Decided to change things up on the podcast this week. When I had Michelle Money on last week, she brought up the fact that she wanted to interview me. Now, I’ve done interviews before as you can see by the “Press” link in the navigation bar at the top of the page, but in all those interviews, the writer had a limited amount of space to write their story. Being this is my podcast and my website, I gave Michelle free reign to ask whatever she wanted. And we could go on for as long as we want. So we fell just short of the 2 1/2 hour mark. Do I think that anyone wants to listen to 2 1/2 hours of me talking about my life? Maybe some. I do realize this is long, but we cover A LOT of things. Some things I’ve never really talked about before. Not to mention, Michelle does her own Rapid 10 segment – three different times! So it’s more like a Rapid 30 or 40 that’s spread out throughout the interview. And to be honest, Michelle and I could’ve gone on for another hour or two if we wanted. This is by far the most thorough interview of me, and I can’t imagine ever doing one like this again. This has it all. I hope you enjoy it. If you have comments or opinions about the interview, be sure to email or tweet at both me and Michelle (@MoneyMichelle) so she can see your feedback as well. I hope you enjoy it…
You can listen to today’s podcast on a number of platforms, but you can also tune in by clicking the player below:
Subscribe: iTunes, RSS, Stitcher
Music written by Jimmer Podrasky
(B’Jingo Songs/Machia Music/Bug Music BMI)
(SPOILERS) Michelle began by having me talk about my upbringing from my childhood, through high school, and up to college, she then has her first Rapid 10 segment about my “favorites” (44:00), she then dives into how Reality Steve came about, my favorite part about it, & we talk about the lawsuit in 2011 (46:47), she does another Rapid 10 focusing strictly on contestants from the show (1:18:31), we then talk about my daily life, including my dating life (1:28:37), and then end with another Rapid 10 segment with random questions (1:55:03).
Twitter – @MoneyMichelle
Instagram – michellemoney
YouTube channel – Michelle Money
Website – The Money Method
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Dr. Reality Steve
Hey Dr. Steve,
I have a similar problem to Raven – I’ve never had an orgasm & only ever dated one guy (my current boyfriend). The similarities stop there though, since my boyfriend constantly makes me feel loved, drunk or sober, and he hasn’t cheated. In nearly all aspects of our relationship things are perfect – he’s very sweet, we always are laughing when we’re together, but he’s also very supportive and can lift me up when I’m feeling down on myself. We are seniors in college and attempting to get jobs in the same city, so we’re pretty serious. However, I’ve always sort of wondered in the back of my mind how much I’m missing out in the sex department. It always feels good and isn’t boring, but I’m sort of left unsatisfied. For whatever reason I’ve always felt uncomfortable at the idea of masturbating, so maybe it’s partially on me for not knowing what I like? I think it makes my boyfriend a little insecure, but I always assure him that it’s fine because so far to me it has been. It’s not something I think about that much and it hasn’t been a dealbreaker for me, but seeing Raven mention it last night made me think about it again. Do you think amazing sex is incredibly important to a successful relationship? Is it something I should make a big deal about to my boyfriend and work on personally also to improve? I guess since I don’t know what I’m missing I’m content, and I’ve always placed more value on how well he treats me. I guess I’m just wondering if you think a relationship can go the distance without great sex or if you think it will eventually become an issue. It’s never something I would have admitted in public much less on national television, but I’m kinda glad Raven did so that I know I’m not the only one.
Saw you were low on Dr. Reality Steve emails so I figured I’d submit this one. Sorry if it’s kinda an overshare. I appreciate any insight you can offer!
Comment: Uhhhhhh…errrrr….ummmmmmm yeah. Soooooo, how’s your sex life going?
I don’t think there’s a universal answer for this. Do you have to have a great sex life to have a successful relationship? No. Because I’m sure there are people out there who don’t. However, it’s pretty much a case by case basis. Doesn’t sound like you have a great sex life, and you’re starting to get curious about it. I think it’s something people can move past, but it certainly makes your relationship more enjoyable when you’re doing something you look forward to. Sounds like you just do it to do it because you feel that’s what you do in a relationship. If you’re not all that satisfied when it’s over, then it’s not very good unfortunately.
But, you’re only a senior in college like you say. You’re young. I don’t think anyone at 21/22 years old really knows what the hell they’re doing in bed anyway and is having mind blowing sex. I think you just need to give it time. You’re very young with a lot to learn about sex and your body and all that good stuff. You also might be putting too much pressure on yourself because you haven’t had one. I bet a lot of women your age haven’t. It’ll happen with time. Don’t think about it so much. I don’t think this is something you need to bring up to him now. If years go by and you’re still feeling unsatisfied, then yeah. But you’re college seniors. You’ve got time.
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Dear Dr. Reality Steve,
I am a 36-year-old mom of young twins. I am writing to ask for advice about my relationship with my sister. She is 3 years older. Within the past week I have cut off all communication with her and don’t want to speak or hear from her again for a long time.
My sister has always been controlling of my life. As we were growing up I was always criticized. I could never wear makeup, wear her clothes (even though she would wear mine), shave my legs without some sort of criticism or snarky comment being made. If I spent time in the bathroom, she would beat on the door until I got out. I was never taken under her wing to be guided through life; I was always looked down upon and in some ways she has been verbally abusive to me. I was always the younger one and she the older superior one. I will never forget a moment with her before my father’s funeral and I wanted to wear his special watch that he always wore to his funeral. She told me to take it off because it looked stupid. I was hit and yelled at when I was about 19 because I wouldn’t buy a used car she wanted me to buy. She reached across from the drivers seat and hit me across my chest. I sat still and didn’t say a word, I just took it, because in that moment didn’t want to give her the benefit of the doubt that it hurt me.
As we have gotten older I thought things had changed. Throughout my college years and on into my late 20’s, I thought there was a mutual respect between us finally. She has a nursing degree and so do I. Also while my twins were newborn, I finished out getting an online medical transcription degree. All that to say, I have had career success in my life and have made smart choices I think. I own a condo in our small town and my husband and I pay the mortgage on our house with no other outstanding debt. I was married before she was and had a family before she did also.
Within the past few years I have noticed the criticism growing. Maybe I just never noticed it before or analyzed it like I do now. I have received advice on how much I should sell my condo for, that I should not have any more children because it would be too much for me to handle, parenting advice, and schooling advice for my children. I call it advice but it is not. It comes across as not loving, but judgmental and critical. These should all be conversations and things to be worked out between my husband and I.
This past weekend upon a visit to my house (I would never go to hers because my children are much too rowdy for her and her husband, and out of respect I tried to stay away) she gave a very judgmental comment while I was trying to break up a fight between my boys. I exploded in anger and said many things to her that I had been wanting to say for a while. I was trying to reconcile things even though I was yelling at her and telling her to get out. I just could not calm down enough. But I knew if we didn’t work it out right then that we wouldn’t speak for a long time. We already went through one episode where she yelled at me and criticized my and my husbands parenting skills because my 3 year old son accidentally knocked down her 1 year old. I never yelled back at her though, just went into my bedroom and cried. We didn’t speak for 5 months.
After the episode this week, I will not be speaking to her for a while. In my moment of anger I was trying to reconcile, but now that a few days have passed I realize that it was good that we didn’t. This sounds so very sad to say, but I have felt relief and freedom and happiness that I realized I haven’t felt in a while, knowing that I am free from her. I feel that I am away from her judgmental eye and I am thrilled! The only reason I am sad is because there were times when we had great moments being sisters. But as I look back I realize it only was when I got the mutual respect from her.
Steve, I guess my question to you is, am I justified in withdrawing from our relationship? When I try to explain various things to her about my life after her critical comments, she does not listen. Nothing I say is ever right, I am always wrong. Somehow all the same criticisms from her keep coming back no matter how I try to explain differently.
I have always appreciated your column and think you give excellent and honest advice to those writing in. Thank you for your column, I read it everyday and have been enjoying the podcasts immensely. I especially liked your description of why you chose the Jimmer Podrasky song, as I commented to my husband that I really liked your podcast song before knowing the details behind it. I didn’t even realize it was an actual song, especially one from the 80’s, which is some of my favorite music to listen to.
Comment: Maybe the conversation you inevitably had to have with your sister didn’t quite go the way you expected it to and at the time you expected it to, but now that it’s out there and you feel better, I think you did the right thing. Sounds like you were miserable around her, and rightfully so if that’s the way she was.
Yes, she’s family and there should always be that special bond, but it sounded like she took advantage of you. Tried instill some sort of power of you that she didn’t have. Not to mention, she comes across as extremely petty and jealous. Like I said, maybe the moment it came out in (during an argument) probably escalated things, but you definitely needed a break from her. And she definitely needed to know how you felt. No one deserves to be talked down to like that for YEARS. Especially as your older sister, who’s supposed to be the protective one.
I would take all the time you need and not feel sorry for withdrawing from the relationship. It’s how you feel. You had every right to express it. I’m surprised you took it for as long as you did. Your sister has issues, not you. Maybe losing her younger sister for a while will make her realize she shouldn’t act that way. If it doesn’t, I’m sorry, but don’t give in. You’ve drawn your line in the sand. If she doesn’t improve, that’s on her not you. And yes, you have every right to feel sad about it because of course, she’s family. She’s your sister for Christ sakes. Of course you’re going to remember the good times. But this had to be done. You would’ve continued to be miserable. When you feel the time is right, maybe reach out and ask if she wants to have a calm, rational talk about what happened. Or maybe she’ll realize the error of her ways and reach out first. But there’s no hurry. She’s the one that needs to change her behavior, not you.
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Send all links and emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you next week.
j1scarlett
March 9, 2017 at 8:34 AM
To the first email- I will have to disagree with Steve completely. Dont “give it time” work on it now! Sex is important and you need to start enjoying it. The first step is masturbation, Id suggest listening to the most recent podcast of Sex with Emily because she got a question this week from someone whose never done it so she explains it a lot. Get a vibrator or use your fingers and have fun, orgasms are awesome and you shouldnt soley depend on a partner to give them to you anyway. Once you figure out what works for you then you can show your boyfriend, but also he probably just needs to play with your clit/perform more oral sex since Ive found young guys dont always know what they are doing down there.
rozefly
March 9, 2017 at 8:37 AM
The the lady seeking the ‘O'(and to other readers – sorry if my advice is distasteful or whatever). I have a little advice.. from personal experience. I’m a few years older than you and have had a few more lovers and all of them, much like your boy – were nice, warm and loving and the sex was good, but none of them quite actually got me to that explosive moment. Unlike you I don’t have a problem with self gratification, so I knew what it felt like, and kind of just resigned myself to the fact that a man was never going to a) have the patience and b) the skill to actually get me there.
My current partner, who I’ve now been with for 3 years (by far my longest relationship) is in his early 30’s and is the first man who genuinely has been able to do it. I think the first time he did that for me, I was like.. Yep.. I’m marrying this man.
So.. my advice to you partly reflects Steve’s advice, and that is to not think about it too much. If this is in your mind whilst having sex, then its going to make you more tense and put a lot more pressure and expectation on you both. Secondly, don’t make sex always about penetration and the end goal – focus on the foreplay and just the love making aspect of it. There is so much enjoyment in pleasuring another person. Thirdly, accept that for a lady to be stimulated enough to O – it takes a little more time and patience than it does for a man (in general). I found that when previous, younger boyfriends went down on me (when I was also younger too – around your age), i would feel like I was taking too long, or pressured or they were probably getting bored down there, so I would fake it, so they could get the the part THEY enjoyed, which was the sex. Bear in mind, its highly HIGHLY unlikely that you’re going to reach the ‘O’ through penetrative sex alone, so he needs to get to know how to work your lady parts without just putting his D into you.
So – give yourself a break. Lie back, close your eyes and let your mind wander. Think sexy things, things that turn you on, be it your bf or various fantasies, while he goes to work. When my bf does this for me, i think on average it takes him about 20 minutes to get me there, so don’t feel like YOU are under any pressure to ‘O’ let it wash over you gradually and naturally, and I can also guarantee that when this happens (and it will) he will also be so happy to see you enjoying yourself and it will be a massive turn on.
I hope this helps – sorry if anyone feels I was graphic, i tried not to be. I think the key is to just relax, and just enjoy stimulating each other. Good luck 😉 x
rob22
March 9, 2017 at 10:12 AM
To the second emailer with the controlling sister. I think the dynamics between siblings can be competitive, especially with siblings of the same sex. As the older sibling of two brothers, I did tend to control them and give them a really hard time & gave them a few “poundings” when we got into heavy disputes. I regret it, but that’s the way it was. Hey, I was a kid. Kids fight and I was way bigger than they were. So it was totally not a fair fight ever & was totally wrong. And as adults, I’ve had to be extra careful to not be that way. In fact, I go out of my way to be extra kind & avoid criticism at all. It’s worked pretty well, I think.
So, your sister isn’t trying that hard, I guess. Or, if she is, she slips up in some not too great ways. You are justified in feeling like you feel. Of course. But would it not have been better to set aside some time in the last 10 years to talk through it? What I see is that most people let things build up, whatever it is, and then eventually explode. Or, they just suffer in silence for decades and build up all kinds of resentments. Resentments that the other person might not be aware of. How crazy is that? The better path is to communicate your feelings. That is, without blaming, the old “when you do “x” (specific example, not generalization), it makes me feel “y” (actual feeling) And don’t say angry. Your anger is a secondary emotion from something like frustration, feeling judged, etc. So, when you criticize my parenting, I feel judged and that makes me angry. You’re not saying “you’re so controlling or you’re so judgmental, etc. You’re just relating how her specific actions make you feel. Then it’s up to her to respond. But you’re not attacking her. So if she responds negatively, that’s on her. And she might respond with an apology. Who knows? Then you can talk about how to avoid such problems in the future.
I don’t know if your relationship is repairable. I don’t know if you want to repair it. But I can say that it’s better to have an imperfect relationship with family than to not have one at all. All family relationships are imperfect in the best of cases. We really can push each others buttons like nobody else!
Obviously if it ever went back to abusive where she’s hitting you, that’s a deal breaker. But if you want a relationship, there’s going to have to be better communication and a better understanding of what’s in bounds and out of bounds. If you don’t communicate, then it’s not going to get better. Having blow ups and then not speaking to one another isn’t going to solve anything. But ultimately it’s your call. If you don’t want a relationship with your sister, you’ve pretty much accomplished that goal.
RaRa
March 9, 2017 at 12:45 PM
A good starter position is with the woman on top, missionary position all the way down from head to toe. Use slow rhythmic hip action.
LM111
March 10, 2017 at 4:03 PM
In response to the sister problem –
Please don’t feel guilty for taking a break from your sister! Like you, I have a sibling (a brother, also 3 years older) that did the same thing to me. Instead of being happy for my successes in life, he was jealous, competitive and critical. After years of putting up with that, I noticed that just talking to him on the phone instantly put me in a bad mood. One day, like you, we had a falling out and I needed space. We haven’t talked in over a year and I’m much happier. It’s hard to explain the distance to other family members, because he’s not a horrible person, but for my own peace of mind I needed a break. I’m sure we’ll talk again down the line, but for now, this is best.
I don’t have any real advice for you, but wanted to reach out since I could relate. There’s nothing wrong with taking space when you need it!! Wishing you the best.
cjscjs711
March 11, 2017 at 8:28 AM
On a different note, there is an Op-Ed in today’s Washington Post – “Breaking Up with ‘The Bachelor'” by Jennifer Weiner.
She talks about how for a decade and a half she was an obsessed Bachelor-watcher. This past election, she was not a Trump supporter, but seems to have traded her Bachelor-watching obsession for a Trump-watching obsession, where every day there was a new twist, a new stunt, something newly outrageous done or said by Trump, and now of course the perpetual cliff-hanger that this impulsive, vindictive, unpredictable reality TV character actually does have immediate access to the nuclear codes.
I can relate to this – the exact same thing has happened to me. I knew at the time that our being riveted to the daily Trump insanity was only lifting ratings and encouraging the media to give him even more than the $5 billion free TV coverage, but I rationalized it: “I’m only one person. What difference will it really make that I tune in for a daily dose of Trump entertainment.” Ha! Guess I was by far not the only one…. I do still half-watch “The Bachelor,” but the show has been undeniably upstaged by the White House occupants. The President and his daughter (of whom he once characterized as “Hot” and said he would date her if he weren’t her father). Or his third wife, accused of previously (previously??) being an escort, and filing suit (“Methinks the lady doth protest too much”?) Even the sleaziest Bachelor can’t compete with “The White House” reality show.