I already know what your first reaction is? “Wait a minute, I thought you said on Tuesday DeAnna Stagliano was this week’s guest.” Well, unfortunately stuff happens. No, this is not a Britt situation. Nothing like that at all. But for the first time in 6 months I’ve been doing the podcast, there was a miscommunication combined with scheduling conflicts that affected me recording with DeAnna this week. I hope to have her on in the future. Don’t see why I wouldn’t. But there were errors on both ends regarding availability, our wires got crossed, an unfortunately we’ll have to push DeAnna back. The next few weeks are booked up, but DeAnna will absolutely be on in the future. Just don’t know when. Of course I’ll keep you updated on when she’ll appear. But a huge thank you to Clare for stepping in last minute and giving us a 60 minute conversation about all things hot yoga, Rachel’s first night, and probably the most interesting part of the conversation, how she sees herself in relationships and road blocks she’s had to deal with. All fascinating stuff to me, and I’m looking forward to you all hearing it. As always, any reaction you have to the interview, feel free to reply using Clare’s Twitter handle (@Clare_Crawley) so she can see your responses. Thanks again to Clare for coming on last minute and giving another great interview. I think you’ll enjoy it.
You can listen to today’s podcast on a number of platforms, but you can also tune in by clicking the player below:
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts, RSS, Stitcher, Spotify
Music written by Jimmer Podrasky
(B’Jingo Songs/Machia Music/Bug Music BMI)
(SPOILERS) Clare joins me as we talk about her love for hot yoga, the limo entrances on night 1 from Monday night and what she looks for most (8:52), the inevitable talk about Whaboom (14:01), what it’s like to be at the first night cocktail party (18:17), how she felt Rachel handled herself on night 1 (23:40), Bachelor guys/men in general sliding into DM’s, the experiences that she’s had to deal with & how she sees herself in relationships (26:51), and finally we have a little fun talking about her first go round on the podcast and one update to a Rapid 10 question I’d asked her (50:50).
Here are all your “Survivor” goodies this week from EW.com, People.com, and Reality Blurred.com. Our “Survivor” recapper Bryan Fischer will have his recap posted tomorrow.
EW.com – Dalton Ross’ recap
People.com – Stephen Fishbach’s blog
Reality Blurred – Andy Dehnart’s blog
Survivor: Intel on next season
“Dr. Reality Steve” on page 2…
May 25, 2017 at 8:38 AM
For how long will you still remind us that Britt’s team had the “audacity” to ask for money? And how is it different from you asking us to subscribe to a monthly podcast? Other than that, I enjoy reading this site, but some of your rants are just ODD.
May 25, 2017 at 12:50 PM
So, for the first emailer, yes, it could be complacency, and that’s not necessarily a bad sign. The relationship does (and should) inevitably change over time. You should be comfortable with one another and not need to reassure one another as much. This is could be what’s going on with him, but apparently not with you. You still need the constant reassurance. But let’s go through the specific items you laid out as evidence:
His texting you less frequently. Non issue. Not even worth going into.
His looking at a girl on social media. Non issue. Be concerned about him hiding things, not something mildly inappropriate that he brings to your attention.
His not be more excited about the future. Mildly concerning. It could be his mood or there could be something there. It’s too hard to tell. But I’d mark it down as a pink flag (not quite red). I’ll address the maturity issue in a sec that might be playing into this.
His saying his family will always be more important than you. Ok this is a red flag. If he was religious, he might appropriately put God before you. But others should not be before you, otherwise. Family first… and one would like to think he considers you family. In fact, even if he felt that his family WAS more important, it’s the height of idiocy for any guy to say this to his girlfriend.
I am getting a bit of a vibe that he might be a bit on the immature side. Many of the things you mentioned to reek of immaturity. So, that would be my biggest concern…. that maybe he’s not fully ready for a big boy relationship. Your past chaotic relationships could be a factor too. Sometimes people, in an unhealthy way, crave the chaos, even though they know it’s bad for them. And those unhealthy relationships can stunt people’s growth.
But as I lay this out, there are really two possibilities. (1) He’s losing interest or (2) he’s not losing interest, but he still has some maturing to do before you guys can ever hope to have the kind of relationship you are looking for in the future.
So, before I go into all of that, here’s a little warning on how this could play out. Assuming he’s not losing interest…. he’s settling into the relationship and perhaps getting a little lax in his approach & lacking some maturity….. You feel insecure and start bringing the perceived changes up over and over again. At first he blows it off, but eventually it starts to bother him. Then he says something to you about it and possibly it escalates into a fight. You get more insecure and create a little more drama. He starts backing up and eventually it’s over. So, beware. I just watched this play out with two people I’m very close to. Both times I wanted to tell the women to chill out and stop it. But it wasn’t my story to tell. They both got dumped and felt blind sided. They never saw it and still don’t. I personally do not understand how they COULDN’T have seen it coming. It’s not exactly a new thing that pressuring guys is the quickest way to get them to take the exit ramp.
The point here is that you’re not going to solve anything, or make the relationship better by pressing him for more attention or better answers to your questions. That will only drive him away.
Now, if there is something to the fact that he’s losing interest, you’re certainly not going to help it by pressing him. In fact, if he’s losing interest, you should do the opposite. But if he’s not losing interest & you’re just being insecure, he WILL lose interest if you keep doing what you’re doing. Best to chill out and let the relationship go wherever it’s going. And it doesn’t hurt to spice things up if you think it’s getting a little dull. That’s one way to regain some spark that may have been lost. We all need a little spice once in a while, because let’s face it. It’s really easy to settle into a relationship and let it get pretty dull. So, if you need to do something, then I see no downside to injecting a little fun and excitement into your relationship. I’ll leave the particulars to your own creativity.
But, best case, he’s still got some growing up to do. You have to decide whether you’re willing to allow time for that to happen. If so, you could try spicing things up, but either way, don’t pester him for not lavishing you with the attention you got when the relationship was brand new. That’s a 100% losing strategy.
May 25, 2017 at 3:23 PM
My thoughts on the first poster: this guy is clearly concerned about changing careers and what that will mean for the rest of his life. As a result, your relationship isn’t his top priority right now.
To be honest, I respect that. If he doesn’t know where he will be, what he will be doing, or whether he will have a steady paycheck, he can’t move forward with anything just yet. It might be different if you were married, engaged, or living together, because you would be making these decisions together. But you aren’t there just yet. As a result, he is working through these things in hiw own head, which is what he needs to do.
Steve actually gave you good advice. Be cool, be supportive, but don’t crowd him. Give him the time and space he needs to figure things out.
May 26, 2017 at 11:20 AM
Poor Clare. Still single and just can’t see that she is her own worst enemy. Unrealistic expectations to start with, and has her own hangups. Time to grow up, self evaluate and maybe it’ll happen.
May 27, 2017 at 8:56 AM
I will listen to this podcast and enjoy it I’m sure. I’m just super bummed as I was anxious to hear DeAnna’s interview. I love DeAnna and hope you will have her on soon!
May 29, 2017 at 3:02 PM
Her “unrealistic expectations” came from a dad that set the standard high. Too bad there are many father’s out there setting that example anymore for men AND women. Don’t settle, Claire!
May 29, 2017 at 3:03 PM
Oops, obviously that was supposed to say “aren’t many”!