-The opening scene was hilarious, lets be real. Jesse comes into the room to mee the women and say there will be no dates today because Zach isn’t there. But that’s because travel is beginning and he will see them…(as all the women begin to drum roll on the couch)…in the Bahamas! All this did was make me think back to Peter’s season when Chris Harrison came into the room and told them all they’d be going to…Cleveland. Imagine if that group of women had done the drum roll on that one? Hey, no shots at Cleveland whatsoever, but lets face it, you’re no Bahamas.
-While the women arrive in the Bahamas, a producer tells them to they just randomly start chanting “Zach the snack! Zach the snack!” Maybe they were hungry or something. Date card arrives, it’s for Kat, and it says “How deep is our love?” I believe that was a Bee Gee’s song, no? Or if you look at it another way, this could really be pushing the boundary of ABC’s standards for primetime television. Welp, the Bee Gee’s aren’t gonna be part of this date, so it must be the latter. Now, I’m not sure what producer fed Zach this line, but it was easily the most cringeworthy of the night. Zach says that he’s a “Bahama Papa looking for his Bahama Mama.” What’s interesting is as he’s uttering that line, I Bahama vomited all over my Bahama lap. Just…stop. I’m shocked Kat didn’t turn right back around and walk back to the hotel after that nonsense.
-In case you didn’t know, Zach finds Kat very attractive. How do I know this? Well, he only repeated it a gazillion times. He said she’s like a model and, well, he’s never dated a model before. Really? Could’ve fooled me. Zach has the swag of dating nothing but international models, hanging at all the top events, and attending the MET Gala with the latest supermodel on his arm. Kidding. In his Tommy Bahama shirt and short shorts, he gives off “Dad taking his family on their first summer vacation” vibes. I was shocked he didn’t have zinc oxide on his nose, sunglasses with a strap around them, while he wore socks with his birkenstocks. Nice guy, has been a really good Bachelor so far…but not quite killing it in the swag department lets just say.
-They SPF each other on the boat and this is getting to be just an excuse to rub down the model he’s with without getting in trouble. She’s SPF’ing him, he’s SPF’ing her. They’re SPF’ing each other simultaneously while making out. If he’s not careful, he’ll SPF all over her. You know, because he’s pouring so much out and placing it all over. Damn you. Get your minds out of the gutter. How dare you. Zach tells us she’s fun, goofy, confident, and doesn’t take herself too seriously. All things most guys look for in a woman, so, Zach really isn’t looking for anything different than the rest of us. He just got handpicked because his uncle is famous to date 30 women at once. And then they cut his famous uncle out of everything for God knows whatever reason. Must be nice that nephew plays top billing this season while Puddy is left on the cutting room floor. It’d be nice to somehow get an explanation on that sometime this century.
-I’m going to be dead honest with you here. When Zach and Kat went snorkeling, I may have had to Google about snorkeling. To be honest, I’ve never been much of a water sports guy. I think the last time I went snorkeling was 30 years ago. So the whole concept confuses me. I don’t understand how you can go underwater with a tube in your mouth. Doesn’t the tube fill up with water? I rewatched Zach and Kat last night 10 times. They first start off at the top of the water with the tube above water looking down in the ocean through their masks. That makes sense to me. But then they dive down deeper, they’re both submerged under the water, yet they still have their snorkel in their mouth and the tube is completely submerged underwater. How are they not sucking water in through that tube? Kat still had the thing in her mouth. Zach had his in, then took it out. The second you have a tube in your mouth, and that tube goes underwater like Kat did, how is she not immediately not taking in water and choking. Like I said, I’m clueless when it comes to this. I’m so confused.
-Anyway, once they escaped death by choking underwater, they had a night time dinner planned, and Kat is nervous to tell Zach that she didn’t have a conventional upbringing like he did. She at one point didn’t live at home because she didn’t have a great relationship with her mom, but she still wants that traditional family. Something that she knows Zach has and she’s worried he’ll judge her if she tells him her story. Which he doesn’t because that would be incredibly shallow of him and remember, he’s never dated a model and why would he let that get in the way? Kat, you’re fine. Zach is enamored with you, your story is more endearing to him, and you have nothing to worry about. Well, until the episode before hometowns unfortunately. But hey, at least you had a great experience and made great friends you hung out with this weekend with in Ft. Lauderdale. Everybody’s a winner here! Lets give them all ribbons.
