Season 5, Episode 8 – “Things That Go Bang In The Night”
-Val is upset. No one likes her. She’s barely even been in Beverly Hills two months and she’s threatening to move back to Buffalo since she’s done pissed everyone off already. Wellllll, maybe don’t sleep with the town drunk your first week there and this wouldn’t have happened. Ever think about that first?
-The KEG house is preparing for their annual Halloween party. Griffin thinks Donna is avoiding him (which she is), and whaddya’ know, Pumpkin Boy Ray is here to deliver pumpkins, Donna is freaking out and Ray and Griffin actually becoming somewhat buddies even though neither of them knows about the other. We’re 8 episodes in and that’s already the second love triangle of the season that doesn’t know about the other one. Well, Steve knows now since he punched Dylan out, but you know what I’m sayin’.
-The Walsh’s are putting their foot down and not letting Val leave. She needs to stay. Yes, for the sake of this show, and my sanity, she needs to never leave ever. Oh yeah, we have another D plot line with Andrea and Jesse this episode. His family has a Halloween tradition to hang out in a cemetery for the “Day of the Dead,” while Andrea, being Jewish, celebrates Yom Kippur. You’re never gonna believe this, but Andrea and Jesse are having a disagreement on something in their marriage. Shocking, I know.
-Dylan is arguing with Nat at the Peach Pit about the new lease they have for the club next door. Dylan doesn’t want Steve running it. And why would he? Steve has been a giant f*** up his whole life, so, stands to reason this won’t go well. Hey, it’s not like Steve is gonna throw a party at the Peach Pit and will burn the place down. That only happens at rented out houses and not for another 10 episodes or so. Spoiler.
-Just above Andrea and Jesse’s D storyline is David and Clare’s this episode. Clare is fascinated by a class in school about UFO’s and she wants to go searching out in the desert for them because she thinks they exist. Oh lord. David, couldn’t you have asked the writers to NOT have Luke mounting your girlfriend every episodes while you got stuck with this nonsense?
-Brandon tells Steve Val feels everyone hates her and to cut her a break. Her mom back in Buffalo just checked into a mental ward after her husband’s recent suicide. He says he’ll give her another chance but he won’t forgive Dylan. How big of you, Steve. You’ll give the hot brunette you’ve known for 2 months whose pants you want to invade a second chance, but won’t forgive Dylan, your friend throughout the last 5 years. Makes sense.
-While Dylan is at home searching through things, he finds his old gun in a drawer. Foreshadowing.
-KEG house is having their party during the day with kids from the neighborhood. Ray shows up with his little cousin Tommy. Val brings a cake thinking that’ll make everyone feel like she fits in now. Temporarily it does. You know, until she starts banging Dylan again. Now with Ray and Griffin both at the party, Donna has to decide between them and doesn’t know what to do. Don’t worry, D. We know you’ll make the right decision.
-Ray is playing Halloween songs for the kids and frankly, I don’t know if he picked the right song. Is this really an appropriate Halloween song for kiddos?
“The Hearse Song” is about burial and human decomposition. Worms crawling in and out of a dead body. Way to scar them for life, Ray. And oh yeah, while he’s playing, he sees Griffin nuzzling up to Donna, so once he’s done, he’s outta there telling Donna he’s not gonna be played. Oh Ray, again with the irony.
-CAMEO ALERT! Dylan is back playing pool at the bar, and we see the local drug dealer saddle up to him saying he’s got something that’ll give him the best high ever. It’s John Gries, better known later on as Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite! Remember, he can throw a football over those mountains. Also, he was part of the Dharma Initiative in “Lost.”
-Clare and David are in the middle of the desert at some café and people are making fun of the fact there are UFO’s. Even David. Yeah, probably because there aren’t Clare. You know, for someone as smart as her who was able to take enough AP classes as a senior in high school that allowed her enough credits to go straight to sophomore year in college (you know, so she could be the same “age” as the rest of the cast in the storyline), she sure is acting like a dumbass on this one.
-Val is over at Dylan’s and he’s whacked out on whatever drugs Uncle Rico gave him. He’s all over Val in a scene if it happened in 2020 would be hashtagged #MeToo. Easy there, Dylan. Let the woman breathe. Val sees Dylan’s gun and the bullets he bought and she immediately freaks out and reminds him her dad literally just blew his brains out a couple months ago and that’s why she’s in Beverly Hills in the first place. Way to go, Dylan. You’re scoring all the points this season aren’t you?
-“Day of the Dead” ceremony at the cemetery and Jesse’s grandmother gives little Hannah a cross to hold, which of course makes Andrea uneasy because she wants to raise Hannah Jewish. I should’ve asked Larry Mollin when he was on the podcast who was in charge of the Andrea/Jesse storylines this season because maybe they should’ve been reassigned.
-David and Clare are now out on a picnic blanket in the middle of nowhere and they see a green light. They approach it, but it’s only a satellite. Now Clare is beginning to doubt any other life form lives on earth. Seriously.
-Now it’s the night time portion of the KEG party. Kelly and Donna are talking about Donna staying a virgin. She hasn’t told Griffin because she feels he’ll leave her (which I’m sure he will). Kelly says she’s stringing him along by not telling him. Donna tells Griffin that she’s seeing someone else and that it’s Ray. Here’s how the exchange goes from there:
Griffin: “You mean Mr. Pumpkinhead?”
Donna: “Go to hell.”
(As the conversation is now headed outside since Donna is leaving)
Griffin: “When you tell your mom I’m not good enough, be sure to tell her you’re getting it on with the delivery boy.”
(Ray pulls up in his truck just in time)
Griffin: “You’re a pathological tease who sluts around.”
(Donna slaps him, gets in the car with Ray and drives off)
Well. Griffin handled that maturely I would say. Maybe Ray didn’t have the worst temper of the guys this season. Ha ha, who am I kidding? Yes he did.
-Val never ends up going to the Halloween party, comes home late, and Brandon is waiting for her to give her the ol’ Brandon lecture. Val then tells Brandon Dylan is doing more than drinking, he’s taking drugs and has a gun. The one he bought last year after getting carjacked that Brandon told him to get rid of, but he never did. Dylan has officially hit the trifecta this season: drinking, drugs, and guns.
-Ray and Donna are in his truck out on a cliff and have heated make out sesh. She tells him she’s a virgin expecting him to ditch her. Donna: “I’m not gonna sleep with someone til after I’m married.” She asks him if that’s weird and he says, “Well, it’s kinda weird…but all that matters is seeing you again.” Unfortunately Donna doesn’t know it’s because eventually he wants to wear her down and make him sleep with her, but hey, it’s still early. They’re in the honeymoon phase people. Of course Donna buys his load of crapola.
-Halloween night, Dylan passed out on his couch, kids come trick-or-treating, he doesn’t wake, then they start egging his house, he pulls his gun on them, they get scared, then he shoots the paper skeleton on his chair. Yeah, I’d say Dylan is pretty low on the totem pole right now. But wait, he hasn’t hit rock bottom quite yet.
-Andrew tells Jesse that Hannah is Jewish. “You can’t be Jewish and Catholic.” Ummmm, ok. When is Andrea gonna start doing it with the dude from the laundry mat? Soon, right? Cool.
-David and Clare are having sex out in the middle of the desert as she asks if he brought condoms. Of course he did. He’s David F***ing Silver. They make it seem like them having sex made them miss out on a UFO, but we’re not morons, sooooo, yeah. Another one episode storyline that went nowhere other than David and Clare consummating their relationship on dirt. Probably a good metaphor.
-Final scene is Brandon going to Dylan’s. Tells him he’s gotta get over Kevin and Suzanne ripping him off. They argue, and Dylan passes out. Brandon leaves, but then comes back and sits with his little buddy because he still cares. They’re BFF’s, remember?
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