-Group date is next up. Bryan, Jonathan, Peter, Alex, Will, and Fred go to the “Ellen” show, which we all saw two months ago. Well, except for the “Never Have I Ever” game they played. I hope Ellen realizes these aren’t 5 year olds with funny catchphrases, or, female cousins who walk the red carpet asking questions. Can’t say I watch “Ellen” all that much (if at all), but it seems like a lot of her stuff centers around that. Oh, and putting her assistants through haunted houses and laughing at them. That too. Anyway, Rachel and Ellen are backstage when the guys enter thinking they’re just gonna get to watch the show. Rachel informs Ellen that Jonathan tickled her, which Ellen didn’t like, and Will dressed as Urkel, which Ellen also didn’t like. Just wait til she lets Ellen know that Fred has been stalking her for 20 years looking for a kiss. That’ll go over well.
-When the guys are watching backstage, Ellen asks Rachel if she’s kissed anyone yet, and she said yes she has, she was surprised by it, but really liked it. To which everyone else who watched Bryan suck her face off went, “Ummmm, really?” Anyway, one person who is surprised by this? Jonathan. He had no idea any of the guys had kissed her. Which shouldn’t be too surprising considering Jonathan is essentially chick repellent himself, he wouldn’t necessarily pick up on that. We’re in episode 3 Jonathan. She’s already had a full episode of dates. You really think she hadn’t kissed anyone yet? Boy do you have another thing coming considering in this episode alone, she made out with SEVEN different guys – and that’s just of what they showed. You know who they didn’t show? Jonathan. Womp wooooomp. Something tells me Jonathan grew up fiddling with Rubik’s cubes also.
-After the Magic Mike dancing for the audience, Channing Tatum’s job is safe. Alex probably sold it the most, but his dancing just looked like he was doing an ab workout. Can’t really say that had Channing shaking in his boots. They played a game of “Never Have I Ever” that got somewhat interesting. Here were the questions we saw. “Never Have I Ever…
“…thought about having sex with Rachel.” Alex and Peter both said they haven’t. Peter is on a show looking for a wife. He had the first 1-on-1 date of the season. They had a connection. They made out. She’s obviously into him, and he told her to her face he hasn’t even thought about having sex with her? Hell, even if he’s trying to be a gentleman, I guarantee he lost points in Rachel’s eyes. Guess that explains a lot now, doesn’t it?
“…peed in the pool at the mansion.” Alex admits he has. Everyone has hepatitis C now. Have fun in Paradise, Nick’s girls!
“…texted nude selfies before.” Will, Peter, and Alex all admit to it. Because of course. Frankly, I think the other three are lying.
“…hooked up with someone twice your age.” Oh Freddie, you little devil you. Chasing after 40 year old women when you’re 20. What can he say? The Fred Man likes his cougars.
“…met Rachel before the show.” I’m surprised Fred didn’t show us all the surveillance footage he probably has of Rachel walking in and out of her place.
“…kissed Rachel.” Will, Bryan, and Peter say they have because we’ve seen it. Jonathan is flabbergasted kissing happens on this show, Alex has only practiced on his hard drive, and Fred has been waiting 20 years for something it took Bryan about .15 seconds to accomplish.
-At the after party, lets just put it all out there – Rachel got her tongue on. She made out with 5 of the 6 guys, with the lone wolf being Jonathan. Something he’s quite used to I’m sure. Except this time, lotion wasn’t involved. I say she made out with 5 of them, but she actually only liked making out with 4 of them. I really felt second hand embarrassment for Fred. The guy has waited 20 years for this moment, he was probably soiling himself sitting there waiting to kiss her, he ASKS her first, you can tell she’s completely turned off by it, but Fred thinks he essentially just made her climax. In fact, I think Fred did pull a Jim from “American Pie” himself the way he acted afterwards. It was rough to watch. Like, horror movie rough where you’re watching between the fingers that are covering your face. Afterwards, she pulls Fred aside and while he thinks he’s getting the rose, she basically tells him third grade Fred hasn’t left her mind since he stepped out of the limo, and moving any further along sexually with him would make her vomit in her own mouth, so it’s time to say goodbye. With that, she gives the group date rose to Alex, who surprised her with knowing how to kiss a girl that wasn’t plastic and inflatable.