And we’re baaaaaaaaaaaaack! After 3 1/2 months, we now return to regularly scheduled programming. Although some of the emails I’ve received in the off season seemed to insinuate I was never going to write another column again, that’s just not the case. Go back over the last 2 or 3 years, and I just don’t do much writing in the offseason other than to spoil in real time. Nothing’s changed on this site. You’ll have your recaps every Tuesday, “Reader Emails” every Wednesday, and podcast every Thursday along with the occasional “Dr. Reality Steve” column, so get those emails in. The one thing I have done though is take what’s in my columns and started to put it on Instagram. I would suggest following me there to view my feed and IG stories because I will be doing a lot more stuff on IG from now on. It’s 20/20. I’m getting with the times now. Not saying if you don’t follow on IG you’ll miss stuff, but there’s plenty of content, and basically cliff notes versions of the spoilers that will be there. This past Saturday I did an IG live for 45 minutes where I ran down everything you’ll see on tonight’s episode. For whatever reason (it’s fixed now), that episode didn’t save so it was only up for 24 hours. Today’s column is basically the written version of what I did on Saturday for those that missed it or didn’t watch. Below is everything you will see on tonight’s episode.
I know I had told you that your rose ceremony-by-rose ceremony spoilers would be up today, but I procrastinated and put it off. Gimmie until tomorrow and I will post those, even though 1) you already know every elimination this season if you’ve followed anything during the off season and 2) there are still a couple overseas dates I don’t have. But honestly, I don’t think those are a major deal when after tonight, everyone will be freaking out over the final rose ceremony footage they show right off the top, AND, all the talk about how this ending won’t get spoiled this season as told to us by Peter and the show numerous times over the last week. So in the grand scheme of things, if you’re really bothered by not knowing who got a 1-on-1 date in Peru, I’d say drink some decaf. Things will be ok.
Now, because after my IG live I ended up tweeting everything up to Peter’s toast when he came in the mansion after the limo entrances, I really didn’t feel like re-writing everything that was in the tweets, so, you’ll see the tweets below cover everything from the time the episode starts until Peter gives the toast, then I pick up from there. Enjoy…
Rose Ceremony #1: Los Angeles, CA (30 to 22)
(SPOILER): Here is a long ass Twitter thread of what happens in Monday’s 3 hr Bachelor premiere. I just posted an IG live talking about it that will be up for the next 24 hrs if you want an even more detailed version…
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
When did the Bachelor become “LOST?” The first scene you will see Monday night when the show starts is a flash forward to the final rose ceremony. It’s a clip of Peter at the final rose ceremony (we’re not sure at what point exactly of the final rose ceremony it is), but…
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
Chris Harrison comes up to Peter and says these exact words, “Before you do what you’re about to do, there is something you should know…something I just found out, all of us just found out…I’m not sure how this all ends, so I just wanted to give you a heads up.”
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
Peter becomes flustered, we see him walking around not knowing what to do saying “feel like I’m gonna pass out right now,” then a clip of him in his final rose ceremony suit, laying down on a bed with production around him saying “it’s just like the last thing I needed to hear.”
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
Then leads into Chris Harrison saying, “This season of the Bachelor is an unbelievable journey like you’ve never seen before.” At that point, the season preview starts and we see clips of stuff we would normally see. Lots of tears, lots of crying, etc. But a few things stick out
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
There is an ITM of Victoria saying, “I can’t believe she waited this long to tell him she’s a virgin.” I can confirm that Victoria is speaking about Madison there.
A couple other interesting audio clips I forgot to write down but were just voiceovers so hard to judge context.
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
But the most interesting part of the season preview is the last :20 seconds that’s a clip of Peter’s mom Barbara, crying with her voice shaking saying to Peter, “Don’t let her go, don’t let her go…(camera pans to Peter)…bring her home to us.” Last part could just be a VO
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
It is unclear in this last part exactly when Barbara is saying this to Peter, but, he doesn’t have his suit on so we can eliminate this happening after whatever goes down on final rose ceremony day. We know family only appears during the time when they meet the final 2 women.
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
Peter’s family does appear in the first 1-on-1 date this season w/ Madison bc she attends their wedding vow renewal but it’s not then. So this clip is either sometime when she meets the final 2 in Australia, or, this was filmed post show. Hard to know what she’s referencing.
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
Is Barbara talking about one of Peter’s women specifically? Someone else? Or is that just a clip of a longer conversation of her just talking in general about going after what you want and stopping at nothing to do it? We don’t know. But I’m sure I’ll get asked 1000 x about it.
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
Then the season preview ends w/ clip of Peter back at final rose ceremony, standing looking at ring in his hand with a voiceover of him saying, “When I love someone, I don’t care how hard it looks, I will never surrender. Bc I do believe love conquers all.” End of season preview.
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
A lot to take in & that’s literally the first 4-5 min of the episode. So for the first time ever they’re gonna flash forward & show a final rose ceremony clip right off the bat to give you a little teaser for what to expect. I kinda like it. Def will have the audience talking.
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
Then the episode starts and we see what we usually see: intro of Peter on a plane, a recap of his time on Hannah’s season, talking to his parents, him walking through the airport in his pilot suit taking pics w fans, etc.
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
The 7 women who get intro videos are: (in order shown): Alexa Caves, Hannah Ann Sluss, Tammy Ly, Victoria Paul, Kelley Flanagan, Madison Prewett, and Maurissa Gunn. I went over these in a little more detail on my IG live. A couple backstories to them.
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
The order of limo entrances as shown: Alayah,Sydney,Hannah Ann,Sarah,Lauren,VictoriaP,Mykenna,Maurissa,Kelsey,then the 3 flight attendants in a row-Eunice,Jade,&Megan-,Madison, Tammy,Shiann,Courtney,Kiarra,Lexi, Deandra,Payton,Jasmine,Kylie,Katrina,VictoriaF,Jenna,Savannah,
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
Kelley,Alexa,Avonlea, and Natasha. Hannah Brown comes out last in her own limo, gives Peter back his wings that he gave her on his limo entrance, tells him to find his co-pilot this season, then never goes into cocktail party. But her appearance you can tell shakes Peter a bit.
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
Kelley,Alexa,Avonlea, and Natasha. Hannah Brown comes out last in her own limo, gives Peter back his wings that he gave her on his limo entrance, tells him to find his co-pilot this season, then never goes into cocktail party. But her appearance you can tell shakes Peter a bit.
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
When he gives his toast inside, he tells the women that some just saw Hannah outside and she’s a friend and came to give his wings back, but while he’s saying this you can hear his voice crack and him getting a little choked up. This sets the stage for what happens later.
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
There’s tons of pilot/flying/windmill sex jokes in the intros that you’ve seen in the previews, but a couple you haven’t.
One is Katrina telling Peter, “You’re going to fall in love with my hairless…pussy…cat.” Then she shows him a framed pic of her hairless cat she has.
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
Victoria F. says to him,”There’s something I want u to know about me & that it’s I have a very dry sense of humor, but (starts laughing)…but that’s about the only thing that is dry.” Then Peter starts laughing and hugs her. Important bc it’s brought up later at cocktail party.
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
It would take another 20 tweets or so tweets to break down all of the cocktail party, the dates, Hannah Brown’s return and what they said to each other. It’s all in the IG live though so go there to take a listen. Main thing is what you’ll see in the first 5 min of season.
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
That’s the stuff that everyone will be asking questions about & I laid it out for you as best I could. There will be plenty of speculation but right now I just don’t have all the answers. I don’t know what Chris is telling Peter or what Barbara is talking about in her clip shown.
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) January 4, 2020
-So we pick up from there and the cocktail party begins. First woman we see Peter with is Alayah. She’d given him a letter written from her grandma rose on her limo entrance that she told him to read when she found him inside later. Well guess what? He found her. And now he’s reading the letter with her. I honestly don’t remember what the letter said, but I’m pretty sure there were no aviation puns, no references to windmills, or talk about fornication with her granddaughter. So I guess that’s good. Probably the only couple minutes out of 3 hrs last night where there wasn’t.
-We see Peter out in front of the mansion with Madison and they both are wearing her large paper airplane that she came in on. She asks him to tell her something interesting about himself and he says that he’s shy. Of course he is. Shy people always talk about their sex life on national television for millions to see. Makes perfect sense.
-In his time with Hannah Ann she tells him her parents have been married over 26 years, and that she and her dad painted a picture for him of the Smoky Mountains in East Tennessee. They make out and that’s the first consensual make out of the night. Savannah blindfolded him out of the limo and kiss him, but c’mon, you can’t really pull away if you’re him at that point. So Hannah Ann is definitely the first one he kisses during the cocktail party.
-I think I said on my IG live that Tammy does a miniature golf windmill game with him and ends up kissing him. I got my contestants mixed up. Sydney did the windmill miniature golf with him but didn’t kiss him. Tammy out of the limo had a TSA wand and did a security check on him saying she heard there was a “large package in front of the mansion.” Get it? Anyway, she continued the security check on Peter and handcuffed him. She ended up making out with him as well.
-Natasha and Mykenna then had a little back and forth. When Natasha was with him, Mykenna was off the side throwing paper airplanes at them and asked if she could steal him. Natasha said no, so Mykenna waited. Then came in again a short time later, Mykenna got to kiss him, and we see an ITM of Natasha saying “There are some cats and there some rats.” And if you’re following along on social media this season, the cats are clearly Natasha, Lexi, Victoria F., Victoria P., and Sydney. They aren’t hiding it at all constantly commenting on each other’s pages and currently all in NY watching the premiere together tonight. The rats? Well, I guess that’s everyone that’s not in their little cat clique I assume.
-It’s at this point that Hannah Ann The Interruptor starts working her magic. She interrupts Deandra’s time with Peter, then Shiann’s and Peter lets her both times. When she interrupts Shiann it’s because she tells Peter, “I felt like we needed to end the night with a kiss.” So they make out again.
-Shiann pulls Hannah Ann aside after her third interruption and basically tells her she didn’t like it. This conversation is all kinds of awkward because Hannah Ann tells her “I’m just not trying to get caught up in the drama” when, well, by doing that, that pretty much becomes first night drama. So Shiann doesn’t know what to say, there’s awkward silences, and Hannah Ann makes it known to the camera when she’s got her eye on something, she goes for it.
-Victoria F.’s time with Peter is interesting because he doesn’t remember her “I have a dry sense of humor but that’s the only thing about me that’s dry.” Once she starts repeating it he does, but this completely throws Victoria off. After her time with him we see multiple ITM’s of her crying that he didn’t remember her, saying all the women there are beautiful, she doesn’t know if he’ll give her a rose, and that she feels stupid. And to boot, Victoria P. interrupted her time with him, so that upset her even more that she only had a couple minutes. She was convinced she wasn’t getting a rose the first night.
-When he talks to Kelley outside, he tells her that he hasn’t stopped thinking about her since they met and he’s glad she decided to come on the show. She says that meeting him randomly when she was at a friends wedding in LA and he was at his 10 yr HS reunion was the sign she needed to decide to do it because she had pretty much decided against it up til that point.
-Hannah Ann Sluss gets the first impression and they make out again. Third time. As far back as I can remember, I don’t remember anyone getting three different makeouts on the first night. I mean, it wasn’t even until the last few seasons where the only person who ever got a kiss the first night was the first impression rose recipient. Times are a changin’.
-Cocktail party time. Hannah Ann safe with a rose. We know on the first night the rose ceremonies always end in the morning and the sun is up. This rose ceremony started after the sun came up and made sure to show the audience that. Peter: “Thank you for taking the chance…each ceremony get closer to forever love…think my wife is here…and Reality Steve will never find out this ending.” Ok Petey. Game on.
Victoria P., Madison, Kelley, Lexi, Savannah, Lauren, Tammy, Alayah, Jasmine, Sydney, Natasha, Mykenna, Deandra, Sarah, Alexa, Kelsey, Payton, Kiarra, Courtney, and Shiann get roses. Then Victoria F. gets the last rose.
Rose Ceremony Eliminations: Maurissa Gunn, Avonlea Elkins, Jade Gilliland, Kylie Ramos, Eunice Cho, Megan Hops, Katrina Badowski, and Jenna Serrano.
Continued on page 2…
