Reality Steve

Bachelor in Paradise 5

“Bachelor in Paradise” – Episode 2 Recap, Ratings, “Secrets” of the “Bachelor,” & More

Photo Credit: ABC

Oh wait, there were other storylines going on in the first two episodes? Like, other people were forming relationships too? Hot damn. I just thought this was Colton and Tia in Paradise and everyone else were just extras on the beach. I guess there are a few more we can discuss but are still in it’s early stages.

Kendall and Joe

Initially Krystal had an interest in Joe and made it known. But once Kendall swooped in (you know, the girl she had issues with on Arie’s season among others), Krystal became yesterday’s news and then Joe was “not the guy for me.” Kendall and Joe are interesting because they’re both quirky in their own ways. Kendall is infatuated with all things death and Joe bags groceries. Lets marry them! We all know the spoiler of what happens between these two on the show in that they end up breaking up, but they are awful at trying to hide the fact they’ve seen each other numerous times since the show ended filming. Are they exclusive? Hell, I don’t know. I don’t think they even know. But she was definitely in Chicago seeing him a couple weeks ago, and Joe definitely spent this past weekend in LA with her, even attending the Dodger game together last night. I have a feeling when the reunion show rolls around, they’ll be telling us they’re dating.

Krystal & Kevin & Astrid

Yeah, that lasted a hot minute. Kevin told Krystal “you’re the hottest girl here.” They connected, made out, then Kenny got a date card and asked Krystal on a date so Kevin moved on to Astrid and that was the end of the fairytale romance of Kevin and Krystal that last 14 seconds. Lets all take a moment, say our goodbyes, and shed a tear. Or not.

Jordan & Annaliese

Another bizarre pairing considering the spoilers, but yeah, no need to get all worked up over this one since once Jenna arrives tonight, Jordan’s model pants get even tighter for another blue eyed blonde, and Annaliese becomes yesterday’s news. It’s kinda hilarious how all into Annaliese that Jordan was in these first two episodes, going out of his way to impress her, pulling her aside for a nighttime picnic, making out with her on the beach, telling her how impressed he is by everything she does in her life, on and on and on this guy went overloading her with compliments, but here comes another blue eyed blonde with boobs and Jordan couldn’t run faster away from Annaliese for her. I think we can add yet another phobia to Annaliese’s long list: douchebag models. And oh yeah, David does what David does and warns Annaliese about Jordan and how he likes to just settle. Talk about playing a role. Geez. Didn’t he just say on the MTA that he should’ve spent more time on his relationship with Becca than focusing on Jordan? Now the first thing he does in Paradise is try to c**k block Jordan again?

Kenny & Krystal

Anytime a date can be created where the Pretty Boy Pit Bull Kenny King gets to wrestle some curtain jerker, I’m in. Especially when it’s Krystal sitting at his side and I’m not completely convinced she knows wrestling is fake. So Kenny takes off his shirt, gets in the ring, and pummels this jabroni while Krystal watches on getting all excited and stuff. Then they make out afterwards and Krystal officially moves on from Kevin after singing his praises the night before. Or hours before. Who knows? I’m losing track of how quickly people just go from tonguing one person to the next.

Nick & David & Chelsea

The enigma that is Nick is quite the character. He didn’t get much air time on Becca’s season. Then he shows up in Paradise and immediately takes to Chelsea by giving her the compliment “I don’t know what it is, but I’m weirdly attracted to you.” Not exactly a panty dropper line, Nick. If anything, I’d think it’d make her want to wear an industrial sized chastity belt around you. So they have some weird vibe going on. I honestly don’t know where David entered the picture in all this. I’ll be honest. I’m not nearly as focused on Paradise when I’m watching. I flip the channel at commercial break (usually to watching baseball), and if I return late, so be it. So maybe David had a conversation with Chelsea that I missed, but, she gave him her rose and I don’t remember them ever doing anything for him to deserve it.

Rose Ceremony

This went pretty much as planned until the last rose.

Krystal gave her rose to Kenny
Astrid to Kevin
Tia to Chris
Kendall to Joe
Annaliese to Jordan
Nysha to Eric (even though we’ve seen none of their interaction)
Chelsea to David (another head scratcher unless I completely missed it which is totally possible)
Angela to John (with this rose, people assumed Colton was gone. Those people must be newbies because there was zero chance Colton was going home at the first rose ceremony)
Bibiana gives her rose to Colton even though we never actually see them have a conversation either and every viewer out there can see this was producer driven. Of course it was.

Tonight, episode #3, and more hell will break loose. Chris, who just told Tia he’ll be there for her, he doesn’t approve of what Colton did, yada yada yada, starts tonguing down Krystal to start their relationship, and then Tia has to deal with that fallout. This isn’t gonna be pretty. And oh yeah, Jenna comes in and steals Jordan’s heart all while saying “It’s getting coco-nuts” and it’s exactly how I feel. I feel like a coconut. I also feel like I’m going insane watching this show and I can’t wait for it to be over. Already starting to hone in on some of the women you’ll see on the next “Bachelor” season and that’s so much more interesting than Paradise. I won’t be releasing them until much closer to filming time, but right now, I’ve got about 8 that I’m pretty sure are going to be cast. Stay tuned.

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  1. rob22

    August 14, 2018 at 9:26 AM

    The sense I get from Colton is that he showed up to audition for The Bachelor. Or, at least that’s what the producers told him. So he arrives and knows he has to deal with the Tia situation. And if he’s really going to be The Bachelor, he really can’t start anything up with Tia…. nor can he totally screw her over and become a villain. So, he’s in Bachelor hell, and he handles it about as poorly as possible. Though, I have to say, the whole situation was setup to be one gigantic cluster f*ck. I don’t know what it is with Tia either, since she seems to have some male repellent all over her. Guys get a little closer and then it’s like “nah, I don’t think so”. Perhaps it’s a little hint of desperation? IDK. Beyond that drama, which is not all that great, what possible reason is there to watch this show? I guess that’s why I typically watch an episode, or two, then we’re like… nah, I don’t think so. Really Tia, it’s not you, it’s me.

  2. nsawyer1010

    August 14, 2018 at 9:38 AM

    How does Nick end up with Chelsea if he is already gone? Did I miss something? Anyone know?

  3. pugmom

    August 14, 2018 at 10:51 AM

    I liked the first episode of paradise way more than the one last night. They focused wayyy too much on Tia and Colton. I really don’t care for both. I wanted to see more humor from Jordan, Wills, Bibiana. I also love Grocery Joe (he seems so normal and goofy, his smile is amazing). Yeah I got none of that. Colton strikes me as someone who isn’t very honest. I think it’s the smirk. Tia has that same smirk too. They’re kinda perfect for each other.

  4. jlal

    August 14, 2018 at 10:55 AM

    rob22, I too thought Tia is coming off a tad desperate.
    I also called it wrong with Colton unless he is a really good actor. I didn’t think he had it bad for Becca at all. If that was real last night, then he really did care for Becca. Who knew?
    When Bibi picked Colton I knew right away it was a production set-up, so, so obvious. They needed him there the next day for Becca to show up. I hope Bibi struck a deal too, like they wouldn’t let her go home if Colton didn’t pick her next week.
    Glad Nick and Wills are both gone. Nick was a douche and Wills just bugged me. His style and the way he talked.
    I love Kenny!
    Still love Joe!
    Would love to see Colton go home.

  5. kathyfrank1222

    August 14, 2018 at 11:01 AM

    It was John with Chelsea not Nick

  6. ctrealitygirl

    August 14, 2018 at 11:07 AM

    For the life of me, I cannot understand why the producers are so hell-bent on “marketing” Colton for The Bachelor. In all the viewers’ comments I’ve read on various sites, no one wants him! He comes off as smug, insincere and basically spewing platitudes. And if they really did want him, they screwed up big time casting him on BIP…this whole Tia situation is super annoying and making both them so unlikeable.

  7. ctrealitygirl

    August 14, 2018 at 11:35 AM

    PS: I’m with you jlal. Not a big Wills fan and don’t get why so many women are gaga over him and begging for him to be the Bachelor. I truly hope not! And I, too, love Grocery Joe and Kenny.

  8. Caroll

    August 14, 2018 at 11:52 AM

    Tia is annoying and desperate.

  9. ctrealitygirl

    August 14, 2018 at 12:10 PM

    I hate what this show has morphed into. Originally it was designed to be lighter summer entertainment, where Bach/ette rejects went to drink in excess and sleep around and have fun. Now all the players know who’s coming in advance and they go with the intention of hooking up with one person in particular and look to couple up immediately…all looking to be the next Jade and Tanner or Carly and Evan. And so many of them appear desperate. It’s not fun to watch any more. I have slept thru both episodes so far and skimmed thru the recording. Big snooze fest

  10. tinyred500

    August 14, 2018 at 12:23 PM

    I agree, and as super cheesy as it is, it was supposed be light heated and not to be taken seriously. I guess it’s the Winter Games for me now. I enjoyed that, I enjoyed seeing different nationalities interact, and hope this years season is a lot longer than 4 or 5 episodes. 😀

  11. lucymeowkin

    August 14, 2018 at 2:08 PM

    I was actually laughing out loud when Colton was crying. It just seemed so manipulative. He is definitely setting himself up for Bachelor.

    It seemed at first like he was trying hard to make himself cry. Blech. Tired of Tia and Colton, and it’s only episode 2!

  12. screenname

    August 14, 2018 at 3:27 PM

    Tia was desperate when she sabotaged Bekah with Arie. She was desperate when she came back to tell Becca that she still had feelings for Colton. And she’s still desperate now because she can’t tell Colton is just not that into her. Poor guy just wants to do what every other person in Paradise is there for– to date people.
    Also, let me guess, the 8 girls already signed up for the next Bachelor are all generic blondes named Madison and/or Lauren. Can we just get a bachelor who is actually into more diverse women, please?

  13. jlal

    August 14, 2018 at 5:11 PM

    Watchin and just saw that Colton 26, too young.

  14. tinyred500

    August 15, 2018 at 12:30 AM

    An immature 26 year old at that, I doubt very much he’s a serious choice for the producers as the bachelor. Roll on September when we’ll know.

  15. upmyalley

    August 15, 2018 at 8:47 PM

    I don’t get the appeal of Colton to Tia or Becca or anyone for that matter. I have a feeling when he loses his virginity he will become BN new Nick. Haha!

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