), her indirect link to the “Bachelor” franchise & what advice she gave to that girl (24:49), what her unspoiled opinion is of Rachel’s final 3 guys (26:56), and finally Rapid 10 (32:57).
Twitter – @JennyMcCarthy
Instagram – jennymccarthy
Website – JennyMcCarthy.com
Dr. Reality Steve
Hello Steve!
I enjoy reading your blog and you also give some good advise to people on their private life, so I decided to finally write you too.
So long story short, I had a friend (just a friend), a really good one. We met 6 years ago and became best friends on the planet. He had a girlfriend at that time, she was very jealous and bassicly hated me because of our friendship. But we did not care really at that time and kept chatting a lot and going out on rare occasions. They broke up after a year (or two) but we still were friends. After some time, some I had feelings for him, and I also told him that I am afraid that I like him more than as just a friend. This statement was bassicly ignored and we kept being a very close and good friends. Then, two years ago he found a new girlfriend and stopped communicating with me. It was heartbreaking because we have been good friends for such a long time and he was the only person who was supporting me trough hard times and I did the same to him. Now we haven’t met or spoken for more than two years. I write him sometimes (once every 5 or 6 months) but he always answers unwillingly and never writes me. I am very sad out friendship broke apart, and right now I am feeling very nostalgic and sentimental. Do you think I should write him? Maybe I could ask if he wants to meet up and talk about life? Or should I try to forget him and leave him alone (that is not easy, I have tried).
And now the shorter part of my question/story of my life. I am 22 and single pringle. I had only one boyfriend when I was 15 but it was a long time ago. I find it incredibly hard to find someone because it seems that everyone is already taken. Also all of my friends have their second half already. I was so devastated that I will be forever alone that I even tried Tinder, but it seems that it will not work for me.. Will I be forever alone? Why no one likes me? I am slightly overweight (I am size 10), maybe that’s why no one likes me? I am also quite shy and I don’t really like drinking, but I am not against others who do that, maybe that is also a problem? I really am afraid that I will end up alone and living with 10 cats in a few years.
Best wishes and greetings from Europe,
P.S. Sorry for any mistakes, I am not a native English speaker but still enjoy you Bachelor recaps and spoilers.
Comment: Lets address your first issue. It sucks that it happened, but the guy isn’t worth your time. It happens quite often where someone gets a new significant other and you don’t hear from them anymore. There could be a number of reasons, but that’s not unnatural. His girlfriend could be controlling, he’d think it’s awkward, etc. I wouldn’t put too much more thought into him. If it’s been two years and he hasn’t spoken a word to you, unfortunately, that ship has sailed. I wouldn’t worry about him anymore.
As for your second paragraph, the best advice I can give you is you’re 22. You have so much more of your life ahead of you. Don’t worry about not having a boyfriend right now. It’ll come. I know it’s probably hard to see the forest through the trees, but trust me, it’ll happen at some point. When that’ll be is anyone’s guess. You could meet someone tomorrow. Or it could be in a few months. You just never know. But you’re 22. Don’t immediately pin that on your weight either. You’re still very young and that can easily be changed. Simple things like exercising, eating right, etc can change that. But even if you like your size, don’t think because you’re a 10 that’s why you’re single. You’ll never be happy thinking that way. Just give it time, put yourself out there (I don’t know how often you date), and something will happen for you eventually.
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Dear RS,
Hi! So, I wrote a few years ago about help with my potential in-laws. I wrote asking advice about marrying a guy whose family doesn’t like me. You warned me against it because of situations you’ve seen with your friends. Well, a few years later and here I am planning a wedding with the same guy.
We have since worked on creating boundaries with his family and discussed this at length before we got engaged. However, watching the hometown dates on the Bachelorette made me want to write into you. My future mother in law is like Olga. JUST like Olga. The comment about her son being the “love of her life”? Check. Looking at the significant other like a threat who will take away the son from the family? Check!! Except on my end, my finance’s family is very small and VERY high maintenance and I have a big, loving, and easy to deal with family so my future mother in law 100% believes she has proof that me and my family will indeed take him away.
Do you have any advice for this situation? For me, I really think that the only way to have a good marriage is for both of us to keep my future mother in law at arms length. What are you thoughts?
Thanks in advance!!
Comment: If she’s that bad, then yeah, you will have to keep her at arm’s length. But you said you spoke with him before getting engaged on creating boundaries, so what else was discussed? How close is she to you guys in terms of proximity? Driving distance or a plane ride? If it’s a plane ride, you’ll probably be fairly safe in that it’s gonna be easier to avoid her. But if we’re talking car ride, then yeah, I can still see this being an issue. If that’s the way she is now, I don’t see that changing once the wedding happens.
I guess a lot depends on that honestly because if she’s not close, it’s easy to avoid. I can’t imagine she’s gonna expect you guys to fly to see them all that often. Especially if kids are brought into the picture. Or maybe she’ll be flying to see you monthly ha ha. Anyway, it’s hard to answer not knowing the answer this question. But you definitely still have a slight problem describing her the way she is now because that’s not changing. I’m just curious as to what boundaries you already talked about with your fiancé and what his response was to it. Does he agree his mother is overbearing or doesn’t see your side at all?
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Hi Dr Reality Steve,
I came across a problem with my boyfriend recently and would love your opinion. I have been dating my boyfriend Chad* for three years now, we meet our junior year of college and have recently made it through one year of long distance as we work in separate cities. We have been doing better than expected for long distance, visiting almost monthly and with plans to move to one another at the end of next summer.
Recently (the past month) he has been acting more distant, less texts and Facetime sessions during the week. I have confronted him asking if there is anything we should talk about or work on and he denies any problems. This past week while he has been away for work training he has barely talked to me and I have called him out about needing to be a priority even when he is busy. I could tell he was annoyed but I did not think he would jump to any rash conclusions… but he did last night.
He texted me that he was unhappy and needed space to figure things out, that lately he has felt like he “has to text me instead of wanting to text me”. Hearing someone needs space is never fun, but I am confused as to why 3 “off” weeks would discount our entire 3 year relationship that has been pretty perfect. I am nervous that he has already made up his mind to break up, and I do not know how to handle not being with someone that I have shared everyday with for the past few years. I just want some advice on how much space to give him and how to fight for our relationship without burdening him anymore?
Thanks for your help,
Dazed in Dallas
Comment: First off, long distance is never fun. And it’s a lot of work. So congrats on at least making it through one year of it. But secondly, he’s laying the groundwork to break up with you. If he thinks texting you is a burden, then yeah, he’s not happy for whatever reason. There still a lot of things I don’t know from this email, but when it’s long distance, the toughest part is at any moment, either side can easily tell the other side that the distance is too hard and they should end things – and the one being told that to doesn’t know if that’s the real reason. My guess is it isn’t. You need to ask him to be more specific. The “I need to figure things out” is never a good line, and to me, seems like he’s already got someone lined up after you and wants to either be on a break when he hooks up with her so he technically can’t consider that cheating, or, he’ll just end it soon. I think your gut is right on this one and he’s made up his mind to break up but doesn’t know how to do it yet because 3 years is a long time. Break ups suck. They’re never fun and the party being broken up with usually wants answers. Especially after 3 years. Some people get them, but most people don’t. And even if they do, they usually don’t think that’s the real reason. So you can beat yourself up over why he’s doing this, but only time will tell if it’s actually for the reason he’s giving you. There’s nothing fun about being broken up with, or having that feeling that the relationship is going south and there’s nothing you can do since you want to keep it going. Sorry you’re having to deal with this. The only thing you can do is try to find out why, and then assess the situation from there if it’s even worth salvaging. Good luck.
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Send all links and emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page, or listen to all my podcasts at Apple Podcasts. Talk to you next week.
keddo
July 27, 2017 at 12:30 PM
Dazed in Dallas, you and Chad are both young (I am assuming early 20’s), and as you experience life as independent adults your thinking and preferences may change, sometimes dramatically, in these early years. It sucks when that change means that someone you love becomes less interested in you, and there doesn’t need to be something “wrong” for it to happen. It also doesn’t mean that the waning interest is necessarily permanent, but if an otherwise temporary drift is met with incessant demands for attention and answers, the relationship is going to be seen as more trouble than it’s worth for the one drifting away.
Here’s my advice to you, regardless of the ebb and flow of Chad’s affection and attention: Take advantage of the time apart by spending time becoming the you you want to be. Take courses that advance your career, interests or hobbies. Join Meetup groups that do something you think might be fun. Serve at your church or a local charity that needs volunteers. Run for political office or work for a candidate. Do outdoor stuff like hiking,kayaking, or motorcycle riding. In other words, do stuff that makes you more confident, capable, and interesting, and less dependent on the validation of others. If this makes Chad more interested in you, great. If not, you’ll be more interesting to men who likes capable, confident women. Even if you don’t get flooded with male attention, you’ll have a more interesting life.
I disagree with RS that “I need to figure things out” necessarily means he’s already got someone lined up after you. It could very well mean that he feels he needs to focus on his career, and that he can’t make you his top priority right now, but needs his relationships to be less demanding of his attention. This is legit. He’s doing what he needs to do; you should do the same.
rob22
July 28, 2017 at 10:32 AM
Dazed in Dallas: long distance is hard. And it’s hard on the emotions. So, it’s pretty easy for these arrangements to fall apart for many different reasons. That said, I’m going to pick on a point you made. You talked about “confronting” your boyfriend about not texting/face-timing as often. Maybe the long distance relationship is taking it’s toll. Or, perhaps your expectations and insecurities about the long distance relationship (along with some bad phone habits) are taking their toll on you guys. It’s a chicken and egg thing, perhaps. Back in the day…. yeah, I’m old…. long distance relationships were still difficult and all we had was expensive long distance landline phone calls and snail mail letters to stay in touch. So, since communication was expensive and inconvenient, we didn’t talk every day. If we called and the other person wasn’t home, we knew they were out & left a message. We talked probably 2-3X per week and if we were feeling it, we’d send a letter or a card to let them know we were thinking of them. I’m not advocating a return to 1985 btw. That’s a little hard to imagine.
What I am saying is that communication has become instant. Text, Facetime, free unlimited calls, social media chat, instant messaging, etc. etc. So the expectation is now instant access whenever you want. Have a thought? Hit up the bf with a text or chat message…. and expect an instant response. Thinking of something you wanted to discuss, well ring that boy up right now on Facetime. How is that received? Well, I have two sons that were both doing some long distance dating, and they report that their gf’s constantly harassed them (yes they said harassed) with texts, chats, etc. They can’t go out, sleep in or do anything without their gf’s demanding that they hit them back with a response. An IMMEDIATE response. Guess what? Both broke up with their gf’s. It was a major issue with both of them and THE major issue for one of them. I read the texts. They were unbelievable. In one text chain, it started with the gf texting my son at 7:00 a.m. (this is during the summer, and they’re college students). My son got up at like noon (yeah, I know). And he woke up to a chain of progressively angrier texts as the morning went on. The last one basically accusing him of not caring at all about her. He was asleep as this was transpiring. There were others. Like I said, unbelievable. My other son had the same problem. It angered him, but he pushed back on it often and tolerated it longer than the other one. In the end, they both had enough and broke it off.
So, my suggestion is to back off of the demanding of instant availability and daily/multiple X daily texts and chats. (Wow, he is recommending going back to 1985?). Well, I kind of am, because less is more. People have their lives and need some space to live it. If you’re not present currently, it doesn’t mean that your bf (or gf for that matter) should be at your beck and call and get “confronted” when he tries to ease of the communication to, I don’t know, have a life. Maybe you guys are drifting apart & this is a symptom, I don’t know. But I do know you’re not helping matters by confronting him and demanding more frequent communications. Mandatory texting rules probably aren’t being well received. I don’t know this for a fact, but I’m guessing you are today talking/texting/messaging each other way more than 2-3X/week. Right? Give each other some space. My strong hunch is that your bf would appreciate a little more breathing room & will enjoy your discussions much more if they’re a little less frequent. Again, maybe it’s too late & the relationship is on the downslide, but it cannot hurt to back off a bit. A lot of other people could heed this advice, as well.
rob22
July 28, 2017 at 10:46 AM
BTW: I went through the long distance thing for over a year and married her. We’ve been married 25 years. I will say that the lesser contact we had made our in person meetings all the more exciting. I honestly couldn’t wait to see her each and every time. A little less daily communication will help in this regard. But long distance relationships are really hard. I had another one that I had fall apart. People can lose interest, maybe get interested in other people or basically just grow apart. But incessant communication doesn’t help any of that. In fact, it makes it worse.
I will say this…. I’m glad you guys are physically seeing each other pretty regularly. I’m a little tired of seeing questions from people who rarely or never see one another… basically completely virtual relationships. I kind of roll my eyes on those. You guys are really trying to do the right things and be present in each other’s lives real time. So I hope it works out for you.
shenanigans
July 28, 2017 at 4:19 PM
Sad to say, but I agree with Steve’s advice to Dazed in Dallas. It’s possible that her boyfriend hasn’t been distracted by someone new…. but I doubt it. To me, it sounds like he needs space in order to test his feelings for someone else. If that’s the case (and I am just guessing, based on Daze’s demands and his reaction), she should quietly back off and see what happens. Maybe it will peter out quickly and they can survive it. But, this could also be the beginning of the end – and, if it is, Dazed needs to prepare for that.