Dr. Reality Steve
Hi Dr. Reality Steve,
I met a guy through Bumble in the beginning of July, so about a month and a half ago . Everything was going great! We always had so much fun on our dates and things seemed to be so easy with him. I felt like we could have fun even doing the most simple things. He even invited me to two weddings, a sporting event he’s coaching and a family event (his sister running a half marathon). Also, we planned a trip to go to Chicago together (my idea, but the rest of them were his ideas although I have initiated regular dates). I even met his parents twice and things went well with them too.
Of the events, the first wedding was a blast! We had such a good time with his friends. Anyways, the last time we hung out (7th or 8th date), I got a weird vibe that something was off. We had to drive to his parents house for the half marathon and he barely talked… I mean he responded to what I said but he didn’t initiate any conversation which is not like him at all. I figured he had a long day and was tired so I let it go. But the entire weekend, he seemed distant even while being so close to me. I pretty much hung out with his family the whole time, they talked to me more than he did. It just felt like he barely wanted me there (even though he is the one who invited me). When he dropped me back, the car ride back was pretty much the same as the car ride there. His mom invited me to Thanksgiving and he made a comment that she pretty much invites all of his friends who may not be doing something for Thanksgiving (since I live far away from my family). I thought that was kind of a rude way to tell me that? I am really not sure what I could have done wrong because everything leading up to the event was fine… including the dates before it and our text conversations.
The coaching event, the Chicago trip and the second wedding are still coming up and honestly I am nervous about how they are going to go based on our last meeting. I don’t want to overwhelm him or put any pressure on him. I also am not trying to push him into a relationship. I was really just enjoying how things were going and I just wanted to see how things flow on their own.
I have been trying to give him space so we haven’t talked much since the weekend. I am hoping the space gives him what he needs to clear his head. I get the feeling that he thinks things are going too fast (even though most of those ideas were his). How should I approach this situation? Should I even say anything about that? I want him to know that I am not in any rush and that I just have a great time with him.
Any advice would be great.
Thanks!
Comment: Sounds like just a flaky guy who either has another option and doesn’t want to tell you or, well, he’s just over it. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason to why guys do what they do. They’re guys. But your gut is probably right. If things aren’t the way they were in the beginning, and yet you’ve been together less than 2 months, then obviously something is up.
It’s not out of line at all for you to ask him what’s going on and if everything is ok and he’s been distant. Probably give you a clearer answer of where he’s at than trying to just guess. If hems and haws, then you probably have your answer right there. But definitely call him out for what you’ve noticed in his behavior lately (not in a rude way at all), and say he seems distant. Maybe he’ll flat out tell you it’s not working for him anymore. But know going in, this probably isn’t going to end well since that’s odd behavior for someone who’s still technically in the honeymoon phase of the relationship.
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Hi Steve,
I always read for spoilers and I need an opinion of someone not related to me so I thought I’d give this a shot.
I’m 5 1/2 months pregnant. The father died of a drug over dose when I was 7 weeks pregnant and had just found out. We were broken up because I had realized a few weeks before that he had fallen off the wagon and after a couple of attempts to help him, I finally had to walk away. He wasn’t very kind about all of it given his current state of being.
So I find out I’m pregnant and send him a Facebook message. Of course his first response was “not mine” so I explained that A – I hadn’t been with anyone else and B – I would send him ultra sound pics the next day after I received one. I was sure it would show dates and prove through the timeline it was when we were still together. He agreed and said we would talk after I sent them. So I followed up the next day and never heard back. A couple days later his mom sends me a message through his Facebook asking me to call asap. She was crying asking if I was really pregnant. Then told me he was brain dead on life support and I needed to come say my goodbyes.
I was obviously devastated and this has been the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. It’s very depressing and lonely. I had to move back in with my dad in a city I haven’t lived in since high school. The pregnancy has been really rough and it’s just honestly really sad. So on top of it his mom won’t fully concede that the baby is her sons. She obviously read the messages between us and saw his drug induced accusations.
She continues to send me messages full of loaded questions like “did you really care about him?” “Are you glad you’re pregnant?” Along with “if you’re sure he’s the father we have this in our family” and “did you look into DNA testing?” and just things that make my stomach drop. I’ve asked her for nothing. I’ve told her to focus on grieving her son and wait for the DNA test. I don’t know what else to do. I understand she’s grieving but it kills me when she messages me. It’s always something that lingers with me for days and just sucks the life out of me. I wish there was some way for her to consider how all of this is affecting me and how her messages are just extra stress. I know she’s grieving but it’s also starting to make me angry. I literally have nothing to gain claiming he’s the father. Once I have the baby and it proves his, I am going to remember how unsupportive she has been. I don’t know. I don’t know what to do about her.
Please help!
Comment: Geez. Sorry you had to go through all that. That’s awful. You wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
Just know you haven’t done anything wrong in this situation. Pretty shitty of the mother to act that way. Yes, she should be grieving over her son more than causing stress in your life. I also don’t understand what her motivation is for asking you these questions. Just doesn’t make sense. But someone who’s lost a child, I gotta believe she’s going through a lot, so I have to take that into consideration. How often are these messages? Like every day? Or is she randomly checking in? I’d say to just leave it alone for a while, or maybe send her a nice message saying that the pregnancy has been really hard on you and that once you get through this, you’d love to finally then have a talk with her about their role in your baby’s life, if you even want that. Again, not an ideal situation and sorry you’re going through it, but keep your head up and don’t let his family get to you.
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pugmom
August 30, 2018 at 8:39 AM
I super hope Colton is not the next bachelor. He was the only one I did not want. I will take anyone else. He doesn’t strike me as being sincere although I don’t have any real proof other than that’s the vibe I get from him. He doesn’t really know what he wants. I will definitely give him a chance and I will watch the next season regardless. Just hoping for Jason or Blake instead.
shenanigans
August 30, 2018 at 9:02 AM
To writer #1: this guy seems to be pulling away. Under the circumstances, you should let him. If he has doubts this early in the game, it wasn’t meant to be.
To writer #2: don’t speak to the guy’s mother again until you have the DNA results. You will open yourself to a world of heartache that you don’t need to take on. Once paternity is established, you can work out some sort of schedule for her to see the baby. But, other than that, you need to take care of yourself first.
pdxkg
August 30, 2018 at 9:18 AM
I don’t understand producers and their picks for the male leads. They seem to be picking their personal friends and not who make good TV. I am definitely in the NO camp with this news, and won’t watch if Colton is the Bachelor. He is not Sean 2.0, he is Nick 2.0. What a waste of time Nick’s season was. For me Nick was the worst bachelor, because, IMO, he had no personality and could not even fake feelings for the girls on his season. It is the same with Colton. I’m sure he is a nice guy, but he is lacking any screen presence, doesn’t really say much, seems defensive and immature, and it is so obvious he has no interest in Tia.
For me it does matter who is the Bachelor and I want some one who is intelligent, engaging and is at least trying to meet someone. I want to “believe in their love story” even if it is a brief, only for TV affair.
I was really hoping it was Jason. He may be polished and positioning for the gig, but this is what Ben did and his season was my favorite so far.
They really need to get a new story editor. Both the Bachelor and BIP have become hot messes with no real story lines and no understanding of how any relationships are progressing. The ratings are starting to decline and will only decline further if the producers can’t cast good male leads and have a watchable story.
rob22
August 30, 2018 at 9:56 AM
1st emailer: I say this often. In the first several months, you have the honeymoon period. That’s where people are gaga about each other. I’m noting that this is not what you’ve described. If a guy’s not smiling ear to ear at this point, it’s not a good sign at all. I’ll allow for the possibility that the guy had a bad weekend, or maybe had something on his mind. The trouble is that it’s likely that he had someone else on his mind. Now…. you claim to be wanting to have fun and see where it goes. If that’s truly where your head is at, then just move past it and see if you guys can have more fun. But if you’re really hoping this thing turns into something…. which is where think you’re at…. then you should absolutely bring it up. Have an actual conversation that starts with, “you didn’t seem yourself this weekend. you were very quiet, especially during the car rides. What’s up?” And then just be quiet and see what he says & go from there. I’m really not thinking this is going anywhere long term. Chalk it up, as they say, to just another guy who’s not the one.
Emailer #2- I do want to give the Mom somewhat of a break. Her son just died. Her son just died and she just heard she might have a grandchild from her dead son. Her dead son that died of a drug OD. So, from her perspective, not only has she lost a child, but she’s a complete failure of a Mom. Her son got into drugs and essentially killed himself AND he got someone pregnant whom he’s not married to. She may be trying to minimize the damage to her guilt by trying to will the situation into being different…. where there isn’t a kid, from a woman he’s not married to, that will be born without a father, because…. her father was a drug addict who died. Do you see that? Now, that doesn’t mean that you have to put up with this. You have rights too. I would suggest you minimize contact, though not eliminate it entirely. Just keep contact more on your terms. After a bit of time has passed, and maybe after the DNA test confirms her worst fears, maybe you can sit down with her and draw some boundaries. But you’re going to be a single Mom. Having supportive grandparents can be a real help to you and VERY good for your child IF Mom can get it together and be that grandparent. I don’t know if that will happen. But, understand where she’s coming from, allow time for her to grieve and accept the truth. Then see what happens. I could see a scenario where you guys work it out and are both good positive role models for your child. I realize this is very optimistic. But, for the kids sake, I hope it can play out that way.
tinyred500
August 30, 2018 at 10:29 AM
I’m definitely not sold on Colton being the new Bachelor, if the franchise picks him. He’s far too immature to get engaged. We’ve had 2 rough season’s, let’s not have a 3rd! Blake and Jason are men who at least show both integrity and maturity, both great choices there.
Colton is no Sean 2.0, remember when Chris Harrison said Chris Soules was the most sincere bachelor they had when his season first aired?!…even he seemly forgot the sincerity of Sean!
dogmomma
August 30, 2018 at 10:58 AM
I was hoping for Jason to be the next Bachelor. He just seems mature and ready for the process. Colton will be in the category of “going through the motions but not able to make a commitment”. I know that this show is extremely manipulated and staged, but it is much more fun to watch when the person in the lead is believable in wanting to find someone special who might be their match for life. If they do in fact choose Colton, it will be interesting to see if Tia comes back at some point to stir up trouble for him because the show loves their drama. UGH! I just want to see the romance 😉
rob22
August 30, 2018 at 11:30 AM
It was pretty transparent that Colton went on BIP to drum up interest for his being the Bachelor. This is much like what they did with Nick. The difference is that Nick was portrayed as the sage of the beach after not getting a great edit on Kaitlyn’s season. He mostly helped others out during BIP and didn’t get too much into the drama himself. It was a total image rehab to set him up to be The Bachelor.
Honestly, after commenting that Colton was getting his audition on an earlier post, I also said that I thought he botched it. The whole Colton/Tia thing was excruciating to watch. And his coming around to try things with Tia after a conversation with Bibiana was NOT BELIEVABLE AT ALL!! I wasn’t buying and I don’t think many were. That was totally a producer setup scene. I hope Bibiana got a little somethin/somethin in her checking account for being a good soldier. Add to the fact that, as someone else noted, Colton was supposedly in love with Becca… then he somehow got over that after talking to Bibiana so he could now be with Tia…. and NOW, he’s the Bachelor. Come on!
But I think RS is right on here. The show only cares about exposure, social media followers and building an audience for their leads. Colton checks those boxes better than anyone else, so he gets the gig. They’re not after the best lead. They’re not even after the most popular lead. They’re after the guy who’s the most well known whether that’s favorable or unfavorable. Colton hasn’t done anything illegal or immoral to disqualify him. So, he’s it. It’s not any deeper than that. We’ll see how that goes. I’ve been predicting the demise of this show for a while… and ratings are down. But I don’t think Colton has the power to kill this show. That’s just happening gradually as people get tired of watching and as younger people don’t get on board with the show in the first place. The show can’t be murdered (there’s not likely to be a jump the shark moment), but it’s dying of cancer…. or probably just of old age.
adelina
August 30, 2018 at 11:55 AM
I agree @Rob. It has nothing to do with Colton’s sincerity. It’s his ability to elicit a reaction from the audience whether that is positive or negative. People will watch to confirm:
1). He has no actual personality
2). Awww….he’s going to find someone.
3). Cool….I think he’s going to lose his V card on the overnights.
4). Yum, he’s nice to look at.
5). I knew it, he can’t make up his mind about anything.
6). Yup, called it. I knew he was gay.
ctrealitygirl
August 30, 2018 at 12:40 PM
Fingers crossed that they change their minds at the last hour like they did with Caila. I am so disappointed that they’re making Colton the Bachelor. He is beyond boring…and way too young to be serious about getting engaged. What the heck are they thinking? So many good choices and they go with the absolute worst as far as we viewers are concerned. It really irks me that they could care less about pleasing their fans.
ctrealitygirl
August 30, 2018 at 12:43 PM
PS…I’m starting to see a pattern here. Every time Reality Steve swears up and down that someone will NOT be named the next Bach/ette, that’s exactly who they pick! Maybe producers do that on purpose to show that he’s often wrong! It happened with Juan Pablo, and Kaitlyn, Nick…etc, etc. In all those cases, Steve insisted they would NOT be picked.
tinyred500
August 30, 2018 at 12:46 PM
Did you notice RS comment about him
being grateful there’s another season (despite the lead choice)? Even he knows the show is in its demise. A lot is down to the producers refusal to change the format as well (and the fact it’s an old and tired show). When viewers are being cynical because they know the well worn format, surely you’d think the producer’s would realise it’s time to change things up a bit?! Either arrogance or stupidity is marring the producers creative thinking.
kayakguy
August 30, 2018 at 2:52 PM
Am I the only one who is happy Colton is the bachelor? Those other two finalist guys from Becca’s season are so forgettable (I can’t even remember their names)…
avp2123
August 30, 2018 at 7:24 PM
Ok I understand people get mad about the bachelor contestant each time… but not this mad. Sure I was confused when they chose Arie, annoyed when they picked Nick. But LITERALLY I’m FUMING about Colton. Will not watch and I hope other also boycot. Not only is he fake and fame hungry, but he tries to portray this image that he is sweet and means no harm. Just like Cady from Mean Girls —stop pretending like you’re some innocent girl from Africa! He’s not even interesting. I think I’m mainly mad though because I actually love Grocery Joe
tamara
August 31, 2018 at 5:13 PM
This show is going down the tubes. I could barely make it through BIP. Now, I won’t watch if it’s Colton. Think Reality Steve had better explore other careers, as I’m not sure how much longer they can keep an audience with the fake drama.
karen
September 1, 2018 at 12:03 PM
I really don’t understand all the negativity about Colton. What makes him more “fake and fame-hungry” than any other contestant? I think his biggest mistake was the date he went on with Tia back in January. He obviously wasn’t into her then or now, but for some strange reason she’s become the darling of Bachelor Nation, and the producers keep trying to forge a storyline there.
I think he’ll be fine as the bachelor, especially with predecessors like Arie, Nick, Juan Pablo, Jake, the navy guy, Ben F, Prince Lorenzo, etc. You honestly think he’ll be worse than any of them? Of course not. Besides, he’s easy on the eyes, seemed well-liked by the other guys on Becca’s season (excluding the perfume guy) and generally has an upbeat personality. We already know that he has a good family and you can’t scoff at the fact that he founded a charity to help kids with cystic fibrosis wayyyy before the Bachelorette was on the radar.
Just give the guy a chance. Then if he bombs you can continue legit with your fuming and raging and boycotting.
tamara
September 1, 2018 at 4:09 PM
no one is fuming or raging. just expressing our opinions, as you did. glad you are happy.
realitynyc12
September 1, 2018 at 11:17 PM
I completely agree. Glad to c see there’s somebody that isn’t anti Colton for Bachelor. It will be great if its Colton, I think he’s way more charismatic than either Jason or Blake, that seem too “regular guy” to be the lead. After that cry fest he put on on Paradise when Becca showed up, seemingly out of nowhere, I realized this was his “moment” in the sun to audition for Bachelor. Sucks for Tia but she never should’ve gotten so hung up over someone that’s that wishy washy on her. Heres hoping she’ll just move on. But you know, I also wouldn’t be surprised if she’s not nearly as obsessed with him in real life as she is on the show and this was all an exaggerated story arc they played into. There are 2 types of people in Bachelor nation- ones that are already characters enough in real life that all they have to do is play that up to make good tv (see: Jordan and a few others) and ones that don’t mind to fully put on their acting chops for the producers to help push forward a storyline. Case in point: Annaliese. On Aries season she was made fun of for all these supposed phobias she had, including dogs. If anyone does a quick scroll through her Instagram (which I usually never do, I don’t follow any of these ppl but somehow I ended up on hers and got curious) there are several pics of her pre Bachelor cuddling with dogs and one where she said she’s volunteered at an animal rescue shelter) and surprise surprise, she’s been a working actor for years, as multiple pics indicate.
And then on paradise, her character is a super thirsty desperate girl that wants to be the next Jade or Carly. Its so obvious. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s one that’s completely acting 100% of the time. And everyone fell right for it, including RS if his recap is of any indication.
I long suspected that they hire aspiring actors or full on working actors on this show and this is a perfect example. At the very least they sprinkle the cast with ppl like this to make things interesting. I hope RS has Annaliese on his podcast someday and asks her point blank how much of it was her completely playing a character, I’d be interested to know.
So getting back to Colton, I feel the whole Tia/Colton thing kinda sorta has a bit of a made-up feel to it as well. I mean, the guy can cry on command pretty easily, is all im saying. I think Colton fits the mold of what they’re looking for in a lead better than anyone else that was up in the running. I admit, I was eating it all up on his storyline on paradise, he’s def easy on the eyes, he’ll be a great lead. We’ll see when the announcement will come…
tinyred500
September 2, 2018 at 1:39 AM
No one is raging or fuming or otherwise, that’s just childish . As Tamara pointed out, people just expressing an opinion. Will I still watch? I might, and some others just won’t. That happens every season. However, the franchise has made some dodgy choices over the last two seasons and the ratings are getting lower and with each season now. So if the franchise continues to pick an unpopular person (with a majority of the viewers) it’s not going to help ratings etc..