Reality Steve

Dr. Reality Steve

Podcast #88 – Interview with Holly Allen, the Ex-Girlfriend of Luke Pell, & “Dr. Reality Steve” Emails

Dr. Reality Steve

Hey Steve!

I sent you an email a few years ago and you gave great advice… I have a new one for you….Hope you can respond before the post because I’m not sure what will happen.

I will be with my boyfriend “John” 2 years in September… He moved in beginning of this year. We met online.

When I met him he was in the process of divorce papers filed, he gave me a copy of the papers to make me more comfortable. He did date other women between me and his ex wife “Tami”.

She cheated on him and wanted the divorce I may add. Left him homeless for a few days living in his car. (All before I met him). Divorce was final in 11/16 2 mos after we started dating. She called him all the names in the book.

Everything was picture perfect! He is the perfect boyfriend! We’re talking marriage, houses, kids, etc… I was over the moon when he moved in beginning of this year!

Well when “Tami” learned her gravy train (spousal support) was ending AND he was living with me she wants to sell the house that she got in the divorce. “John” had to go a few states away (where “Tami is thank God) a few days ago (despite me warning “take me with you, she just wants you back too”) to sign paperwork. Well “I was right” that’s “John’s” quote she did try something. After paperwork they went back to the house where he had a few things to get and his cats to visit. He told me they looked at old photos and she apologized for all her wrong doing. She told him she still loved him and he said it back! They both cried. He said he didn’t want to lie to me given my past thus the reason for all the info. The didn’t have sex just a hug and kiss on the check. (To me “I love you too” is emotionally cheating you agree?).

Well now he tells me all this. We are supposed to take a trip to see my family in 3 weeks (with his dad) and he doesn’t know if he wants to go (airline and hotel all paid for) I asked him if he had to choose who would it be he said he can’t. He said he loves me the problem is he still loves her. I asked him to call her on speaker and tell her off, he won’t. He’s getting angry at me for wanting to talk about all of it and whenever I ask him anything he cries (he’s not a pussy he has a very manly job he’s 39 as am I). I asked why would you want to be with someone who did that to you? Called you those names? He can’t answer. This all happened yesterday.

My question is, is this nostalgia with his ex? Does he really love her after all of that and if so can he love me at the same time? How do I keep this afloat? How is he allowed to be the angry one in this? He threatened this morning to get a hotel so he can sleep (he picked up double shifts – to avoid me?). I just can’t wrap my head around why he would want her. She didn’t do anything for him cook, clean, laundry, etc I do all that. He is always telling me how wonderful I am and better than her I am (until this).

His family and friends don’t like “Tami” because of what she did in the past.

I would love a man’s POV.

Comment: I’m going to be as blunt as possible with you on this one. He doesn’t love you. I’m sure he likes you a lot and what not, but you kinda answered your own question. Why would he want to be with someone who did all that to him? The fact that he does shows he’s not nearly as into your relationship as you think unfortunately. You have a trip planned and now he’s debating on whether to go? That’s someone who doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you and I really don’t know how it could be looked at any different.

Even if you convince yourself this is nostalgia setting in for him and it’s fleeting and he’ll get over it, the fact he pulled this on you will bug you forever. And it should. This isn’t some fling he’s feeling things for. It’s his ex-wife. You’ll never be ok with that no matter how much you try to convince yourself you will be. It’s horrible what he did to you, but you need to realize this relationship isn’t salvageable at this point. Not to mention, you shouldn’t WANT to be with this guy anymore. He’s completely broken your trust with his ex-wife and it’ll be pretty impossible to earn that back if you ask me. Sorry this happened to you, but you need to get out while you can.
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Hi Steve,

I read in your column today that you were low on Dr. Reality Steve emails for this week, so I figured I would send one in – hopefully this one makes it into this week’s batch of emails. I don’t really have a particular situation or issue that I need advice on, but I am interested in your opinion when it comes to dating in your late twenties.

Just a little background on me: I recently turned 27 and am very single. My most recent relationship ended two years ago, and we dated for a year and a half. I have actually emailed you in the past about that breakup – it was a bad one, and we saw each other far too many times post-breakup. Since that breakup, I have casually dated a few guys but have not gotten into anything too serious. I moved to a bigger city about five months ago for a new job and thought that I would have better luck dating as I knew the pool of men would be larger in my new city. However. that has just not been the case. To be fair, I have immersed myself in my new job and have not really been prioritizing my personal life.

With that being said, I am often asked why I have not found anyone yet or how I am still single. I am fairly content being by myself and consider myself to be pretty independent, but I would also not mind meeting someone (especially since being 27 and single apparently makes me some kind of alien). So I guess my question is: if you were in your late twenties and single, how would you try to meet someone? I have very briefly tried dating apps in the past, but in all honesty…I just don’t really want to meet someone on a dating app. I know they been successful for a lot of people, but I just personally would rather meet someone “organically.” Dating apps just feel so forced to me. As previously mentioned, my breakup a few years ago sucked. I made all of my decisions based on that relationship and on what that person wanted and basically but everything that I wanted on the back burner. I have done quite a bit of soul searching over the last two years and am not going to settle for just anyone at this point.

Anyway…just curious on your thoughts on all of this. So sorry to be so long winded 🙂

Thanks for all of your hard work this season – it definitely does not go unnoticed!

Sincerely,
Single as a Pringle

Comment: Mmmmmmmmm….Pringles.

I’ve gotten this general email quite a few times, and all I can say is “give it time.” You’re 27. You have so many good things ahead of you. You’re not too “old,” and don’t worry about any societal pressures. You don’t HAVE to be in a relationship at 27 or married w/ kids by a certain age. Sounds like you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. Relax. Enjoy this time alone. Go out, have fun, date different people, see what’s out there. But don’t feel like you’re in any sort of rush to settle down or get a boyfriend immediately. Meeting someone organically will just happen. I’m glad you’ve done some soul searching over the last couple years and it sounds like you’re in a great place. It’ll happen when it happens. There’s no sure fire way to meet someone. Some people randomly meet someone at a grocery store or a coffee shop. Some people meet online. Some meet at work. I think if you just keep going out and putting yourself out there, you’ll eventually meet someone. Just don’t worry about time constraints. You’re 27 and have so much time ahead of you. Good luck.
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This is not a question, but more of an update. (And clearly too late for this week so feel free to save it for next week). I was the person who wrote in about four months who was in the happy relationship that was likely going to have to end because I was moving away for professional reasons. I had asked if I should just cut it off to save pain down the road or stay in it just to see what happened. You advised the latter, with the suggestion that I check in with him in a couple of months about how he was feeling about potentially moving with me. I followed your advice, and the last few months have been probably the happiest of my personal life for about a decade. But, as I strongly suspected/ assumed, his own profession made moving with me an impossibility. (Made extra tragic by the fact that the extra time made us both basically realize that we actually had “forever” potential–something I have not felt in longer than I can remember). The separation was utterly heart-breaking. But I still want to thank you for the advice. Because it would have been horrible to miss out on the last six months out of, essentially, cowardice. The year we spent together made me a happier person, and sticking with it was, I think, worth the pain of parting. Who knows what will happen down the road–forever is an awfully long time. But even if we literally never see each other again, it was a great love. Life is too short to throw away even short-term happiness. So even though there was ultimately a sad ending, I appreciate the good advice.

Comment: Always good to hear stories like this. Thanks for checking back in. I’m glad I could help in some way.
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Send all links and emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you next week.

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21 Comments

21 Comments

  1. shenanigans

    July 26, 2018 at 9:33 AM

    First, I believe that everyone has a right to tell their story in whatever way they choose – and I certainly don’t judge Holly for telling hers. However, I have to question why Steve feels the need to crucify specific people from this franchise. Luke Pell is old news. Granted, he is a dog, but then, so are many of the guys on this show. It’s a shame that he hurt Holly, but, then again, this is old news. What does Steve gain by airing this dirty laundry over and over again? Is it to prove that he was right? To keep dogging someone he doesn’t like? Steve has the right to do this – however, this interview seemed particularly petty and vindictive on his part. Just my opinion

  2. sunnybay

    July 26, 2018 at 10:37 AM

    To the 27 year old. A few years back, I moved to a new city in my 20s and was looking to date. For the first year and a half, out of many (25?) first dates I went on, only one came “organically,” and the rest were from dating apps. (My boyfriend of a year and a half is from Tinder, which is not what we were expecting, but hey, whatever works.) I read 30% of marriages from the past five years came from dating apps, and I imagine it will only increase in the future. Dating apps get a bad reputation, but people use them differently to make it work for their own situations. Personally, I think young people are too closed off to meet “organically” in line at the grocery store, and you might only get hookups at bars. I would try a dating app like Bumble or Coffee Meets Bagel that have less of a hookup culture than Tinder. If you really hate your experience on these apps, join some groups (a sports league, a class, various Meetup groups) to meet new people, and you might have better luck there than in line at the grocery store.

  3. tinyred500

    July 26, 2018 at 10:57 AM

    I’m in total agreement with shenanigans. I’m sorry for Holly and I understand she might want to state her side of things. I’ve only seen some of the stuff Luke has done or been accused of and he’s not in any way is a great boyfriend and his behaviour doesn’t make him look good in anyway, but he’s not a monster etc., and he doesn’t deserve to be crucified on social media. RS is constantly saying people shouldn’t bully others on social media and yet he’s a prime example of retweeting what others have written, setting the scene or adding links to articles or text’s to stir up trouble. It’s bear baiting, and fanning the flames to create the very kind of thing he says he’s against and opposed to. 🙁

  4. sroses

    July 26, 2018 at 1:46 PM

    Wooow. Not a Luke fan but that was too much. It says just as much about her as it does him. I believe every thing she said but she sounds like she’s trying to ruin his life because he won’t take her back. sad

  5. jlal

    July 26, 2018 at 4:32 PM

    I haven’t listened to it, and from what I’m reading won’t now. I too wondered when RS announced it, why Luke now? I at first was a Luke fan but quickly realized he was a jerk. Winter Games just reinforced that opinion. Old news. Don’t give him anymore than the 15 mins. he already got.

  6. jlal

    July 26, 2018 at 4:56 PM

    One observation- in all of the pics his hands are in his pockets while she is hanging on him; very telling body language.

  7. justa_viewer

    July 26, 2018 at 5:46 PM

    I have issues with RS myself–not the least of which is that he seems to have bought into his own D-list celebrity status and thinks that he can school the rest of us on important social issues-but I’m enjoying *this* podcast. I’m fine with these scummy guys being called on their scumminess. Not that exposing Pell is really going to hurt his currently charmed life, but I enjoyed hearing yet another woman confirm what a creep he is.

  8. LM111

    July 26, 2018 at 7:57 PM

    I almost always share the same opinion as Shenanigans, Tinyred and Jlal. And, today is no different.

    Nothing against Holly, but I didn’t really see the point of this podcast. I’m sure she’s telling the truth, but ok, Luke’s a player… so?

    I think Shenanigans hit the nail on the head when she said that RS is probably looking to “prove that he was right”. I thought that too. And since most relationships end at some point, I guess we can all be “right” by predicting a couple will break up! Doesn’t matter who the couple is.
    Utterly Ridiculous. No one cares.

    I listened to the whole podcast (to kill time on a long drive) and I’m sure Holly’s a decent person, but she needs to let this go. I don’t think she has. She mentioned that they broke up once before and she reeled him back in by initiating contact on his birthday. It worked. Maybe her contacting RS for this interview was her attempt to get Luke to initiate contact (I’m not faulting her, she was in love with the guy, but that’s no way to move on).

    On that same note, it’s also pretty obvious that Holly sent RS the “letter from her friend” (with a different email of course), Nobody writes in that much detail about a “friend’s” relationship. Let’s face it – the only people that spend that much time dwelling on a relationship are the actual participants of the relationship. I don’t care how much I love my friends, I’m not writing pages and pages to a stranger about why I think they broke up. It serves no purpose. (RS, do me a solid, compare the IP addresses and get back to us). Not that I care. I’ve been her age. I’ve been in love. Maybe it seemed like a good idea under the haze of a broken heart?

    I’m not a Luke fan. I don’t like (or dislike) the guy. Would I date him? No. But so what?
    I guess RS failed in getting me to “hate” the guy if that was the goal.

  9. tinyred500

    July 27, 2018 at 12:29 AM

    @LM111 I thought the same about the letter, it was too detailed and specific to be from a friend, unless she was with Holly 24/7 and making notes.

    @jlal agree with Luke’s body language, it said it all pretty much. Holly’s was polar opposite.

  10. rob22

    July 27, 2018 at 7:00 AM

    A couple of small points on the Dr. Reality Steve questions, since they are pretty straightforward:

    In regards to the emailer who has a b/f hung up on his ex-wife. In the best of situations, being the first g/f of a recently divorced man is a tough gig. When they are also still hung up on that ex-spouse, it’s a total loser. Run. Very Fast.

    For the emailer looking to date. I’m not from this generation so I don’t do online dating, of course. But a high percentage of people do. Nonetheless, the biggest thing that’s preventing you from getting dates is attitude. If you are truly open to meeting new men and make the time to do so by putting yourself into social situations, it really doesn’t matter what venue you choose. If you “immerse yourself in your work” and aren’t putting yourself out there, I can pretty much guarantee you won’t meet anyone. When I was getting back into dating in my early 20s after a bad breakup, I made a goal of having a date every week. One date. (I’m not saying that I met that goal every week, but I tried.) Every week. So, I met a lot of women & dated pretty much anyone that would say yes. There were a lot of failures, yes. But I ended up meeting my wife at a random event. But I think the biggest factor in meeting her was that I was completely open to dating a stranger in line at an event, so it happened. Attitude is everything. Practice being open by dating and it will happen. BTW: It did take me two years of trying. If you’re looking for a microwave solution, it’s not out there.

  11. crushonspivey

    July 27, 2018 at 8:47 AM

    Dang. When contestants go low–and they pretty much all do–RS has determined to go lower. Congrats?!

  12. schatzinator

    July 28, 2018 at 7:22 PM

    Phew. I just endured 12 amazon “quiz” pop-up ads to create an account to reply to these other comments. I’ve never written to RS but I do enjoy listening to his podcasts. I’ve never read the comments to a podcast but I took a look here because the behavior described is AWFUL. Perhaps RS is talking about Luke Pell again because he’s that bad – significantly worse than other contestants that I’m sure he hears about all the time? I’m a trial attorney and arbitrator, and this woman seemed pretty credible to me. And I would certainly write an email like that if the same had happened to one of my best friends. It wasn’t that specific.

    Thanks for the podcasts, Reality Steve.

  13. tinyred500

    July 29, 2018 at 1:02 AM

    I don’t think anyone was questioning Holly’s credibility, her relationship with Luke sounds truly atrocious. I thought the email from her friend was just odd. It was detailed, and it was very long. I like the other commentator wouldn’t be sharing that amount of info with a friend. Holly’s friend is retaining a lot of info. in order to pass on to RS.

    RS part in all thing is another thing entirely. He takes almost perverse pleasure in being proved right. He wrote that people shouldn’t attack Holly for what she said, but I take from that and his other past actions, that’s it’s a free for all with Luke. Social Media has become an almost uncontrollable beast, people attack others whom they’ve never met, don’t know, yet feel free to call them all the names under the sun, and feel they have the right just to say whatever they want to them and about them. RS stirs the pot again and again. RS should be fair to all sides (especially regarding SM, there should be some responsibility taken on his part) irrespective who’s at fault.

  14. shenanigans

    July 29, 2018 at 9:12 AM

    My issue isn’t Holly’s credibility. It’s Steve’s insistence on airing the dirty laundry of a contestant from two years ago, who has already been the subject of multiple columns, Tweets, and podcasts. We get it, Luke is a dog. But then, we knew that two years ago from all of the other material that Steve posted about him.

    As Tinyred 500 noted, he takes perverse pleasure in airing other people’s dirty laundry, proving himself right, and feeding the social media beast. That begs the obvious question: should there be a statute of limitations on this stuff? Or, will Luke continue to be crucified for his actions years later, just because Steve has a hair across his butt and it’s a slow week in Bachelor Nation? To me, this has the feel of a vendetta, which is kind of sleazy.

    If I were a future contestant with ANYTHING even remotely questionable in my past, I would think long and hard before I signed up for this show. Thanks to Steve and Ashley Spivey, nothing is off limits, including stuff that probably should be.

    JMO

  15. tinyred500

    July 29, 2018 at 10:33 AM

    RS part in all thing….should read – RS part in all ‘this’. Autocorrect strikes again!

  16. schatzinator

    July 29, 2018 at 6:07 PM

    I hear where you’re both coming from. But I don’t agree.

    People are horribly cruel on social media and that should stop. But that is the responsibility of the people that post it, not Reality Steve.

    Behavior that is as bad as what was described in this podcast should be called to people’s attention and labelled for what it is, and that’s unacceptable. Similarly, clicking “like” on certain posts as Garrett did is also unacceptable. That’s why Garrett did the right thing and apologized. By calling attention to these things, we can hopefully help stop them from happening in the future. And not just with respect to Luke or Garrett, but amongst a much wider audience.

    I have six, four, and two-year-old girls and a two-year-old boy (he’s a twin). I do not want them to become adults in a world where behavior like this is remotely OK. So thank you Reality Steve. I’m sure you want the same for your niece and nephew (if I remember correctly that you have those), and that’s probably part of the reason why you brought attention to these issues.

    As for people with anything remotely questionable in their pasts, they probably should not sign up to do a reality TV show. Frankly, that’s not a smart move for most people, even if they have nothing to hide. But, for the most part, the reasons people should or shouldn’t go on reality television shows don’t relate to Reality Steve or Ashley Spivey.

  17. soccertory

    July 29, 2018 at 9:49 PM

    Schatzinator- AGREED! This is a gossip site about the people who are dumb enough to go on this stupid show. I don’t get why people are suprised? We come here for the dirt, right? I loved this podcast. Sure Steve is annoying when he does his “told you so” dance. But he’s still gonna give the dirt. You sign up for the Bachelor- welcome to your dirty laundry on display. And if you don’t want the dirt, don’t read the blog. Easy enough.

  18. justa_viewer

    July 30, 2018 at 10:51 AM

    Also, just coming at it from a practical POV, I suppose you would call this podcast a “scoop,” and for now only RS has it. If he’s trying to differentiate himself and his “brand” from the growing number of Bachelor podcasters (including former contestants, apparently), in whatever ways he can, I totally get that he would run with this podcast. Maybe based on feedback, he believes that the subject is still of interest to many of his listeners/readers, even if it is “yesterday’s news” and not that interesting to some of the posters above. Just a thought.

  19. bachfan04

    July 30, 2018 at 2:20 PM

    I disagree with many of these comments. I am really glad this podcast happened and that Holly came forward to put out truth about Luke and his horrible actions and lack of integrity. Many fan favorite guys are glorified after they come off the bachelor, although Lukes narcissistic actions need to be brought to light. He gives “Christians” a bad name. It is mind boggling how he can claim to be a Christian yet have so much pride and self idolatry (just to scratch the surface). He is disgusting and hearing how he treated Holly and how he treats others should not be swept under the table. Thank you RS and Holly. Hopefully you will save future girls (since we know he likes them young) from this dirt bag by revealing his true colors.

  20. tinyred500

    July 30, 2018 at 4:07 PM

    @justa_viewer It’s not that it’s just yesterdays news or not interesting. It’s excess coverage what people already know. If Luke has another girlfriend and does the exact same thing again…..will RS record another podcast with that girl? A line needs to be drawn surely at some point? That’s the issue being raised here.
    ************
    We all know RS does the spoilers (that’s why I come here) and finds out stuff. It’s just that over the last two years RS has changed his style vastly etc.

    I fear for humanity if we become over zealous with our judge and jury mentality. There are far, far worse people out there than Luke etc.,, and being mindful and keeping things in perspective and proportion wouldn’t go amiss with all this.

  21. wavecatchingmom

    July 30, 2018 at 4:50 PM

    If Steve wants to make sure we don’t have to suffer through a season of Luke as the Bach. I’m glad he’s doing his part to trash Luke to the fan base. I thought Luke had dead eyes from Jojo’s season and so I’m not surprised. He’s like a big brother to the unselfaware fake celebs. Trash on Steve!! I wish courtney would have thrown Arie under the bus sooner. Alas…

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