Once the cocktail party, we saw Joey talking to a bunch of different women. Some conversations were longer than others, but going by my notes, we saw him talking to almost half of them: Autumn, Erika, Jess, Jenn, Madina, Sydney, Sam, Daisy, Taylor, Lauren, Allison, Kelsey A., Lea, Lexi, and Maria. I can’t remember a time where that happened in past seasons. Now, some of the conversations seemed pretty surface level or what not, but at least we got to see it. In the past, they usually only focused on a select few.
Autumn was the first one to grab him when the cocktail party started to tell him that her grandparents knew each other 2 weeks before getting married and have now been married for 67 years. That’s great and all, but she does realize how much of the exception they are, right? Like, that was a completely different era. Not saying that whoever Autumn marries it won’t last that long, but, she’s comparing apples and oranges. Lets not normalize grandparents who got married in the 50s and 60s still married today as being proof that’s how most marriages work. It isn’t. Just being realistic.
Jess was the first one to get a kiss from Joey as she took him out on the boat she arrived on and made it clear he was the one she was there for. Then, I think, the alcohol kicked in. I could be way off since I know nothing about these women, but the way Jess was so animated in her ITM’s, taking a “sippy poo” of her wine, and telling all the women she kissed him when she walked in the room, not to mention her cheeks and nose turning red, it seemed like she was pretty schmammered that first night. Maybe she was flustered. Maybe it was hot in there. I don’t know. But I’m gonna go with she had a little bit of the bubbly and that’s why she did what she did. Wasn’t the smartest thing to do regardless if she’d drank too much because, well, that’s just Bachelor 101. You gotta know not to tell everyone you kissed him, especially the way she made a big announcement out of it. She’s gotta know that’s an immediate target on your back when you do that. Then to follow that up with the “can I steal him for a sec” bit she did when Taylor was talking to him? Yeah, that’s a night 1 fail if I’ve ever seen one. 0-for-2.
There were really only two other storylines that were featured during the cocktail party, and that was the Lauren/Allison sister “rivalry,” and then Lea’s date card that she couldn’t open til last night. The Lauren/Allison stuff was actually kinda funny. I was stunned at how competitive Lauren was towards Allison. Like it seems Allison was just going about her own business the whole time, yet here’s her sister in ITM’s half jokingly shit talking her about getting the first kiss and her wanting to punch her in the face. If you know the spoiler, you know now why Lauren ends up bowing out and letting Allison advance. Lauren really gave off Alexis Waters vibes to me – minus the shark costume.
Which then brings us to Lea. I know people are giving her credit for what she did, but honestly, I don’t think she had a choice. And I think it’s something that all those women would’ve done if presented with the same scenario. Like, the show put her in a difficult position. Pretty much a lose-lose. There was nothing positive that could’ve come from using that card for what it said, meaning stealing someone’s 1-on-1. If she does that, or anybody does for that matter, they immediately have a target on their back and are being side eyed by every other woman in the house. Why would you possibly want to steal someone else’s 1-on-1? Nothing, and I mean, NOTHING good can come from it. So while Lea did the right thing, I think it was the ONLY thing she could’ve done unless she wanted to be disliked by the other women. So Joey respected the decision and gave her the first impression rose and made out. The 7th woman they showed him making out with the first night: Jess, Jenn, Daisy, Allison, Lexi, Lea, and Maria. Is he giving Arie a run for his money?
Cocktail party time. Joey, you’re up: “Hi everyone…was a super long night…how appreciative I am…unbelievable in your own ways…sorry if it doesn’t work out for you tonight…please no one ask me for tennis lessons. I’m booked and it’s getting old already.”
Lea safe with a rose. Allison, Daisy, Kelsey T., Lexi, Jess, Jenn, Autumn, Chrissa, Edwina, Kelsey A., Katelyn, Rachel, Erika, Madina, Sydney, Starr, Marlena, Maria, Taylor, and Evalin.
“Ladies, Joey, it’s the final rose tonight. When you’re ready. I have 17 jobs and might be the busiest man in TV outside of Ryan Seacrest now. And now I just had a kid. Timed it perfectly so it was in the offseason.”
Lauren gets the final rose.
Dates start next week, your spoilers are linked on Page 1 and on the site, and will be posted every Monday on IG for each individual episode. Overall, lets give last nights episode a B. Or B-. Do you have a different grade?
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