-We start out with Chris Harrison coming to talk to the guys. Daddy talk. This is where they pay him the big bucks to explain to a group of men, seemingly ones who are familiar with a show 40 seasons old (well, besides Brandon), how it all works. So what’s gonna happen here fellas is that there will be a group date, and then a 1-on-1 and then another group date. I know. Pretty intricate stuff. Follow along if you can. If you so happen to possibly understand everything I just told you, here’s your first date card. Have at it. So Riley, Jordan, Yosef, Ivan, Ben, Bennett, Zach J, Zac C, and Dale are on this group where Clare is “looking for a guy who speaks to my heart.” In other words, Dale, come give me mouth love. Or something like that.
-What’s funny is in past seasons, we know that dates starting out at the mansion, usually they get picked up in fancy car, or a limo, or a helicopter. Maybe even sometimes they board a nice bus to bring them to their group date. Not during a pandemic! This time it’s, “Hey guys, follow the yellow brick road, we’ve pasted some $.99 roses we found at the local grocery store along the path, and in about 500 feet is your date!” Yup, COVID suuuuuuuuucks. This date is going to cover the love languages. Well, 4 of them. Apparently Acts of Service got the shaft because we didn’t see that one covered. The first one up is Words of Affirmation, and the guys basically have to tell Clare how much they like her. In other words, hey, how can we make sure Clare falls for Dale even faster and harder? By the way, my love language is Quality Time, and I’d never taken the test until recently. I think I knew what the five were, but had never bothered to see what I was. Oh the things you learn when you’re in a relationship I tell ya’.
-Next up was gift giving. The guys had to run back to their room and think of a gift to give Clare. Ivan gave her a chess piece. Riley gave her a baseball. Ben gave her a t-shirt. Zach gave her a box in a box. And Dale gave her an engagement ring. I kid, I kid. Dale gave her perfume for puppies. Clare seemed to enjoy all the gifts she received from the guys, but I’m guessing Dale’s is the one that she put under her pillow and slept with every night. Hey, call me crazy, but I think she’s most into this Dale fella’. What do you think? So I get that a lot of people are saying and questioning why haven’t they even mentioned word of Tayshia yet this season, again, they basically are by making sure you know how into Dale that Clare is. They don’t need to promote her. They’re basically feeding into all the preseason rumors they know everyone’s heard by showing Clare and Dale front and center every episode.
-They do a Physical Touch competition where Clare and each guy are blindfolded and she, ummmm, feels them up? Like, she didn’t make out with any of them. They just hugged her and breathed on her while she rubbed their abs and arms and smelled them. Sure. Whatever floats your boat. Personally I’ve always thought that smell is the most underrated thing on a woman, so I get that for her. But the vibes of her whispering and feeling dudes up above the waist was, well, interesting. Since this show is all about treating the men as pieces of meat, this was right up their alley. I think they have pre-season meetings where they just sit around and ask how they can push the boundaries the most and put them in the most awkward positions and dates. Then they come up with something like this.
-The cocktail party that night was for Quality Time. And if you didn’t know already, Quality Time means Dale, Dale, Dale. And then some more Dale after that. She sits down with the guys and gets some major awkward silence when it’s time to start going off with the guys for some private 1-on-1 time. Usually guys jump at the chance to do this. No one said anything, it was bizarre, and then Bennett finally did. During her time with him, Clare couldn’t get over the fact that no one immediately wanted to take her away and talk to her. This drew quite the uproar on Twitter. Half of you were like, “Get it girl.” And half of you were along the lines of like, “What a bitch. Do all these guys have to be throwing themselves at you? Get over yourself.” I didn’t really see it that way. We all saw the awkwardness. And I guess in her position, it’d be kinda normal to be like, “Are these guys just not into me?” I don’t think she was asking all 9 of them to immediately jump up and start fighting for her. But when NO ONE did, I can see why that’d stick in your head. How could it not?
-When she comes back to speak to the group asking why no one seemed to want to talk to her, Yosef puts his foot in his mouth by saying, “I speak for all of us…” Ummmm, that didn’t go over well. Neither will anything Yosef does the rest of the time he’s on the show, which is probably about the first 30 minutes of the next episode. But hey, at least his daughter will be able to one day look back on this and be real proud of her dad and the man that he is. What a douche canoe. The funny thing is that everything I was sent about the guy before filming ever started, and now everything I’ve been sent post filming, is EXACTLY how he’s coming across on the show. So I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised. Look, I’m sure the guy didn’t care to be on the show, was never into Clare, and he’s strictly doing this for attention and IG followers. I get it. But I don’t know, at least pretend you wanna be there and are interested?
-She pulls Dale away from the group and tells him she’s scared of him because of how she feels already. Dale returns the sentiments by telling her how much he’s into her as well. Says there’s no time to waste with anyone else. “I got you.” Ohhhh, like Wanda from “In Living Color?” “I got you, and I’m red to go.” I mean, he may as well have said that. Because since we know these two are leaving the show together soon, it only makes to show every interaction with them. So like if you’re complaining that this is too much of the Clare/Dale show, just think what you’d be complaining about if the opposite was happening? What if they were showing her time with all the other guys, they rarely ever show her glowingly talk about Dale, and then five episodes in, these two peace out of the show because they’re so into each other? You’d all be complaining you never saw it between them because we barely got their love story. So just be careful of what you ask for. The hopeless romantics, the people that whine every season that all this show cares about is drama and to give them a love story, well, you’re getting it this season. They are smacking you upside the face every chance they can get with Clare/Dale ITM’s and their time together.
-Riley gets some alone time and apologizes for not jumping out of his seat to grab her first. He then proceeds to do a HS prom dance with her, she asks who are they dancing to, and he says Boyz II Men. Good choice. I’m pretty sure that played at every high school dance I was a part of at the end of the night. I remember “End of the Road” was the song they played at Grad Night. But yeah, a lot of my high school dance memories were centered around something Boyz II Men sang. Anyway, Riley ends up getting the group date rose, only because the show couldn’t make it THAT obvious that Clare wanted Dale. Of course she wanted to give him the rose. Others need to get a chance to play in Clare’s reindeer games too. And oh yeah, Yosef is not impressed with Clare so far but doesn’t have much of an explanation as to why.
