-So last week when I applauded Matt F***ing Randolph for his candor on the show, a reader brought to my attention that Hy Dorfman (Andi’s father), did something pretty similar on Juan Pablo’s season during hometown dates. Damn, how could I forget about Hy. So this superfan decided to dig through my archives and find out what I wrote about what Hy did when Juan Pablo came to see him. This is what Hy told him when JP asked for his blessing:
“Reverse the roles for a moment. If somebody came to you, who was dating three other people, and said, ‘If I do, will you?’ Ok, as far as accepting you…ummm, my answer to you is I won’t answer you. Because the person that is gonna be good enough for my daughter is gonna come to me and say, ‘There is no one else in the world for me.’”
Damn. That’s baller right there. Is there any way Hy the Mighty and Matt F***ing Randolph can get together and go bowling sometime? Or can we give them their own spin off show? Or how about next season during Hannah’s hometown dates, Hy and Matt show up to each family’s hometown and talk some sense into them? I’m sorry I forgot about you, Hy. You are the OG of bad ass parents.
A story “broke” last week in regards to this Colton Snapchat picture which he allegedly sent to people back in the day “proving” he wasn’t a virgin. I’m not sure why last week this all the sudden was somehow “breaking news” when US Weekly reported on it a month ago and basically killed the story. I can tell you I received this snapchat picture through DM back in January. And for all those who say I hate Colton and only care about trashing him, just know the second this was brought to my attention back in January, I didn’t buy it. Have you ever heard me reference this story in the last 6 weeks since I was told about it? No. Because it’s not a story. Lets stop trying to make it one. Look, only Colton truly knows if he’s a virgin or not. But in this day and age, if you want to out him and say he’s not and claim you had sex with him, you’d have to show your face, name yourself, and share your whole story about how you knew him, when it happened, etc. Then it would just turn into a “do you believe her” story. This snapchat pic isn’t proof Colton isn’t a virgin. C’mon. Who’s saving a snapchat picture from 5 years ago in their phone when Colton wasn’t even someone anybody knew back then? Go to your phone right now. How many snapchat screenshots do you have in your phone from 5 years ago? I’m guessing zero. Makes no sense. Never bought this pic then and don’t buy it now.
Believe it or not, some people are still baffled by the edit and think maybe we have a Des/Brooks situation on our hands next week and Colton somehow ends up with Tayshia or Hannah G. Bahahahahahahahaha. That’s a good one. Don’t know what to tell you there other than that doesn’t happen, but in case you needed anymore proof he’s with Cassie, last week Colton was seen leaving a gym in LA, and whaddya’ know, he happens to be working out with Cassie’s sisters boyfriend, Gregg Sulkin. If you think Gregg just happened to be working out with Colton, it was purely coincidental they were hanging out, and that he’s actually with Tayshia or Hannah G. right now? Ummmm, I hate to tell you this…are you sitting down? This is a big one. But Santa Claus isn’t real. Neither is the Easter Bunny. Sorry to burst your bubble. Good slip up, Colton. I’m glad we can rely on a lead to spoil their own season somehow on social media. The streak continues.
So from this point forward is where I have the least amount of info, something you’ve known since the beginning of the season. The basics to next Monday’s finale are clear: he breaks up with Hannah G and Tayshia, and he ultimately ends up with Cassie. That’s happening. How it’s aired, how we get to that point, what does Colton say, what does Colton do – all this stuff will be sorted out next week. I think with 4 hours over two nights, I’m curious on how they do the live finale. Because Chris Harrison said both nights are part of the live finale, meaning even Monday night, Chris will be live in studio talking to the audience in and out of commercial breaks, etc. So the question becomes, once Colton eliminates Tayshia and Hannah G., do they have them in studio right then and do the interview there after their elimination? Or does the whole episode play out on Monday, then on Tuesday, we do live sit downs with Tayshia, Hannah, Cassie, then bring Colton and Cassie out together? Guess we’ll find out next Monday how they’re gonna choose to air it, but, whereas before I was always questioning how they’re going to have enough footage to carry out a full season, you can see we have plenty of things that need to be covered over those 4 hours next week. All is well in “Bachelor” land. Not to mention, if they do introduce Hannah B. to five of her guys live on the ATFR next Tuesday, that’ll be another segment that’ll need to be added as well.
