Reality Steve

Reader Emails

“Reader Emails,” Ratings, & Your “Bachelorette” Filming Location Confirmed

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Hey Steve,

Going back to what Katie said last night, spreading gossip and rumors such as the accusations against Britney that could be harmful to someone’s career, family, etc. not to mention that some aspects of what was being said is ILLEGAL in most places, wouldn’t the contestant (Anna) and possibly even the show be putting themselves in a position to be sued for slander and/or defamation of character? Even after reading your column today, I wouldn’t rule out that production had something to do with Anna “hearing” things from people. I’d likely think twice before accusing someone of something THAT incriminating, knowing that MILLIONS of people are going to hear you say it on National television. I’m no lawyer, and I know neither are you, but I could see where Britney would have a case to sue Anna and production for slander if that accusation in any way were to jeopardize her career, family, etc.

Not one to get too wrapped up in the drama, but this really seemed to cross a line…

Comment: Well, she definitely can’t sue production for what I alluded to in an earlier question. This contract clearly states that this show can do whatever they want to your character, including flat out lie and misrepresent who you are, and you have no legal recourse. Anyone will tell you reality TV contracts are the worst things you can possibly sign. Yet, you will find people who’d probably murder their own kin to be on this show because it gives them a possible shot at stardom, IG career, etc. Sad but true.

Hi Steve

I have so many thoughts on this season!

1. It finally hit me- Katie looks so much like Melissa Roycroft. Not so much when she’s laughing, but when she is being serious they look so much alike! There are a lot of people others are saying she looks like. I haven’t heard that one yet.

2. My husband had a great point- he said this show casts for women, not men. Of course that makes sense since that is their main demographic, but do most ready to marry men look for a instafamous model? I feel like most men I know like a women with a few curves, but what do I know I am a 30 something mom with curves! For sure. This show’s demographic is women, not men. This show is porn for women.

3. Have you heard much about Michelle? She is from my hometown and I’ve heard she is very sweet and normal. I was surprised that in her bio they listed her town as Woodbury, MN but in the show of says Edina. Edina is known to be one of the wealthiest cities, and maybe she lives there now, but I just wondered if they was more to that… Not a big detail as they’re semi-close to each other. I haven’t heard much.

4. I have such mixed feelings about Matt. He is clearly so out of his of his element, he may be up there after Juan Pablo and Nick as what bachelor’s for me- I feel like he is genuine and cares for the girls but completely clueless and has no game and his post bachelor behavior is really quite terrible/tacky/clurless given we’re in a pandemic. No argument here.

5. I think I’m in the majority when I say the bullying this season is next level. It is so sad to see woman treating other women this poorly and really to only be shown Katie as the one who stands up. I thought last season’s girls were mean but this seasons are giving them a run for their money. Abc should be ashamed for casting and airing this garbage (and yet I continue to watch).

That’s all. Thanks for all you do, love your lives with Ashley!

Comment: I think the key is “and yet I continue to watch.” As do millions of others since their ratings on Monday were the highest of the season. Yet, so many complained about how the women acted. Goes to show that’s what people want to see. A majority of them at least. Sure, some people say they’re turned off by it, but lets be honest, they are the majority. Or even close. They’re kinda like the people who swear every season they aren’t gonna watch anymore, yet the ratings always remain steady.

Hi Steve,

I have reached my tolerance for watching. I will stop watching once again (Didn’t watch JoJo, Nick, Becca, Peter, Arie and more). I came back for Clare and Taysia’s season because I was bored and it was mindless entertainment. However, this season (Matt’s), I find it especially awful and I’m downright embarrassed to admit that I even watch it. The show I initially watched attempted to find a love story. For far too many seasons, it makes light of bullying and puts both men and women in a negative light when most of us know that it is producer driven. Yet, I am appalled that so many of its audience respond with negative and hurtful comments. I know that I am not the only one disgusted with the editing where a bully is showcased and an innocent woman (Marylynn) is sent home without a fair chance, where women are encouraged to be so unkind to each other and casting is suspect at best. I know the bottom line is ratings and money but aren’t we better than this? MY question is what can I do and others that think likewise do to make it a better and kinder show? Is there nothing we can do or should I just turn the channel and keep my mouth shut.

Comment: Aren’t we better than this? The short answer is no. Have you seen what’s gone on in this country recently?

There’s nothing you or I can do to make this a better and kinder show. There will be drama and cattiness every season. I know you say this season seems worse, but trust me, that’s only because most people have short term memory when it comes to this franchise. It’s there EVERY season and is never going away.

Hi Steve, I haven’t been in Bachelor Nation so far because I started watching Pilot Petes season first, then Clare/Tayshia and now onto Matt, so forgive me if I seem obtuse about some things.

First of all I just wanna say I love your blog and I have been enjoying reading the reader emails. When I heard about you and saw you post spoilers, I did my best not to read them, but something told me to read who Matt choses at the end, and I’m not surprised it’s Rachel. Now that we know it’s her, I personally don’t really see the chemistry, We haven’t even seen much of her, she’s kind of like in the background, but whatever. I’m kinda sad about him choosing her after finding out she used to bash women for dating black men, and how her friends would bully them, and there’s even pictures from one of the bachelor fans site that showed Rachel dressing like an Indian, and liking post of her friends with the confederate flag in the background and brown fishing, and the fact she hasn’t spoken about it show me that she doesn’t care. As a black person, I take racism very seriously, and if someone says some person has been racist I’m gonna take into consideration and I’m gonna believe the rumors, especially if more than one person said she kept bashing them for dating black men, then it has to be true. and now she’s following black businesses and black lives matter pages to make it seem like she’s not. it’s NOT okay to fake support so you won’t be caught in your lie. My problem is that the people in bachelor nations who aren’t white, think it’s okay to have a say and they don’t. You can’t defend racism, i don’t care if she’s your family friend, or fans, if someone was being racist, they need to speak on it, Not having her mom and friends lie to protect her. I hope for Matt’s sake, she’s not like that anymore and she’s not pretending just so she can have followers on instagram. Speaking of racism, there’s a lot of that. When Tayshia and Ivan were speaking on BLM, I was touched, I just hated how so many of the white bachelor stans got angry. Things like this needs to be discussed and addressed, and I’m glad that Michelle talked about it for a tiny bit, because if you noticed, most of the black contestant are the ones who ask Matt how’s he doing being the first black bachelor, and then Chelsea spoke about dealing with hair as a black women, you don’t see the white and non black contestant do that. That’s why I always root for the black contestants because I know they can relate to Matt on a deep level and Michelle surely did. She;s only been there one day and personally I think she’s his person, they both want three kids, she quoted his favorite speech by Maya Angelou without even knowing it, and she’s a teacher like. but Matt has a type, he likes white women, which I’m noy complaining about, but I feel for the WOC contestant for thinking they have a chance when he clearly is gonna pick a white woman. He basically said it in the first episode. Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the spoiler and I know you’re accurate most of the time, but I hope maybe this is wrong and he ends up picking Michelle or Bri, but Matt keeps spoiling so we know he chooses Rachel. I hope he knows what he is doing and I pray for his safety if he ever goes to her state knowing they do not like black people.It kinda saddens me to know its a republican state where Rachel is from and since they don’t like black people, how will her and her family go about supporting BLM. You can’t be a repiblican and still support blm, pick a side. BLM isn’t a game where you choose what side to be on. It’s something to be taken very seriously and to support it and everything it stands for. I’m aware Matt is a republican too, so I’m very conflicted he is one but still supports BLM. idk but thanks for all your hard work. Keep it up.

Comment: A lot in there. You’re diving into topics that you’re passionate about and I appreciate that. The Rachael stuff I’ve covered already, and I think the optics of it aren’t great. But flat out calling her a racist is wrong. What I will say is this: I know you’re hoping I’m wrong and it’s not Rachael. Unfortunately, I’m not and it is.


Real quick- huge fan!

Do you think Victoria will get a “redemption” edit on Bachelor in Paradise? I mean let’s face it, she’s Paradise gold and destined to be cast.

Comment: I don’t see how that’s possible, really. She might try, but her actions right now, clearly showing herself to not care and make excuses for what she said is all we need to know.

Hi Steve! Never written you before but have been reading the site since the Mesnick days. I don’t really have a question but more of an observation. Was it as surprising to you as it was to me that they didn’t put any of the new girls on a date where there was actual fighting, after they had just whipped up a frenzy among the “OGs” about their presence? Seems like setting up that conflict and then passing on the opportunity for them to duke it out isn’t the typical producer play. Not like them to miss on an opportunity. But maybe they even feared for them.

I also just wanted to pass along that Hannah Brown’s new guy was in my high school graduating class in Oklahoma. I wasn’t expecting to come across his name in the headlines during my gossip browsing! He was voted Most Attractive guy though lol.

Thanks for all your reporting and keeping this dumb show interesting!

Comment: I haven’t read anything about the guy. Just seen the pictures everyone else has. I had heard about him around a month ago, but I’ve kinda stayed away from outing couples.

Hi Steve! A few questions this week!

Wow, I cringe thinking about what this week’s episode did to feed the trolls, aka the toxic part of bachelor nation. Do you think Kaili will get thrown under the bus for ostensibly being the one who told Anna the escorting rumor about Brittany? No. I doubt many people are gonna talk about Kaili and her role in any of this. If I didn’t point out what Chris Harrison said about pre-season, where he specifically said her job in the Chicago night club scene had her being involved in a dramatic storyline this season, nobody would’ve probably remembered. So we know she probably said something before she left, then Anna took the torch and ran with it. And since we know Anna works or worked in the night club scene herself, she might’ve heard what Kaili said and also heard things herself.

Since the WTA is being taped next week, do you think the new bachelorette will be chosen and announced during that taping? Assuming a woman is chosen from this season, I could image Abigail being a great fit with a storyline built in. Another great choice in my opinion would Katie! Katie’s personality reminds me of Kaitlyn Bristow’s and I think would be a fun and refreshing fit for the role. I don’t think we’ll know next week. But we’ll probably know before the end of February when the crew leaves for Canada. All we know according to Robert Mills is it’s going to be someone from the franchise. Could be one of Matt’s girls, could not. We just don’t know right now.

Which leads me to my next question- I know choosing Matt as this season’s lead was an anomaly and that Robert Mills said they’d be choosing from the bachelor nation pool going forward. It seems in the past few years that their typical formula of selecting the next lead from the final 4(ish) of the previous season has relaxed for the male leads. Do you think the selections for Bachelorette will follow suit? It has? Outside of Matt, the previous 5 male leads before him all finished in the top 4 of the seasons they were on. So I’m not sure what you’re talking about there. And of the 17 Bachelorettes we’ve had, only one finished outside the top 4 of the season they were on, and that was Hannah Brown. So they definitely have a formula. Going by that, you’d think they’d stay with it. But we just don’t know.

After your time in dating Kat, did you gain any new insight on how “the sausage is made” in filming reality TV? I wonder if the production team for Big Brother is as sleazy as NKZ productions is in handling contestants. I also wonder if their contracts are as awful as Bachelor nation’s are. Thanks for all you do, Steve!

Comment: We didn’t talk about it much. I didn’t learn many new things in regards to Big Brother. I think one thing that most people know, or maybe they don’t, is that your “confessionals” on Big Brother, you aren’t in a room with another producer like the “Bachelor” where they’re asking you questions. The producers asking you questions in BB are behind a wall. You never visually see them. You just hear their voice. The only people you see on BB are your housemates.

Hi Steve!

Writing into you not because of The Bachelor (haven’t watched regularly in years), but because of your beloved MTV The Challenge series. I haven’t watched The Challenge series in so many years – like I had heard of Johnny Bananas, but didn’t know who he was at all and had never seen him on a show. However, I happened upon a random channel on our smart TV that shows ONLY episodes of The Challenge 24/7. Needless to say, I’m kind of hooked. When I found this channel, it was in the middle of The Ruins (season 18) and has progressed along through the Dirty 30 season that finished midday today (Tuesday 1/26). It then bounced back to The Island (season 16), so I’m not totally sure where they’re going from here and if it’s just going to randomly bounce around, but wanted to give a PSA to you and/or any of your other readers that might be interested in The Challenge. It’s available FOR FREE (whaaaaa) on Pluto TV (both app and browser versions available), channel 298. Pluto TV seems to very much specialize in 24/7 of one show on their various channels, so I have also seen channels for Survivor, The Amazing Race, American Gladiators, Bob Ross (lol), and more!

Comment: It’s a great franchise and a reason it’s been on over 30 seasons. Tune in to tomorrow’s podcast for someone from the Challenge franchise. Fingers crossed.

Question from a few of us bachelor readers,-Who was the bachelor couple you spoke about a few weeks ago that you said are together? We are dying to know!

Comment: Well, lets make one thing clear. I never, ever, ever said that they were together. What I said was I was told about two people in Bachelor Nation that were dating, but I didn’t have any evidence of it, so I had no idea if it was true. Big difference.

Hiiii! I know this is random but I’m just curious. Do you know why none of the girls from this season are following each other on social media? Creepy that I know that. Well aware. Haha. But just thought it was weird because by now they’re usually all overly obsessed w liking each other’s pics etc.? Keep doing you. You’re great at what you do. Love following along with you!

Comment: I honestly haven’t paid attention. Wait, with 37 girls this season, not one of them is following the other? I find that hard to believe.

Hi Steve –

Long time listener, first time caller. I have to say what you said about “reading the room” should also apply to this season of the Bachelor. We are in the middle of a pandemic that has killed over 400,000 Americans and we had people literally trying to overthrow the government ending in people dying. We also finally elected the first woman as Vice President. I can say for the first time, I can’t watch this show anymore. The sexism on display by casting young woman who you know will cause drama, putting them in situation where they are pitted against each other (OG vs newbies especially) and editing it to make it seem like it’s ALL of the women, further enforces the stereotype that woman hate each other and have nothing better to do than fight over men. I know you will say they do it to get the ratings, but I don’t agree with them. I think the reason most of us like BIP better is because for the most part you don’t see any of this. Even the villain’s get along for the most part and if not, it’s lightly sprinkled. We get to see more of fun and people being supportive of each other, and the drama is usually relationship driven which we can relate to. This, right now, isn’t fun to watch, it’s disturbing and out of date. No doubt the males that run this show have decided that this is what American woman want to see and who we are. I am telling you it’s not and they should be ashamed of themselves. I would ask if you think it’s ever going to change, but I think I know the answer. I know its always been like this but this season feels the worst during a time we all need a little happiness, not more negativity.

Comment: You have every right to feel that way. A lot of people are upset by the way the show is choosing to handle this season. Will they change? No. So unfortunately, I’d just hop on another show to watch. This is what the show is and I doubt it’s changing. They claim to be anti-bullying by bringing people like Rachel out on the WTA last year to read emails some of the girls got, then all they do is promote women hating on other women in the house. It’s so hypocritical and laughable, but, people don’t see that. And if they do, they don’t seem to care as much as you since millions watch the show every week.

Hi Steve! I really hope The Bachelor turns things around by not inviting the mean girls (Victoria, MJ, Anna, etc.) to paradise. There were mean girls during Peter’s season too so can you even imagine them all on the beach together? We don’t need the show to turn into Jerry Springer. There have been so many classy girls on the show over the years – Trista, Jenny, Deanna, Emily, Ashley and Ashley, Meredith, Lauren, Becca, Rachel, Jillian, just to name a few. I want to see women like them cast in the future. Molly was only 24 when she was on the show and she never, ever acted like some of these girls are acting. I’m going to guess that it’s the desire for Instagram fame and the desire to be popular (even from bad behavior) or perhaps they feel they are auditioning to be on Paradise?? I am so over it.

Someone asked on your recent podcast if any of the bachelor leads had ever seen footage of the girls in the house. That made me think back to when Jesse Palmer was Bachelor. Do you remember how they put one of his really good friends in the house and she pretended to be a contestant? I would absolutely love it if they did something like that again. They could go the spy route again, but I’d be surprised. I just feel like that person would be found out rather early on by the others. I don’t know. Just seems like a cheap stunt to pull. Jesse Palmer was over 20 seasons ago. I feel like if they wanted to do that again they would’ve by now.

I really feel like Katie is getting a bachelorette edit. To me she looks like Melissa Rycroft’s little sister. I would like to see her as a bachelorette…she is 30, so perhaps they could cast men in the 25-40ish range, and then choose one of the older guys to be the next Bachelor. They have got to do a better job casting the women in the future. Well, I’d never heard Katie resembling Melissa until today, and two of you have said it. I still feel Katie is more of a BIP girl, but I guess we’ll see. I haven’t heard either way.

If Dale decided to end things with Clare because he isn’t ready to settle down and have kids, that really sucks because she was as clear as she could possibly have been about her desires for the future. I have a feeling it was more of a personality clash between them and he doesn’t want to talk badly about her. Regardless, I really wish that people would take engagements more seriously. With their engagement breaking up, as well as Peter and Hannah Ann’s, they need to stop getting engaged just to make the producers happy, unless they are 100 percent sure. Every time I talk to someone about the bachelor I say that only Sean Lowe married his first choice but two of the bachelors married their runner-ups! It is kind of crazy. Yup. It’s tough to exactly know what happened, and we probably never will, but Dale’s behavior post breakup is a tad questionable to say the least.

I can’t imagine Kelly would ever be cast as the bachelorette right? I heard that as soon as she said she was interested, Peter and Peter’s mom stopped following her on Instagram. I don’t rule anything out anymore. My guess would be no, but, I was kinda surprised she said that. Did she say it to manifest it into reality, or, did she say it because she knows something?

Finally, I wanted to mention Carly’s YouTube. So very bizarre. It’s almost like she thinks her audience is made up of total morons. By her not even addressing the fact that she has never allowed Evan to live with their son, and then blaming the demise of their marriage on him, she is really just making herself look really bad. Her saying that she would have stayed in the marriage forever, even though they were living apart, makes absolutely no sense. Also, in one of the last YouTube videos they made, she made a really rude comment about how her plan on Paradise was to latch on to the person who would be the least desired so that she could stick around longer, and that was Evan. I understand that Evan has five kids but I would absolutely love it if he got to be the bachelor, and they found a group of women who really liked him and wanted to settle down with him and be a stepmother to five! I remember being shocked when they made Bob the Bachelor many years ago so I feel like anything is possible at this point. Sorry this is so long!

Comment: I’d say Evan is done with this franchise.

As for your initial point on Carly? Preaching to the choir.

Hey Steve!

Just a few quick thoughts and questions.

I was initially excited about Matt being the Bachelor and that the show was trying to finally promote more diversity in the cast. But I have to say, I’m not very impressed with him as the lead. Maybe it’s editing, but he doesn’t seem to show ANY kind of personality. The dude is boring! No offense. I wanted to like him but I just can’t get there. Is this season more boring and mundane than usual? Or is it just me? It’s not just you.

It also doesn’t feel like his interactions with the women are genuine in any way. I didn’t know anything about him before this season started, other than him being friends with Tyler Cameron. But now that you’ve mentioned a few times about the “frat boy” mentality, etc. it’s starting to make more sense why he comes off that way. With previous leads, they at least SEEM or ACT interested in people and you can usually tell by their interactions who they’re actually feeling something with. Every conversation with Matt seems exactly the same in terms of emotions and topics of conversations, regardless of which woman he’s with. Again, boring!

Also, the lame drama between the contestants each season is getting old, at least to me. It’s always the same types of things happening. Nothing of any real substance ever seems to happen. Do you feel like the show has shifted over the years to where they show more of the drama between contestants and less of the actual lead and their relationships? It sure feels like that with this season.

Lastly, I agree with you 100% that the way the OG women acted when the new ladies arrived was ridiculous. They were downright mean, and even immature. They made it sound like they’d already been there for such a “long time” and they were already “so invested”, but how many weeks had they actually been filming at that point? I know they always say “last week”, etc. but how many days does each “week” actually last in the Bachelor filming world? It was about 10 days of filming by that point. So yeah, it was a complete overreaction. Their anger should’ve been directed towards production. Those 5 new girls did nothing wrong. They were told what to do and they did it, just like most of the contestants on this show. But of course, they’re not gonna break that 4th wall and have contestants calling out those on the other side of the camera. Just not gonna happen.

Thanks for all you do! (P.S. My husband binge-watched Cobra Kai too and he LOVED it. He couldn’t wait for Season 3 to come out! He was really into the movies as a kid also so it’s been really fun for him. I’ve never seen the movies so I wasn’t planning on watching it, but it seems to be really, really well-done and well-liked by so many people that maybe I’ll give it a try!)

Comment: Absolutely you should. It’s very nostalgic for those of us who grew up with Karate Kid. You can still go back and watch it now and absolutely like it. But I definitely think it hits different for those of us who grew up with Karate Kid and waited 35 years for something like this to come out. Something we never knew would happen or expected to.

Sorry this is my 2nd reader email this week just because I finally finished last night’s episode and had some thoughts:

Obviously Katie was awesome in this episode standing up for other girls and against bullying. But I think I’ll take it a step further and say she might be one of my favorite contestants ever. Using her social media platforms to talk candidly about sex, and how it’s healthy and normal for women to own their sexuality and satisfaction is so brave. I’m in my 30s and don’t have the courage to speak so openly (especially on social media platforms) about sex/satisfaction/etc. clearly her willingness to do so isn’t just a shtick—I think she’s just a brave person who is confident in her beliefs (hence standing up for the other girls). She kind of gives me Taylor Nolan vibes. I know you wouldn’t be able to have katie on your podcast for a while due to her contract but I hope you’ll have her on at some point. In the mean time, I’d love for you to have Taylor on again to give her thoughts on Katie/sex-positive discourse among women, etc. Yeah, Katie is quite refreshing. She’s easily got the most personality, at least that’s been shown, this season. And it’s not close. Just seems like a really cool girl.

Now for my question: major news outlets are now jumping on the “Katie for bachelorette” train. Given ABC’s conservative/typically family-friendly image (hello, owned by Disney), do you think her sex talk on social media (posts like “no fake orgasms”) and the vibrator stuff ruins her chances of being bachelorette? Kaitlyn Bristowe made a sex joke night one and got the gig, but a sex joke is a little different than carrying a vibrator around and having multiple Tik-toks and Instagram posts about sex/orgasms/etc. the good news is that even if she doesn’t get bachelorette, I bet for sure we’ll get her on BIP this summer! #teamkatie

Comment: I just don’t know anything about “Bachelorette” yet. If/when I start hearing stuff, I’ll report on it. I don’t know if the Katie love is just fans that want her to be, or if it’s really happening behind the scenes and she’s being interviewed and considered.

Hi Steve,

Two questions about The Bachelorette:

1) filming location- any chance they went with Canada because the new Bachelorette is Canadian? I know Serena P is a longshot given her age, but she’s from Ontario. One has nothing to do with the other. Even if Serena P became the “Bachelorette,” which I don’t think she will, it’s not because they’re filming in Canada. They are not mutually exclusive.

2) Odds that they pick a Bachelorette from Peter’s season rather than this one? I know it’s early but I’m struggling to envision who they could select from this season, especially if they end up going with a non-BIPOC. Katie is getting a GREAT edit, but if she’s out around top 10 or 11, as you’ve noted, it seems unlikely that they’d bring her back.

Comment: It’s impossible to give odds because I don’t know who’s being interviewed yet.

Hi Steve,

I really didn’t start watching The Bachelor until Colton’s season so forgive my lack of historical knowledge regarding this franchise. I know that you and Ashley talk a lot about how Bachelor producers could address a lot of the issues that they have (no equal representation of people of color and/or faith, women on women hate, the psychological toll of online hate, etc) yet the Bachelor creators don’t seem interested in change. My question (and fear) is – do you think that something bad will have to happen before Bachelor executives make changes? I sort of feel like things are heading that way – and this is where my limited bachelor knowledge kicks in – but from Corrine accusing her co-star of sexual misconduct, to Colton’s admitted mental health struggle post-show and the accusations of stalking made by Cassie, and now Clare saying she is “destroyed” by the break up with Dale…I just feel like we are going down this road where things are getting more and more dangerous and maybe something really bad is going to happen and then, and only then, will Bachelor executives and producers make some changes (or realize their role in all of it?). What do you think?

Comment: A contestant committing suicide right after being on the show due to bullying from fans and Toxic Bachelor Nation is the only thing I can think of. And you hate to even throw that out there, but that seems to be the only wake up call for this show to get. Sucks that it would have to come to that, which shows exactly how messed up it is it would take something like THAT for them to change. Lets just hope it doesn’t come to that.

Send all links and emails to: To follow me on Twitter, it’s: Instagram name is RealitySteve, or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you tomorrow.



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