Joining us this week for Podcast #39 is Lace Morris, and frankly, it’s a good one. Lace certainly became quite a character on the two seasons she appeared on, including getting engaged on last season of BIP. What was her thought process? Did she think she was really in love? When did the relationship start going south? How much of Grant’s baggage was she aware of before filming began? All questions that Lace answers honestly in our little over an hour conversation. One update for you: Lace has a new boyfriend she’s been with around 6 months. During Rapid 10, I asked her what she thought HE’D say her worst habit is and she said she’d ask him later that night and text me back. She did and he said it was her “popping her gum,” something she didn’t even realize she did. As always, if you want to respond to the interview, please include Lace’s Twitter handle (@LaceMorris) in your reply so she can see your comment as well. One thing I was hoping to get from Lace was candor and honesty about her relationship with Grant and she definitely delivered. Hope you enjoy this interview. By the way, I’m giddy about what’s coming the next two weeks on the podcast. Something I haven’t done before but I think it’s worth it. I’ll have more for you next week. In the meantime, enjoy Lace today, and please rate, subscribe, and review on Apple Podcasts as it helps tremendously.
You can listen to today’s podcast on a number of platforms, but you can also tune in by clicking the player below:
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts, RSS, Stitcher, Spotify
Music written by Jimmer Podrasky
(B’Jingo Songs/Machia Music/Bug Music BMI)
(SPOILERS) Lace joins me to talk about where she was in her dating life when she got cast on Ben’s season of the “Bachelor,” the infamous first rose ceremony where she pulled Ben aside after getting a rose (6:33), her interrupting on the first group date (8:13), why she decided to leave (14:25), the “Women Tell All,” being asked to go on Paradise & her boyfriend at the time (16:00), BIP and her relationship with Chad (22:17), what she knew about Grant going into BIP (27:22), deciding to get the “Grace” tattoo (34:10), their post-show engagement and when she knew it was over (39:00), the break up (44:39), her new boyfriend she found on Bumble (49:19), and finally end with Rapid 10 (57:12).
Twitter – @LaceMorris
Instagram – lacemorris3
Snapchat – lovelylace3
Dr. Reality Steve
Hi Steve,
I started dating this guy about 8 months ago and things have been going really well. We get along great, he’s a wonderful boyfriend, my friends love him, and it’s the most drama free relationship I’ve ever had. We’re overall compatible and have a lot of fun together.
Recently, as we’re really getting to know each other and getting past that honeymoon phase, I’ve noticed he has a tendency to be fairly immature. First, two months ago when we were at dinner with his parents, he was upset with his dad and basically pouted the whole dinner, so his mom and I basically talked the whole dinner while he sat there quietly moping. He did apologize to me when I brought it up to him later. Lately, it’s been stories he comes home with from his work. He says he’s upset because his boss keeps being rude and in the anecdotes that he tells me, he’s constantly snapping back at her because she’s upsetting him. I do believe she’s not the best boss, but I also think the key to being a good employee/person in general, is not reacting emotionally especially in professional situations. He’s not going to change her so I think he should just keep quiet until he finds another job.
Anyway, my question to you is basically do you think this is a red flag? I know everyone has their flaws, me included. I just question if I need to be more flexible and understanding because every relationship is going to have its issue, or if because I am more on the mature side I should see this as a “we are not a match in the long run” because it really bothers me that he lets his emotions control him so much. What are your thoughts?
Thank you for always brightening up my week and thanks in advance for the input!
Comment: Could it be a red flag? Sure. But it sounds like this is just one thing so far that he’s done which is getting under your skin. By no means do I see this as a deal breaker. But you’re 8 months in. I’m sure the longer you’re together, the more you will start to see the uglier side of him in whatever capacity that may be. That’s natural. Nobody meets someone and loves everything they do. Impossible. Just doesn’t happen. So while it is a red flag, I’d say it’s a tiny one. If him pouting at dinner and complaining about work is the biggest of your problems after 8 months, you’re golden. Just know there will be speed bumps in every relationship and not all of them are deal breakers. It’s how you deal with them and push forward that will determine the staying power of the relationship.
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Dr Reality Steve — would really appreciate your perspective.
Recently I met this guy on Tinder – let’s call him “A.” We talked for a little while before we met up, connecting over some pretty personal and serious stuff (how we’re both over hookup culture at age 29/30, our past relationships, some shady sexual stuff that happened to me in the past). During this time, I found out he was a hunter, and that felt like a pretty big deal breaker to me since I’m an animal-loving vegetarian of many years, but I was enjoying our conversations so continued with them. The night before we met, we had a pretty sexy talk.
The next day, we grabbed a bite and had a beer in the afternoon, and it went really well. It was hard not to notice how good-looking and kind he was, and I was into him. He walked me home after and there was some serious lingering by my door, like 20-30 minutes of are-we-or-aren’t-we-going-to-kiss type of thing. It was definitely full of tension, but we ended up just hugging a few times. After that, A texted me right away and said he enjoyed meeting me and we’ve been talking every day, but we haven’t revisited any of that sexy talk territory, albeit that’s a bit harder to do after you’ve met. I’ve tried to throw bait at him (flirty stuff like suggesting that he might need some TLC after work, a direct compliment about his shoulders) but without much luck. He’ll acknowledge but not necessarily reciprocate. Sometimes I think he’s just texting me just because he’s bored but other times I’m not so sure – he texts me good morning, good night etc. and follows up on things I’ve mentioned I’m doing and is generally staying involved in my life. That isn’t normal behaviour from the guys I’ve met on Tinder, who are onto the next thing in an instant.
Which brings me to my question. Do you think A:
A) Just views me as a friend and that’s why he’s brushing off my advances?
B) Is interested in me but isn’t sure where to go from here because I told him I didn’t think I could ever date a hunter?
C) Actually wants to make a move but is worried I’m fragile (wants to be sensitive about that shady stuff I mentioned earlier that happened to me)? Is he slowly building ground and trust?
Should I just give it some time and chill and let things happen how they’re supposed to? Is it too early to tell? Do I need to be more clear about my feelings?
Comment: I do think it’s too early to tell. The fact he’s still keeping in touch with you is a good sign. But, you’ve only met once. Maybe he’s just a tad uncomfortable right now going there with more sex talk. It’s certainly not something I would give up on just yet. Yes, I know I’m always the first person to say that if a guy’s into you he’ll make it known he’s into you. But you’re so early in your relationship, it’s not something I would immediately dismiss.
With that said, always keep this in mind: you are meeting him off Tinder, which we know is basically a hook up app. Maybe he’s already getting it somewhere else but doesn’t want to let you go yet because he knows there’s a chance with you. I’m not here to tell people to use or not to use Tinder, but just know what you’re getting into with that. It seems like you’re aware of the culture already, so that’s good. I would just set your expectations real low on that thing. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve talked to who had a great couple weeks with a guy off Tinder, then get ghosted. Happens ALL. THE. TIME. Hence the reason I’ve never used that app or will. I’m past that phase. So keep it in mind and definitely try one or two more dates with this guy, then I think you’ll get a better picture of what’s going on and where you stand.
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Send all links and emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page, or listen to all my podcasts at Apple Podcasts. Talk to you next week.
j1scarlett
August 17, 2017 at 8:10 AM
People need to stop considering Tinder just a hookup app. Sure, lots of people use it to hook up, but that is the same with every single other dating site I’ve ever used. The worst I think was Plenty of Fish, which was supposed to be a regular dating site. So, people hook up on every dating site, and people get ghosted all the time from various ways of meeting (even meeting in person first). But I now know 3 people personally who met their spouses on Tinder, and I met my boyfriend on Tinder and we’re about to get engaged. So its not just for hooking up anymore!
rob22
August 17, 2017 at 11:08 AM
Regarding the Tinder question. Look, it is early, of course. So, something could happen. But if he was REALLY interested, he would have attempted to setup time to get together by now. Now, that doesn’t mean that he’s not mildly interested & “maybe” it could grow into something. Sure, anything can happen. But, if that did happen, that would be the exception to the rule. I’d back off on communicating with him. If you’re texting once a day, move to every other day, and then maybe to every third day and see what happens. If he’s really interested, he’ll question it and try to get together with you. If he’s not that interested, he’ll do nothing & will just respond when you text. BTW: you’re trying WAY too hard. If you have to try that hard to get a response, that tells you something. Guys are simple beings. If they are interested, you’ll know, especially since you already broke the ice with a meet up.
keddo
August 17, 2017 at 11:11 AM
8 Month Girlfriend:
You need to test your boyfriend to see how he reacts to conflict with you. Pick some thing legitimate to criticize him about, or hold your ground on something that you would normally capitulate over, in a fair and calm way, and see how he reacts to it. Don’t worry about it harming your relationship, because if it continues, conflict is eventually going to surface anyway, and it’s important to partner with someone who can deal with it maturely. You’d rather know this now than when your lives are entangled by cohabitation, marriage, or babies.
Tinder Girl:
This guy had great conversations with you, and you exchanged sexy talk. Then you met, and the great conversations continued, but the sexy stuff, from his end, stopped. This seems pretty clear-cut to me; he thinks you’re great, and you check many of his boxes, but after meeting you he found out that he doesn’t have sexy feelings for you. It happens, and it’s not your fault. There is absolutely no good outcome from finding out why he feels that way, because it’s likely nothing you can change anyway, and that once you know, you’ll be self-conscious about that thing for a long time, possibly stifling your mojo. When I was about 19 or 20, there was a family staying at my family’s house, one of whom was a 17-year-old girl. I offered to take her out to show her the city, and we got along great. I really enjoyed her company, but there were a couple of things about her that turned me off, things not easily changed that might have been a non-issue for other guys, and I wasn’t sure whether I could begin to appreciate them. She and her family went home, and we corresponded by snail mail (this was the late 80’s). Later, she came for a week-long visit, and later still, I was her graduation date. During all this, we never did anything beyond holding hands, even though I had previously done more with other girls, and I’m pretty sure she would have been up for more, had I made a move. Our friendship ended when I told her that although I really enjoyed her company, I wasn’t feeling it romantically. Today, still, I regret hurting her feelings, but I don’t know how much I would have done differently when I was trying to figure out how I really felt about her. I have always wondered how she ended up; I hope she found someone that appreciates everything about her.
rob22
August 17, 2017 at 11:22 AM
Regarding the “Red Flag” email. Complaining about your boss is a national past time. Snapping back at your boss is a bad career move. So, yeah, some growing up to do. I think this only becomes a problem if he keeps running into this issue and he becomes constantly unemployed. That might be tough to deal with. So keep an eye out for that, and I’d recommend not getting super serious (i.e. engaged/married) until you’ve had time to see how that plays out. 8 months is not much and you’re just starting to notice things. Don’t ignore them, but don’t make them into something bigger than they are. In my view, this one is only an issue if it starts causing him to be jobless for extended periods of time. If he changes jobs frequently, then well, he’s a full blooded millennial. Job hopping is the norm these days. Bad bosses beware!! It’s your fault. Millennials don’t put up with a lot of crap. And they shouldn’t.
As for the moping when he was with your parents. Hmmmm. If you see a lot of moodiness, that might be something you’d want to pay attention to, since it will eventually spill over to you. But, for a guy, a fight with Dad can be very upsetting. So, I kind of get how that could happen. Hopefully, again, this is something that occurs rarely, but keep in mind, we ALL have our bad days. A big part of being a long term couple and long term married couple (some day) is letting stuff go and accepting our sig other on their worst day. We have to let a lot go to be together. So as long as he’s not abusive, he’s entitled to the occasional bad day. It’s called life.
crushonspivey
August 18, 2017 at 8:31 AM
Lace Morris. LOL Steve. Bottom of the franchise barrel. Seriously.
Suggested interviews:
Old School
Trish Schneider
Mary Delgado
Bob Guiney
Newer
Ashley Salter
Tierra LaCausi
Whitney Bischoff
yoyotono
August 18, 2017 at 11:23 PM
Good interview with Lace. At least she owned up to her behavior, like you pointed out, and seems to be doing better. At least she’s not fake. However, look at her instagram and all the photos of her “not drinking” on it. That was kind of weird. Why post pics of yourself in more than a few photos with a drink in your hand if you “hardly drink anymore”? Glad to hear she’s going to get her real estate license back and go back to normal life.