Another fun podcast this week as I have the first guy from Becca’s season joining me in Christon Staples. Or Chris Staples as the dunking world knows him as. The change of his name just in the course of Becca’s season is discussed right off the top. Christon only lasted 4 episodes on Becca’s season, was only on group dates, was not involved in any major drama, yet, I was able to spend 90 minutes with him talking about so much more than just the show. I do geek out a bit getting to finally spend some time talking sports with Christon considering his basketball background and playing for the Harlem Globetrotters. Some things I didn’t know of how he even got to audition for them and how it all works were definitely interesting. He also gives his thoughts on some of the guys this season and you can pretty much tell which team Christon was on this year. As always, if you want to reply to the interview, please include Christon’s Twitter handle (@iamchrisstaples) in your replies. A Twitter handle that I didn’t even know until we were doing the interview. I thought it was his old one and he just hadn’t posted in a year. Oops. Thanks again to Christon for his time. Hope you all enjoy…
You can listen to today’s podcast on a number of platforms, but you can also tune in by clicking the player below:
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts, RSS, Stitcher, Spotify
Music written by Jimmer Podrasky
(B’Jingo Songs/Machia Music/Bug Music BMI)
(SPOILERS) Christon joins me to talk about how his name changed on the season, playing basketball growing up (4:16), how becoming a Globetrotter came about (7:44), leaving the Globetrotters to pursue acting (22:40), how dunking became his “job” (28:01), how he got cast on the show (41:39), recapping all three group dates he was on (45:18), his thoughts on the Jean Blanc situation (52:57), Lincoln (58:21), Colton (1:02:50), Garrett (1:05:08), and we end with the Final 10 (1:12:39).
Twitter – @iamchrisstaples
Instagram – everybody_hatechriss
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Dr. Reality Steve
Hi Steve,
I have this weird problem. So my boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years now and we have lived together for almost 1 year. We met on twitter he slid into my DMs which turned into a friendship which led to more and well you know the rest. Things have been going really great for the most part until about a month ago when I found out he had this secret twitter account that he never told me about. He was talking to girls from his past (not really flirting but still talking) and he never mentioned the fact that he had a gf. He also posted pictures of him going to clubs and stuff on days he said he was working late.
He has been supportive and apologetic and claims he never wanted to get out of our relationship or hurt me but I just don’t get it. I’m having a tough time trusting anything he says right now. I’ve also found myself taking it out on him and getting mad at him for stupid things which is hurting our relationship even more. I’m really not sure what to do at this point because I just don’t get it. I have told him if he wants out I would be understanding and help him in any way I could but he claims to really want to work on us and says he will do what it takes to earn my trust again. I’m not sure if I should leave him or not. I really do love him but I am not sure if I could trust him again or be happy again. Some of my friends think I’m overreacting (and I could be) because he did not physically or even emotionally cheat but I still feel so betrayed for some reason. Any advice would be welcome. Thanks again Steve.
Comment: A simple case of actions speak louder than words. That’s great that he’s saying all those things and telling you he wants to stay and will do whatever he can to prove to you, but those are just that – words. His actions need to back that up and you’ll only find that out over time.
As for the shady behavior beforehand, yeah, I’d say you have reason to be concerned. Did he ever say why he created a secret Twitter account to chat with other women? And if it wasn’t flirting, why feel the need to be secretive about it? Do I think in every relationship that every person tells the other person about every single thing in their life? No. That’s impossible. But having a private Twitter account, while it’s not like that’s something he would offer up to you in conversation, the fact you know about it now raises a red flag. Did the account start within the three years you’ve known him, or is it something he had before he even knew you? The inquisitive part of me is curious how you even found this account. Doesn’t sound like something you randomly stumble on. Something must’ve led you in that direction, no?
I wouldn’t just immediately end three years over a secret Twitter account, especially if you didn’t find any secret relationships, or photos, or sexting going on. So that’s the good part. But it is something he’s gonna have to prove to you over time wasn’t a big deal. I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. But I do think you guys have some communication issues you need to work out because there might be something he’s hiding or not telling you. If he follows through with what he told you, he’ll do so by his actions. And if he doesn’t, then there’s probably more he’s not telling you and he wants out and this was his excuse. Good luck.
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Hi Steve,
I’m 27 and my boyfriend is 30 and we’ve been together for 2.5 years now. During this time period we’ve had multiple fights but we always make up and things are ok. We’ve lived together for a year now.
During this time together he has mentioned to me an ex of his made him “feel special” but he doesn’t feel that with me anymore.
Furthermore, even though we’ve been together for two years, we’ve only had sex once. 8 months into the relationship. And that was after I had asked him if he was straight to which he said he was but he was used to a certain “physique” body shape (meaning a skinner girl). I’m not overweight- I just have a little bit of stomach fat.
Obviously I was shattered when he told me that so over this time I refused to show him my body due to lack of self confidence. He has told me that he was “just kidding” about it but I really don’t think he is since we’ve lived together for a year, been together for two years, and have only had sex once.
So my main question is this – I’ve snooped on his Facebook and found that he’s been regularly looking (like once or twice a week or every two weeks) at this other girl’s profile – but they’re not Facebook friends so he’s pretty much stalking her. After some more snooping I found out that she works with him (I saw her name on his Skype list on his work laptop when he wasn’t looking).
I don’t want to end the relationship but it’s just so hard since I feel like his eyes are wandering but I love him so much. I don’t want to confront him either because I don’t want him to be more careful and “cover his tracks” in the future.
I feel like he has some sort of crush on her since he keeps looking at her Facebook. Should I be concerned or do you think I’m overthinking this?
Comment: Overthinking this? Ummmmm, no.
Lets lay out the facts of what you just told me. Your boyfriend of 2 ½ years that you live with has:
1) Told you that not only do you not make him feel special anymore, but that an ex of his does.
2) Has had sex with you once in 2 years.
3) Essentially told you you’re physically not his type.
4) Is Facebook stalking a girl that he works with.
In the immortal words of David S. Pumpkins, “Any questions?”
This guy doesn’t love you or care about you and you need to get out of this relationship quicker than you’re done reading this sentence. This is a flat out disaster that I can’t believe you even stayed in it this long. As much as it hurts, you need to cut this guy out of your life and find someone who’ll treat you like an actual girlfriend. Or human for that matter. This guy is trash.
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Two years ago, my husband was accused of sexual harassment at work. He was given the option to resign or be fired. He chose to resign. I asked him repeatedly if he did anything that he was accused of or that could have been interpreted that way and he denied it. He thought the accuser was looking for a payout from a company with deep pockets. This week, I find myself in the same situation. He’s been accused of making someone “uncomfortable” and an investigation is taking place. I asked him he did anything and he’s denied it. I told him that I find it hard to believe that he’s been wrongfully accused twice and don’t know if I believe anything he says at this point. I also told him that I need to work through this and decide what I want to do because my kids and I deserve someone who is honest and trustworthy. I’m curious what your thoughts are on how to handle this. We’ve been together for 15 years. We have two children. Outside of this situation, I have never felt unhappy with our relationship and he’s never been physically or emotionally abusive. Is he just the world’s unluckiest person or the world’s best liar?
Comment: Wow. Today is just filled with stories of awesome boyfriends/husbands, yeah?
I already know that there will be a faction of people reading this who are bothered by the fact that you chose to be skeptical of your husband when he told you on both occasions that he didn’t do anything and you questioned it. I’m not one of those people. I tend to agree with you. Now, I know nothing about each situation and can only go off of what you said, but if this is now happened TWICE at his place of employment, while HE may not think he did anything wrong, sounds to me like he did. However, you have a ton invested in this man, 15 year marriage and two kids, so bolting at the drop of a hat would be too reactionary. I think you need to find out the details of this investigation. Did you ever find out what the first one accused him of? And can you find out more about this most recent charge? If the guy is just being creepy at work, do I think it’s something to end a 15 year marriage over? Probably not, but there definitely needs to be some therapy or counseling from this point forward. That’s just not normal. He’s obviously exhibiting behavior at work that you yourself have never personally experienced, so you can’t dismiss it.
You really need to find out what he’s being accused of. Are women saying he’s touching them/assaulting them, etc? Or are they saying he’s being a perv at work and he makes them uncomfortable? While neither is acceptable, I do think exactly what he’s being accused of plays a huge role into whether or not you choose to stay married to this man. You need to find out, and I think once you find out, you’ll have your answer as to what you should do going forward in your marriage.
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Send all links and emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you next week.
shenanigans
August 16, 2018 at 9:15 AM
Sadly, I think that all three of the women who wrote to Reality Steve this week are with bad men who don’t have their best interests at heart. The first two should just cut their losses and run. The third one, unfortunately, has kids with the guy so it’s much more complicated. Trust me: if this clown has been accused of sexual harassment twice, at two different companies no less, he’s not innocent. If his wife sticks by him, it will happen again.
rob22
August 16, 2018 at 4:51 PM
Probably the 1st letter is the most interesting. Can you have a secret twitter account and still be a good boyfriend? Well, obviously you don’t want that. It means that he’s not being completely honest with you. Does that mean he’s a terrible guy? No, it doesn’t. It means he’s not being completely honest with you. What you need to get your arms around is why? And the “trust but verify” tome is in play. You need to get to the point where you’re 100% confident that nothing untowards is going on. You need to demand that, in the future, all cards are on the table. Good, bad or indifferent. Then you’ll deal with it. Now having said that, if you go ballistic if he’s honest about something you don’t like, you’ve just made a case for him to hide certain types of behavior. Then you’re fighting a lost battle. You need to be at a point where he’s sharing with you, even the stuff you won’t like. And it’s two strikes and you’re out & he’s already got one. I think more guys than you think compartmentalize parts of their lives and have secrets. Of course, that’s not good because you never know how they’ll play out. But, for now, until you have more information & have seen his track record for a while, hang in there a while longer. Remember, you WANT honesty & you need to reward honesty. So if something he brings up ends up in a fight, be sure to say that despite your feelings, you’re extremely happy that he was honest with you. That honesty is extremely important & his honesty that he showed is really important. If he feels he can be honest with you and you won’t kill him for it, you’re far more likely to get honesty. So, you play a part in this. Good luck. This is a 50/50 thing and I’m definitely probably giving him that much credit because of all the nice stuff you said about him. This can work, but I wouldn’t have a long leash. Lay it out for him. See what happens. He’ll tell you pretty quickly, though his actions, whether he can be completely honest with you.
rob22
August 16, 2018 at 4:53 PM
Letter writer #2. You’ve had sex one time in your whole relationship? You’ve had SEX only ONE TIME in your whole relationship? YOU’VE HAD SEX ONLY ONE TIME IN YOUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!! Come on! Is this even a real question? Oh, my.
rob22
August 16, 2018 at 5:03 PM
3rd letter writer. If someone was charged AND FIRED once for sexual harassment, there’s a slight chance that it was unwarranted. A SLIGHT CHANCE. If it’s happened twice, the odds that it was unwarranted are about 100,000 to 1. At this point, you say, “so you’re saying there’s a chance?” No, I’m not. Your husband is, at minimum, a creep. At worst, he’s a person who abuses his power at work. So, like with letter writer 1, you need to lay it out and demand honesty, because he’s not being honest with you right now. What the f*ck did you do? OK, say it nicer than that. But tell him that you’re willing to forgive, but you need complete honesty about what happened. Tell him if he can’t lay it out for you, embarrassing or not, you have to assume the worst. The worst being that he’s abusing his power with women at work & are lying to you about it. I know it’s the #Metoo world these days. And that should mean that guys are being extra careful. But he’s apparently not doing that. Unlike Mr. fake Twitter account above, I don’t feel real good about this one. I’m all for trying to work things out. In your case, definitely you should start seeing a therapist together. If he doesn’t agree to that, then you know. If he does go, perhaps you’ll be able to work through it and perhaps he can grow to the point where this doesn’t happen again. Perhaps. Maybe. People can improve, they just usually don’t. In fact, as we get older our views and behaviors tend to get worse, not better. But, Good luck. Maybe he’ll have an epiphany and turn things around. I hate that you’re in this situation.
dwwatchesreality
August 16, 2018 at 5:43 PM
To the third letter writer, I would like to say that, overall, I think Steve has given you pretty solid advice. Getting the facts is definitely the place to start. What I want to add comes from a personal work experience, where I watched a subordinate get fired for sexual harassment. I can say with certainty that he meant no harm and never connected his own actions to what our training described as sexual harassment. Yet the reality was that the whole picture of how he acted at work combined with how he acted outside of work sent a definite message to these women and there is no doubt they felt compelled into uncomfortable and unfortunate situations. Coming from that, it is entirely possible your husband is telling you the truth from his perspective, while also being completely guilty. The only way to know will be to get all the facts, and sort them in with what you know of your husband as a person. After that you can try to understand how the disparity in perception happened (if you feel there is a disparity) and help him figure out how to prevent it from happening again. Many people sat down with my former subordinate and explained it to him; I haven’t kept in touch so I don’t know if he learned the lesson, but I hope he did. It wasn’t obvious; you had to have all the pieces. My heart honestly broke for everyone involved back then. The women AND my subordinate. If that is the case with your husband, the marriage can be salvaged, and he needs you now more than ever. Some men can be truly clueless. I’ve witnessed it.